Ndakwazi Ukumelana Nokudandatheka Kwasemva Kokubeleka

Ndikhumbula ndibukele umyeni wam edlala kamnandi nentombi yethu eyayisandul’ ukuzalwa yaye ndacinga ukuba babenokonwaba nokuba andikho. Ndandiziva ndingumthwalo kubo. Ndandinga ndingangena kwinqwelo-mafutha, ndihambe, ndingaze ndibuye. Ndandingaqondi ukuba unobangela wale nto yayikukudandatheka kwasemva kokubeleka.

KWIMINYAKA yokuqala elishumi nditshatile ndandonwabe gqitha. Mna noJason sasikuvuyela ukukhulisa, umafungwashe wethu, uLiana. Ngoko ndathi ndakuphinda ndikhulelwe, yaba ziindaba ezimnandi kuthi sonke ezo.

Kodwa kwakunzima gqitha kum ngeli xesha lokukhulelwa. Enyanisweni, ndaphantse ndafa emva kokuba ndibelekile. Kodwa ngaphambi koko, xa ndandisele ndiza kubeleka, ndaphazamiseka kancinane engqondweni. Imeko yaba mandundu sisakube sibuyile esibhedlele nentombi yethu, uCarly. Ndandisoloko ndidiniwe yaye ndandisoyiswa kukwenza nje izigqibo ezingenamsebenzi. Ebudeni bemini, ndandidla ngokutsalela uJason umnxeba emsebenzini ndibuza kuye umsebenzi wasekhaya emandiwenze okanye ndifune andiqinisekise ukuba nantoni na endisandul’ ukuyithetha okanye ukuyenza ifanelekile.

Ndandisoyika ukuba phakathi kwabantu, kuquka nabahlobo bethu bakudala. Kwakuthi kwakunkqonkqoza umntu endingamlindelanga, ndiye kuzimela egumbini lokulala. Ndandiyeka izinto zithi saa endlwini, yaye yayilula into yokuba ndiphazamiseke okanye ndidideke. Ndingumntu okuthandayo ukufunda, kodwa kwakunzima gqitha ukwenjenjalo kuba ndandinganikeli ngqalelo. Kwakunzima nokuthandaza, yaye loo nto yandenza buthathaka ngokomoya. Ndandingasenazimvakalelo, ndingakwazi ukubonisa thando mntwini. Ndandisoyikela umonakalo owawunokwenzeka ebantwaneni bam kuba kaloku ingqondo yam yayingasebenzi kakuhle. Ndaziva ndiphelelwe sisidima. Ndandicinga ukuba ziyandishiya.

Ebudeni belo xesha, uJason wayendincedisa ukucoca indlu nokusilungiselela isidlo xa ebuya emsebenzini—yaye ndandixabana naye kuba endincedisa! Ndandivakalelwa kukuba ngendlela enza ngayo uthi ndingumama ongeloncedo. Kwelinye icala, xa engandincedisi, ndandiye ndimtyhole ngokungakhathali. Ukuba uJason wayengabonisanga ukuqola nothando kwindlela awayesenza ngayo izinto, oku kudandatheka ngekwakubangele intlekele emtshatweni wethu. Mhlawumbi nguJason onokuyichaza kakuhle indlela ukugula kwam okwamchaphazela ngayo.

Umyeni Wam Uchaza Indlela Awachaphazeleka Ngayo

“Ekuqaleni, ndandingazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni kuJanelle. Wayengasenguye laa mntu ndimaziyo wonwabileyo nothanda abantu kodwa wayesenza izinto ngokwahlukileyo. Kuyo yonke into endiyithethayo wayecinga ukuba ndigxeka yena yaye wayede andiqumbele xa ndizama ukumphungulela umsebenzi. Ekuqaleni, ndandifuna ukumxelela ukuba ayeke le nto yakhe yokungakwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakhe, kodwa ndaqonda ukuba ndandiya kubangela imeko ibe mbi kakhulu.

“Ulwalamano lwethu lwaphazamiseka. Kwakubonakala ngathi, uJanelle uvakalelwa kukuba akafunwa mntu. Ndandikhe ndive ngamanye amabhinqa awayeneempawu ezifanayo ngenxa yokudandatheka kwasemva kokubeleka. Ngoko ndathi ndakurhana ukuba unesifo esifanayo, ndaqalisa ukufunda yonke nje inkcazelo endandinokuyifumana ngalo mbandela. Oko ndandikufunda kwandiqinisekisa ukuba kunjengokuba bendirhana. Kwakhona ndafunda ukuba uJanelle akazenzanga ngesi sifo—yaye sasingabangelwa kukungakhathali kwakhe.

“Mandivume ukuba inyameko engaphaya kweqhelekileyo ekwafuneka ndiyinikele kuye nasebantwaneni yandishiya ndithezekile. Kangangeminyaka emibini kwafuneka ndenze uhlengahlengiso phakathi komsebenzi wam wempangelo neembopheleleko zam njengomdala webandla, umyeni kwakunye nobawo. Okuvuyisayo kukuba, ndakwazi ukwenza uhlengahlengiso kumsebenzi wam wempangelo ukuze ndibe sekhaya kwangethuba, ingakumbi ngeengokuhlwa zeentlanganiso zamaKristu. UJanelle wayefuna ndibe sekhaya kwangethuba ukuze ndimncedise ekulungiseni isidlo nokunxibisa abantwana. Ngenxa yoko, sasikwazi ukuya kwiintlanganiso.”

Okwandincedayo Ukuze Ndichache

Ukuba umyeni wam wayengazange andixhase ngothando, ngekwaba nzima ukuba ndichache. UJason wayephulaphula ngenyameko xa ndizityand’ igila. Ndakufumanisa kubalulekile ukungayifihli indlela endivakalelwa ngayo. Maxa wambi, ndandidla ngokuthetha ngomsindo. Kodwa uJason wayeqhubeka endiqinisekisa ukuba uyandithanda yaye endixelela ukuba wayekunye nam kule ntlungu. Wayesoloko ezama ukundinceda ndibone izinto ezilukhuthazo. Kamva, ndandiye ndicele uxolo ngokuthetha ngomsindo. Wayendiqinisekisa ngokuthi yayisesi sifo esasindibangela ndithethe ngolo hlobo. Ngoku ndithi ndakukhangela emva, ndibone indlela awayelukhuthazo ngayo amazwi akhe kum.

Ekugqibeleni, safumana ugqirha onobubele gqitha owazipha ithuba lokundiphulaphula kakuhle. Wathi ndinodandatheko lwasemva kokubeleka waza wacebisa ukuba ndifumane unyango lokuthomalalisa unxunguphalo endandiba nalo rhoqo. Waphinda wakhuthaza ukuba ndidibane nogqirha wengqondo. Kanti, wancomela nokuba ndenze umthambo rhoqo, nto leyo encede nabanye abaninzi ukuba balwe nolu dandatheko.

Omnye weyona miqobo mikhulu ekuchacheni kwam, yayiziintloni endandinazo ngenxa yolu dandatheko. Kudla ngokuba nzima ukuba abantu bavelane nomntu ogula yinto abangayaziyo. Ngokomzekelo, ukudandatheka emva kokubeleka akufani nokwaphukelwa ngumlenze, nto leyo abanye abantu abanokuyibona baze bavelane nawe. Noko ke, intsapho yam nabahlobo abasondeleyo basixhasa ngokwenene.

Ukuncedwa Ngothando Yintsapho Nabahlobo

Mna noJason saluxabisa gqitha uncedo lukamama ngeli xesha lobunzima. Maxa wambi, wayekufuna ukuphunyuzwa kule ntlungu sasikuyo. Umama wayesoloko esikhuthaza yaye wayengandihluthi wonke umsebenzi wam. Kunoko, wayendixhasa aze andikhuthaze ukuba ndenze oko kusemandleni am.

Kwakhona abahlobo basebandleni basixhasa ngendlela emangalisayo. Uninzi lwabo lwathumela amakhadi anamazwi ambalwa okuqinisekisa ukuba babendicinga. Hayi indlela endandiwaxabisa ngayo loo mazwi obubele! Eyona nto yayibangela ukuba ndiwaxabise kukuba kwakunzima kum ukuthetha nabantu, enoba kusemnxebeni okanye sijongene. Ndakufumanisa kunzima nokunxulumana namanye amaKristu ngaphambi nasemva kweentlanganiso. Ngenxa yoko, ngokusibhalela, abahlobo bethu abazange banele nje ukubonisa ukuba bayakuqonda ukusikelwa kwam umda ngenxa yolu dandatheko kodwa bandiqinisekisa ukuba bayandithanda yaye bandixhalabele mna kunye nentsapho yam.

Olu Dandatheko Alungondofa-naye!

Ngoku ndibhetele kakhulu—ngenxa yamacebiso kagqirha wam, inkxaso yentsapho yam nabahlobo bam abanovelwano. Ndisawenza rhoqo umthambo, naxa ndiziva ndidiniwe, kuba oku kuye kwandinceda ndachacha. Kwakhona ndisoloko ndizama ukulwamkela ukhuthazo lwabanye. Xa kunzima, ndiphulaphula iikhasethi zeBhayibhile nezeeKingdom Melodies—mculo lowo ohlaziyayo nolukhuthazo ngokomoya, orekhodwe ngamaNgqina kaYehova. La malungiselelo mahle aye andomeleza ngokomoya yaye andenza ndihlale ndicinga ngezinto ezakhayo. Kutshanje, ndisandul’ ukuqalisa ukunikela iintetho zabafundi ezisekelwe eBhayibhileni kwiintlanganiso zebandla.

Ndithabathe ngaphezu kweminyaka emibini enesiqingatha ngaphambi kokuba ndifikelele kwinqanaba lokubonisa uthando ngokupheleleyo kumyeni wam, ebantwaneni bam nakwabanye. Nangona eli ibilixesha elinzima entsatsheni yam, sisondelelene ngakumbi ngoku kunakuqala. Ndimbulela ngokukhethekileyo uJason, ngokundiqinisekisa ukuba uyandithanda, ngokunyamezela amanzithinzithi awabangelwa kukudandatheka kwam nangokusoloko endixhasa ngamaxesha obunzima. Ngaphezu kwako konke, sobabini ngoku sisondele ngakumbi kuYehova, oye wasomeleza ngokwenene kwintlungu ebesikuyo.

Ndikhe ndidandatheke ngezinye iimini, kodwa ngoncedo lwentsapho yam, ugqirha, ibandla nomoya oyingcwele kaYehova, ndiya ndisiba nethemba lokuba ndiya kuphuma ngokupheleleyo kule meko. Ewe, udandatheko olubakho emva kokubeleka alungondofa-naye. Sinako ukuloyisa.—NguJanelle Marshall obalisayo.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Izinto Ezinokubangela Udandatheko Lwasemva Kokubeleka

Ngaphandle kotshintsho olwenzeka kumadlala, zininzi ezinye izinto ezinokubangela udandatheko lwasemva kokubeleka. Nazi ezinye zazo:

1. Yindlela ibhinqa elikujonga ngayo ukuba nomntwana, nto leyo ekusenokwenzeka ukuba ibangelwa kukukhula kabuhlungu nokungaphathwa kakuhle ngabazali.

2. Zizinto ezingekho ngqiqweni ezidla ngokulindelwa ngabantu koomama.

3. Ukubakho kwabantu abadandathekileyo kwintsapho yakowenu.

4. Ukunganeliseki emtshatweni nokungaxhaswa yintsapho okanye zizizalwane.

5. Ukuziva uphelelwe sisidima.

6. Ukuziva unoxanduva okanye usoyiswa yimbopheleleko yokunyamekela abantwana mihla le.

Izinto ezibangela olu dandatheko aziphelelanga apha. Zikwakho nezinye izinto ezinokulubangela. Eneneni, akakaqondwa ngokupheleleyo oyena nobangela wako.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 16]

“Asikokutshintshatshintsha Nje Kweemvakalelo” Emva Kokubeleka

Olu dandatheko, alufanele lubhidaniswe nokutshintshatshintsha kweemvakalelo okuqhelekileyo emva kokubeleka. UGqr. Laura J. Miller uthi: “Kuyinto exhaphakileyo ‘ukutshintshatshintsha kweemvakalelo’ emva kokubeleka. . . . Amabhinqa amalunga nama-50% aba kule meko yokuba nyembezana emva kokuba ebelekile. Ngokuqhelekileyo aba kule meko malunga neentsuku ezintathu ukusa kwezintlanu emva kokuba ebelekile ize ke iziphelele ngokuthe ngcembe kwisithuba seeveki ezimbalwa.” Abaphengululi bathi oku kutshintshatshintsha kusenokubangelwa lutshintsho olwenzeka kumadlala amabhinqa emva kokuba ebelekile.

Ngokungafaniyo ‘nokutshintshatshintsha nje kweemvakalelo,’ ukudandatheka emva kokubeleka kuthabatha ixesha elide, ukususela emva nje kokubeleka okanye kwiiveki kwanakwiinyanga kamva. Lo mdlezana uyonwaba aphinde adandatheke—de afune nokuzibulala—ngamany’ amaxesha. Kanti, usenokucaphuka msinya, aqumbe aze abe nomsindo. Usenokuziva engafaneleki njengomama yaye engaluthandi olu sana lwakhe. UGqr. Miller uthi: “Abanye oomama abanesi sigulo sokudandatheka bayazithanda iintsana zabo, kodwa ingxaki yabo kukusuka bangabi namdla, bacaphuke okanye badikwe. Abanye bade bafune nokwenzakalisa okanye ukubulala iintsana zabo.”

Kudala lwabakho udandatheko emva kokubeleka. Emva phayaa ngenkulungwane yesine Ngaphambi kweXesha Eliqhelekileyo, ugqirha ongumGrike uHippocrates wafumanisa ukuba amanye amabhinqa ayaphazamiseka engqondweni emva kokubeleka. Uhlolisiso olwapapashwa kwiBrazilian Journal of Medical and Biological Research lwathi: “Udandatheko lwasemva kokubeleka yingxaki echaphazela abadlezana abali-10-15% kumazwe amaninzi.” Noko ke, okulusizi kukuba, “uninzi lwabantu abakule meko abaqondwa ukuba banesi sigulo yaye ngaloo ndlela abafumani nyango lufanelekileyo,” yatsho njalo le Journal.

Isifo esingaxhaphakanga kakhulu nesiyingozi gqitha kukugula ngengqondo emva kokubeleka. Umntu ogula sesi sifo uba nemibono, eve amazwi zize zingabambi kakuhle, nangona eba sezingqondweni kangangeeyure okanye iintsuku ezithile ngamanye amaxesha. Akakacaci oyena nobangela wesi sigulo, kodwa uGqr. Miller uthi, “kusenokwenzeka ukuba sibangelwa bubuthathaka obukwimizila yemfuza, mhlawumbi obuzalwa kukutshintshatshintsha kwamadlala.” Oku kugula ngengqondo kwasemva kokubeleka kunokunyangwa yingcali enamava.

[Ibhokisi/Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 17]

Oko Unokukwenzaa

1. Ukuba olu dandatheko alupheli, funa uncedo kwingcali yezonyango. Ukuba akuphozisi maseko, unokuchacha ngokukhawuleza. Yiya kugqirha oqondayo noqheleneyo nale meko. Musa ukuba neentloni ngolu dandatheko unalo okanye ube neentloni zokusebenzisa amayeza.

2. Yenza umthambo rhoqo. Uhlolisiso luye lwabonisa ukuba ukwenza umthambo rhoqo kunokulunyanga ngokuphumelelayo olu dandatheko.

3. Xelela abo basenyongweni kuwe ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Musa ukuba yinkom’ edla yodwa okanye uyifihle indlela ovakalelwa ngayo.

4. Khumbula ukuba akulindelekanga ukuba wenze imisebenzi yekhaya ngendlela esemagqabini. Zama ukuzenza lula izinto ngokunikela ingqalelo kwizinto ezibalulekileyo.

5. Thandazela ukuba nenkalipho nomonde. Ukuba ukufumanisa kunzima ukuthandaza, cela omnye umntu athandaze kunye nawe. Uya kuchacha kade xa usoloko uzibek’ ityala okanye uziva ungento.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 18]

Amacebiso Anokunceda Amadoda

1. Yiqonde into yokuba udandatheko lwasemva kokubeleka analo umfazi wakho alubangelwanga nguye. Ukuba le meko iyaqhubeka, mncedise nifune ugqirha oyiqondayo le ngxaki nonovelwano.

2. Mphulaphule ngenyameko umfazi wakho. Bonisa ulwazelelelo ngendlela avakalelwa ngayo. Mayingakucaphukisi into yokuziva kwakhe engento. Ngobubele, mncede acinge ngezinto ezakhayo uze umqinisekise ukuba uza kuba bhetele. Musa ukucinga ukuba ufanele ucombulule zonke iingxaki zakhe. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ekuphela kwento ayifunayo kukuthuthuzelwa, kungekhona izicombululo. (1 Tesalonika 5:14) Khumbula ukuba, abantu abadandatheke ngale ndlela abakwazi kucinga kakuhle.

3. Bekela bucala eminye imisebenzi engabalulekanga ukuze ube nexesha elingakumbi lokuxhasa umfazi wakho. Xa usenza ngolo hlobo, unokuchacha ngokukhawuleza.

4. Qiniseka ukuba nawe uzipha ithuba lokuba wedwa. Xa uphile kakuhle emzimbeni, engqondweni nangokomoya kuya kuba lula ukumxhasa umfazi wakho.

5. Thetha nomntu othile oya kukukhuthaza, mhlawumbi enye indoda eqolileyo ngokomoya enomfazi okhe walixhoba lolu dandatheko.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 18]

Intsapho yakwaMarshall