Xa Umntu Omthandayo Egula Ngengqondo

LE NTSASA yayibonakala ifana nezinye iintsasa zaphakathi evekini kwintsapho yakwaJohnson.a Le ntsapho imalungu mane yavuka yanxiba ilungiselela imisebenzi yosuku. UGail wakhumbuza uMatt, unyana wakhe one-14 leminyaka ubudala ukuba lidlulile ixesha lokuba aye kukhwela ibhasi yesikolo. Emva koko kwenzeka into eyayingalindelekanga konke konke. Kwisithuba esimalunga nesiqingatha seyure, uMatt wayesele epeyinte udonga lwegumbi lokulala, wazama ukutshisa igaraji wazama nokuzixhoma.

UGail nomyeni wakhe uFrank, balandela emva kweambulensi eyayize kulanda uMatt, iingqondo zibethabethana yile nto isandul’ ukwenzeka. Noko ke, okubuhlungu kukuba esi yayisisiqalo nje. Emva koko uMatt wenza izinto ezininzi zempambano yaye waba leli lentambo lona igeza. Kuloo minyaka mihlanu yentlungu wazama ukuzibulala izihlandlo eziliqela, wavalelwa entolongweni kabini, wasiwa kwiindawo ezisixhenxe zabantu abagula ngengqondo yaye wayebeth’ ebuyelela kwiingcali zezigulo zengqondo. Abahlobo nezalamane ezazididekile zazingazi noba mazithini okanye zenzeni.

Kuthelekelelwa ukuba ehlabathini lonke umntu om-1 kwaba-4 uya kuhlaselwa sisigulo sengqondo ngaxa lithile. Xa sibona olu qikelelo lothusayo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umzali, umntwana, umntakwenu okanye umhlobo wakho unokuphazamiseka okuthile engqondweni.b Yintoni onokuyenza xa umntu omthandayo ekule meko?

● Ziqonde iimpawu. Umntu ogula ngengqondo usenokungabonwa ngokukhawuleza. Abahlobo namalungu entsapho basenokucinga ukuba ezi mpawu bazibonayo zibangelwa lutshintsho olwenzeka kumadlala, ziintlungu zomzimba, ubuthathaka bobuntu okanye basenokucinga ukuba kungenxa yeenzingo umntu aye watyhubela kuzo. Unina kaMatt wazibona iimpawu ezithile ezazibonisa ukuba uMatt unengxaki, kodwa abazali bakhe babecinga ukuba obo buntshingintshingi bonyana wabo ngamathub’ athile babubangelwa kukufikisa yaye babecinga ukuba yinto eza kukhawuleza iphele. Noko ke, utshintsho oluphawulekayo ekulaleni, ekutyeni okanye ekuziphatheni lunokudiza ukuba ukho undonakele. Xa umntu omthandayo enokuxilongwa yingcali yezonyango unokufumana unyango olunokumnceda yaye izinto zinokuba bhetele.

● Funda ngesi sifo. Abantu abagula ngengqondo badla ngokungabi nandlela yokwenza uphando ngesigulo sabo. Ngoko inkcazelo yakutshanje oyifumana kwimithombo enokuthenjwa inokukunceda ukuqonde oko atyhubela kuko umntu omthandayo. Inokukunceda nokuba uthethe ngokukhululekileyo nabanye yaye uyazi into othetha ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, uGail wanika uyisemkhulu noninakhulu kaMatt iincwadana zabezonyango ezabanceda banolwazi ngakumbi ngoko kuqhubekayo baza bakwazi nokunceda.

● Lusebenzise unyango. Nangona ezinye izigulo zengqondo ziqhubeka ixesha elide, xa befumene unyango olufanelekileyo, abantu abanezi zifo badla ngokukwazi ukuqhubeka bephila ubomi obunenjongo. Ngelishwa, impilo yabaninzi iyadodobala kangangeminyaka bengafumani ncedo. Kanye njengokuba kufuneka ingcali yezigulo zentliziyo kumntu onesifo sentliziyo, umntu ogula ngengqondo kufuneka afumane unyango kwabo bakwaziyo ukunyanga izifo ezinjalo. Ngokomzekelo, ugqirha wezifo zengqondo unokunika lowo ugulayo iyeza elinokuthi xa liselwa rhoqo limncede umguli ayeke ukudakumba, ukuxhalaba lize lilungise nendlela acinga ngayo.c

● Khuthaza lowo ugulayo ukuba afune uncedo. Abo bagula ngengqondo basenokungayiqondi into yokuba bafuna uncedo. Usenokucebisa lowo ugulayo ukuba adibane nogqirha othile, afunde amanqaku athile aluncedo okanye athethe nomntu othile oye wahlangabezana ngokuphumelelayo nesifo esifana neso. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba lowo umthandayo akalamkeli icebiso lakho. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo umele ungenelele ukuba umntu omnyamekelayo usesichengeni sokuzenzakalisa okanye sokwenzakalisa abanye.

● Kuphephe ukutyhola lowo ugulayo. Izazinzulu azikazi ncam ukuba izinto ezifana nemizila yemfuza, iimeko umntu aphila phantsi kwazo, indawo ahlala kuyo zinegalelo kangakanani na ekungasebenzini kakuhle kwengqondo. Zininzi izinto ezinokuba negalelo ekuguleni komntu ngengqondo, njengokwenzakala ebuchotsheni, ukusetyenziswa kwento ethile ngokugqithiseleyo, ukuphila phantsi kweemeko ezibandezelayo, ukungalungelelani okuthile engqondweni nofuzo. Akuncedi nto ukutyhola umntu ngento ocinga ukuba uye wayenza ukuze agule. Eyona nto unomdla kuyo kukumxhasa nokumkhuthaza.

● Yiba nolindelo olusengqiqweni. Xa ulindele okungaphaya kwamandla alowo ugulayo unokumdimaza. Kwelinye icala, xa usoloko ubalaselisa iintsilelo zakhe unokumenza azive engento yanto. Ngoko yiba nolindelo olusengqiqweni. Kakade ke, akufanele umvumele enze izinto eziphosakeleyo. Njengaye nabani na, abantu abagula ngengqondo banokufunda ngamava. Ubundlongondlongo bomntu ogula ngengqondo bunokubangela ukuba kuthatyathwe amanyathelo asemthethweni okanye abekelwe imiqathango ethile ngenjongo yokukhusela yena okanye abanye abantu.

● Vula umzila wonxibelelwano. Unxibelelwano lubalulekile nangona maxa wambi kuye kubonakale ngathi into oyithethayo ayiqondwa kakuhle. Umntu ogula ngengqondo usenokuphendula nangayiphi na indlela yaye usenokubonakala engaphathekanga kakuhle yiloo nto iqhubekayo ngelo xesha. Sekunjalo, ukugxeka umntu ogula ngengqondo ngento aye wayithetha kunokubangela ukuba phezu koko kudandatheka anako abe nomvandedwa. Xa ungayazi into omawuyithethe, thula uphulaphule. Yiqonde indlela avakalelwa nacinga ngayo ngaphandle kokumgxeka. Zama ukuhlala uzolile. Xa uqhubeka umnyamekela niya kungenelwa nobabini. Kwaba njalo ngoMatt. Kwiminyaka embalwa kamva, wavakalisa umbulelo kwabo wathi “babendinceda ngoxa ndandingakufuni ukuncedwa.”

● Cinga ngeentswelo zamanye amalungu entsapho. Xa intsapho imele inikele ingqalelo kumntu ogulayo, amanye amalungu asenokutyeshelwa. Kangangexesha elithile, uAmy, udadeboMatt, wayevakalelwa kukuba “utyeshelwe ngenxa yokugula komntakwabo.” Wayengafuni ukubalaselisa impumelelo yakhe kwizinto awayezenza ukuze angatsaleli ingqalelo kuye. Kwangaxeshanye abazali bakhe babebonakala befuna aphumeze okungakumbi ngokungathi uza kuvala neentsilelo zomntakwabo. Abanye abantwana abatyeshelweyo baye bazame ukudala ingxaki ukuze bafumane ingqalelo. Iintsapho ezinomntu ogulayo zifuna uncedo ukuze zikwazi ukunyamekela onke amalungu entsapho. Ngokomzekelo, xa intsapho yakwaJohnson yayigutyungelwe ziingxaki ezazibangelwa nguMatt, abahlobo abakwibandla lasekuhlaleni lamaNgqina kaYehova babenceda uAmy ngokumnika ingqalelo engakumbi.

● Zama ukwenza izinto eziluncedo kulowo ugula ngengqondo. Ilungiselelo lokuphucula impilo yalowo ugula ngengqondo lifanele liquke ukutya akutyayo, ukulolonga umzimba, ukulala neembutho zolonwabo. Ukudlala imidlalo ethile engekho nzima nabahlobo abambalwa kudla ngokungabi yongxaki. Kwakhona khumbula ukuba utywala bunokuyenza mandundu ngakumbi imeko yomntu ogulayo buze buphazamisane nonyango. Intsapho yakwaJohnson ngoku izabalazela ukuphila ngendlela eyingenelo kwimpilo yomntu wonke ngokukodwa unyana wabo.

● Zinyamekele. Udandatheko olubangelwa kukunyamekela umntu ogula ngengqondo lunokuba yingozi kwimpilo yakho. Ngoko ke, kubalulekile ukuba unyamekele iintswelo zakho zomzimba, indlela ovakalelwa ngayo neentswelo zakho zokomoya. Intsapho yakwaJohnson ngamaNgqina kaYehova. UGail uvakalelwa kukuba ukholo lwakhe lwamnceda kakhulu ukuze akwazi ukuhlangabezana neli xesha lobunzima. Uthi: “Iintlanganiso zamaKristu zaziluhlisa udandatheko, ndandiyibekel’ ecaleni le ngxaki ndize ndinikele ingqalelo kwimibandela ebalulekileyo nakwelona themba libalaseleyo. Kwizihlandlo ezininzi endandithandazela isiqabu kwakudla ngokwenzeka inguqulelo ethile eyayinciphisa intlungu. Ngoncedo lukaYehova uThixo, ndandinoxolo lwengqondo olungalindelekanga kumntu okwimeko esasikuyo.”

Ngoku uMatt sele efikelele kubuntu obudala yaye unembono eyahlukileyo ngobomi. Uthi: “Amava endiye ndatyhubela kuwo andenze ndangumntu olunge ngakumbi.” UdadeboMatt, uAmy, uvakalelwa kukuba uye wangenelwa naye kula mava. Uthi: “Andisabagxeki kakhulu ngoku abanye. Akunakuyazi into enokubangela umntu abandezeleke. NguYehova uThixo kuphela owaziyo.”

Ukuba umntu omthandayo ugula ngengqondo, hlala ukhumbula ukuba ukuphulaphula nokunikela uncedo kunokwenza lowo ugulayo achache—kunokude kumenze aphile ngokupheleleyo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 13]

Ezinye Zeempawu Zomntu Ogula Ngengqondo

Ukuba umntu omthandayo unolunye lwezi mpawu zilandelayo, kusenokufuneka adibane nogqirha okanye ingcali yezigulo zengqondo:

• Uhlala edakumbile okanye ecaphuka

• Uthand’ ukuzenza ikheswa

• Uchulumanca ngendlela engathethekiyo emva koko abe ntshingintshingi

• Unomsindo ongaphaya kwengqondo

• Undlongondlongo

• Unento ethile alikhoboka layo

• Unoloyiko, ixhala nonxunguphalo ngokugqithiseleyo

• Woyika ukutyeba

• Kukho utshintsho oluphawulekayo kwindlela atya okanye alala ngayo

• Usoloko ephupha kakubi

• Udidek’ ingqondo

• Unemibono

• Ucinga ngokufa okanye ngokuzibulala

• Akakwazi ukuhlangabezana neengxaki kunye nemisebenzi yosuku

• Ukhanyela iingxaki ezizicaceleyo

• Uneentlungu zomzimba ezininzi ezingaqondakaliyo

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 14]

Xa ungayazi into omawuyithethe, thula uphulaphule lowo ugulayo