Ukuchaza Isizekabani

“Ngokuqhelekileyo uxinezeleko lomlisela nomthinjana alubangelwa yinto enye kodwa lubangelwa zizinto eziliqela.”—UGqr. Kathleen McCoy.

YINTONI ebangela uxinezeleko lomlisela nomthinjana? Oonobangela baliqela. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, utshintsho olwenzeka emzimbeni nakwiimvakalelo olubangelwa kukufikisa lunokubangela abaselula bagutyungelwe kukungaqiniseki naluloyiko, nto leyo enokubenza bangabi nathemba. Kwakhona, umlisela nomthinjana uba zizisulu zodano xa uvakalelwa kukuba usunduzelwa ecaleni ngoontanga bawo okanye ngumntu obuqalisa ukumthanda. Kanti ke, njengoko kubonisiwe kwinqaku lokuqala, umlisela nomthinjana namhlanje ukhulela kwihlabathi elibangela uxinezeleko nje lilodwa. Eneneni siphila ‘kumaxesha amanqam ekunzima ukujamelana nawo.’—2 Timoti 3:1.

Ukongezelela kule ngxaki ulutsha lujamelana neengcinezelo zobomi okokuqala ngqa kubomi balo, yaye alunabuchule namava afana nawabantu abasele bethe dlundlu. Ngoko ke, umlisela nomthinjana ufana nabakhenkethi abahla benyuka befunisa kwindawo abangayaziyo—besothuka zizinto abazibonayo yaye amaxesha amaninzi bengaceli luncedo. Imeko enjalo inokuba negalelo kakhulu ekubangeleni uxinezeleko.

Kodwa kukho iinkalo eziliqela ezinokuba negalelo kuxinezeleko lomlisela nomthinjana. Makhe sihlolisise nje ezimbalwa kuzo.

Uxinezeleko Nelahleko

Uxinezeleko maxa wambi ludla ngokuhamba nelahleko enkulu—mhlawumbi ukufelwa ngomthandayo okanye ukulahlekelwa ngumzali ngenxa yoqhawulo-mtshato. Kwanokufelwa sisilwanyana asithandayo kunokubangela oselula aphelelwe lithemba.

Kukho ke neentlobo zelahleko ezisenokungaqondakali kakuhle. Ngokomzekelo, ukufudukela kwindawo entsha kusenokuthetha ukushiya indawo eqhelekileyo nabahlobo abathandekayo. Kwanokufikelela usukelo oluphakamileyo—njengokuphumelela esikolweni—kunokubangela ukuziva belahlekelwe. Ngapha koko, ukungenelela ixabiso elitsha ebomini kusenokuthetha ukuphulukana nobumnandi nokhuseleko lwexa elidluleyo. Kukho ke nolutsha olunyamezele isifo esithile esinganyangekiyo. Kwimeko enjalo intlungu yokwahluka koontanga balo—mhlawumbi bangaluhoyi—inokwenza oselula avakalelwe kukuba ikho indawo yokungathi ncam kakuhle.

Kuyavunywa ukuba, ulutsha oluninzi luyafikelwa zezi meko kodwa zingalurhaxi. Luyadana, lulile, lube buhlungu—kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha iphela yonke loo nto. Noko ke, kutheni olunye ulutsha luzinyamezela nje iinzingo zobomi, kodwa oluninzi lunikezela kuxinezeleko? Akulula ukuphendula lo mbuzo, kuba uxinezeleko yingxubakaxaka yento. Kodwa kwalapha kumlisela nomthinjana abanye baba zizisulu.

Imichiza

Iingcali ezininzi zezigulo zengqondo zicinga ukuba ukungemi kakuhle kwemichiza ebuchotsheni kunendima ephambili kuxinezeleko.a Oku kungemi kakuhle kunokudluliselwa ngemizila yemfuza, kuba abaphengululi bafumanise ukuba oselula onomzali onoxinezeleko kusenokwenzeka ukuba naye azeke mzekweni. Incwadi ethi Lonely, Sad and Angry ithi: “Abantwana abanoxinezeleko amaxesha amaninzi kudla ngokuthi kanti banomzali omnye ubuncinane oxinezelekileyo.”

Oku kuphakamisa lo mbuzo, Ngaba abantwana bayalufuza uxinezeleko, okanye bafunda ukuxinezeleka ngenxa yokuhlala nabazali abanale ngxaki? Lo mbuzo kunzima ukuwuphendula ngokuba ingqondo intsonkothile, njengeenkalo ezininzi ezinegalelo kuxinezeleko lomlisela nomthinjana.

Uxinezeleko Nemeko-bume Yentsapho

Uxinezeleko luye lwabizwa ngokuba ngumbandela wentsapho, kwabe kufanele ukuba lubizwe njalo. Njengoko sele kubonisiwe, kusenokuba kukho umzila wemfuza odlulisela uxinezeleko ukususela kwisizukulwana ukuya kwesinye. Kodwa imeko-bume yentsapho isenokuba negalelo. UGqr. Mark S. Gold ubhala athi: “Abantwana abaxhatshazwa ngabazali babo basengozini yoxinezeleko. Kunjalo ke nangabantwana abazalwa ngabazali abagxeka gqitha nabasoloko begxininisa kwiimpazamo zabantwana babo.” Kanti uxinezeleko lunokubangelwa kukuba abazali babaphathe okwamaqanda abantwana okanye babakhusele ngendlela engaphaya kwengqondo. Noko ke okubangel’ umdla kukuba, omnye umphengululi wafumanisa ukuba abantwana banamathuba amaninzi okuxinezeleka xa abazali bengabahoyanga.

Noko ke, oku akuthethi ukuba wonke nje umlisela nomthinjana oxinezelekileyo unabazali abangafanelekanga. Ukuwubopha ngebande elinye bekuya kwenza ungazihoyi ezinye iinkalo ezinokuba negalelo kule ngxaki. Noko ke, kwezinye iimeko, imeko-bume yentsapho ibaluleke gqitha kule nkalo. UGqr. David G. Fassler ubhala athi: “Abantwana abahlala kumakhaya aneengxwabangxwaba phakathi kwabazali bakwingozi enkulu kunabantwana abakhulele kwimeko-bume engenazinkathazo. Esona sizathu sikukuba abazali abalwayo bathi bhukuqu kulo mlo wabo bangazihoyi iimfuno zabantwana babo. Kanti esinye sikukuba abazali badla ngokubhekisela ebantwaneni xa bexambulisana, nto leyo enokwenza abantwana bazive benetyala, benomsindo yaye benenzondo.”

Ezi zezinye zeenkalo ezinokuba negalelo kuxinezeleko lomlisela nomthinjana. Zikho nezinye. Ngokomzekelo, ezinye iingcali zithi iinkalo ezibangelwa yimeko-bume (njengokutya okungenasondlo, ityhefu nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi) zinokubangela uxinezeleko. Abanye bathi ezinye iindidi zamayeza (njengamayeza okuthomalalisa iintlungu) zinokuba negalelo nazo. Kwakhona, kuyabonakala ukuba abantwana abanengxaki yokufunda banokuba noxinezeleko, mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba baphelelwa kukuzithemba ngokubona ukuba bakhala ngaphantsi kwabo bafunda nabo.

Noko ke, enoba uyintoni na unobangela, kubalulekile ukubuza lo mbuzo, Unokuncedwa njani umlisela nomthinjana oxinezelekileyo?

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 8, 9]

Iingxabano zentsapho zidla ngokubangela uxinezeleko