Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Yintoni Eyabangela Ukuba Utata Asishiye?

“Andizange ndisiqonde kakuhle isizathu sokuba utata asishiye. Inye into endiyaziyo yile ndayixelelwa ngumama.”—UJames.a

XA UTATA eboph’ imigodlwana yakhe ashiye ikhaya, udla ngokushiya ngasemva intlungu nengqumbo. UJames one-14 leminyaka ubudala, ocatshulwe ngasentla uthi: “Ndandixheleke ngokwenene kukwahlukana kukamama notata.” Yaye xa utata ehamba ngaphandle kokuchaza isizathu aze anganxibelelani nentsapho, abantwana basenokuziva benetyala, belahliwe yaye bafukam’ ingqumbo nakwiminyaka eliqela ezayo.b

Ukuba utata wakho uye wahamba, usenokuba uyasazi isizathu. Omnye oselula ogama linguMichael uthi: “UTata waya kuhlala nelinye ibhinqa. Ndakha ndambona ekunye nalo, kwaye yandicaphukisa gqitha loo nto. Ndandivakalelwa ngathi uTata usingcatshile.” Noko ke, kwezinye iimeko ukuhamba kwakhe kunokubangela isiqabu. UMelissa, onotata olikhoboka lotywala, uthi: “Ukuba ebelapha ekhaya, ngekunzima kuthi.”

Noko ke, kwiimeko ezininzi abantwana badla ngokungasazi isizathu sokuba ootata babo bemke, yaye oku kusenokwenza ukungabikho kukatata kubonakale kubuhlungu ngakumbi. Liyinyaniso elokuba, kusenokwenzeka ubusazi ukuba abazali bakho banengxaki, kodwa ube ungakhange uyicinge into yokuba bangahlukana. URobert ukhumbula oku: “Ukumka kukaTata, eneneni ndandingazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni. Ekuphela kwento endandiyazi kukuba kwakukho undonakele kuba abazali bam babesoloko bexabana.”

Kutheni abanye ootata beshiya imizi? Ukuba utata wakho uye wahamba, ngaba ufanele uvakalelwe kukuba ukulahle kwesinomhlwa? Yaye kutheni abazali bakho besenokuba mathidala ukukuxelela ngale nto? Ngaba abafanele bakuxelele?

Isizathu Sokuba Bangakuxeleli

Soze kube mnandi ukumka kukatata. Amaxesha amaninzi, isizathu siba lukrexezo—ihambo evakalala ebisoloko ifihliwe entsatsheni. Xa umfazi efumanisa eso siphoso, usenokugqiba kwelokuba aqhawule umtshato nomyeni wakhe. Usenokumcela ukuba emke ngoxolo ngaphambi kokuba umtshato uqhawulwe ngokusemthethweni. Abantwana basenokungamazi unobangela woku.

Noko ke, khawuzame ukuqonda isizathu sokuba umama wakho abe mathidala ukuchaza oko kwenzekileyo. Esinye isizathu kukuba, usenokucinga ukuba ukutyhila ihambo evakalala katata wakho kunokubangela intlungu. Kwakhona qonda indlela ekumele ukuba kubuhlungu ngayo emfazini ukufumanisa ukuba indoda yakhe ayikhange inyaniseke. (Malaki 2:13, 14) Ngoko ukuba lukrexezo olubangele ukwahlukana kwabazali bakho, ungothuki xa kunzima kumama wakho ukuba akuchazele ngalo mbandela.

Kuthekani ngotata wakho? Kuyaqondakala ukuba, ukuba uye akanyaniseka kumama wakho kusenokuba nzima ukuba athethe nawe ngaloo nto. Amanye amadoda aziva enetyala ngehambo yawo evakalala kangangokuba kuba nzima ukujongana nabantwana bawo! Noko ke, phezu kwako nje ukuba lusizi kwabo ootata abaninzi bayaqhubeka bebathanda abantwana babo yaye basenokuzama ukuqhubeka benxibelelana nabo.

Kwezinye iimeko utata ushiya ikhaya ngenxa yehambo evakalala yomfazi wakhe, yaye wenza unako-nako wokunxibelelana ngokusondeleyo nabantwana bakhe. Noko ke, kwezinye iimeko, akwahlukanwa ngenxa yokrexezo, kodwa ngenxa yokufikelela kwiqondo eliphezulu kweengxabano zomtshato eziye zathabatha iminyaka.c (IMizekeliso 18:24) Ngenxa yokuba oku kudla ngokwenzeka emfihlekweni, usenokungazi ukuba kulwelwa ntoni.

IBhayibhile ithi kwiMizekeliso 25:9: “Gweba ibango lakho kunye nedlelane lakho, uze ungalityhili igqugula lomnye.” Maxa wambi iingxaki zomtshato zidla ngokuquka imibandela eyimfihlelo nenzulu. Mhlawumbi kokona kulungileyo ukuba ungaziva ezo zinto. Ngaphandle koko, ukutyhila “igqugula” kudla ngokwenza imeko ibe mbi kakhulu. Usenokutyekela ekuthabatheni icala—nto leyo enokuvula ithanda elikhulu kwintsapho yakowenu. Ngoko kusenokubonakala kukokona kubhetele xa abazali bakho bezigcina kubo iinkcukacha zengxabano yabo.

Yilwa Nengqumbo Ngokuba Nengqiqo

Sekunjalo, kuba nzima ukungabi namsindo nengqumbo ngokuhamba kukatata wakho ekubeni ungakwazi ukuwuphendula umbuzo othi, Kutheni? Noko ke, kwiMizekeliso 19:11, iBhayibhile ithi: “Ingqiqo yomntu ngokuqinisekileyo imenza azeke kade umsindo [ayithi iyawuphelisa].” Yaye akuyomfuneko ukuba wazi zonke iinkcukacha ukuze ube nengqiqo.

Ngokomzekelo, iBhayibhile isinceda sibone ukuba abazali bethu abafezekanga. Ithi: “Bonke bonile baza basilela kuzuko lukaThixo.” (Roma 3:23) Ukwamkela le nyaniso kunokukunceda uzijonge ngeliso elibanzi iimpazamo zabazali bakho. Ukuba ngokomzekelo utata wakho uye wenza ngokunxamnye nezifungo zakhe zomtshato, eso sisiphoso esinzulu—eso aya kuphendula ngaso kuThixo. (Hebhere 13:4) Kodwa loo nto ayithethi ukuba uye wakulahla kwesinomhlwa okanye akakuthandi.

Zonke izibini ezitshatileyo ziba “nembandezelo enyameni.” (1 Korinte 7:28) Yaye ngoxa engangxengxezeleki, amanye amadoda namabhinqa aye anikezela kwizenzo eziphosakeleyo ngenxa yengcinezelo yeli hlabathi lizele ziinkathazo. URobert ukhumbula oku: “UTata wayesinqwenelela okona kulungileyo. Njengentsapho wasifudusela kwindawo awayecinga ukuba uza kufumana kuyo imali encumisayo ukuze sihlale kwindlu entle ukuze sonwabe.” Kodwa imigudu emihle kayise yokuba intsapho yakhe iphile ubomi obutofotofo yahamba yagwenxa. URobert uthi: “Ngokuthe ngcembe utata wayeka ukuya kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu. Emva koko waphulukana nomsebenzi wakhe. Wandula ke wamphatha ngqwabalala umama noodade wethu.” Kungekadala imeko yaba mandundu kangangokuba umama notata baphela sele bewuqhawule umtshato.

URobert ngewayezaliswe bubukrakra ngenxa yokusilela kukatata. Kodwa ukuqonda imeko katata wakhe kwawuthomalalisa umsindo wakhe. Nangona ukuqhawula umtshato kwabazali bakhe kwakulusizi, kwamfundisa okuthile okubalulekileyo uRobert. URobert uthi: “Mhla ndanentsapho, izinto zokomoya zimele zibe kwindawo yokuqala.”

UMichael, okhankanywe ekuqaleni, naye uye walwa nentlungu yakhe. Uvuma ngelithi: “Ndandifuna ukumenza buhlungu utata ngento awasenza yona.” Kodwa walondoloza ulwalamano noyise. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, uMichael wahlukana nomsindo awayenawo waza waqhubeka nobomi bakhe.

Nawe usenokuzama ukugcina ulwalamano lwakho luloluqhelekileyo notata wakho ngokokuvuma kweemeko. Liyinyaniso elokuba, usenokuba unixhele ngaphakathi ninomama wakho. Kodwa kusenokwenzeka ukuba akunazibakala zizeleyo. Yaye kwanokuba uyazi ukuba nguye owonileyo, usengutata wakho. Ubophelelekile ukuba umnike umlinganiselo othile wentlonelo. (Efese 6:1-3) Phepha “ubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo nokumemeza nokutshabhisa” xa usebenzisana naye. (Efese 4:31) Ukuba kunokwenzeka, musa ukuzingena iingxabano zomtshato zobuqu. Ngokubaqinisekisa bobabini abazali bakho ukuba uyabathanda, unokunandipha ulwalamano oluhle kunye nabo bobabini.

Asilotyala Lakho

Ukushiya ikhaya kukatata wakho kusenokuba yenye yezona zinto zibuhlungu ezikhe zakwehlela. Kwanokuba akuzazanga zonke izizathu zokumka kwakhe, akunasizathu sokuvakalelwa kukuba lityala lakho. Liyinyaniso elokuba, usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ulahle wena kwesinomhlwa. Kodwa kunqabile ukuba umtshato uqhawuke ngenxa yabantwana. Abazali bakho benza isifungo phambi koThixo besithi baya kuhlala kunye. Yimbopheleleko yabo—kungekhona eyakho ukuphila ngokuvisisana naso.—INtshumayeli 5:4-6.

Sekunjalo, ukuba udidekile, uziva unetyala, okanye ubophelelekile, kutheni ungazami ukuxelela abazali bakho? Basenokuthetha baze bakuqinisekise ngandlel’ ithile. UJames, ocatshulwe ekuqaleni, uvuma ngelithi: “Ndandisoloko ndicinga ukuba ndim onetyala, de umama notata bandihlalisa phantsi baza bathetha nam.” UNancy oselula ngokufanayo waziva enetyala xa umama notata wakhe bathi bahlukana. Emva kokuncokola izihlandlo eziliqela nomama wakhe, uNancy wakwazi ukugqiba ngelithi: “Abantwana abafanele bazibeke ityala ngezinto ezenziwa ngabazali babo.” Ewe, ukuvumela abazali bakho ‘bathwale owabo umthwalo’ wembopheleleko kunokukwenza uphephe iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu. (Galati 6:5) Kodwa ngoku unokuhlangabezana njani nokuphila kwikhaya elingenatata? Inqaku elilandelayo kolu ngcelele liya kusiphendula.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

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