Ngaba Ayingozi Ngokwenene?

NJENGOKO sele sibonile, i-Internet yenza amanyala afumaneke lula kubantu abasele bekhulile nakubantwana. Ngaba ufanele uxhalabe? Ngaba ngokwenene amanyala ayingozi?

Abaninzi bacinga ukuba utshawu nje wokubukela amanyala akanabungozi. Noko ke, izibakala zityhila nto yimbi. Cinga nje ngemeko yesinye isibini esasibonakala sinomtshato oluqilima. Sasimi kakuhle ngokwezoqoqosho, yaye sasithanda ukukhenketha. Abahlobo baso babesigqala njengesithandanayo, esinomsa nesithembeneyo, yaye sasinjalo ngokwenene kwizinto ezininzi.

Noko ke, yaqala yehl’ intlekele xa indoda yaqalisa ukubukela amanyala. Ebhalela umbhali wemihlathi enamacebiso othandwayo, umfazi wayo osentlungwini wathi xa wayephalaza imbilini yakhe: “Xa [umyeni wam] waqalisa ukuchitha ixesha elininzi eqolozele ikhompyutha ezinzulwini zobusuku nasekuseni, wathi kum wayesenza ‘uphando.’ Ndambhada ngenye intsasa ndafika ebukele amanyala . . . Wathi yayikukuthanda nje kwakhe ukwazi. Xa ndayijongisisa kakuhle le nto wayeyibukele, yandenza ndanxunguphala ngokwenene. Waba neentloni waza wathembisa ukuba akasayi kuphinda, ibe ndandicinga ukuba wayenyanisile. Ebesoloko enesidima—indoda ebambelelayo kwizwi layo.”

Njengale ndoda, abaninzi baqala ukubukela amanyala kuba nje bethanda ukwazi. Bexhalele ukuba baza kubhaqwa, bawavula ezinzulwini zobusuku okanye bavuke ngentseni. Bathi besakubhaqwa, bazame ukugquk’ umkhondo ngokuxoka, kanye njengale ndoda. Ngaba nabani na osezingqondweni unokuthi “umkhwa” obangela “indoda ebambelelayo kwizwi layo” izifice ezinzulwini zobusuku nokuxokisa isithandwa sayo awunabungozi?

Le nto inokubangela iingxaki ezinzulu zobuqu nezentsapho. Abanye baye bavuma ukuba ukubukela amanyala kuye kwabathintela ekuqaliseni ulwalamano olusenyongweni nabanye. Abafuni mntu kufuphi ngoxa bezifica emanyaleni. Abantu badla ngokuba nemibono xa bebukele amanyala, yaye ukuba nemibono akumenzi umntu akhe ulwalamano oluluqilima okanye ahlangabezane nobomi bokwenene. Ngaba into eyahlula abantu kwabo babakhathalele ngokwenene ayinabungozi?

Kwezinye iimeko abantu ababukela okanye bafunde ngamanyala baba nobunzima bokunandipha iintlobano zesini eziqhelekileyo namaqabane abo. Ukuze usifumane isizathu, khawuhlolisise injongo kaThixo yantlandlolo ngabantu abatshatileyo. Ngothando wanika amadoda nabafazi amandla okubonisa indlela athandana ngayo ngokuba neentlobano zesini ezibekekileyo. IMizekeliso 5:18, 19 ibonisa ukuba zazenzelwe ukuba ziyolise: “[Yiba] nemihlali ngumfazi wobutsha bakho . . . Amabele akhe makakuyobe ngamaxesha onke. Uthabatheke rhoqo luthando lwakhe.”

Phawula ukuba uthando lwaluza kuba sisiseko seentlobano zesini. Ngaba umntu obukela amanyala uhlakulela ulwalamano olufudumeleyo olunothando? Akunjalo, kunoko wanelisa umnqweno wakhe wesini—eyedwa, amaxesha amaninzi. Indoda ebukela amanyala isenokuqala ilijonge iqabane layo njengento nje ekhoyo—umntu nje ezonwabisa ngaye. Oku kwahluke kwaphela kwisidima nembeko awathi uMdali amadoda afanele ayinike amabhinqa. (1 Petros 3:7) Ngaba umkhwa ophazamisana nolwalamano olusenyongweni emtshatweni unokujongwa njengonqwenelekayo?

Ukongezelela, into enokujongwa njengotshawu nje inokuphela sele imenze ikhoboka umntu. Omnye umbhali uthi: “Kanye njengokuba amakhoboka eziyobisi efuna iziyobisi ezingakumbi ukuze ‘ayotywe,’ abantu ababukela amanyala bafuna ukuwabukela ngakumbi ukuze babe nezona mvakalelo zinamandla kunangaphambili.”

Kuyabonakala ukuba kwenzeka oko kule ndoda ikhankanywe ngaphambilana kweli nqaku. Ngobunye ubusuku kwiinyanga eziliqela emva kokuba ithembise ukuyeka ukubukela amanyala, umfazi wayo wafika ekhaya ijonge ikhompyutha. Wabona nje kwindlela eyayiyiyo ukuba ukho undonakele. Wabhala wathi: “Wayembandaza ebonakala ukuba uphazamisekile. Ndajonga ekhompyutheni, yaye ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo wayebukele izinto ezingcole ngendlela engathethekiyo. Wandixelela ukuba wayenyanisekile xa wayesithi uza kuyeka, kodwa wayengakwazi nje ukuyeka.”

Ngenxa yomonakalo onokwenziwa ngamanyala nokufumaneka kwawo ngokubanzi, unezizathu ezibambekayo zokuxhalaba. Unokuzikhusela njani kunye nabantwana bakho? Inqaku lokugqibela kolu ngcelele liya kunikela impendulo.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 6]

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