Ukuphila Ngolonwabo Nangona Indlu Ikhal’ Ibhungane

OMNYE umzali wavuma ukuba: “Kuninzi lwethu, ukwahlukana okokugqibela kuyothusa kungakhathaliseki ukuba sele sikulungele kangakanani.” Ewe, njengoko ukuhamba komntwana kungenakuthintelwa, xa lifika ixesha lako, kusenokungabi lula ukuhlangabezana nako. Omnye ubawo ubalisa ngendlela awasabela ngayo emva kokuba ethe ndlela-ntle kunyana wakhe: “Okokuqala ngqa ebomini bam . . . , ndalila zoma iinyembezi.”

Kubazali abaninzi ukushiya kwabantwana babo ikhaya kuvula isikhewu esikhulu ebomini babo—inxeba elivuzayo. Njengoko bengasanxibelelani nabantwana babo imihla ngemihla, bambi baziva bengamalolo gqitha, besentlungwini yaye belahlekelwe. Ibe isenokungabi ngabazali kuphela abanokuba nobunzima ekwenzeni uhlengahlengiso. Isibini esinguEdward noAvril sisikhumbuza oku: “Ukuba bakho abanye abantwana abasesekhaya, nabo baya kuziva belahlekelwe.” Sifumana liphi icebiso kwesi sibini? “Chitha ixesha kunye nabo uze ube ngoqondayo. Oku kuya kubanceda benze uhlengahlengiso.”

Ewe, ubomi abumanga ndawonye. Ukuba ufanele unyamekele abantwana bakho abasaseleyo—singasathethi ke ngomsebenzi wakho wengqesho okanye imisebenzi yasekhaya—akunakuzivumela uphazanyiswe yintlungu. Ngoko ke, makhe sikhangele ezinye iindlela zokufumana ulonwabo njengoko abantwana bakho beshiya ikhaya.

Milisela Ingqondo Yakho Kwizinto Ezakhayo

Kambe ke, ukuba ukhathazekile okanye ulilolo ibe uzibambe ngeenkophe iinyembezi okanye ufuna ukuphalaza imbilini yakho kumhlobo onovelwano, yenjenjalo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Isithukuthezi esisentliziyweni yendoda siyenza igobe; liyayivuyisa ilizwi elihle.” (IMizekeliso 12:25) Maxa wambi abanye banokuyihlaziya indlela ozijonga ngayo izinto. Ngokomzekelo, isibini esinguWaldemar noMarianne sinikela eli cebiso: “Musa ukuziva ulahlekelwe, kodwa zive uphumeze usukelo oluthile.” Enjani yona ukwakha indlela yokujonga izinto! Esinye isibini esinguRudolf noHilde sithi: “Kuyasivuyisa ukuba sikwazile ukukhulisa amakhwenkwe ethu aba ngabantu abakhulileyo abakwaziyo ukusingatha imbopheleleko.”

Ngaba uye wazabalazela ukukhulisa umntwana wakho “kwingqeqesho nasekweyiselweni kwengqondo kuYehova”? (Efese 6:4) Kwanokuba ubusenjenjalo, usenokunxunguphaliswa kukulishiya kwakhe ikhaya. Kodwa kwabo bafundisa umntwana wabo, iBhayibhile iqinisekisa ngelithi “naxa athe wamkhulu, akasayi kumka kuyo.” (IMizekeliso 22:6) Ngaba akuthi ngco kuwe xa umntwana wakho esenza ngokuvisisana nendlela owawumfundise ngayo? Umpostile uYohane wathi ngokuphathelele intsapho yakhe yokomoya: “Akukho nobangela mkhulu ngakumbi ndinaye wokuba nombulelo kunezi zinto, zokuba ndibe ndingeva ukuba abantwana bam bayaqhubeka behamba enyanisweni.” (3 Yohane 4) Mhlawumbi nawe unokuvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo ngomntwana wakho.

Liyinyaniso elokuba, asingabo bonke abantwana abalwamkelayo uqeqesho lwamaKristu. Ukuba umntwana wakho uba njalo xa sele ekhulile, oko akuthethi ukuba usilele njengomzali. Musa ukuzibek’ ityala ngokungeyomfuneko xa wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukumkhulisa ngendlela efunwa nguThixo . Yazi ukuba njengoko ekhulile umntwana wakho unomthwalo wakhe wembopheleleko phambi koThixo. (Galati 6:5) Hlala unethemba lokuba mhlawumbi ekuhambeni kwexesha uya kuphinda acingisise ngokhetho alwenzileyo ibe ‘utolo’ luya kufika apho belujoliswe khona ekugqibeleni.—INdumiso 127:4.

Usengumzali!

Ngoxa ukuhamba komntwana wakho kubonisa utshintsho oluphawulekayo, akuthethi ukuba uwugqibile umsebenzi wakho njengomzali. Ingcali yezigulo zengqondo uHoward Halpern uthi: “Uba ngumzali de uyokufa, kodwa ukupha nokukhulisa kufanele kwenziwe ngenye indlela.”

Kude kudala iBhayibhile yavuma ukuba, ukuba ngumzali akupheli ngenxa nje yokuba umntwana ekhulile. IMizekeliso 23:22 ithi: “Mphulaphule uyihlo, lowo wakuzalayo, ungamdeli unyoko akuba mkhulu.” Ewe, kwanaxa abazali ‘bebakhulu’ nabantwana babo bekhulile, abazali basenokuqhubeka benempembelelo ephawulekayo kubomi babantwana babo. Kambe ke, kufuneka benze uhlengahlengiso oluthile kule nkalo. Kodwa maxa wambi kufuneka kwenziwe uhlengahlengiso kuzo zonke iintlobo zolwalamano ukuze zihlale zihlaziya yaye zisanelisa. Ngoko njengoko abantwana bakho bekhulile, zama ukwenza ulwalamano lwakho nabo lube lolwabantu abakhulileyo. Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba ulwalamano lomntwana nomzali ngokufuthi luyaphucuka xa abantwana bengasekho ekhaya! Njengoko bejamelana neengcinezelo zehlabathi lokwenene, ngokufuthi baqala ukubajonga ngenye indlela abazali babo. Indoda yaseJamani egama linguHartmut ithi: “Ngoku ndibazi kakuhle abazali bam ibe ndiyasiqonda isizathu sokuba benze izinto ngendlela ababezenza ngayo.”

Kuphephe Ukuthi Gxwabhabha Kwizinto Zabo

Noko ke, unokonakalisa into eninzi ukuba uthi gxwabhabha kubomi bomntwana wakho okhulileyo. (Thelekisa eyoku-1 kuTimoti 5:13.) Elinye ibhinqa elitshatileyo elingavisisaniyo nabantu bomzi walo likhalaza lisithi: “Siyabathanda, kodwa sifuna nje ukuziphilela ubomi bethu size sizenzele izigqibo zethu.” Kambe ke, akakho umzali onothando oya kusonga izandla abukele umntwana wakhe okhulileyo engena enkathazweni. Kodwa kusoloko kububulumko ukukuphepha ukunikela icebiso njengomzali ungacelwanga, kungakhathaliseki indlela elilumke okanye elifaneleke ngayo. Oku kuba njalo ingakumbi emva kokuba umntwana etshatile.

UVukani! wakha wanikela eli cebiso emva phayaa ngowe-1983: “Yamkele indima yakho eguqukileyo. Uyawuyeka umsebenzi wakho njengomnyamekeli wosana xa usana lusiba ngumntwana ofunda ukuhamba. Ngokufanayo, ngoku ufanele uyiyeke indima oyithandayo yokuba ngumnyamekeli uthabathe eyokuba ngumcebisi. Ukumenzela izigqibo umntwana wakho kweli nqanaba lobomi bekuya kuba kokungafanelekanga njengokumbhodlisa okanye ukumncancisa. Njengomcebisi, unemida ecacileyo. Akusenako ukubhenela ngokunomphumo kwigunya lakho njengomzali. (‘Yenza le nto ndiyithethayo.’) Kufanele kubekho intlonelo ngenqanaba akulo umntwana wakho lobuntu obukhulu.”a

Usenokungavumelani nazo zonke izigqibo ezenziwa ngumntwana wakho okanye iqabane lakhe. Kodwa ukuhlonela ubungcwele bomtshato kunokukunceda ungazixhalabisi kakhulu uze ukuphephe ukungenelela ngokungeyomfuneko. Inyaniso ikukuba, kusoloko kulunge ngakumbi ukuvumela izibini eziselula zizicombulule ngokwazo iingxaki zazo. Kungenjalo, usengozini yokungquzulana nazo ngokungeyomfuneko xa unikela icebiso elingafunwayo ngumkhwenyana okanye umolokazana osenokungakuthandi ukugxekwa xa kunzima emtshatweni. UVukani! okhankanywe ngasentla wanikela amacebiso angakumbi: “Soyiseni isihendo sokunikela amacebiso angenasiphelo, angacelwanga, anokumjikela ekubeni lutshaba umkhwenyana okanye umolokazana wenu.” Baxhase—ungabalawuli. Ngokulondoloza ulwalamano oluhle, wenza kube lula ukuba unyana wakho eze kuwe xa efuna ukucetyiswa ngokwenene.

Hlaziyani Amaqhina Omtshato

Kwizibini ezininzi, indlu ekhal’ ibhungane inokuvula nethuba lokukhula kolonwabo lomtshato. Ixesha nomgudu owenziwayo wokuba ngumzali ophumelelayo unokuthabatha ixesha elininzi kangangokuba izibini zidla ngokulubekel’ ecaleni ulwalamano lwazo. Omnye umfazi uthi: “Ekubeni ngoku abantwana besishiyile, mna noKonrad siqale phantsi ukufundana kwakhona.”

Ekubeni ngoko nikhululekile kwiimbopheleleko zemihla ngemihla zokuba ngabazali, ninokuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye. Omnye umzali wathi: “Eli xesha sisandul’ ukulifumana lokungenzi nto . . . lisinika ithuba lokumilisel’ ingqalelo koko sikuko, sinikel’ ingqalelo ekufundeni ngakumbi ngolwalamano lwethu, size siqalise ukwenza imisebenzi eyanelisayo.” Walek’ umsundulo esithi: “Ngoku lixesha lokufunda izinto ezintsha nokukhula ngendlela ephawulekayo, ibe nangona izihlandlo ezinjalo zisenokuphazamisa, zibangela uchulumanco.”

Ezinye izibini ziba nenkululeko engakumbi yokusebenzisa imali. Izinto zokuzonwabisa neminye imisebenzi ebeziyibekele bucala ngoku zinokuyenza. Phakathi kwamaNgqina kaYehova, izibini ezininzi zisebenzisa inkululeko ezisandul’ ukuyifumana ukuze zisukele izilangazelelo zokomoya. Ubawo ogama linguHermann uthi emva kokuba abantwana bakhe belishiyile ikhaya, ngokukhawuleza yena nomfazi wakhe banikela ingqalelo ekubuyeleni kubulungiseleli bexesha elizeleyo.

Ukukhulula Abantwana Kwabazali Abangenamaqabane

Ukwenza uhlengahlengiso kwikhaya elikhal’ ibhungane kunokuba nzima ngakumbi kubazali abangenamaqabane. URebecca, umzali ongenaqabane onabantwana ababini uthi: “Xa abantwana bethu beshiya ikhaya, akukho bayeni baza kuhlala nathi baze basithande.” Umzali ongenaqabane usenokuba ebefumana inkxaso engokweemvakalelo kubantwana bakhe. Ibe ukuba bebefaka isandla ngokwemali kweli khaya, ukulishiya kwabo kunokubangela iingxaki zemali.

Abanye oomama abangenamaqabane baye bakwazi ukuphucula imeko yabo yezoqoqosho ngokungenela iinkqubo zokuqeqeshela umsebenzi okanye izifundo ezithile zokwexeshana esikolweni. Kodwa ubani unokubuphelisa njani ubulolo? Omnye umzali ongenaqabane uthi: “Eyona nto indincedayo kukuzigcina ndixakekile. Ndisenokufunda iBhayibhile, ndicoce ikhaya lam, okanye ndibethwe nje ngumoya okanye ndibaleke. Kodwa eyona ndlela inomvuzo kakhulu kum yokuphelisa ubulolo kukuthetha nomhlobo okhulileyo ngokomoya.” Ewe, ‘phangalala,’ uze uhlakulele ubuhlobo obutsha nobanelisayo. (2 Korinte 6:13) ‘Zingisa kwizikhungo nemithandazo’ xa uziva ucinezelekile. (1 Timoti 5:5) Qiniseka ukuba uYehova uya kukomeleza aze akuxhase ngeli xesha linzima lokwenza uhlengahlengiso.

Ukukhulula Abantwana Wonwabile

Enoba ukwimeko enjani, qonda ukuba ukushiya kwabantwana ikhaya asikokuphela kobomi. Kanjalo akuwaphelisi namaqhina entsapho. Uthando lokwenene oluchazwe eBhayibhileni lunamandla awaneleyo okumanyanisa abantu, kwanaxa beqelelene. Umpostile uPawulos usikhumbuza ukuba uthando “lunyamezela izinto zonke. Uthando aluze lusilele.” (1 Korinte 13:7, 8) Uthando lokungazingci oye waluhlakulela kwintsapho yakho alusayi kusilela ngenxa yokuba abantwana bakho beshiye ikhaya.

Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, xa abantwana beqalisa ukujamelana neentlungu ezibangelwa kukwahlukana nokukhumbula ikhaya okanye xa beqalisa ukufumana iingxaki zezoqoqosho, basoloko bengabokuqala ukuphinda baqhagamshelane nani. UHans noIngrid banikela eli cebiso: “Benze bazi abantwana ukuba basoloko bamkelekile ekhayeni lakho.” Ukubatyelela ngokuthe rhoqo, ukubabhalela iileta, okanye ukubatsalela umnxeba ngamaxesha athile kuya kukunceda uhlale unxibelelana nabo. UJack noNora bakuchaza bathi oku: “Yiba nomdla koko bakwenzayo ngaphandle kokugxuphuleka kwimicimbi yabo.”

Xa abantwana beshiya ikhaya, ubomi bakho buyatshintsha. Kodwa ubomi kwindlu ekhal’ ibhungane bunokuxakeka, buze banelise. Kwakhona, ulwalamano lwakho nabantwana bakho luyatshintsha. Sekunjalo, lusenokuba lulwalamano olonwabisayo noluvuyisayo. UNjingalwazi Geoffrey Leigh noGary Peterson bathi: “Ukukhululeka kubazali akuthethi ukuba uza kuyeka ukubathanda, uyeke ukunyaniseka kubo, okanye ungabahloneli. . . . Eneneni, amaqhina awomeleleyo entsapho ahlala ekho ubomi bonke.” Ewe, akusoze uyeke ukuthanda abantwana bakho, ibe akusokuze uyeke ukuba ngumzali wabo. Ibe ngenxa yokuba uye wabonakalisa uthando ngokwaneleyo ngokukhulula abantwana bakho, eneneni akukaphulukani nabo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 28]

“Okokuqala ngqa ebomini bam . . . , ndalila zoma iinyembezi”

[Ibhokisi/Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 26]

Icebiso Eliya Kubantwana Abakhulileyo—Bancedeni Abazali Banikhulule

Ngokuqhelekileyo kusoloko kulula ukunyamezela ukushiya kunokushiywa ngasemva. Ngoko ngoxa uvuya ngenxa yokufumana inkululeko nokuba ngumntu okhulileyo, yiba nobubele uze ubonakalise ukuqonda xa abazali bakho benobunzima bokuhlengahlengisa. Baqinisekise ukuba uya kusoloko ubathanda yaye ubonakalisa umsa kubo. Ileta emfutshane, isipho esingalindelekanga, okanye ukutsala umnxeba ngenxa yobuhlobo kunokumvuyisa kakhulu umzali osentlungwini! Bazise ngeziganeko ezibalulekileyo ebomini bakho. Oku kubenza bazi ukuba amaqhina entsapho asomelele.

Njengoko ujamelana neengcinezelo njengomntu okhulileyo, ngokunokwenzeka uya kukuxabisa kunanini na ngaphambili oko abazali bakho baye batyhubela kuko benyamekela wena. Mhlawumbi oku kuya kukushukumisela ukuba ubaxelele oku abazali bakho: “Ndibamba ngazibini ngako konke enindenzele kona!”