Abazali Baphantsi Kwengcinezelo
ABO baqalayo ukuba nabantwana abayivali imilomo yimincili. Phantse yonke into eyenziwa lusana lwabo iyabachwayitisa. Ukuthi qheke kwalo luncuma okokuqala, ukuqala kwalo ukuteketa, nokuqalisa kolu sana ukubhadaza iba zizihlandlo ezingalibalekiyo kubo ezo. Bahlekisa abahlobo nezalamane ngamabali nangemifanekiso yalo mntwana. Akunakuze uyifunisele into yokuba, bayamthanda umntwana wabo.
Noko ke, kwezinye iintsapho ayatsha amadama anamanzi njengoko iminyaka ihamba. Abazali bayayeka ukubateketisa baze babayuce bebanukuneza; abasabawoli ngothando babaxhimfa ngomsindo okanye bangabachathi kwaukubachatha; elo bhongo bebenalo njengabazali lisuka libe yincindi yekhala. Abaninzi bathi: “Ngendandingazange ndibe nabantwana.” Kwezinye iintsapho le ngxaki ide yangaphezulu—abazali basilela ukubonisa uthando kwanaxa lo mntwana wayeselusana! Kwezi meko zombini, konakele phi? Lwaya phi uthando?
Kambe ke, abantwana abakwazi ukuyiphendula loo mibuzo. Kodwa oko akusayi kubanqanda ekubeni bafikelele kwisigqibo. Emazantsi entliziyo, umntwana usenokugqiba ngelithi, ‘Ukuba uMama noTata abandithandi, kungenxa yokuba kukho into ephosakeleyo ngam. Makube ndonakele.’ Unokuyibamba ayiqinise indlela avakalelwa ngayo—nenokubangela umonakalo ogqithiseleyo ubomi bakhe bonke.
Noko ke, okuyinyaniso kukuba abazali banokusilela ukubonisa uthando olufunwa ngabantwana babo ngenxa yezizathu eziliqela. Kumele kuvunywe ukuba namhlanje abazali bajamelene neengcinezelo ezinzima gqitha, ibe ezinye zazo zingaphaya kwengqondo. Kubazali abangaxhobelanga ukujamelana nazo kakuhle, ezi ngcinezelo zinokubaphazamisa gqitha kumsebenzi wabo njengabazali. Esinye isaci sobulumko samandulo sithi: “Ukucudisa kugezisa isilumko.”—INtshumayeli 7:7.
“Amaxesha Amanqam Ekunzima Ukuqhubana Nawo”
KwaMlebese. Abantu abaninzi babelindele ukubona loo nto kule nkulungwane. Khawube nomfanekiso-ngqondweni woko—apho kungekho ngcinezelo zezoqoqosho, kungekho ndlala, kungekho mbalela neemfazwe! Kodwa amathemba aphele ekukuza kukaNxele. Kunoko, ihlabathi lanamhlanje liyinto umbhali weBhayibhile awaprofeta ngayo kude kudala ngenkulungwane yokuqala yeXesha Eliqhelekileyo. Wabhala wathi ngemihla yethu sasiya kujamelana “namaxesha amanqam ekunzima ukuqhubana nawo.” (2 Timoti 3:1-5) Abazali abaninzi baya kuvumela phezulu xa besiva loo mazwi.
Abaninzi abaqalayo ukuba nabantwana basoloko besima nematha ngenxa yeendleko ezinkulu zokukhulisa abantwana kwihlabathi lanamhlanje. Ngokufuthi, bobabini abazali kuye kufuneke basebenze ngaphandle kwekhaya ukuze bahlangabezane neemfuno ezisisiseko. Iindleko zonyango, impahla, iindleko zesikolo, ukunyanyekelwa kwabantwana ebudeni bosuku kwanokutya nekhusi kubangela amatyala ashiya abazali abaninzi bevakalelwa kukuba batshone abavela nangonwele. Le meko yezoqoqosho ikhumbuza abafundi beBhayibhile ngesiprofeto esikwiSityhilelo esaxela kwangaphambili ixesha laxa abantu beya kuchitha umvuzo wosuku ukuze bathenge izinto eziyimfuneko ezanele nje usuku olunye!—ISityhilelo 6:6.
Akunakulindelwa ukuba abantwana baziqonde zonke ezi ngcinezelo bajamelene nazo abazali babo. Kaloku, ngokwendlela abenziwe ngayo, abantwana balufuna gqitha uthando nengqalelo. Ibe nengcinezelo abayifumana kumaziko eendaba nakwabo bafunda nabo esikolweni yokuba nezona zinto zokudlala zintsha, iimpahla nezinto ze-elektroniki isoloko ibangela ingcinezelo kubazali ukuba bathenge ezi zinto zininzi bazifunayo.
Enye ingcinezelo abajamelene nayo abazali, nebonakala isanda ngakumbi kule mihla, yimvukelo. Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, iBhayibhile yaprofeta ngokwanda kwabantwana abangabathobeliyo abazali njengomnye umqondiso wexesha lethu elizele ziinkathazo. (2 Timoti 3:2) Liyinyaniso elokuba, iingxaki zokuqeqesha abantwana aziyonto intsha. Ibe akakho umzali onokuzithethelela ngokuphatha kakubi umntwana kuba esithi akanambeko. Kodwa ngaba ubungayi kuvumelana nelokuba abazali namhlanje bamele bajamelane nokukhulisa abantwana kwimekobume ezaliswe yimvukelo? Umculo othandwayo okhuthaza umsindo, imvukelo nokuphelelwa lithemba; iinkqubo zikamabonwakude ezibonisa abazali njengezityhakala nabantwana njengeengqondi ezingaphezu kwabo; imifanekiso eshukumayo ezukisa izenzo zogonyamelo—abantwana baxhinxwa ngeempembelelo ezinjalo namhlanje. Abantwana abafumana baze balinganise ezi ndlela zemvukelo banokubangela unxunguphalo olugqithiseleyo kubazali babo.
“Bengenawo Umsa Wemvelo”
Noko ke, kukho enye inkalo kwesi siprofeto samandulo ebangela inkathazo engakumbi kwiintsapho zanamhlanje. Sibonisa ukuba abantu abaninzi ‘abasayi kuba nawo umsa wemvelo.’ (2 Timoti 3:3) Umsa wemvelo nguwo omanyanisa intsapho. Ibe kwanabo basithandabuzayo isiprofeto seBhayibhile kuya kufuneka bavume ukuba kumaxesha esiphila kuwo iintsapho ziye zaqhawuka ngendlela eyothusayo. Ehlabathini lonke, umlinganiselo woqhawulo-mtshato uye wantinga. Kwiindawo ezininzi, iintsapho ezinomzali omnye neentsapho ezinomzali wesibini zixhaphake gqitha kuneentsapho zesithethe. Maxa wambi, abazali abangenamaqabane nabazali besibini bajamelana nocelomngeni olukhethekileyo neengcinezelo ezinokwenza kube nzima ngabo ukuba babonise uthando olufunekayo ebantwaneni.
Noko ke, kukho nenye impembelelo enamandla. Abazali abaninzi namhlanje bakhulele kumakhaya apho ubumncinane okanye ungekho kwaukubakho “umsa wemvelo”—amakhaya aqhekezwe lukrexezo noqhawulo-mtshato; kumakhaya azaliswe kukungabi nabuntu nentiyo; mhlawumbi kwanakumakhaya awayezaliswe kukuthuka, ukunyhukutyha, ukubetha ngenkohlakalo okanye ukuxhaphaza ngokwesini. Ukukhulela kumakhaya anjalo akubonakalisi nje ngoxa besengabantwana kodwa kunokubonakalisa naxa sele bengabantu abakhulu. Uhlolisiso lutyhila imeko enganiki themba—abazali ababexhatshazwa ngoxa babengabantwana maninzi amathuba okuba baxhaphaze abantwana babo. Ngamaxesha okubhalwa kweBhayibhile amaYuda ayenesaci esithi: “Ooyise badle iidiliya ezimuncu, kwaba buthelezi amazinyo oonyana.”—Hezekile 18:2.
Noko ke, uThixo waxelela abantu bakhe ukuba akunyanzelekanga ukuba izinto zibe njalo. (Hezekile 18:3) Kukho ingongoma ebalulekileyo emele icace. Ngaba zonke ezi ngcinezelo bajamelene nazo abazali zithetha ukuba abanakukwazi ukungabaphathi kakubi abantwana babo? Akunjalo konke konke! Ukuba ungumzali kwaye ukufumanisa kunzima ukujamelana nezinye zezi ngcinezelo zikhankanywe ngasentla ibe unoloyiko lokuba ungaze ukwazi kusini na ukuba ngumzali olungileyo, musa ukudimazeka! Akushwatyulelwanga. Izinto ezenzeke kuwe kwixa elidluleyo azithi ngokuzenzekelayo zichaze oko uya kuba kuko kwikamva.
Ngokuvisisana nesiqinisekiso esingokweZibhalo sokuba unokuphucula, incwadi ethi Healthy Parenting igqabaza isithi: “Ngaphandle kokuba [wena] uthabathe amanyathelo angqalileyo okwenza izinto ngendlela eyahlukileyo kunokuba babesenza abazali bakho, izinto owawuzenza usengumntwana ziya kuphinda zibuye uthanda ungathandi. Ukuze uphuncule kolu qheliselo, kufuneka uzilumkele indlela ezingafanelekanga owenza ngazo izinto uze ufunde indlela yokuzitshintsha.”
Ewe, ukuba kuyimfuneko, unokuphuncula kuqheliselo lokuba ngumzali onempatho-mbi! Ibe unokuhlangabezana neengcinezelo ezibangela ukuba ngumzali kube nzima gqitha namhlanje. Kodwa unokukwenza njani oko? Unokuyifunda phi eyona milinganiselo ifanelekileyo nenokuthenjwa yokuba ngumzali ofanelekileyo? Inqaku lethu elilandelayo liza kuxubusha lo mbandela.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 6]
Bephantsi kwengcinezelo, abanye abazali bayasilela ukubonakalisa uthando ebantwaneni babo
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]
Abazali bafanele babonise uthando olufunekayo ebantwaneni babo