Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza

Kutheni Abafana Bengandithandi Nje?

Uyazi ukuba ndiyathandwa kuba ndimxelele ukuba bayandithanda nabanye abafana. Uhlekile xa bendimbalisela indlela abangazi nto ngayo abanye abahlobo bam. Yena uyazi ukuba ndikrelekrele—zikho izinto ebekhe wazithetha ndaza ndamlungisa kuzo. Andazi ukuba uza kucela nini ukuba sikhe sibethwe ngumoya sobabini.

Yena uyathandeka, kodwa ubonakala engekho krelekrele! Bendingekafumani thuba lakuncokola naye. Yaye undilungisa kuyo yonke into endiyithethayo! Ndisuka ndifune ukumshiya apho.

NGABA ukhe uvakalelwe kukuba abafana abakuthandi? Amantombazana amaninzi avakalelwa ngolo hlobo, nkqu nalawo ubunokucinga ukuba akanakuba nayo ingxaki enjalo! Ngokomzekelo, cinga nje ngoJoanne. Mhle, ukrelekrele yaye uyakwazi ukuthetha into ivakale. Kodwa uthi: “Ndisoloko ndivakalelwa kukuba abafana abandithandi. Bambalwa kubo endibathandayo yaye baba nomdla kum nje okwethutyana kodwa baphele sele bengasafuni nokuthetha nam!”

Ziintoni ezithandwa ngabafana emantombazaneni? Ziintoni abangazithandiyo? Yintoni onokuyenza ukuze umfana onesidima atsaleleke kuwe, ungadanga uzithobe isidima?

Oko Umele Ukwenze

● Yazi indlela ocinga novakalelwa ngayo. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uthe xa ufikisa waqalisa ukuthanda abafana. Mhlawumbi uye wathanda abafana abaliqela. Iqhelekile loo nto. Kodwa ukuba ubunokukhawuleza uthi tyuu intliziyo yakho kumfana wokuqala otsaleleka kuye, ubunokungakhuli ngokweemvakalelo nangokomoya. Kaloku kuthath’ ixesha ukuba neempawu ezithandekayo, ‘ukutshintsha ingqondo yakho’ kwizinto ezibalulekileyo nokufikelela olunye usukelo onalo.—Roma 12:2; 1 Korinte 7:36; Kolose 3:9, 10.

Liyinene elokuba, abafana abaninzi bayatsaleleka kumantombazana angazithembi ngokugqithiseleyo okanye lawo amsulwa. Noko ke, ubukhulu becala abo bafana badla ngokuthanda imizimba yaloo mantombazana, kungekhona ubuntu bawo. Enyanisweni, umfana olungeleleneyo uya kukhangela intombazana eneempawu ezithandekayo neziya kuphelelisa ulwalamano lwabo.—Mateyu 19:6.

Oko kuthethwa ngabafana: “Nditsaleleka ngakumbi kwintombazana ezaziyo neqinisekileyo ngesiqu sayo.”—UJames.

“Ndingayithanda intombazana ekwaziyo ukuchaza iimvakalelo zayo ngokunyanisekileyo nangembeko nengazi kuvuma yonke into endiyithethayo. Enoba intle kangakanani na, andiyithandi intombazana eza kuthetha le nto ndifuna ukuyiva. Ndiyayoyika xa injalo!”—UDarren.

“Kona ndiyawathanda amantombazana amahle xa ndiqala ukuwabona. Kodwa ikhawuleza iphele loo nto ukuba intombazana ayiyazi into eyifunayo ebomini. Kwelinye icala, ukuba iyayazi into ezimisele kuyo—ingakumbi ukuba sele izifikelele ezinye izinto ezithandayo—iba nomtsalane.”—UDamien.

● Ziqhelise ukubahlonela abanye. Kanye njengokuba nawe ufuna ukuthandwa, abafana obaziyo bakufuna gqitha ukuhlonelwa. Ayiphazami iBhayibhile xa isithi indoda ifanele ithande umfazi wayo kodwa umfazi ufanele abe “nentlonelo enzulu” ngendoda yakhe. (Efese 5:33) Ngokuvisisana nala mazwi, kolunye uhlolisiso olwenziwa kumakhulukhulu abafana, abangama-60 ekhulwini kubo bathi bafuna ukuhlonelwa kunokuthandwa. Amadoda asele ekhulile ngeminyaka angaphezu kwama-70 ekhulwini ekwenziwa uhlolisiso kuwo athetha into efanayo.

Ukuba nentlonelo akuthethi ukuyekelela—ukuthula xa unoluvo olwahlukileyo. (Genesis 21:10-12) Kodwa indlela oluvakalisa ngayo olo luvo lwakho isenokugqiba enoba umfana uza kukuthanda okanye angakuthandi. Ukuba usoloko uphikisana naye okanye ulungisa izinto azithethayo, unokuvakalelwa kukuba akumhloneli. Kodwa ukuba uyayiphulaphula imbono yakhe uze umncome xa kuyimfuneko, uya kulwamkela aze aluxabise nolwakho uluvo. Kakade ke, umfana oqondayo uya kubona enoba uyawahlonela kusini na amalungu entsapho yakho nabanye abantu.a

Oko kuthethwa ngabafana: “Abafana bayathanda ukucinga ukuba izinto abazithethayo zibalulekile, ingakumbi kumantombazana abawathandayo.”—UAnthony.

“Ndicinga ukuba intlonelo yeyona nto ibalulekileyo xa kuqala ubuhlobo. Uthando ke lusenokulandela.”—UAdrian.

“Xa intombazana indihlonela, ngokuqinisekileyo inako ukundithanda.”—UMark.

● Nxiba ngendlela enesidima uze uzigcine ucocekile. Indlela onxiba nozilungisa ngayo ithetha lukhulu ngendlela ocinga ngayo. Ungekathethi, indlela onxiba ngayo ithetha into eninzi ngawe. Ukuba iimpahla zakho zindilisekile yaye zibonisa ukuba uthozamile, abantu baya kukuthanda. (1 Timoti 2:9) Ukuba zivuselela inkanuko okanye zixazalala, ziya kubabhekelisa abantu kuwe.

Oko kuthethwa ngabafana: “Indlela enxiba ngayo intombazana ithetha lukhulu ngendlela ebujonga ngayo ubomi. Ukuba inxiba iimpahla ezivez’ umzimba okanye ezixazalala, mna ndiye ndicinge ukuba ithand’ amehlo.”—UAdrian.

“Mna ndiye nditsaleleke kwintombazana ezikhathaleleyo iinwele zayo, enuka kamnandi nenelizwi elimnandi. Nangona ndanditsaleleke kwenye intombazana emanz’ andonga, ubuxelegu bayo bandenza ndaphelelwa ngumdla kuyo.”—URyan.

“Mna ndiye nditsaleleke kwintombazana engazityabeki ngezithambiso zobuso nenganxibi izinto eziyibambayo okanye ezivez’ umzimba kuba nje ithanda amehlo.”—UEthan.

“Ukuba intombazana inxiba impahla evuselela inkanuko ngokuqinisekileyo ndiza kutsaleleka kuyo xa ndiqala ukuyibona. Kodwa olo asilohlobo lwentombazana endifuna ukuthandana nayo.”—UNicholas.

Izinto Ongamele Uzenze

● Musa ukuba ngudlalani. Amabhinqa ayakwazi ukutsala amadoda. Oko anokukusebenzisela iinjongo ezintle okanye ezimbi. (Genesis 29:17, 18; IMizekeliso 7:6-23) Ukuba uncwasa nawuphi na umfana odibana naye uza kwaziwa njengodlalani.

Oko kuthethwa ngabafana: “Ukuhlala ecaleni kwentombazana enomtsalane nize niman’ ukugilana ngamagxa kunokuba yinto emnandi kumfana yaye kunokuvuselela iimvakalelo zakhe. Ngoko mna ndicinga ukuba intombazana esoloko ikubamba xa ithetha nawe ingudlalani.”—UNicholas.

“Ukuba intombazana isoloko ibambabamba iingalo zabafana edibana nabo okanye ikrwaqula nayiphi na indoda edlulayo ndicinga ukuba ingudlalani yaye ayithandeki loo nto.”—UJosé.

“Intombazana ebambabamba nawuphi na umfana edibana naye ize ihoye nawuphi na umfana oyinika ingqalelo, ndingathi ingudlalani.”—UEthan.

● Musa ukuba ngunonca. Xa isibini sitshata, iBhayibhile ithi ‘sinyama-nye’. (Genesis 2:24) Ngelo xesha, indoda nomfazi abasenayo inkululeko ababenayo ngoxa babengekatshati, enyanisweni bazinikele omnye komnye. (1 Korinte 7:32-34) Noko ke, into yokuba nisafundana ayithethi kuthi umfana umele aphendule ngayo yonke into kuwe, kanye njengokuba kunjalo nakuwe. Ukukhawuleza ufune ajongane nawe wedwa kunokubuchitha ubuhlobo benu.b

Oko kuthethwa ngabafana: “Ndicinga ukuba intombazana ingunonca xa isoloko ifun’ ukwazi yonk’ into endiyenzayo yaye ingasakwazi nokuba nabanye abahlobo okanye ukwenza ezinye izinto ngaphandle kwam.”—UDarren.

“Ndinokuthi intombazana ingunonca xa isithi singekabi nathuba lide singabahlobo ibe indibhalela imiyalezo ifun’ ukwazi abantu endihleli nabo, ngakumbi amantombazana.”—URyan.

“Intombazana engakuvumeliyo ukuba uchithe ixesha nabahlobo bakho abangabafana ize icaphuke xa ungasoloko uyimema ixhomekeke ngendlela engathandekiyo kuwe.”—UAdrian.

Zithande

Mhlawumbi akho amantombazana enza nantoni na ukuze ahoywe okanye athandwe ngumfana othile. Amanye anokude athobe imilinganiselo aphila ngayo ukuze athandane—okanye atshate. Noko ke, umgaqo othi, “loo nto ayihlwayelayo umntu, uya kuvuna kwayona” uyasebenza nakule meko. (Galati 6:7-9) Ukuba akuzithandi yaye akuyixabisi nemilinganiselo ozama ukuphila ngayo uza kuba nomtsalane kubafana abangathandi wena kwakunye nemilinganiselo yakho.

Eyona nyaniso yile, akunakuthandwa ngabo bonke abafana—yaye ingantle loo nto! Kodwa ukuba unyamekela ubuhle bakho bangaphandle nobangaphakathi uya kuba ‘nexabiso elikhulu emehlweni kaThixo.’—yaye umfana oza kutsaleleka kuwe uza kuba ngulowo ukufaneleyo.—1 Petros 3:4.

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[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

OKO UMELE UCINGE NGAKO

● Unokubonisa njani ukuba uyazihlonela iimbono neemvakalelo zomfana?

● Unokubonisa njani ukuba uyazithanda?

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 27]

Uthando nembeko zifana namavili ebhayisikile—zibaluleke zombini