Amazwi Abukhali Neentliziyo Ezityumkileyo

“Sidengendini solovane!”a Ibhinqa laseJapan lisawakhumbula kakuhle loo mazwi—elalisoloko lisithiwa tyibe ngawo xa lalisengumntwana. Ngubani? Ngabantwana besikolo? Ngabantakwabo? Hayi. Ngabazali balo. Likhumbula oku: “Ndandidla ngokudandatheka gqitha ngenxa yokuba ukuthukwa kwenza intliziyo yam ibe lihlwili.”

Indoda yaseUnited States ikhumbula ukuba xa yayisengumntwana, yayidla ngokutyhwatyhwa ixuxuzelelwe sisisu nanini na uyise efika ekhaya. Ikhumbula oku: “Unanamhla sisankenteza ezindlebeni zam isandi sokukhala kwamatayara enqwelo-mafutha ingena esangweni, ibe ndisayikhumbula nangoku indlela endandidla ngokungcangcazela ngayo. Udadewethu omncinane wayedla ngokuzimela. Utata wayefuna izinto zenziwe ngendlela egqibeleleyo ibe wayedla ngokusinyhukutyha ngenxa yokungayenzi kakuhle imisetyenzana esasimele siyenze.”

Udadewabo walek’ umsundulo esithi: “Andikhumbuli nomnye kubazali bam esiwola, esincamisa, okanye ethetha amazwi afana nathi ‘Ndiyakuthanda’ okanye athi ‘Ndinelunda ngawe.’ Ibe emntwaneni, ukungaweva amazwi athi ‘Ndiyakuthanda’ kuyafana nokuva amazwi athi ‘Unezothe’—yonke imihla yobomi bakhe.”

BAMBI basenokuthi intlungu eyayifunyanwa ngaba bantu besengabantwana yayiyinto nje engenamsebenzi. Ngokuqinisekileyo ukunukunezwa ngamazwi arhabaxa nokudlakazeliswa kwabantwana kuxhaphakile. Oku akubalaseliswa kwimixholo ephambili yephephandaba okanye kwiinkqubo ezichukumisayo zikamabonwakude. Umonakalo owenziwa kuko awubonakali. Kodwa ukuba abazali babaphatha kakubi ngolo hlobo abantwana babo mihla le, oko kunokuba nemiphumo eyingozi—nenokuhlala ubomi babo bonke.

Khawucinge ngohlolisiso lowe-1990 nolufana nolwakha lwenziwa ngowe-1951 olwaluhlolisisa izinto ezazisenziwa ngabazali kwiqela labantwana abaneminyaka emihlanu ubudala. Abaphengululi bakwazi ukukhangela bada balufumana uninzi lwaba bantwana, ngoku abasele bengamaqina ukuze bazi ngemiphumo eye yabangelwa yindlela abakhuliswe ngayo. Kolu hlolisiso lutsha kwafunyaniswa ukuba abantwana abaphela betyhubela ezona zanzwili zexesha ebomini, abaye benzakala ngokweemvakalelo nabaye bafumana ubunzima emtshatweni, kubuhlobo nasemsebenzini, asikuba babezalwa ngabazali abahlwempuzekileyo ingekuko nokuba babezalwa zizigwili kwanabo baneenkathazo ezininzi. Babezalwa ngabazali ababebabekele ecaleni nababengenabuhlobo yaye bebonisa umsa nje ongephi okanye bengawubonisi kwaukuwubonisa.

Oku kuyaphikisana nenyaniso eyabhalwa phantse kwiminyaka engama-2000 eyadlulayo: “Nina boyise, musani ukubacaphukisa abantwana benu, khon’ ukuze bangafi intliziyo.” (Kolose 3:21) Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuthukwa nokwenzakaliswa ngokweemvakalelo okwenziwa ngabazali kuyabacaphukisa abantwana ibe eneneni oko kunokuphumela ekubeni bafe iintliziyo.

Ngokutsho kwencwadi ethi Growing Up Sad, kutshanje oogqirha bebecinga ukuba ayikho into ekuthiwa kukudandatheka kwabantwana. Kodwa ixesha namava zingqine into eyahlukileyo. Namhlanje, ababhali, bema ngelithi ukudandatheka kwabantwana kuyinto eyaziwayo ibe kuxhaphake gqitha. Ezinye izinto ezikubangelayo kukungakhathalelwa nokuphathwa kakubi ngabazali. Ababhali bathi: “Kwezinye iimeko umzali ehleli nje umhlab’ amadlala umntwana ibe uyamhlaza. Kwezinye iimeko, ulwalamano lomzali nomntwana alunaluthando: umzali akabonisi ukuba uyamthanda umntwana. . . . Iyingozi gqitha loo nto ebantwaneni babo bazali kuba emntwaneni—okanye kwanakumntu okhulileyo—uthando lufuneka njengokukhanya kwelanga namanzi kwisityalo.”

Ukuba uthando lwabazali, lubonakaliswa ngokucacileyo nangokuphandle, abantwana bafunda isibakala esibalulekileyo: Bayathandwa; baxabisekile. Abaninzi bacinga ukuba baza kuba nekratshi xa bevakalelwa ngolo hlobo, bathande iziqu zabo ngaphezu kwabanye. Kodwa kule meko, akuthethwa loo nto. Omnye umbhali wathi kwincwadi yakhe ngalo mbandela: “Indlela umntwana wakho azijonga ngayo inempembelelo kwindlela abakhetha ngayo abahlobo, kwindlela aqhubana ngayo nabanye, kuhlobo lomntu atshata naye nakoko aya kukuphumeza ebomini.” IBhayibhile iyayivuma indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuba nembono elungeleleneyo nengenakuzigwagwisa xa ichaza umthetho wesibini omkhulu: “Umele umthande ummelwane wakho njengawe siqu.”—Mateyu 22:38, 39.

Kunzima ukucinga ngomzali obhadlileyo efuna ukuphelisa into ebaluleke ne-ethe-ethe njengokuzixabisa komntwana. Ngoko, kutheni oko kusoloko kusenzeka? Ibe kunokuthintelwa njani?

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]