Ukunceda Abo Batya Ngokungalungelelananga

IZIGIDI zeentsapho emhlabeni wonke kuye kwafuneka ukuba zimelane nelungu lentsapho elitya ngokungalungelelananga. Ibulimia (ukuzingxala ngokutya nokuhlanza ngabom), ianorexia nervosa (ukungabi namdla wokutya kangangethuba elide okanye ukwala ukutya) nobudlakudla buye baba ngubhubhane kweminye imimandla.

Ezi ndlela zokutya ngokungalungelelananga ngokuyintloko ziyingxaki yamabhinqa. Zichaphazela amabhinqa akubo bonke ubudala, angatshatanga natshatileyo. Abantwana nabakwishumi elivisayo, kwakunye namabhinqa amadala, kuquka namaxhegokazi, aphakathi kwabanako.a

Ukuba ubani omkhathaleleyo utya ngokungalungelelananga, ngokuqinisekileyo ufuna ukumnceda. Kodwa ukusuka ucele umntu onebulimia ukuba ayeke ukuzingxala ngokutya nokuhlanza ngabom kufana nokuxelela umntu okralelwe yimiphunga ukuba ayeke ukukhohlela. Ngaphambi kokuba ube unokumnceda ngokwenene umntu otya ngokungalungelelananga, kufuneka wazi uze unikel’ ingqalelo kuphazamiseko olunzulu lweemvakalelo ngokufuthi olungumthombo wale ngxaki. Ngaloo ndlela, ubuchule​—⁠kungekhona nje injongo elungileyo⁠—​bubalulekile. Maxa wambi ingxaki esisiseko ibangelwa kukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kwixesha elidluleyo. Xa kunjalo, ngokuqhelekileyo lowo unengxaki uya kufuna uncedo olukhethekileyo kumcebisi onobuchule.b

Thetha Ngale Ngxaki

Akusoloko kulula ukufumanisa ukuba umntwana, iqabane okanye umhlobo wakho unengxaki yokudla. Oku kungenxa yokuba abo batya ngokungalungelelananga basenokuba bayakufihla. (Bona ibhokisi ekwakweli nqaku.) Sekunjalo, ukutya ngokungalungelelananga akusayi kusuka nje kuziphelele. Okukhona kuthethwa ngokukhawuleza nalowo unengxaki yaye enikwa uncedo, kokukhona eya kuba namathuba angakumbi okuchacha.

Noko ke, ngaphambi kokuba uthethe nalowo umbona enengxaki, kucebe ngenyameko oko uya kukuthetha kwanexesha elilungileyo lokukuthetha. Elo xesha lifanele libe lixesha laxa uzolile yaye ngokunokwenzeka xa kungasayi kubakho siphazamiso. Indlela yokuthetha engafanelekanga​—⁠njengokwenza izisongelo ezininzi⁠—​iya kuthintela unxibelelwano yaye isenokuzenza zibe mbi ngakumbi izinto.

Xa uthetha nobani omkrokrelayo ukuba utya ngokungalungelelananga, musa ukumtyhola, thetha ngokuthe ngqo. Ngokomzekelo, unokuthi, ‘Usuke wawutha kakhulu. Iimpahla zakho zibonakala zinkulu kuwe. Ngaba sikho isizathu esibangela oko?’ Okanye unokuthi, ‘Ndikuve uhlanza kwigumbi lokuhlambela. Ndiyazi ukuba oku kubangela iintloni, kodwa ndifuna ukukunceda. Ngaba singathetha nje ngokuphandle?’ Nokuba loo mntu usabela ngomsindo yaye uyakhanyela, indlela yokuthetha ezolileyo isenokumenza athambe aze awuxubushe kunye nawe lo mcimbi. (IMizekeliso 16:​21) Ukumenza ancokole ngokuphandle kulusukelo olusengqiqweni xa uqala ukuncokola naye.

Ukutya ngokungalungelelananga ngokufuthi kubakho xa amalungu entsapho ebuxhalabela ngokugqith’ emgceni ubungakanani bomzimba naxa abantwana ngokuyintloko benconywa gqitha ngenxa yenkangeleko yabo okanye oko bakufezayo. Ngoko ke, kwintsapho enelungu elinemikhwa engalungelelananga yokudla, abanye entsatsheni kusenokufuneka ukuba balungelelanise ngokutsha izimo zabo zengqondo nezinto eziza kuqala kubo. Ukuze ingxaki yaloo mntu iconjululwe kusenokufuna ukuba amalungu entsapho enze iinguqulelo ezithile. Enyanisweni, imigudu yawo isoloko iyenye yezona nkalo zibalulekileyo ekuchacheni kwalowo unengxaki.

Kuphephe Ukunyanzelisa Ukuthanda Kwakho

Kwenye intsapho abazali abacaphukileyo bazama ukumkakaza lowo wayeneanorexia, kodwa le ntombazana yaxhathisa yaye yaziva yanelisekile kuba ikwazile ukuxhathisa imigudu yabazali bayo. Ngoko qonda ukuba akunakukwazi ukunyanzela omnye umntu ukuba atye okanye ayeke ukuzingxala ngokutya. Okukhona uzama ukunyanzela lowo unengxaki, kokukhona idabi lisenokuba nzima.

UJoe, onentombi egama linguLee eyaphants’ ukufa ngenxa yeanorexia wathi, “Izinto zazisiba mbi gqitha ngalo lonke ixesha ndithetha ngendlela atya ngayo. Kwafuneka ndiyeke ngokupheleleyo ukuthetha ngemibandela yokutya.” Umfazi wakhe, uAnn, wacacisa oko kwaba yingenelo kwintombi yabo: “Samnceda ukuba avakalelwe kukuba wayenako ukuzeyisa ngaphandle kokude agabadele ngolo hlobo. Oku kwabusindisa ubomi bakhe.” Ngobulumko, musa ukugxininisa gqitha kwindlela yokutya. Nceda lowo unengxaki abone ukuba xa esitya, wenzela yena akenzeli wena.

Mncede Ukuba Akhe Ukuzithemba

Inkoliso yabantu abatya ngokungalungelelananga bafuna ukuba izinto zigqibelele. Abaninzi abazange bakhe bangaphumeleli. Abazali babo​—⁠abanezona njongo zilungileyo⁠—​maxa wambi baye bafak’ isandla kule ngxaki. Njani? Ngokuba ngabamkhusela ngokugqith’ emgceni, bezama ukukhusela umntwana wabo kubo nabuphi na ubunzima.

Ngoko umzali kufuneka ancede umntwana aqonde ukuba iimpazamo zakhe ziyinxalenye yobomi yaye azizonto zigqiba ngokuba uxabiseke kangakanani. IMizekeliso 24:​16 ithi, “ilungisa liwa kasixhenxe, livuke.” Umntwana akasayi koyiswa bubunzima ukuba ufundiswe ukuba ukoyisakala kuyinto eqhelekileyo, kuyadlula yaye kunokoyiswa.

Umzali ukwamele ayamkele yaye ayixabise into yokuba umntwana ngamnye wahlukile. Ngoxa umzali ongumKristu ezama ukuqeqesha umntwana ‘ekululekeni kweNkosi,’ ufanele kananjalo avumele umntwana ukuba abe ngumntu owahlukileyo. (Efese 6:⁠4) Musa ukuzama ukwenza umntwana abe yile nto okanye aziphathe ngokweembono zakho zasengqondweni. Ukuze oyise ukutya ngokungalungelelananga, umntwana umele avakalelwe kukuba isibakala sokuba ungumntu owahlukileyo siyahlonelwa yaye sixatyisiwe.

Khulisa Unxibelelwano Olukhululekileyo

Kwiintsapho ezininzi ekukho kuzo umntwana okanye iqabane elitya ngokungalungelelananga, kubakho ukunganxibelelani kakuhle. Abo batya ngokungalungelelananga ngokuqhelekileyo baba nobunzima ekuvakaliseni iimvakalelo zabo zokwenene xa zisahluka kwezomzali okanye kwezeqabane lakhe. Oku kunjalo ngokukodwa kwikhaya apho bekukho umgaqo othi, ‘Ukuba akunanto yonwabisayo onokuyithetha, yithi cwaka.’ Ngoko lowo unengxaki ubhenela ekutyeni ukuze angalukhumbuli unxunguphalo lwakhe lwangaphakathi.

Ngokomzekelo, uMatthew wayengakwazi ukunceda umkakhe ukuba oyise ukutya ngokugqithiseleyo. Wavakalisa ubuhlungu esithi, “Nanini na xa ecaphukile uyakhala aze ahambe aye kutya. Akaze . . . ngokwenene andixelele ngoko kumphazamisayo.” Omnye umcebisi wacebisa ukuba bobabini babekele bucala iyure veki nganye ukuze bathethe ngasese banikane ithuba lokuvakalisa naziphi na izikhalazo omnye engamphazamisi omnye. UMatthew wathi, “Kwatsho kwathi qabu. Ndandingaboni ukuba uMonica wayenezinto ezininzi gqitha kangako ezazingamonwabisi yaye ndandityekele ekuzithetheleleni. Ndandicinga ukuba ndandingumphulaphuli olungileyo kodwa ngokwenene ndandingenguye.”

Ngaloo ndlela, ukuze uncede iqabane lakho okanye umntwana wakho, kulungele ukuphulaphula iimvakalelo zakhe ezingavumelaniyo nezakho nezinto ezingamanelisiyo. Ngokutsho kweZibhalo, ukuphulaphula ‘ukukhala kwesisweli’ kufanelekile. (IMizekeliso 21:​13) UJoe noAnn kwafuneka besifundile esi sifundo.

UJoe wazityand’ igila ngokuphathelele intombi yakhe eyayineanorexia wathi: “Kwafuneka ndikuyeke ukukhawuleza ukwenza izigqibo nokubonakalisa ukucaphuka xa uLee enembono eyahlukileyo.” Umfazi wakhe, uAnn, wathi: “Kuphulaphule oko umntwana afuna ukukuthetha. Musa ukumenza athethe le nto ufuna ukuba ayithethe. Phulaphula indlela avakalelwa ngayo ngokwenene ngezinto.”

UAnn wawuzekelisa lo mcimbi ngokuthi: “Ngaphambilana, xa uLee wayekhalaza ngokuba ubani othile wayenzakalise iimvakalelo zakhe, ndandidla ngokumxelela ukuba loo mntu ebengazimiselanga kwenza oko. Kodwa ebedla ngokucaphuka ngakumbi. Ngoku xa ekhalaza, ndithi, ‘Ndiyazi ukuba oko kumele ukuba kukukhathazile. Ndiyasibona isizathu sokuba ube ukhathazeke ngolo hlobo.’ Ndizama ukuvelana naye kunokuba imbono yakhe ndiyiguqule ngoko nangoko.” Ngoko phulaphula ngokwenene, yaye musa ukucinga ukuba sele uzazi iinjongo okanye iimvakalelo zomnye.

Xa kukho unxibelelwano olukhululekileyo, ubani unokufumana intuthuzelo ebudeni bokuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo yaye engaziva enyanzelekile ukuba abhenele kuqheliselo olungekho mpilweni lokudla. UDawn wacacisa isizathu sokuba engazange abuyele ekutyeni ngokungalawulekiyo ngokugqith’ emgceni nakwibulimia esithi: “Xa ndiphazamisekile, ngamaxesha onke ndinokuthetha nomyeni wam kuba ungoqonda nothuthuzela gqitha.”

Bonakalisa Uthando Lokuzincama

Ubawo osentlungwini onentombi eyayinebulimia eyabulawa sisifo sentliziyo wanikela eli cebiso: “Bathande abantwana bakho ngakumbi kunokuba ucinga ukuba kwanele.” Ewe, bonakalisa uthando. Nceda umntwana wakho kunye neqabane lakho baqonde ukuba ukubathanda kwakho akuxhomekekanga kwinkangeleko yabo okanye kwizinto abanokuzifikelela. Kodwa ukuthanda ubani olikhoboka lokutya ngokungalungelelanga akuyondlwan’ iyanetha. Yiyo le nto undoqo eluthando lokuzincama, iBhayibhile eluchaza njengolunobubele, olunomonde noluxolelayo. Lukukulungela ukubeka izilangazelelo zomnye ngaphambi kwezakho.​—⁠1 Korinte 13:​4-⁠8.

Xa esinye isibini safumanisa ukuba intombi yaso yayinebulimia, sasididekile ngoko kwakufuneka sikwenzile. Ubawo wathi: “Ndavakalelwa kukuba ukuba akuqinisekanga ngoko ufanele ukwenze, yenza into yobubele. Ndaqonda ukuba wayeyintombazana exabisekileyo eyayinengxaki yobuqu enzulu gqitha. Into yobubele yayikukumqinisekisa nokumxhasa ngokweemvakalelo.”

Wayibuza oku intombi yakhe: “Ngaba uyakhathazeka ukuba mna nonyoko sikubuza rhoqo ukuba uqhuba njani kule ngxaki yakho?” Yavakalisa uxabiso ngenxa yale nkxalabo yobubele, yaye ngoko abazali babedla ngokuyibuza amaxesha ngamaxesha.

Lo bawo wathi: “Kwakukho amaxesha xa kwakudla ngokudlula iintsuku ezimbalwa, ibe ziiveki ezimbalwa kuze kuphele iinyanga ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba abuyele kumkhwa wakhe kwakhona. Kodwa xa wayevuma ukuba uye wabuyela kuwo kwakhona, sasizama ukumkhuthaza size singabonakalisi kuphoxeka.” Lo mama walek’ umsundulo: “Sasithetha gqitha. Ndamxelela ukuba inkqubela awayeyenza yayibonakala. Ndathi, ‘Nceda ungayekeleli. Ngesi sihlandlo unyamezele iiveki zambini. Makhe sibone ixesha oza kulinyamezela ngoku.’”

Lo bawo waphawula ukuba, “esinye sezizathu esabangela ukuba sisilele ekuphawuleni imikhwa yokudla engaqhelekanga yentombi yethu sasikukuba sasingafane sisitye kunye isidlo sangokuhlwa. Ngoko ndaluguqula ucwangciso lwam lomsebenzi ukuze ndibe sekhaya kunye nentsapho yam ukwenzela isidlo sangokuhlwa.” Ukwenza olo hlengahlengiso ukuze kutyiwe ndawonye, kunye nokunikela ingqalelo yomonde neyothando, kwayinceda intombi yabo ukuba ichache ngokupheleleyo.

Ngoxa uzabalazela ukwenzela lowo unengxaki okona kulungileyo, kubalulekile ukuba kunikelwe ingqeqesho efunekayo, eyimbonakaliso yothando. (IMizekeliso 13:​24) Musa ukumfihlela lowo unengxaki ngemiphumo yezenzo zakhe. Ukumyeka asebenzise eyakhe imali ukuze abuyise ukutya okusetyenziswe ngoxa ebezingxala, okanye ukumxelela ukuba acoce ubumdaka bokuhlanza kwangabom obukwigumbi lokuhlambela, kusenokumfundisa ukuba unembopheleleko ngomkhwa wakhe. Ngokugxininisa ukuba aphile ngokwemigaqo esengqiqweni yasekhaya, ubonisa ukuqiniseka kwakho ukuba unako ukubulawula ubomi bakhe ngokufanelekileyo. Oku kusenophucula ukuzijongela phantsi okuxhaphakileyo phakathi kwabo batya ngokungalungelelananga.

Ngenxa yengxubakaxaka engaphakathi, lowo unengxaki usenokuthetha ngomsindo. Ukuba wenjenjalo, zama ukukhangela unobangela wokudubuleka ngomsindo. Zama ukufumana uze uhlangabezane nomthombo ‘wokukhathazeka.’ (Yobhi 6:​2, 3) Kwaba lucelomngeni olukhethekileyo kuJoe noAnn xa intombi yabo eyayineanorexia yaba nemvukelo yaza yanyelisa.

UAnn wathi: “Saqhubeka sizama ukumbonisa uthando kunokuba simgxothele esitratweni.” Umyeni wakhe wongezelela esithi: “Saqhubeka simfunela uncedo yaye simxelela indlela esasimkhathalele ngayo.” Waba yintoni umphumo? Ekugqibeleni yaqonda ukuba abazali bayo bamele ukuba bayithanda gqitha, yaye yaqalisa ukukhululeka kubo.

Xa ingumntwana onengxaki, ukubulaleka kubazali, ingakumbi kumama, kuthi chatha. Ngoko ke, amadoda amele abaxhase abafazi ngokweemvakalelo. Musani ukuncama umtshato wenu ngenxa yokugula komntwana wenu. Yamkeleni imida yenu.

Kwezinye iimeko, kusenokufuneka nifune uncedo ngaphandle entsatsheni. Qwalasela zonke izinto ezibandakanyekileyo, uze ugqibe ngolona hlobo loncedo oluya kuba lolona lulungileyo. Kuya kufuneka ube ngqongqo ukuba lowo unengxaki ubonakala engafuni kuncedwa. Mazise ukuba uya kwenza izinto eziya kukhusela ubomi bakhe ukuba kuyimfuneko, kodwa kuphephe ukuthetha izinto ongenakuziphumeza.

Kuya kubakho amaxesha axa uziva ungenamdla yaye nemeko iya kubonakala inganik’ ithemba, kodwa ungaze ulibale ukubeka iingxaki ezinjalo emthandazweni phambi koThixo wothando. Unokukunceda! UJoe wazityand’ igila esithi: “Saqonda ukuba kwakungaphezu kwamandla ethu ukulawula oko. Into eyintloko esayifundayo yaba kukukholosa ngokupheleleyo ngoYehova uThixo. Akazange asilahle kwesinomhlwa.”

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 13]

EZINYE ZEEMPAWU ZOKUTYA NGOKUNGALUNGELELANANGA

◼ Ukutya kancinane, njengokuboph’ ibhanti gqitha okanye ukuzila ukutya

◼ Ukuwutha gqitha okanye ukuguquguguquka kobunzima bomzimba

◼ Iindlela zokutya ezingaqhelekanga, ezinjengokusika ukutya kube ngamasuntswana amancinane

◼ Ukoyika ukutyeba kakhulu, kungakhathaliseki ukuba unomzimba omncinane

◼ Ukucinga nokusoloko uthetha ngokutya nobungakanani bomzimba, ngokufuthi kuphelekwa luqheliselo oluqatha lomthambo

◼ Ukunqumama kokuya exesheni

◼ Ukuzinxwema kwabanye, imiqondiso yokufuna ukuba wedwa, ingakumbi ukuchitha ixesha elide kwigumbi lokuhlambela

◼ Ukuguquguquka kweemvakalelo, ezinjengodandatheko nokucaphuka

◼ Ukutya ngokugqithiseleyo xa unomsindo, uphazamisekile engqondweni okanye unemincili

◼ Ukusebenzisa kakubi izinto zokwandisa umchamo, iipilisi zokunciphisa umzimba okanye izinto zokucoca isisu, ezinjengeepilisi zokukhulula isisu

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Ukuphulaphula ngovelwano kubalulekile