Ukufikisa—Ukulungela Ukuba Ngumntu Omdala
MASITHI ufuduka kwisiqithi esinemozulu efudumeleyo uze uye kuhlala kwilizwe elinemozulu eqhaqhazelis’ amazinyo. Njengoko usehla kwinqwelo-moya uyayiva indlela ekubanda ngayo kweli lizwe. Ngaba uza kukwazi ukuqhelana nale mozulu? Ewe uza kukwazi, kodwa kuza kufuneka wenze uhlengahlengiso oluthile.
Kuba njalo naxa abantwana bakho befikisa. Kuba ngathi batshintshe ngephanyazo. Inkwenkwana yakho eyayikade ingafuni ukwahlukana nawe, ngoku ikhetha ukuba kunye neentanga zayo. Intombi yakho eyayikade ikubalisela yonk’ into le, ngoku iphendula nje loo nto uyibuzayo.
Xa uyibuza ukuba: “Bekunjani esikolweni?”
Ithi: “Bekumnandi.”
Emva koko, cwaka.
Uphinde ubuze: “Ucinga ntoni?”
Iphendule ithi: “Hayi, akhonto.”
Cwaka kwakhona.
Kwenzeke ntoni? Incwadi ethi Breaking the Code ithi, “izol’ oku ubungumtya nethunga nabantwana bakho. Kodwa ngoku kubonakala ngathi bayachasela.”
Ngaba awunakukwazi ukuqhubeka uvana nabantwana bakho xa befikisa? Ungakwazi ukuyenza loo nto. Unako ukuqhubeka ungumhlobo wabantwana bakho njengoko befikisa. Kodwa kuza kufuneka uqale uqonde oko kwenzeka kweli nqanaba lokukhula libangel’ umdla nelikwanamahla-ndenyuka.
Ukukhula Babe Ngabantu Abadala
Abaphandi babekade becinga ukuba ubuchopho bomntwana buba sele buphantse bakhula ngokupheleleyo xa eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala. Kodwa ngoku bakholelwa ukuba nangona ubungakanani bobuchopho butshintsha kancinane xa umntwana efika kuloo minyaka yobudala, akunjalo ngendlela obusebenza ngayo. Iincindi ezikhutshwa ngamadlala abantwana ziyatshintsha xa befikisa, nto leyo etshintsha nendlela abacinga ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, kubantwana abancinane, into iphosakele okanye ilungile kodwa bona abafikisayo bahlola zonke izibakala ezibandakanyekileyo. (1 Korinte 13:11) Baqalisa ukufikelela kwizigqibo ezizezabo yaye abonqeni ukuzichaza iimbono zabo.
UPaolo waseItali waluphawula olo tshintsho kumntwana wakhe. Uthi: “Xa ndijonga unyana wam okwishumi elivisayo, ndibona indoda kungekhona umntwana. Asingomzimba wakhe nje kuphela otshintshileyo. Eyona nto indimangalisayo yindlela acinga ngayo. Akoyiki ukuyithetha nokuyimela into ayicingayo!”
Ngaba nawe uye wazibona ezi zinto kumntwana wakho okwishumi elivisayo? Mhlawumbi xa wayesengumntwana wayesenza loo nto kuthiwa makayenze. Kwakungeyomfuneko ukuba umchazele isizathu. Kodwa ngoku, ekubeni efikisa uqalisa ukuba ngunokhontoni yaye ude aqalise ukubuza nezizathu zokuba intsapho iphile ngendlela ephila ngayo. Ngamanye amaxesha imibuzo yakhe ide imenze abonakale ngathi uyavukela.
Kodwa mus’ ukucinga ukuba umntwana wakho ufun’ ukwenza unothanda. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uzama nje ukubona indlela ebunceda ngayo ubomi bakhe indlela akhuliswe ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, masithi ufuduka kwenye indlu uze uye kuhlala kwenye yaye uhamba nefanishala yakho. Ngaba iza kungena yonke kwikhaya lakho elitsha? Isenokungangeni yonke. Kodwa into esiqiniseke ngayo kukuba akukho nanye kwifanishala yakho exabisekileyo oza kuyilahla.
Kuba njalo nakumntwana wakho njengoko elungiselela ixesha ‘lokushiya uyise nonina.’ (Genesis 2:24) Kuyinyaniso ukuba loo mini ayikafiki yaye umntwana wakho akakabi ngumntu omdala. Kodwa ke singathi sele eqalisile ukupakisha. Njengokuba ngoku ekwishumi elivisayo, uhlola zonke izinto azifundiswe ekhaya yaye uzama ukugqiba ngezo aza kuphila ngazo xa emdala.a
Kusenokukoyikisa ukucinga ukuba umntwana wakho uza kwenza ezo zigqibo. Kodwa inyaniso kukuba xa emdala, akazi kwenza yonke into enimfundise yona kodwa uza kwenza kuphela leyo acinga ukuba ibalulekile. Ngoko ke, ixesha lokuba umntwana ayazi kakuhle imithetho aza kuphila ngayo xa emdala lelangoku esesekhaya.—IZenzo 17:11.
Kubalulekile ukuba umntwana asenze eso sigqibo. Kaloku ukuba uvuma yonk’ into omxelela yona ngaphandle kokubuza, kamva usenokuba nguvuma-zonke owenza yonk’ into eyenziwa ngabanye. (Eksodus 23:2) IBhayibhile ithi umntwana onjalo uqhatheka lula kuba ‘uswele intliziyo’—nto leyo etheth’ ukuba enye yezinto angenazo kukuqonda. (IMizekeliso 7:7) Umntwana ongayimeliyo into ayikholelwayo ‘unokukhukuliswa ngamaza aze aphetshethwe yiyo yonke imimoya yeemfundiso zabakhohlisi abalahlekisa abantu ngobuqhokolo.’—Efese 4:14.
Unokuyithintela njani ukuba ingenzeki loo nto kumntwana wakho? Qiniseka ukuba umfundisa ezi zinto zintathu zilandelayo:
1 AMANDLA OKUQONDA
Umpostile uPawulos wabhala wathi ‘abantu abaqolileyo . . . baye bawaqeqeshela ukwahlula okulungileyo nokubi amandla abo okuqonda.’ (Hebhere 5:14) Kodwa usenokuthi, ‘Umntwana wam ndamfundisa kwakude kudala umahluko phakathi kwento elungileyo nengalunganga.’ Ngokuqinisekileyo loo ngqeqesho yamnceda ngelo xesha yaye yamenza walungela eli nqanaba lokukhula akulo ngoku. (2 Timoti 3:14) Sekunjalo, uPawulos wathi abantu kufuneka baqeqeshe amandla abo okuqonda. Ngoxa abantwana abancinane befanele bayazi into elungileyo nengalunganga, xa befikisa kufuneka ‘bakhule ngokupheleleyo emandleni okuqonda.’ (1 Korinte 14:20; IMizekeliso 1:4; 2:11) Awufuni umntwana wakho athobele kuba nje exelelwa kodwa ufuna akwazi ukuqiqa. (Roma 12:1, 2) Unokumfundisa njani oko?
Enye into onokuyenza kukumvumela athethe. Musa ukumngen’ emlonyeni yaye zama ukungacaphuki naxa ethetha izinto ongazithandiyo. IBhayibhile ithi: ‘Umele ukhawuleze ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha, ucothe ukuqumba.’ (Yakobi 1:19; IMizekeliso 18:13) Ukongezelela, uYesu wathi: “Umlomo uthetha ngokuphuphuma kwentliziyo.” (Mateyu 12:34) Ukuba uyaphulaphula, uya kutsho uyazi eyona nto isengqondweni yomntwana wakho.
Xa uthetha naye, zama ukusebenzisa imibuzo kunokuba umxelele ukuba enze ntoni. Ngamanye amaxesha uYesu wayedla ngokubabuza athi, “Nithini nina?” abafundi bakhe nabanye abantu ababechasa. (Mateyu 21:23, 28) Nawe unokwenza okufanayo kumntwana wakho naxa enembono eyahlukileyo kweyakho. Ngokomzekelo:
Ukuba umntwana wakho uthi: “Andiqinisekanga ukuba ndiyakholelwa kuThixo.”
Kunokuba uthi: “Hayi suka uyakholelwa kuThixo—sakufundisa loo nto!”
Usenokuthi: “Yintoni ebangela ukuba uvakalelwe ngolo hlobo?”
Kutheni ufanele umvumele achaze iimbono zakhe umntwana wakho? Kungenxa yokuba, nangona umva ukuba uthini, kufuneka wazi ukuba ucinga ntoni. (IMizekeliso 20:5) Kusenokwenzeka ukuba eyona ngxaki yakhe yimithetho kaThixo kungekhona ubukho bakhe.
Ngokomzekelo, umntwana olukuhlelwa ukwaphula umthetho kaThixo wokuziphatha usenokuzama isebe lokusithela ngokuthi akakholelwa kubukho bukaThixo. (INdumiso 14:1) Usenokuba uthi, ‘Ukuba uThixo akakho akuyomfuneko ukuba ndithobele imithetho yeBhayibhile.’
Ukuba kubonakala ngathi umntwana wakho ucinga kanjalo, kusenokufuneka acingisise ngalo mbuzo, Ngaba ndikholelwa ngokwenene ukuba imithetho kaThixo yenzelwe ukuze kulungelwe mna? (Isaya 48:17, 18) Ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba le mithetho inceda yena, mkhuthaze ukuba akwazi ukuyimela.—Galati 5:1.
Ukuba umntwana wakho uthi: “Olu nqulo lolwenu kodwa loo nto ayithethi kuthi lolwam.”
Kunokuba uthi: “Lunqulo lwethu, wena ungumntwana wethu yaye uza kukholelwa le nto sikuxelela yona.”
Usenokuthi: “Ndiyayiva le nto uyithethayo. Kodwa ukuba awuzifuni inkolelo zam, kufanele kubekho into eza kuthatha indawo yazo. Ngoko ziziphi ke ezakho iinkolelo? Yiyiphi imithetho ocinga ukuba sifanele siphile ngayo?”
Kutheni ufanele umvumele achaze iimbono zakhe umntwana wakho? Kaloku ukuqiqa naye ngolu hlobo kunokumenza acingisise. Usenokufumanisa ukuba iinkolelo zakhe ziyafana nezenu, kodwa kukho nto ithile eyahlukileyo emkhathazayo.
Ngokomzekelo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umntwana wakho akakwazi ukuzicacisela abanye iinkolelo zakhe. (Kolose 4:6; 1 Petros 3:15) Okanye kusenokwenzeka ukuba kukho umntu afuna ukuthandana naye oneenkolelo ezahlukileyo kwezakhe. Zama ukuqonda eyona ngxaki uze uncede umntwana wakho ayibone. Okukhona esebenzisa amandla akhe okuqonda kokukhona eya kukulungela ukuba ngumntu omdala.
2 ICEBISO LABANTU ABADALA
Kubantu bezinye iintlanga namhlanje, buncinane okanye abukho kwaukubakho ubungqina bokuba abantwana abafikisayo kufanele kulindelwe ukuba babe noxinezeleko olugqith’ emgceni njengoko zisitsho ezinye izazi zengqondo. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba ulutsha lwezo ntlanga luqalisa ukuphila njengabantu abadala luseluncinane. Lusebenza nabantu abadala, luncokole nabo yaye lude lwenze nemisebenzi yabantu abadala. Amagama anjengathi “izinto zobutsha,” “ukuqaqadeka kwabantwana” kwakunye nelithi “abakwishumi elivisayo” awekho kwaukubakho.
Kwelinye icala, phawula oko kwenzeka kulutsha lwamazwe amaninzi olufunda kwizikolo ezizele qhu ngabantwana apho lunxulumana kuphela noontanga balo. Xa lugoduka, lufika ekhaya kukhal’ ibhungane. Bobabini abazali bayasebenza. Izalamane zihlala kude. Ekuphela kwabantu abakufutshane nalo, ngoontanga.b Ngaba uyayibona ingozi olukuyo? Ingxaki asikokuba nabahlobo abangalunganga nje kuphela. Kodwa abaphandi bafumanise ukuba nabantwana abanembeko benza izinto ezingafanelekanga xa bengahlali nabantu abadala.
Olunye uhlanga olungazange lulukhethe ulutsha kubantu abadala, nguSirayeli wamandulo.c Ngokomzekelo, iBhayibhile isibalisela ngoUziya owaba ngukumkani wakwaYuda esemtsha. Yintoni eyanceda u-Uziya wakwazi ukwenza umsebenzi omkhulu kangaka? Kuyabonakala ukuba waba negalelo uZekariya, indoda ekuthiwa eBhayibhileni ‘yayingumyaleli wokoyika uThixo oyinyaniso.’—2 Kronike 26:5.
Ngaba ukho umntu omdala onokholo olufanayo nolwakho, anokufumana kuye amacebiso umntwana wakho? Awumele ube nomona xa umntwana wakho engumhlobo wabantu abadala abanokholo. Banokumnceda enze izinto ezilungileyo. Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Ohamba nezilumko uya kuba sisilumko naye.”—IMizekeliso 13:20.
3 UKUKWAZI UKUSEBENZA
Umthetho wamanye amazwe awuvumi ukuba ulutsha luphangele ixesha elingaphezu kweeyure ezithile ngeveki yaye kukho nemisebenzi ethile olungavumelekanga ukuba luyenze. Loo mithetho yayenzelwe ukukhusela abantwana kwimisebenzi eyingozi—eyayibangelwe kukwanda kwemizi-mveliso ngenkulungwane ye-18 neye-19.
Nangona imithetho ephathelele umsebenzi ikhusela abantwana kwiingozi nasekuxhatshazweni, ezinye iingcali zithi ibenza bonqene ukusebenza. Incwadi ethi Escaping the Endless Adolescence ithi, ngenxa yoko ulutsha oluninzi “lucinga ukuba lunelungelo lokufumana izinto ngaphandle kokuzisebenzela.” Ababhali bale ncwadi bathi, esi simo sengqondo “kubonakala ngathi sibangelwe kukuphila kwihlabathi elicinga ngokulonwabisa ulutsha kunokuba lilindele ukuba lusebenze.”
Ngokwahlukileyo koko, iBhayibhile isibalisela ngolutsha olwaqalisa ukusebenza luseluncinane. Khawucinge nje ngoTimoti, ekusenokwenzeka ukuba wayesekwishumi elivisayo xa wadibana nompostile uPawulos—indoda eyamnceda kakhulu ebomini. UPawulos wakha wathi kuTimoti: “Sikhwezele njengomlilo isiphiwo owasinikwa nguThixo.” (2 Timoti 1:6) Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uTimoti wemka kokwabo ngaphambi okanye ngasemva nje kokuba abe neminyaka engama-20 ubudala waza wahamba nompostile uPawulos, encedisa ekusekeni amabandla nasekukhuthazeni abazalwana. Emva kweminyaka emalunga nelishumi esebenza noTimoti, uPawulos wathi kumaKristu aseFilipi: “Andinamntu wumbi onokuninyamekela ngokwenene njengaye.”—Filipi 2:20.
Abantwana badla ngokuba nomdla wokusebenza ingakumbi xa becinga ukuba loo msebenzi uza kwenza umahluko. Oku akubaqeqeshi nje ukuba bakwazi ukusebenza xa bebadala kodwa kukwavelisa neempawu zabo ezintle kwanangoku.
Ukuqhelana Notshintsho
Njengoko kuchaziwe ekuqaleni kweli nqaku, ukuba ungumzali onomntwana ofikisayo, mhlawumbi uyabona ukuba izinto azisafani nakuqala. Qiniseka ukuba uza kude uqhelane nale meko, njengoko uye waluqhela utshintsho obelusenzeka kwamanye amanqanaba okukhula komntwana wakho.
Ixesha lokufikisa komntwana wakho lijonge njengethuba lokuba (1) umncede akhulise amandla okuqonda, (2) umcebise njengomntu omdala uze (3) umfundise ukusebenza. Ngokwenjenjalo, uya kumnceda alungele ukuba ngumntu omdala.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Enye incwadi ilichaza kakuhle ixesha lokufikisa kuba ithi, lelokuthi “ndlela-ntle.” Ukuze ufumane inkcazelo engakumbi funda iMboniselo kaMeyi 1, 2009, kwiphepha 10-12, epapashwe ngamaNgqina kaYehova.
b Izinto zokuzonwabisa ezenzelwe ulutsha zanelisa umnqweno walo wokuba kunye noontanga balo, ngaloo ndlela zixhasa uluvo lokuba ulutsha lunendlela yalo yokuphila abangenakuyazi nabangenakuphila ngayo abantu abadala.
c Ibinzana elithi “umntwana ofikisayo” nelithi “okwishumi elivisayo” awakho eBhayibhileni. Kuyabonakala ukuba phakathi kwabantu bakaThixo bangaphambi kobuKristu nangexesha lobuKristu, ulutsha lwaluqalis’ ukuphila nabantu abadala luseluncinane njengoko zisenza iintlanga ezininzi namhlanje.
[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 20]
“ABEKHO ABAZALI ABABHETELE ENDANDINOKUBAKHETHA”
Ngezinto abazithethayo nabazenzayo, abazali abangamaNgqina kaYehova bafundisa abantwana babo ukuphila ngemigaqo yeBhayibhile. (Efese 6:4) Kodwa ke ababanyanzeli. Abazali abangamaNgqina bayaqonda ukuba xa emdala, mntwana ngamnye ufanele azenzele isigqibo ngendlela aza kuphila ngayo.
UAislyn oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala uphila ngendlela abamkhulise ngayo abazali bakhe. Uthi: “Andinquli kube kanye ngeveki. Unqulo lwam luyindlela yam yokuphila. Yonk’ into endiyenzayo nezigqibo zam zisekelwe kulo—ukususela kubahlobo ukusa kwimfundo endiyikhethayo kunye neencwadi endizifundayo.”
UAislyn uyixabisa gqitha indlela abamkhulise ngayo abazali bakhe abangamaKristu. Uthi: “Abekho abazali ababhetele endandinokubakhetha yaye ndinethamsanqa lokuba bandifundisa ukuba ndihlale ndiliNgqina likaYehova. Ndiya kusoloko ndifuna icebiso labazali bam ngalo lonke ixesha lokudla kwam amazimba.”
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 17]
Mvumele achaze iimbono zakhe umntwana wakho
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 18]
Ukuba ngumhlobo womntu omdala kungamnceda umntwana wakho
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 19]
Ukusebenza kunokubanceda abantwana abakwishumi elivisayo xa bebadala