Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokumfumana Njani Umntu Ofanelekileyo Endinokuhlala Naye?

“Ukuba ndandingenabantu ndihlala nabo, ndandingayi kukwazi ukuqhubeka ndingumvangeli wexesha elizeleyo, ndize ndikwazi ukuhlawula ezinye iindleko.”—ULynn.a

ABANTWANA abashiya ikhaya badla ngokothuka xa bebona indlela okuziindleko ngayo ‘ukuzihlalela.’ Ukuze abaninzi bakwazi ukuhlawula iindleko eziphakamileyo zokuphila badla ngokuhlala nomntu omnye okanye abaliqela.

Kodwa njengoko inqaku elandulelayo kolu ngcelele sele libonisile, ukuhlala nomntu—ingakumbi ongaqhelananga naye—kunokuba lucelomngeni.b Kukwanjalo nakumaKristu aselula ahlala kunye ukuze akwazi ukukhonza njengabavangeli bexesha elizeleyo. Enoba ukweyiphi imeko, ukuba ucinga ngokuhlala nomnye umntu, kuya kuba sengqiqweni ukusebenzisa “ubulumko” xa ukhetha loo mntu.c—IMizekeliso 3:21.

Iingozi Zonxulumano Olubi

Xa lufuna abantu olunokuhlala nabo, ulutsha oluninzi lujonga kwiibhodi zezibhengezo, kumaphephandaba nakwi-Internet. Kodwa kumKristu oselula, ukufuna umntu aza kuhlala naye ngaloo ndlela kunokuba yingozi. Kunokubangela ukuba afumane umntu ongenalo ukholo olufana nolwakhe, nonemilinganiselo yokuziphatha eyahlukileyo kweyakhe. Ngaba kukungabi nangqiqo okanye ukungathandi bantu ukufuna ukuhlala nomntu onokholo olufana nolwakho? Akunjalo, kodwa kulikhondo lobulumko. IBhayibhile ilumkisa ngelithi: “Unxulumano olubi lonakalisa imikhwa elungileyo.”—1 Korinte 15:33.

Cinga nje ngebhinqa elinguLee. Wayengekabi ngumKristu obhaptiziweyo xa waqalisa ukuhlala kwigumbi laseyunivesithi. Uthi: “Kwakuyingozi ukuhlala apho. Amanye amantombazana ayedla ngokuthi xa ebuyela kumagumbi awo, afike abo bahlala nawo belele namakhwenkwe.” Akuzange kube kudala, ukuhlala apho kwenza uLee wabuthathaka ngokomoya. Uthi: “Ndandiphoswa luninzi lweentlanganiso zamaKristu.” Ngoko nemilinganiselo yakhe yokuziphatha yaya isehla. “Ngenye imini ndaziva sele ndithuka, yaye enye intombazana yabuza: ‘Ngaba nale uyithethayo uyifundiswe nguYehova?’” Elinjani lona ihlazo! Ngethamsanqa, uLee wemka kuloo ndawo iyingozi waza wenza inkqubela yokomoya. Kodwa amava akhe abonisa indlela okuyingozi ngayo ukuhlala nabantu abangayihloneliyo imilinganiselo yakho yokuziphatha.

Ukufumana Umntu Ofanelekileyo Onokuhlala Naye

Ngoko, unokumkhangela phi? Qala kwibandla okulo lamaNgqina kaYehova. Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, abavangeli bexesha elizeleyo badla ngokudibana nolunye ulutsha oluthanda izinto zokomoya kwizikolo neentlanganiso ezilungiselelwe abashumayeli bexesha elizeleyo.d Abazali, abadala bebandla okulo, abaveleli abahambahambayo nabanye banokukunceda; kusenokwenzeka ukuba kukho oselula abamaziyo onokukufanelekela ukuhlala nawe.

Ukuxelela abanye ngale nto kunokukunceda. Okukhona bebaninzi abantu abaziyo ukuba ufuna umntu onokuhlala naye, kokukhona uya kukhawuleza umfumane. (INtshumayeli 11:6) Okona kubalulekileyo kukucela uYehova akuncede ufumane umntu onokuhlala naye uze uthembe ukuba uya kuyisikelela imigudu yakho.—1 Yohane 5:14, 15.

Ukwenza Uphando

Emva kokuba ude wamfumana umntu onokuhlala naye, usenokunqwenela ukuhlala naye ngokukhawuleza. Kodwa bubulumko ukuphanda kuqala. Ngaba abazalwana basebandleni lakhe ‘banikela ingxelo entle ngaye?’ (IZenzo 16:1, 2) Mhlawumbi wena nabazali bakho ninokuthetha nabantu abamaziyo abaqolileyo ngokomoya. Nisenokubuza: ‘Waziwa njani loo mntu? Ngaba uzinzile yaye uyazithanda izinto zokomoya? Ngaba uyashumayela kwabanye aze agqabaze kwiintlanganiso? Ngaba waziwa njengomntu oziphethe kakuhle?’

Khumbula ukuba “ohamba nezilumko uya kuba sisilumko naye.” (IMizekeliso 13:20) UDavid uthi: “Umntu endihlala naye uyazithanda izinto zokomoya. Oko kuyandinceda nam ndizixhalabise ngezinto zokomoya.” Ngokufanayo uRenee okhe wahlala nabantu abaninzi uthi: “Abanye endandikhe ndahlala nabo babedla ngokucebisa ukuba sifunde kunye isahluko seBhayibhile busuku ngabunye. Ekubeni ekhaya babengengomaNgqina, sasingaqhutywa isifundo seBhayibhile sentsapho. Ngoko ukuqhuba ‘isifundo sentsapho’ nabantu endandihlala nabo kwakundonwabisa!” Ewe, ukuhlala nomntu ozithandayo izinto zokomoya kunokuba yintsikelelo.

Ukuthethathethana

Emva koko, dibana naloo mntu nize nithethathethane. Ukuncokola kwangaphambili kunokuninceda nibone enoba nithanda izinto ezifanayo kusini na. Okubangel’ umdla kukuba uhlolisiso olukulindixesha iCommunication Research Reports lwabonisa ukuba abantu abahlala kunye abancokola ngezinto ezifanayo “ngabona banelisekileyo yaye bayathandana.” Ngoko ukuba ungumntu othetha phandle, obathandayo abantu unokuba sengxakini xa uhlala nomntu ongakuthandiyo ukuthetha nothanda ukuba yedwa.

Nangona ningazi kuncokola ngathi nisematyaleni, kunokuba luncedo ukuxubusha ngosukelo lwalowo uza kuhlala naye. Ngaba ufuna ukwenza inkqubela ngokomoya okanye ubaleka nje iingxaki zakowabo? ULynn usithela thsuphe ngenye into esenokuba yingxaki: “Ndakha ndahlala nomntu owayesenza amadinga yaye umfana awayethandana naye wayesoloko ekho, ahlale de kube sezinzulwini zobusuku.” Indlela ababebonisa ngayo uthando yayingafanelekanga yaye imphazamisa uLynn. Noko ke, iingxaki ezinjalo zinokuphetshwa, ukuba nje kubekwa imigaqo ecacileyo kwasekuqaleni. Ngokomzekelo, uRenee uthi: “Savumelana ngexesha abafana ababenokuhlala de kube lilo.” Eny’ into enokuba luncedo kubantu abahlala kunye kukuvumelana ukuba ngamnye kubo angaze asale yedwa nomntu wesini esahlukileyo.

Kwakhona kunokuba kuhle ukuxubusha ngezinto enizithandayo, ukhetho lwenu, nomculo eniwuthandayo. UMark uthi: “Bendingathanda ukuhlala nomntu othanda izinto endizithandayo, onobuntu obufana nobam noya kufuna senze izinto kunye.” Kakade ke, ukungathandi izinto ezifanayo akuthethi ukuba aninakuhlala kunye. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba, Nibhetyebhetye kangakanani na? Ngaba nikulungele ukunyamezelana nokwenza uhlengahlengiso ukuze nikwazi ukuhlala kunye?

ULee unikela eli cebiso: “Kwakhona ufanele umbuze lowo uza kuhlala naye ngoko akulindeleyo kuwe. Abanye abantu balindele ukuba ube ngumhlobo wabo osenyongweni. Kodwa mna andiyithandi loo nto.” Ngokufanayo uDavid uthi: “Ndiyakuthanda ukwenza izinto nomntu endihlala naye kodwa angacingi ukuba uza kusoloko engunonca nokuba sele ndifuna ukuba nabanye abantu.” Kwakhona, mbuze lowo uza kuhlala naye ukuba unomdla kusini na wokusebenza nawe kumsebenzi wobuvangeli okanye unezinye iingcinga, njengokukhonza kwibandla ekuthethwa kulo ulwimi lwasemzini.

Okokugqibela, ningalibali ukuxubusha ngezinto ezinjengokupheka (ngaba ukho kuni okwaziyo ukupheka?), ukwabelana ngemisebenzi yendlu, ukusebenzisa izinto zomnye, indawo yokugcina iimpahla, ifanitshala, indawo eniza kugcina kuyo izinto nokufuya izilwanyana zasekhaya. Ukuthetha ngezi zinto kunokuthintela ukungevani nokukhathazeka. IMizekeliso 20:18 ithi: “Amacebo ayamiselwa ngokuqinileyo ngengcebiswano.”

“Ngokundilisekileyo Nangolungelelwano”

Omnye umgaqo oluncedo ufumaneka kuLuka 14:28, uthi: ‘Bala indleko.’ Ewe, zamani ukujonga ukuba ziza kuba ngakanani iindleko zenu zokuphila. Niza kuhlawula malini kwirente? Ekutyeni? Kwezinye iindleko? Ngaba niza kusebenzisa umnxeba omnye? Ukuba kunjalo, niza kuzihlawula njani iindleko zawo? ULynn uthi: “Ngaphambi kokuba ndihlale nomntu, ndifuna ukuqala ndiqiniseke ukuba uza kukwazi ukuhlawula iindleko zakhe.” Iphephancwadi elikwikhompyutha iThe Next Step lithi: “Ukuba umntu ohlala naye akahlawuli rente okanye iindleko zokutya . . . okanye ezinye iindleko zokuphila, ukwenzela uxinezeleko olungeyomfuneko.”

URenee uthi: “Ingxaki isenokungabi semalini ehlawulwayo, kodwa ibe kwixesha ehlawulwa ngalo!” Uthi: “Irente kwakufuneka siyihlawule ngosuku lwesithathu lwenyanga. Kodwa umntu endihlala naye wayekhe ahambe ngempela-veki engayihlawulanga irente, yaye kwakudla ngokufuneka ndingxengxeze kuloo mntu siqeshe kuye.” Licacile elokuba, kububulumko ukwenza yonke into “ngokundilisekileyo nangolungelelwano” kungayekelwa izinto ezibalulekileyo kumabona-ndenzile. (1 Korinte 14:40) Kudla ngokuba bubulumko ukuzibhala phantsi izivumelwano.

Ukuba nobulumko kuya kukunceda umkhethe kakuhle umntu oza kuhlala naye kunokuba ufumane umntu oza kuba yingxaki. Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba kuvela iingxaki yaye anivisisani ngenxa yobuntu benu obungafaniyo? Inqaku elilandelayo kolu ngcelele liza kuxubusha le mibandela.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 16]

Kuyingozi ukuhlala nabantu abangaphili ngokuvisisana nemilinganiselo yeBhayibhile

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 16]

Ngaphambi kokuhlala nomntu, dibanisani iintloko nize nixubushe imiba ebalulekileyo