Ukuqonda Iimpawu Zalo

“Ukudana kuyinto eqhelekileyo; uxinezeleko sisifo. Ingxaki isekuqondeni umahluko phakathi kwezi zinto.”—UGqr. David G. Fassler.

NJENGAZO zonke ezinye izigulo, uxinezeleko luneempawu ezicacileyo. Kodwa akulula kangako ukuqonda ezi mpawu. Ngoba? Ngenxa yokuba phantse wonke umlisela nomthinjana uyadakumba maxa wambi kanye njengabantu abasele bekhulile. Yintoni umahluko phakathi kokudakumba nje nokuxinezeleka? Eyona nto ibalayo bubungakanani nexesha elithatyathwa yile meko.

Ubungakanani buquka umkhamo ezi mvakalelo eziluhlasela ngayo ulutsha. Njengoko ingaphezu kwexeshana nje lokuphelelwa lithemba, uxinezeleko lusisigulo esinamandla esingokweemvakalelo esithi siphazamisane namandla alo uselula okwenza izinto ngendlela eqhelekileyo. UGqr. Andrew Slaby ukuchaza ngolu hlobo ukuba mandundu kwale meko: “Khawucinge nje ngeyona ntlungu wakha wayifumana emzimbeni—ithambo elaphukileyo, izinyo eliqaqambayo, okanye inimba yokuzala—uyiphindaphinde kalishumi ube ungamazi unobangela wayo; mhlawumbi unokukwazi ukuthelekelela intlungu yoxinezeleko.”

Ixesha elithabathayo libhekisela ekubeni le meko iqhubeka kangakanani. Ngokutsho kukanjingalwazi wezamayeza uLeon Cytryn noDonald H. McKnew, Omnci., “umntwana ongaxoliyo okanye aphinde abuyele kwimeko yesiqhelo kwisithuba seveki emva kokunxuba (enoba kungenxa yasiphi isizathu)—okanye kwisithuba seenyanga ezintandathu emva kokulahlekelwa ngokugqithiseleyo—usengozini yoxinezeleko.”

Iimpawu Eziqhelekileyo

Oselula kudla ngokuthiwa unoxinezeleko xa kufunyaniswa ukuba uneempawu eziliqela suku ngalunye, kangangeeveki ezimbini ubuncinane. Ukuba lukhe lwamothusa nje iba luxinezeleko olungephi. Idysthymia, olona xinezeleko lunamandla kwiindidi ezingephi, lubakho xa iimpawu zalo ziqhubeka kangangonyaka lunika nje isiqabu esimalunga neenyanga ezimbini. Kwimeko nganye ke, ziziphi ezinye iimpawu eziqhelekileyo zoxinezeleko?a

Ukutshintsha ngokukhawuleza kwendlela umntu enza ngayo izinto. Lo uselula ebethobela ukhawuleza abe litshabanqa. Ukuba nemvukelo nokushiya ikhaya kuxhaphakile kumlisela nomthinjana oxinezelekileyo.

Ukuzikhetha ebantwini. Lo uselula uyazahlula kubahlobo bakhe. Okanye kusenokwenzeka ukuba abahlobo bakhe bayazahlula kuye, kuba bephawula ukuba isimo sengqondo sakhe nendlela yakhe yokwenza izinto itshintshe ngendlela engathandekiyo.

Ukungabi namdla wokwenza nantoni na. Lo uselula usenokuthanda ukurhuq’ iinyawo ngendlela engaqhelekanga. Imisebenzi abeyigqala ibangela umdla kwithuba nje elingekude ngoku usenokuyigqala ikruqula.

Ukutshintsha ngokuphawulekayo kwendlela atya ngayo. Iingcali ezininzi zivakalelwa kukuba iingxaki ezifana neanorexia, ibulimia, nokubhukuxa kudla ngokuhamba noxinezeleko (yaye maxa wambi kusenokubangelwa lulo).

Ingxaki yokulala. Lo uselula ulala kancinane okanye alale gqitha. Indlela abanye abaselula abalala ngayo iyaphazamiseka, bangalali ubusuku bonke baze bathi tywelele emini.

Ukungaqhubi kakuhle ezifundweni. Lo uselula uxinezelekileyo akaqhubani kakuhle nabafundisi-ntsapho noontanga bakhe yaye ufumana amanqaku aphantsi. Akubi lithuba elide angabi sathanda ukuya esikolweni.

Ukuba nobungozi okanye ukuthanda ukuzenzakalisa. Ukwenza izinto ‘ngendlela enobungozi’ kunokubonisa ukuba oselula akanamdla kakhulu wokuphila. Ukuzicenta (njengokuzisika) lolunye uphawu lwale ngxaki.

Ukuziva engaxabisekanga okanye ukuzibek’ ityala ngokungeyomfuneko. Lo uselula uzigxeka gqitha, evakalelwa kukuba akanakuze aphumelele, nokuba izibakala zisenokubonisa enye into.

Iingxaki zokuphazamiseka engqondweni. Xa engafumaneki undonakele, intloko ebuhlungu, umqolo obuhlungu, isisu esibuhlungu, nezinye iingxaki ezifana nezo zisenokubonisa ukuba kukho uxinezeleko.

Ukusoloko ecinga ngokufa okanye ngokuzibulala. Ukusoloko ecinga ngezinto ezingathandekiyo kunokuntama uxinezeleko. Kanti nokusongela ngokuzibulala, nto leyo emele ibekwe esweni.—Bona ibhokisi engasezantsi.

Uxinezeleko Lwengqondo?

Ezinye zezi mpawu zikwafanayo zisenokufumaneka kwesinye isigulo esingathandekiyo—uxinezeleko lwengqondo. Ngokutsho kukaGqr. Barbara D. Ingersoll noSam Goldstein, uxinezeleko lwengqondo “kukumana uxinezeleka uphinde ube nobubele gqitha—enyanisweni ude ugqithise.”

Obu bubele bugqithiseleyo buba yimpambano. Idla ngokubonakala ngokubhadulelwa yingqondo, ukuthetha gqitha nokungafuni kulala. Enyanisweni, umntu onale ngxaki unokuqhubeka kangangeentsuku eziliqela engalali yaye engabonakali ephelelwe ngamandla. Olunye uphawu lolu xinezeleko kukwenza izinto ngokungxama ngaphandle kokucinga ngemiphumo. Ingxelo yeU.S. National Institute of Mental Health ithi: “Le mpambano idla ngokuchaphazela ukucinga, izigqibo nasekuhlaleni ngendlela ebangela iingxaki ezinzulu nokuphoxeka.” Ithatha ixesha elingakanani le mpambano? Maxa wambi iintsuku ezimbalwa; kwezinye iimeko ithatha iinyanga eziliqela ngaphambi kokuba ingene kolona xinezeleko.

Phakathi kwabona basengozini yokuba noxinezeleko lwengqondo kukho abantu abantsapho zabo zinale ngxaki. Okuvuyisayo kukuba likho ithemba kwabo banale ngxaki. Incwadi ethi The Bipolar Child ithi: “Xa befunyaniswe kuselithuba baza banyangwa kakuhle, aba bantwana neentsapho zakomawabo banokuphila ubomi nje obumnandi.”

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba akukho phawu lunye olunokugqiba ukuba umntu uxinezelekile. Amaxesha amaninzi, idla ngokuba yinkumbula yeempawu ezibonakala kangangexesha elide ezikhokelela ekubonakaleni kwale ngxaki. Sekunjalo, kusemi lo mbuzo, Kutheni le ngxaki imbi kangaka ithwaxa umlisela nomthinjana?

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

NANK’ UMNTWANA EFUNA UKUZICIM’ IGAMA

Ngokutsho kweU.S. Centers for Disease Control, komnye kule minyaka yakutshanje abantu abaselula abaninzi eUnited States baye bazibulala kunokuba babulawe ngumhlaza, isifo sentliziyo, uGawulayo, iziphako abazelwe nazo, ukufa amalungu, inyumoniya nomkhuhlane nesifo semiphunga, zonke ezo zinto zidibene. Enye into ebangela intlungu: Zintinge ngendlela ebambis’ ongezantsi iingxelo zokuzibulala kwabantwana abaphakathi kweminyaka eli-10 neli-14.

Ngaba ikho indlela yokuthintela ukuzibulala komlisela nomthinjana? Ibakho kwezinye iimeko. UGqr. Kathleen McCoy ubhala athi: “Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba phambi kokuzibulala badla ngokuqala benze amalinge okanye bayithi thsuphe loo nto belumkisa. Xa umntwana wakho ethetha ngokuzibulala, kufuneka umbeke esweni uze ukuba kunokwenzeka udibane nengcaphephe ethile ikuncede.”

Ukwaphul’ izikeyi kokuxinezeleka komlisela nomthinjana kubethelela kubazali nakwabanye abasele bekhulile imfuneko yokuba neliso elibukhali kuwo nawuphi na umqondiso wokuba umntu oselula ufuna ukuzicim’ igama. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi No One Saw My Pain, uGqr. Andrew Slaby ubhala athi: “Phantse sihlandlo ngasinye bezibulala ndiye ndahlolisisa ndafumanisa ukuba, izinto ezibonisa ukuba lo mntwana uza kuzibulala zidla ngokungahoywa okanye ziyayazwe. Amalungu entsapho nezihlobo akaye abuqonde ubukhulu botshintsho alubonayo. Azikhathaza ngomphumo wayo kungekhona ngeyona ngxaki, into ayibonayo ‘ziingxaki zentsapho’ okanye ‘ukusebenzisa iziyobisi’ okanye ‘i-anorexia.’ Maxa wambi umsindo, ukudideka, nokucaphuka kuye kwanyangeka kodwa kwasala uxinezeleko. Kusele eyona ngxaki imntsentsetha kwaye imgqiba.”

Isilumkiso sicacile: Ziphaphele iimpawu zokufuna ukuzibulala!

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Maxa wambi, imvukelo iluphawu loxinezeleko

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Umlisela nomthinjana oxinezelekileyo udla ngokungabi namdla kwizinto owawuzithanda ngaphambili