Yiyiphi Eyona Nto Iya Kumlungela Umntwana?
SIQHAWULE umtshato okanye singawuqhawuli? Lowo ngumbuzo omkhulu osezingqondweni zabantu abaninzi abangonwabanga emitshatweni yabo. Kwiminyaka emininzi eyadlulayo uqhawulo-mtshato lwaluthiyw’ egazini, lulinyala, ngenxa yezizathu ezingokokuziphatha nezingokonqulo. Ibe nabaphi abazali abangonwabanga emtshatweni wabo babedla ngokuhlala kunye ngenxa nje yabantwana babo. Noko ke, imilinganiselo yeli hlabathi iye yatshintsha ngendlela ephawulekayo kumaxesha akutshanje. Namhlanje uqhawulo-mtshato lwamkeleke ngokubanzi.
Kodwa, phezu kwako nje ukwamkelwa koqhawulo-mtshato, abazali abaninzi, iijaji, izazinzulu ngentlalo yabantu, nabanye, baxhalabile ngemiphumo emibi ebangelwa luqhawulo-mtshato ebantwaneni. Abantu abaninzi bayalumkisa ngalo. Ubungqina obuninzi bubonisa ukuba uqhawulo-mtshato lunokumgqebh’ olungophiyo umntwana. Abazali bayabongozwa ukuba bacinge ngemiphumo yoqhawulo-mtshato kubo nakubantwana babo. Isazi ngezentlalo uSara McLanahan weYunivesithi iPrinceton sithi, “phakathi kweentsapho ezimbini kwezintathu nezintathu kwezine eziqhawula umtshato bezinokukhe zizinike ithuba zizikise ukucinga zibone enoba ngokwenene kufanelekile ukwenjenjalo kusini na.”
Uhlolisiso olwenziwe kutshanje lubonisa ukuba abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato basengozini enkulu yokukhulelwa besekwishumi elivisayo, basenokushiya isikolo, badandatheke, baqhawule eyabo imitshato, baze babe phakathi kwabo banyanyekelwa ngoonontlalontle. Kumazwe aseNtshona, abazali bomntwana omnye kwabathandathu baqhawula umtshato. Umbhali-mbali uMary Ann Mason, wathi kwincwadi yakhe ethetha ngelungelo lokugcina umntwana eUnited States: “Kukho amathuba amalunga nama-50 ekhulwini okuba inkundla ithabathe isigqibo sokuba umntwana ozalwe kwiminyaka yee-1990 uya kuhlala phi aze ahlale nabani.”
Okulusizi kukuba, iingxwabangxwaba azisoloko zipheliswa luqhawulo-mtshato, njengoko abazali besenokuqhubeka besilwa ezinkundleni ngenxa yelungelo lokugcina abantwana nelokuchitha amathuba athile nabantwana babo, nto leyo ebangela intlungu ngakumbi ebantwaneni. Oku kuxambulisana besemsindweni enkundleni kuvavanya ukunyaniseka kwabantwana kubazali babo ibe kusoloko kubabangela bazive bephelelwe ngamandla yaye besoyika.
Omnye umcebisi wentsapho wathi: “Ukuqhawula umtshato akubakhululi abantwana. Maxa wambi kuyabakhulula abantu abakhulileyo.” Inyaniso ikukuba abazali banokuzikhupha ebugxwayibeni ngokuqhawula umtshato, kodwa kwangaxeshanye, oko kusenokushiya abantwana babo bengazi ukuba mabaqale ngaphi na, ibe banokuchitha ubomi babo bonke bezama ukulungisa lo monakalo.
Ezinye Iindlela Zokufumana Ilungelo Lokugcina Umntwana
Xa nixambulisana yaye nisaxheleke nayile yokupatyalaka komtshato, kuba nzima gqitha ukuxubusha ngendlela ezolileyo nesengqiqweni ngokuba ngubani oya kugcina abantwana kwixesha elizayo. Ukunciphisa ukujongana ngezikhondo zamehlo kwabazali nokuphepha ukumangalelana kwabo ngenxa yokukruthakruthana kwezinye iindawo kwenziwa ilungiselelo lokuzinzisa iimbambano, ngokuthi zilungiswe ngaphandle kwenkundla.
Xa isingathwa kakuhle, le ndlela yokucombulula iingxaki ivumela abazali ukuba bazenzele isivumelwano kunokuba balindele ukuba ibe yijaji eyenza isigqibo ngendawo abaza kuhlala kuyo abantwana. Ukuba le ndlela ayisebenzi, abazali banokwenza isigqibo ngelungelo lokugcina abantwana nelokubatyelela bencediswa ngamagqwetha. Xa abazali bevumelana baze oko bakubhale phantsi, ijaji inokutyikitya uxwebhu olunendlela abafuna izinto zenzeke ngayo.
Xa abazali bengavisisani ngelungelo lokugcina umntwana, kwiindawo ezininzi umthetho uye uzame ukuqinisekisa ukuba abantwana bafumana okona kubalungeleyo. Eyona nto ixhalatyelwa yijaji ngokona kona iba ngabantwana, kungekhona abazali. Ijaji iya kuqwalasela imiba ebandakanyekileyo enjengoko kufunwa ngabazali, ulwalamano lomntwana kumzali ngamnye, oko kukhethwa ngumntwana nokokuba nguwuphi umzali oza kukwazi ukumnyamekela imihla ngemihla. Ngoko ijaji iya kubona ukuba lo mntwana uya kuhlala phi yaye uya kuhlala nabani kwakunye nokuba abazali baya kuzenza njani izigqibo ezibalulekileyo ngokuphathelele ikamva lomntwana.
Xa ilungelo lokugcina umntwana licalanye, omnye umzali usenokuba negunya lokwenza izigqibo. Xa bobabini benelungelo lokugcina umntwana, abazali bamele benze izigqibo ezibalulekileyo, ezinjengokunyanyekelwa kwempilo yomntwana nemfundo.
Imibuzo Ekunokuhlangatyezwana Nayo
Xa besenkundleni ngenxa yelungelo lokugcina umntwana, abazali abangamaNgqina kaYehova bamele bacinge ngeengenelo zomntwana zokomoya. Ngokomzekelo, kuthekani ukuba umzali ongeloNgqina akavisisani nokuqeqeshwa kwabantwana ngokusekelwe eBhayibhileni? Okanye kuthekani ukuba umzali ongeloNgqina ususiwe kubudlelane bebandla lamaKristu?
Ezi meko zinokubangela ukuba kube nzima gqitha kubazali abangamaKristu ukwenza izigqibo. Bafuna ukwenza ngobulumko nangokusengqiqweni, ibe bafuna ukuhlala benesazela esilungileyo phambi koYehova njengoko bekuqwalasela ngomthandazo oko kubalungeleyo abantwana.
Kumanqaku alandelayo, siza kuqwalasela imibuzo enjengale: Xa unika ilungelo lokugcina umntwana umthetho ulujonga njani unqulo? Ndinokuhlangabezana njani ngokuphumelelayo nocelomngeni lokufumana ilungelo lokugcina umntwana? Ndinokuhlangabezana njani nokungalifumani ilungelo lokugcina abantwana bam? Ndinokukujonga njani ukuba nelungelo lokugcina umntwana kunye nomzali osusiweyo kubudlelane?