Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Umhlobo Wam Endenza Intliziyo Ebuhlungu?

“Ndikhe ndanabahlobo abaliqeIa . . . Baye bangabahlobo benye intombazana yaye xa ndisiya kubo bayayeka ukuthetha. . . . Baye bandikhuphela ngaphandle ephungulweni kwinto yonke. Loo nto iyenza buhlungu gqitha intliziyo yam.”—UKaren.a

LOO nto inokwenzeka nakwabona bahlobo basenyongweni. Kuyenzeka ukuba kungangeni moya phakathi kwabo; kuse sele bengafuni nokuthetha. UNora oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala uthi: “Umhlobo umele abe ngumntu onokuthembela kuye, umntu onokuya kuye enoba uphantsi kwaziphi iimeko.” Noko ke, maxa wambi oyena mhlobo wakho usenyongweni unokuqalisa ukuba yinyoka nesele nawe.

Ubuhlobo Busengozini

Yintoni enokubangela ubuhlobo obuyolisayo bufane nencindi yekhala? KuSandra, inkathazo izokuqala xa umhlobo wakhe uMegan eboleka esinye sezona zikipa zakhe azithandayo. Uthi uSandra: “Wasibuyisa simdaka yaye sikrazuke kancinane apha emikhonweni. Akazange andixelele ngaloo nto ngokungathi mna ndandingenakuze ndiyibone.” Wavakalelwa njani uSandra ngokungabi naluvelwano kukaMegan? Uthi: “Ndaba leliya liqalayo igeza. Wazibonisa engenantlonelo ngezinto zam . . . okanye iimvakalelo zam.”

Enye into eyenza intliziyo ebuhlungu kukuba umhlobo osenyongweni enze into okanye ahlekise ngawe. Oku kwenzeka kuCindy xa waxelela iqela labo afunda nabo ukuba wayengekayifundi incwadi eyayiza kuxutyushwa esikolweni. Engalindelanga, umhlobo wakhe uKate waqalisa ukumgculela. UCindy ukhumbula oku: “Wahlekisa ngam phambi kweqela labahlobo bethu. Kwakungathi ndingamtya ngamazinyo. Eneneni izinto zatshintsha emva koko.”

Maxa wambi ithanda livuleka xa umhlobo eqalisa ukubutha nabanye abahlobo abatsha. UBonnie oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala uthi: “Ndandinomhlobo olungileyo owaqala ukuba lilungu lelinye iqela. Waqalisa ukungandihoyi.” Okanye kusenokwenzeka ukuba uye wafumanisa ezinye iintshukumisa kumhlobo wakho. UJoe oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala uthi: “Mna noBobby sasingabahlobo abasenyongweni ngokwenene. Ndandicinga ukuba undithanda ngenxa yobuntu bam, kodwa ndafumanisa ukuba undithanda kuphela ngenxa yokuba utata engumbhengezi yaye sinokukwazi ukusoloko sifumana amatikiti akumgangatho ophezulu okungena kwimidlalo nakwiikonsathi.” Uvakalelwa njani ngoku uJoe? Uthi: “Andisokuze ndiphinde ndimthembe uBobby!”

Kwezinye iimeko umhlobo unokuxelela abanye inkcazelo obufuna igcinwe iyimfihlelo. Ngokomzekelo, uAllison wabalisela umhlobo wakhe uSara ngengxaki yomntu asebenza naye. Ngemini elandelayo nanko uSara ethetha ngale nto phambi komnini wayo. UAllison uthi: “Andizange ndiyicinge into yokuba angalipholopholo ngolo hlobo! Ndandibila ngumsindo.” URachel oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala wafumana into efanayo xa umhlobo wakhe osenyongweni watyhila into ababeyixubushe ngasese. URachel uthi: “Ndandingaphoxeke ndandimanzi ndifana nje nomntu ongcatshiweyo. Ndacinga ukuba, ‘Ndingaphinda njani ndizityande igila kuye?’”

Ubuhlobo bunokuthuthuzela ngokweemvakalelo, ingakumbi xa kukhathalelwene, kuthenjenwe yaye kuhlonelwana. Sekunjalo, nabona bahlobo basenyongweni banokuba namagingxigingxi. Ngokuphandle iBhayibhile ithi: “Indoda enezihlobo iyachithwa.” (IMizekeliso 18:24) Kungakhathaliseki ukuba loo nto ibangelwe yintoni na, kunokubangela intlungu ukuvakalelwa kukuba uye wangcatshwa ngumhlobo wakho. Yenziwa yintoni le nto?

Isizathu Sokuba Ubuhlobo Bonakale

Abukho ubuhlobo babantu—enoba buphakathi kolutsha okanye abantu abakhulileyo—obungenazingxaki. Ngapha koko, kunjengokuba umfundi ongumKristu uYakobi wabhala wathi: “Sonke siyakhubeka izihlandlo ezininzi. Ukuba nabani na akakhubeki zwini, lo uyindoda egqibeleleyo, ekwaziyo ukuwubamba ngomkhala kwanomzimba wayo uphela.” (Yakobi 3:2; 1 Yohane 1:8) Ekubeni kungekho mntu ungazenziyo iimpazamo, nokuba kunini na ufanele ulindele ukuba umhlobo uya kwenza okanye athethe into eya kukwenzakalisa. Usenokude ukhumbule isihlandlo apho ukhe wenza buhlungu intliziyo yomnye umntu. (INtshumayeli 7:22) ULisa oneminyaka engama-20 ubudala uthi: “Sonke asifezekanga yaye siza kucaphukisana.”

Ngaphandle kokungafezeki kukho ezinye iinkalo ezinokufak’ isandla. Khumbula ukuba njengoko uqola, izilangazelelo zakho—nezabahlobo bakho—zidla ngokutshintsha. Ngenxa yoko, abantu ababini ekwakungangeni moya phakathi kwabo banokufumanisa ukuba ngokuthe ngcembe baya besahluka. Omnye okwishumi elivisayo wakhalaza wathi ngokuphathelele umhlobo wakhe osenyongweni: “Asisatsalelani rhoqo umnxeba yaye xa side sathetha siyaphikisana.”

Kambe ke, ukwahlukana kuyenye ingxaki. Kodwa kutheni abahlobo bebangelana ubuhlungu nje? Kudla ngokubakho ubukhwele. Ngokomzekelo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umhlobo wakho uqalisa ukukucaphukela ngenxa yobuchule onabo okanye izinto ozifezileyo. (Thelekisa iGenesis 37:4; 1 Samuweli 18:7-9.) IBhayibhile ithi: “Ikhwele yimpehla emathanjeni.” (IMizekeliso 14:30) Lingunobangela womona nosukuzwano. Enoba yintoni unobangela, unokwenza ntoni ukuba umhlobo ukwenza buhlungu?

Ukulungisa Le Meko

URachel uthi: “Okokuqala ndihlolisisa imeko yalo mntu ndize ndizame ukubona ukuba phofu le nto akayenzanga ngabom kusini na.” Xa kwenziwe into okanye kwathethwa ngendlela ekunyelisayo, musa ukuthabatha inyathelo kwangelo xesha. Kunoko, yiba nomonde uze uwucingisise lo mbandela. (IMizekeliso 14:29) Ngaba ukwenza izinto ngokungxama ngenxa yokuba uvakalelwa kukuba unyelisiwe ngokwenene kuya kuyiphucula imeko? Emva kokuba uye wawuhlolisisa lo mbandela usenokufuna ukulandela icebiso elikwiNdumiso 4:4: “Qumbani, ningoni; thethani neentliziyo zenu ezinkukweni zenu, nithi cwaka.” Emva koko usenokukhetha ukuvumela ukuba uthando ‘lugubungele inkitha yezono.’—1 Petros 4:8.

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba ayikwazi kuphela le nto ikucaphukisayo? Kwimeko enjalo, kusenokuba kokona kulungileyo ukuba uye kuloo mntu. UFrank oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala uthi: “Mbizele ecaleni, ninobabini kuphela nize niyithethe le nto yenzekileyo. Ukuba akuyenzi loo nto, uza kumzonda.” USusan oneminyaka eli-16 wavakalelwa ngendlela efanayo. Uthi: “Eyona nto ifanelekileyo kukubaxelela ukuba ububathemba yaye bakudanisile.” NoJacqueline ukholelwa ukuba izinto zilungiswa ngokuthetha. Uthi: “Ndiye ndizame ukuba kuthethwe ngezi zinto. Ngokuqhelekileyo ukuba umntu uthetha nawe phandle, nawe uyakwazi ukulungisa ingxaki ngokuphandle ngoko nangoko.”

Kambe ke, ufanele ulumke ungayi kumhlobo wakho uligqabi ngumsindo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Indoda enobushushu ixhaya ingxabano; ezeka kade umsindo idambisa imbambano.” (IMizekeliso 15:18) Ngoko linda de uzole ngaphambi kokuzama ukulungisa imeko. ULisa uvuma ngelithi: “Uqala ube leliya libotshwayo igeza, kodwa ufanele ulinde de uphole. Linda de ube uphelile umsindo wakho ngaloo mntu. Ungaya ke kuloo mntu uhlale naye phantsi uze uxubushe naye ngale nto niseluxolweni.”

Igama eliyintloko lelithi ukuba “seluxolweni.” Khumbula ukuba injongo yakho asikokumhlasela ngamazwi umhlobo wakho. Ufuna ukulungisa imbambano ngobuhlobo, yaye ukuba kunokwenzeka, ufuna ukubuyisela ubuhlobo. (INdumiso 34:14) Ngoko thetha ngokusuka entliziyweni. ULisa ucebisa ngelithi: “Usenokuthi, ‘Singabahlobo, kodwa ndifuna nje undichazele into eyenzekileyo.’ Ufuna ukwazi unobangela wokwenzeka kwale nto. Emva kokwenza loo nto, akubi nzima ukuyicombulula.”

Ngokuqinisekileyo bekuya kuba kuphosakele ukuzama ukuziphindezela, mhlawumbi ngokumhleba loo mntu uze uzame ukuba abanye beme ngakuwe. Umpostile ongumKristu uPawulos wababhalela oku abaseRoma: “Musani ukubuyisela ububi ngobubi nakubani na.” (Roma 12:17) Eneneni, enoba le nto ibuhlungu kangakanani na, ukuziphindezela kuya kwenza izinto zibe mbi kakhulu. UNora uthi: “Akuyomfuneko ukuba uziphindezele, kuba anisayi kuze nibe zizihlobo kwakhona.” Ngokwahlukileyo wongezelela ngelithi, ukwenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuzama ukulungisa ulwalamano lwenu “kukwenza uzive ungomnye umntu.”

Kodwa kuthekani ukuba umhlobo wakho akasebenzisani nawe kwimigudu yakho yoxolelwaniso? Xa kunjalo khumbula ukuba ubuhlobo buziindidi ngeendidi. Umcebisi ngezentsapho uJudith McCleese uthi: “Asinguye wonke umhlobo oba ngosenyongweni. Yazi into yokuba unokuba neendidi ezahlukeneyo zolwalamano.” Sekunjalo, umele uvuyiswe yinto yokuba uye wayenza indima yakho yokubuyisela uxolo. Umpostile uPawulos wabhala: “Ukuba kunokwenzeka, ngokuxhomekeke kuni, yibani noxolo nabantu bonke.”—Roma 12:18.

Kukhe kuqhum’ uthuli kwanakobona buhlobo busenyongweni. Ukuba uyakwazi ukuzolisa ezo nkqwithela ngaphandle kokutshintsha indlela obajonga ngayo abanye okanye uphelelwe kukuzixabisa, usendleleni yokuba ngumntu omkhulu oqolileyo. Nangona abanye ‘besenokutyekela ekuchitheni,’ iBhayibhile ikwasiqinisekisa ngelokuba “kukho sithandwa sinamathelayo kunomzalwana.”—IMizekeliso 18:24.

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Unokubungciba ubuhlobo ngokuthetha ngoko kwenzekileyo