Yichazele Intombi Yakho Ngokuba Sexesheni

Ukufikisa ebuntwini obukhulu iba lixesha leenguqulelo ezininzi emzimbeni. Amantombazana aselula aqalisa ukuba sexesheni.”

KUBA sexesheni kuza noxinezeleko kumantombazana aselula yaye asenokungaziqondi izinto ezibandakanyekileyo. Asenokuphixan’ ingqondo ziinguqulelo ezininzi ezinento yokwenza nokuba sexesheni. Amantombazana amaninzi ayoyika yaye aba nexhala xa eqalisa umjikelo wokuba sexesheni, eyona nto ibangela loo nto kukuba anenkcazelo engachananga okanye akukho nto ayaziyo ngokuba sexesheni.

Amantombazana achazelweyo ngezinto ezenzekayo xa eza kuba sexesheni akabi naxhala xa eqalisa. Noko ke, uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba amantombazana amaninzi akachazelwa ngoku. Kolunye uhlolisiso olwalusenziwa kubantu abasuka kumazwe angama-23, phantse ibe sisinye esithathwini esathi asizange sixelelwe ngokuba sexesheni de oko kwenzeka. Ngenxa yokuba ayengazi, la mantombazana ayengayazi into amakayenze xa ayeqalisa ukuba sexesheni.

Amabhinqa amaninzi aye anamava abuhlungu, ngalawo angakhange achazelwe ngokuba sexesheni. Kolunye uhlolisiso, xa amabhinqa echaza ukuba sexesheni, asebenzisa amagama anjengathi “uyaxhalaba,” “kuhlasimlis’ umzimba,” “kwenza ube neentloni” nelithi “awukhululeki” xa ebalisa ngokwenzekayo kuwo.

Ngokuqhelekileyo nje abantu bayoyika xa bebona igazi, ekubeni ukopha kudla ngokuba nento yokwenza nokuva intlungu okanye ukwenzakala. Kuyaqondakala ukuba xa amantombazana engaxelelwanga kakuhle okanye engachazelwanga kwangaphambili, ukudla ngendeb’ endala, iintsomi okanye ukungahoyi kunokubangela ukuba sexesheni kunxulunyaniswe nokuba nesifo, ukwenzakala okanye kujongwe njengento eziintloni.

Kufuneka yazi intombi yakho ukuba ukopha ngoxa usexesheni yinkqubo nje eqhelekileyo ebakho kuwo onke amantombazana asempilweni. Njengomzali unokuyinceda intombi yakho ukuba ingabi naxhala okanye yoyike. Unokukwenza njani oko?

Kubalulekile Ukuba Abazali Bancede

Baninzi abantu okanye iindawo ezinenkcazelo malunga nokuba sexesheni, njengootitshalakazi esikolweni, iingcali kwezonyango, uncwadi olushicilelweyo kwaneefilimu ezifundisayo. Abazali abaninzi baye bafumanisa ukuba aba bantu okanye ezi zinto zinenkcazelo ebalulekileyo ngento eyenzekayo xa usexesheni nendlela ofanele uzigcine ngayo ucocekile. Sekunjalo, amantombazana asenokuba nemibuzo engaphendulekanga. Nangona enokuyazi into afanele ayenze xa esexesheni, asenokungaqiniseki ngendlela anokujamelana ngayo neemvakalelo ezahlukahlukeneyo oba nazo xa usexesheni.

Oomakhulu, oosisi ngokukodwa oomama banokunceda ngokudlulisela inkcazelo eyongezelelekileyo ayifunayo nokuwaxhasa ngokweemvakalelo la mantombazana. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abagqala oonina njengabona banokubanika inkcazelo efunekayo ngokuba sexesheni.

Kuthekani ngootata? Amantombazana amaninzi aba neentloni ukuthetha nooyise ngokuba sexesheni. Amanye afuna nje ooyise babancede baze bayiqonde imeko abakuyo ngoxa amanye engafuni nokuba babandakanyeke.

Ebudeni bamashumi ambalwa eminyaka edluleyo, kumazwe amaninzi liye landa inani lootata abakhulisa abantwana bebodwa.a Ngenxa yoko, ootata abaninzi kuza kufuneka bancedwe bakwazi ukufundisa iintombi zabo ngokuba sexesheni. Aba tata bafanele bazazi izinto ezibandakanyekileyo xa ubani eba sexesheni njengotshintsho emzimbeni neemvakalelo intombi ekusenokufuneka ijamelene nazo. Ootata basenokukhetha ukuya koonina okanye koodadewabo ukuze bafumane amacebiso baze babancede kule meko.

Ixesha Onokuqalisa Ngalo Ukuthetha Ngokuba Sexesheni

Kumazwe ahambele phambili kwezoqoqosho njengeUnited States, eMzantsi Korea nemimandla ekumazwe aseNtshona Yurophu, ngokuqhelekileyo ubani uqalisa ukuba sexesheni xa ephakathi kweminyaka eli-12 neli-13 ubudala, kodwa abanye basenokuqalisa ngaphambi kwexesha, beneminyaka esi-8, okanye abanye basenokuqalisa emva kwexesha, beneminyaka eli-16 okanye eli-17. Kwimimandla yaseAfrika naseAsia, amantombazana aqalisa ukuba sexesheni emadala. Ngokomzekelo, eNigeria aqalisa eneminyaka eli-15. Oku kubangelwa zizizathu eziliqela, njengemizila yemfuza, imeko yezoqoqosho, ukutya okusempilweni, ukwenza umthambo nendawo ohlala kuyo inokulichaphazela ixesha intombazana esenokuqalisa ngayo ukuba sexesheni.

Kungakuhle ukuthetha nentombi yakho ngokuba sexesheni ngaphambi kwesihlandlo sayo sokuqala. Ngoko ke, ufanele uncokole nentombi yakho ngeenguqulelo ezenzeka emzimbeni nokuba sexesheni xa isencinane, mhlawumbi ineminyaka esibhozo. Usenokucinga ukuba kusekutsha kakhulu ngeloo xesha, kodwa ukuba intombi yakho iphakathi kweminyaka esibhozo nelishumi kunokwenzeka ukuba umzimba wayo sele uqalisile ukukhula ngaphakathi, nto leyo ebangela ukwanda kwencindi yamadlala. Xa ufikisa uya kuphawula ukuba kukho iinguqulelo emzimbeni, njengokuphuma amabele nokuba noboya obungakumbi. Amantombazana amaninzi, ngaphambi kokuba aqalise ukuya exesheni akhula ngokukhawuleza abe made aze atyebe.

Unokuyiqalisa Njani Incoko Ngalo Mba

Amantombazana ekusele kukufuphi ukuba aqalise ukuba sexesheni adla ngokufun’ ukwazi ngezinto afanele azilindele. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba eve amanye amantombazana esikolweni encokola ngalo mbandela. La mantombazana anemibuzo, kodwa uninzi lwawo kusenokuba nzima ukubuza. Asenokuba neentloni ukuthetha ngokuba sexesheni.

Nabazali kunzima ukuba bathethe ngalo mbandela. Nangona ngokuqhelekileyo ingoonina abafanele bathethe ngokuba sexesheni, banokuziva bengakulungelanga okanye babe madolw’ anzima ukuthetha ngalo mba. Mhlawumbi nawe uvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo. Ngoko ke, uyiqalisa njani incoko enento yokwenza nokuba sexesheni nentombi yakho?

Amantombazana angekabi kwishumi elivisayo, asele eza kuba sexesheni adla ngokuyiqonda inkcazelo elula nengqalileyo. Le nkcazelo isenokuquka izihlandlo okwenzeka ngazo oku, kuthabatha ixesha elingakanani okanye kuphuma igazi elingakanani. Ngenxa yoko, xa uqalisa ukuyifundisa ngokuba sexesheni, kusenokuba kuhle ukuyichazela ngendlela enokumelana ngayo noku. Ukongezelela, kusenokufuneka uphendule imibuzo enjengethi: Uba njani? okanye Ndifanele ndilindele ntoni?

Kamva, usenokuyichazela ngokweenkcukacha okwenzekayo. Ngamaxesha amaninzi, unokufumana enye inkcazelo kwiingcali zezonyango okanye kumzi wogcino-zincwadi. Ezo ncwadi zinokunceda ukucacisa izinto ngokweenkcukacha. Amanye amantombazana asenokukhetha ukuzifundela loo nkcazelo. Amanye anokuziva ekhululekile ukuba uyawafundela loo nkcazelo.

Khetha indawo ezolileyo eniza kuncokola kuyo. Qalisa incoko ngokuthetha nje ngokukhula nokuba ngumntu omdala. Mhlawumbi usenokuthi: “Kungekudala kuza kwenzeka okuthile okuqhelekileyo okwenzekayo kumantombazana onke. Ngaba uyayazi ukuba yintoni leyo?” Okanye umama usenokuthi: “Xa ndandikule ntanga ukuyo ndandizibuza ukuba kunjani ukuba sexesheni. Mna nabahlobo bam sasithetha ngaloo nto esikolweni. Ngaba abahlobo bakho esikolweni abakathethi ngalo nto?” Fumanisa ukuba yintoni esele iyazi ngokuba sexesheni uze ulungise naziphi na izinto esenokungaziqondi. Xa uqala ukuthetha ngalo mba ufanele uyilindele into yokuba unokuthetha wedwa.

Njengebhinqa eliye lixhalabe xa lisiya exesheni, unokuyibalisela intombi yakho okwenzekayo kuwe xa wawuqala ukuya exesheni. Yintoni ekwafuneka uyazile? Yintoni owawufuna ukuyazi? Yiyiphi inkcazelo eyakuncedayo? Yichazele ukuba uYehova wayenenjongo ethile ngeli lungiselelo nokuba usenokuva iintlungu okanye angonwabi xa esexesheni. Kulungele ukuphendula imibuzo.

Qhubeka Uyifundisa

Ukufundisa intombi yakho ngokuba sexesheni kufanele kube yinto eqhubekayo, kunokuba uthethe nje ngayo kube kanye. Akuyomfuneko ukuba uthethe yonke into ngexesha elinye. Inkcazelo eninzi ngexesha elinye isenokungayilungeli intombazana yakho. Abantwana bafunda into ibe nye ngexesha. Kwakhona, kusenokufuneka uphinde uthethe ngalo mba kangangezihlandlo ezahlukahlukeneyo. Njengokuba la mantombazana ekhula, aye akwazi ukuyiqonda inkcazelo eyongezelelekileyo.

Enye inkalo yeyokuba isimo sengqondo samantombazana ngokuba sexesheni siyatshintsha njengokuba ekhula. Emva kokuba intombi yakho iqhelene nokuba sexesheni, iza kuba nezinto ezintsha eziyixhalabisayo kwanemibuzo. Ngenxa yoko, kufuneka uqhubeke uncokola nayo uze uphendule imibuzo esenokuyibuza. Nikel’ ingqalelo kwezona zinto zibalulekileyo entombini yakho nezinokuqondwa ngabantwana abalingana nayo.

Thabatha Inyathelo Lokuqala

Kodwa yintoni onokuyenza ukuba intombi yakho ibonakala ingenamdla xa uthetha ngalo mba? Isenokuba nje imadolw’ anzima ukuthetha ngemibandela yobuqu. Okanye mhlawumbi ifuna nje elinye ithuba elifanelekileyo eza kukwazi ngalo ukubuza imibuzo. Isenokuthi yazi yonke into efuna ukuyazi.

Olunye uhlolisiso olwenziwa kumantombazana afunda ibanga lesithandathu eUnited States kwafunyaniswa ukuba uninzi lwalo mantombazana lwalusithi ayayazi ukuba kuthiwani xa kuthethwa ngokuba sexesheni. Noko ke, xa kwabuzwa eminye imibuzo eyongezelelekileyo kwaphawulwa ukuba la mantombazana ayengenalwazi lwaneleyo ngalo mba yaye amkela iimbono ezingachananga ezisekelwe kwizithethe nakwiintsomi. Ngoko ke, nokuba intombi yakho ithi iyazi, kusafuneka uthethile nayo ngalo mba.

Kusenokufuneka umzali athethe ngokuthe ngcembe ngokuba sexesheni aze aqhubeke ethetha ngalo mba. Yimbopheleleko yomzali ukuthetha nentombi yakhe ngalo mbandela. Enoba iyayiqonda loo nto okanye akunjalo, kufuneka incedwe nguwe intombi yakho. Usenokukhathazeka okanye uzive ungakulungelanga, kodwa musa ukulahl’ ithemba. Yiba nomonde. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, intombi yakho iya kuyixabisa imigudu oyenzileyo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 11]

Qalisa ukuthetha nentombi yakho ngaphambi kokuba iqalise ukuba sexesheni

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 13]

INDLELA ONOKUTHETHA NGAYO NENTOMBI YAKHO NGOKUBA SEXESHENI

❖ Fumanisa ukuba yintoni esele iyazi. Yichazele kakuhle izinto eziqonda ngendlela engachananga. Qiniseka ukuba nobabini ninenkcazelo echanileyo ngalo mba.

❖ Mbalisele ngokwenzekayo kuwe. Ngokumbalisela ngokwenzekayo kuwe, usenokuyixhasa ngokwemvakalelo intombi yakho.

❖ Yinike inkcazelo eza kuyisebenzisa. Imibuzo eqhelekileyo edla ngokubuzwa ngamantombazana aselula yile: “Ndinokwenza ntoni ukuba ndinokuqalisa ukuba sexesheni ndisesikolweni?” “Zintoni endinokuzisebenzisa xa ndisexesheni?” “Ndinokuzisebenzisa njani?”

❖ Yichazele izinto ngendlela elula. Yixelele izinto ezinokuqondwa ngumntwana ngokweminyaka yayo nezinto eza kukwazi ukuziqonda.

❖ Qhubeka uyifundisa. Qalisa ukuthetha nentombi yakho ngaphambi kokuba iqalise ukuba sexesheni uze uqhubeke uthetha kwanasemva kokuba iqalile.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 12, 13]

Yiba ngoqondayo. Intombi yakho isenokuba madolw’ anzima ukuthetha ngemibandela yobuqu