Ukunxibelelana—Kungaphezu Kokuncokola Nje

KHAWUBE nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wesihlwele sabakhenkethi bebukele ubuhle obunomtsalane bembonakalo yelizwe. Nangona lonke elo qela libukele umbono ofanayo, mntu ngamnye uwubona ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Kutheni? Kungenxa yokuba mntu ngamnye unendlela eyahlukileyo azibona ngayo izinto. Akukho bantu babini bema ngokuthe ngqo kwindawo enye. Ngaphezu koko, asinguye wonke ubani otsolise amehlo kwindawo efanayo koko kujongiweyo. Mntu ngamnye ufumana inkalo eyahlukileyo etsala umdla wakhe ngokukhethekileyo.

Oku kuyinyaniso emtshatweni. Kwanaxa kukho imvisiswano enkulu phakathi kwawo, akukho maqabane mabini anokuba nembono efana twatse ngemibandela. Indoda nomfazi bayahluka kwiinkalo ezifana nendlela abavakalelwa ngayo, amava obuntwana, nempembelelo yentsapho. Umphumo wokungafani kweembono zabo unokuba ngumthombo wengxabano enkulu. Umpostile uPawulos ngokuphandle wathi: “Abatshatileyo baya kuhlala befikelwa ziingxaki.”—1 Korinte 7:28, TE.

Ukunxibelelana kuquka ukwenza umgudu wokudibanisa ezi yantlukwano kulwalamano lokuba nyamanye. Oku kufuna ukuba kubekho ixesha lokuncokola. (Bona ibhokisi ekwiphepha 7.) Kodwa kuninzi ngakumbi okubandakanyekileyo.

Ukubonakalisa Ukuqonda

Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Intliziyo yesilumko iyawuqiqisa umlomo waso, yongeze imfundiso emilebeni yomlomo waso.” (IMizekeliso 16:23) Igama lesiHebhere apha eliguqulelwe ngokuthi ‘ukuqiqa’ ngokusisiseko lithetha ukuba nobulumko, ukuyithelekisa ngenyameko imibandela engqondweni. Ngoko ke, eyona ndawo isisiseko yokunxibelelana ngokuphumelelayo yintliziyo, ingenguwo umlomo. Umntu okwaziyo ukunxibelelana ufanele angabi ngomntu nje othethayo; ufanele abe ngumphulaphuli onovelwano. (Yakobi 1:19) Ufanele aziqonde iimvakalelo nezinto ezibangela iqabane lakhe lisabele ngendlela elisabela ngayo.—IMizekeliso 20:5.

Unokukwenza njani oku? Maxa wambi oku kunokuphunyezwa ngokuqwalasela iimeko ezibangela impikiswano. Ngaba iqabane lakho licinezelekile ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni? Ngaba ukugula kufak’ isandla kwimeko iqabane lakho elikuyo? IBhayibhile ithi: “Ilizwi elithethwe ngexa elililo, azi lihle!” (IMizekeliso 15:23) Ngoko ukuziqwalasela iimeko kuya kukunceda usabele ngendlela efanelekileyo.—IMizekeliso 25:11.

Noko ke, ngokufuthi, unobangela wempikiswano awubi zizinto ekuphikiswana ngazo ngelo xesha.

Ukuqonda Oko Kwenzeka Kwixesha Elidluleyo

Izinto ezenzeka ekukhuleni kwethu zinegalelo elikhulu ekubumbeni indlela esicinga ngayo sakufikelela kubuntu obukhulu. Ekubeni amaqabane omtshato evela kwiintsapho ezahlukeneyo, ukungqubana ngeembono akunakuphepheka.

Isiganeko ekunikelwe ingxelo ngaso eBhayibhileni singumzekelo woku. Xa ityeya yomnqophiso yabuyiselwa eYerusalem, uDavide wayibonakalisa ngokuphandle indlela awayechwayite ngayo. Kodwa kuthekani ngomfazi wakhe uMikali? IBhayibhile ithi: “UMikali, intombi kaSawule, wavela ngefestile, wambona uKumkani uDavide exhuma esina phambi koYehova, wamcekisa entliziyweni yakhe.”—2 Samuweli 6:14-16.

UMikali wabonakalisa isimo sengqondo sokungabi nalukholo sikayise ongendawo, uSawule. Abaphengululi beBhayibhile uC. F. Keil noF. Delitzsch babonisa ukuba kungenxa yoko uMikali kubhekiselwa kuye kwindinyana 16 ‘njengentombi kaSawule’ kunokuba kuthiwe ngumfazi kaDavide. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, impikiswano eyavela phakathi kwabo yenza kucace ukuba uDavide noMikali babengenambono ifanayo ngesi siganeko sibangel’ uvuyo.—2 Samuweli 6:20-23.

Lo mzekelo ubonisa ukuba iimpembelelo ezifihlakeleyo ubani akhule nazo zinokubangela ukuba indoda nomfazi bayibone ngokwahluke mpela imibandela. Oku kuyinyaniso nokuba bobabini bakhonza uYehova ngokumanyeneyo. Ngokomzekelo, umfazi ongazange afumane inkxaso eyaneleyo ngokweemvakalelo ebuntwaneni usenokufuna ngokugqithiseleyo ukwamkelwa nokuthandwa. Oku kusenokuyenza idideke indoda yakhe. Isenokudanduluka ithi, “Ndimxelela izihlandlo ezilikhulu ukuba ndiyamthanda, yaye sekunjalo akaneliseki!”

Kwimeko enjalo, ukunxibelela kuquka ‘ukungaxuneli kwezakho izinto zodwa, kodwa ukuxunela nakwezabanye.’ (Filipi 2:4) Ukuze kubekho unxibelelwano, indoda ifanele imjonge umfazi wayo ngendlela akhuliswe ngayo kunokuba imjonge ngendlela yona ekhuliswe ngayo. Yaye, kambe ke, nomfazi ufanele ashukunyiselwe ukwenza okufanayo endodeni yakhe.—1 Korinte 10:24.

Xa Liye Laxhatshazwa Kwixa Elidluleyo

Umdla wobuqu ubaluleke kakhulu ukuba iqabane liye ladlwengulwa okanye laxhatshazwa ngokwesini ebuntwaneni—nto leyo eyanda ngokulusizi namhlanje. Ngokomzekelo, umfazi usenokufumanisa ukuba ebudeni bexesha lokuziyolisa ngokwesini, akakwazi kwehlula phakathi kwemeko ekhoyo ngoku naleyo idluleyo, akakwazi ukwahlula iqabane lakhe kulowo wamenza okubi, okanye akakwazi kwehlula iintlobano zesini ekuxhatshazweni ngokwesini. Oku kusenokuba yinto enxunguphalisayo, ngokukodwa ukuba indoda ayiyigqali le meko inobuzaza ngendlela umfazi wayo azibona ngayo izinto.—1 Petros 3:8.

Ngoxa ungenakukucima engqondweni oko kwenzeke kwixa elidluleyo ungenako nokuyinyanga ngokupheleleyo imiphumo yako, unokwenza okungakumbi ukuthuthuzela iqabane elinxungupheleyo. (IMizekeliso 20:5) Njani? UPetros wabhala: “Nina madoda nimele ukubaqonda abafazi enihlala nabo.” (1 Petros 3:7, Phillips) Ukukuqonda oko kwenzeke kwixa elidluleyo kwiqabane lakho yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokunxibelelana. Ngaphandle kokubonakalisa uvelwano, amazwi akho aya kuba lilize.

UYesu “wasikwa yimfesane” akubona abo babegula, nakubeni yena engazange abe nezifo ababenazo. (Mateyu 14:14) Ngokufanayo, usenokuba awuzange utyeshelwe okanye uxhatshazwe njengomfazi wakho, kodwa kunokuba uyenze ncinane intlungu akuyo, kuqonde oko kwenzeke kuye kwixa elidluleyo, uze umxhase. (IMizekeliso 18:13) UPawulos wabhala esithi: “Thina ke bomeleleyo sifanele ukukuthwala ukuswela amandla kwabangomeleleyo, singazikholisi.”—Roma 15:1.

Ukubanjiswa Yintiyo

Umtshato ufana nesitya esixabiseke kunene. Xa wonakaliswe kukukrexeza, kubakho umonakalo omkhulu. (IMizekeliso 6:32) Enyanisweni, ukuba iqabane elimsulwa ligqiba ekubeni lixolele, ulwalamano oluqhekekileyo lusenokudityaniswa kwakhona ngokuxolelana. Kodwa kuya kushiyeka iintanda, yaye ebudeni bempikiswano, kusenokubakho utyekelo lokukhangela kwezo ntanda kuze kusetyenziswe into eyenzeke kwixa elidluleyo njengesixhobo.

Ngokuqhelekileyo kubakho intiyo ngenxa yokungathembeki kweqabane. Kodwa ukuba uye walixolela iqabane lakho, kulumkele ukuvumela umsindo ongapheliyo uphelise okulungileyo oye wakufeza ngokuxolela. Enoba iyavutha ngokufihlakeleyo ngaphakathi okanye ibonakaliswa ngokungenanceba, intiyo engapheliyo iyawenzakalisa omabini amaqabane. Kutheni kunjalo nje? Omnye ugqirha uthi: “Ukuba uva intlungu ngeqabane lakho, kungenxa yokuba usalikhathalele. Ngoko ngokurhoxa okanye ngokuzama iindlela zokuziphindezela, awenzakalisi iqabane lakho nje kuphela kodwa utshabalalisa wena. Ulwenza lube ziziqwenga ngakumbi ulwalamano onqwenela ukuba luphelele.”

Ewe, awunakucombulula ukungavisisani emtshatweni wenu ngaphandle kokuthomalalisa umsindo onawo. Ngoko ke, xa umsindo udambile, xubusha neqabane lakho ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Lichazele isizathu sokuba ukhathazeke, oko ukufunayo ukuze uzive uthandwa, noko uya kukwenza ukulondoloza ulwalamano lwenu. Ungaze usebenzise izinto ezenzeke kwixa elidluleyo njengesixhobo sokuzuza igunya kwimpikiswano.

Ukuba Likhoboka Kuyakonakalisa Ukunxibelelana

Kubakho ukubandezeleka okukhulu emtshatweni xa elinye iqabane lisebenzisa kakubi utywala okanye iziyobisi. Iqabane elingakhotyokiswanga lisenokuba kwimeko efana naleyo ka-Abhigali, njengoko ichaziwe eBhayibhileni. Ngoxa umyeni wakhe uNabhali ‘wayenxile kunene,’ uAbhigali wazama ngako konke okusemandleni akhe ukuthintela imiphumo yehambo yakhe engeyoyabulumko. (1 Samuweli 25:18-31, 36) Imeko yemitshato apho elinye iqabane lisengxakini yokukhotyokiswa yaye elinye lizama ukuguqula ihambo yelo likhotyokisiweyo ngokufuthi ifana naleyo yentsapho kaNabhali noAbhigali.a

Kuyaqondakala ukuba, kubakho isiqabu esikhulu xa ikhoboka liqalisa ukuchacha. Kodwa oku sisiqalo nje. Khawube nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wenkanyamba eyenza imbuqe kwidolophana ethile. Itshabalalisa izindlu, incothula imithi, iwisa iintambo zemfonomfono. Kubakho uvuyo olukhulu lwakuba ludlulile uqhwithela. Kodwa kufuneka kwenziwe umsebenzi omkhulu wokulungisa umonakalo. Oku kukwayinyaniso nangeqabane elichachayo. Ulwalamano oluwohlokileyo lumele lwakhiwe kwakhona. Ukuthembana nengqibelelo zimele zisekwe kwakhona. Amaqhina onxibelelwano kufuneka akhiwe kwakhona. Kwikhoboka elibuyela ezingqondweni, oku kubuyela ngokuthe ngcembe kwihambo efanelekileyo yinxalenye “yobuntu obutsha,” iBhayibhile ekhuthaza amaKristu ukuba abuhlakulele. Obu buntu butsha bufanele buquke “amandla alawula ingqondo yenu.”—Efese 4:22-24, NW.

Isifundo seBhayibhile sabangela ukuba uLeonard noElaine bayeke ukusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi, kodwa amandla alawula ingqondo yabo ayengekasebenzi ngokupheleleyo.b Kungekudala bakhotyokiswa zezinye izinto. UElaine uthi: “Kangangeminyaka engama-20 sasizama ukusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile yaye sasizama ukuba nomtshato owanelisayo, kodwa sasisoloko singakwazi ukwenjenjalo. Sasikhotyokiswe ngokunzulu. Sasingakwazi ukufundisisa okanye ukuthandazela ukuba sikhululeke.”

ULeonard noElaine bafuna amacebiso okuqonda unobangela wokukhotyokiswa kwabo. Inkcazelo yexesha elifanelekileyo evela ‘kumkhonzi othembekileyo noqondayo’ ethetha ngokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana, ukukhotyokiswa butywala nokuhlonela amabhinqa iye yabanceda kakhulu.c (Mateyu 24:45-47) UElaine uthi: “Siye sancedwa ukuba silungise umonakalo size sakhe ulwalamano lwethu kwakhona.”

Ukucombulula Iingxaki

URebheka weva intlungu enganyamezelekiyo ngenxa yabafazi bonyana wakhe uEsawu. Enoloyiko lokuba omnye unyana wakhe, uYakobi, uya kulandela umzekelo kaEsawu, uRebheka wavakalisa unxunguphalo awayenalo ngokuyixelela oku indoda yakhe, uIsake: “Ndikruqukile bubomi bam ngenxa yeentombi zakwaHeti. Ukuba uYakobi uthe wazeka umfazi ezintombini zakwaHeti, ezinjengezi ntombi zeli lizwe, boba yintoni na kum obu bomi?”—Genesis 27:46.

Phawula ukuba nangona uRebheka wathetha ngokuqinileyo ngendlela awayevakalelwa ngayo, akazange amhlasele uIsake. Akazange athi, “Kungenxa yakho!” okanye athi, “Ubunokuyilawula ngokulunge ngakumbi le meko!” Kunoko, uRebheka wasebenzisa isivumelanisi esingu-“ndi” ukuchaza indlela eyayimchaphazela ngayo le ngxaki. Le ndlela yokuthetha yabangela ukuba uIsake abe novelwano, ingenguwo umnqweno wokukhusela isidima sakhe. Engavakalelwa kukuba kuhlaselwa yena, indlela uIsake awasabela ngayo kwisicelo sikaRebheka ngokucacileyo yaba yekhawulezileyo.—Genesis 28:1, 2.

Amadoda nabafazi banokufunda okuthile kumzekelo kaRebheka. Xa kuvela impikiswano, hlaselani ingxaki kunokuba nihlaselane. NjengoRebheka, vakalisani ukukhathazeka kwenu ngokwendlela okunichaphazela ngayo. Ukuthi, “Ndikhathazekile ngenxa yokuba . . .” okanye, “Ndivakalelwa kukuba undiqonda phosakeleyo ngenxa yokuba . . .” kuphumelela ngakumbi kunokuthi, “Uyandicaphukisa!” okanye, “Awuze undiqonde ngokufanelekileyo!”

Okungakumbi Kunokuhlala Ixesha Elide

Umtshato wesibini sokuqala esingabantu, uAdam noEva, wahlala kangangeenkulungwane, wavelisa intsapho enoonyana neentombi. (Genesis 5:3-5) Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba umtshato waso wawukufanele ukuxeliswa. Kungabanga thuba lide, umoya wokuzimela geqe nokungathobeli imithetho yobulungisa yoMdali kwalonakalisa umanyano lwabo lokuba nyamanye.

Ngokufanayo, namhlanje umtshato usenokuhlala ithuba elide, kodwa kuwo zisenokungabikho iinkalo ezibalulekileyo zokunxibelelana. Iingcinga ezendele ngokuqinileyo nemikhwa engafanelekanga yobuntu kusenokufuneka ipheliswe. (Thelekisa eyesi-2 kwabaseKorinte 10:4, 5.) Le yinkqubo yemfundo eqhubekayo. Kodwa ifuna umgudu. UYehova uThixo unomdla onzulu kwilungiselelo lomtshato, ekubeni enguMdali walo. (Malaki 2:14-16; Hebhere 13:4) Ngoko ke, ukuba siyayenza indima yethu, sinokuba nentembelo yokuba uya kuyibona imigudu yethu aze asinike ubulumko namandla esiwafunayo ukuphelisa nakuphi na ukuqhawuka konxibelelwano emtshatweni.—Thelekisa INdumiso 25:4, 5; 119:34.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

“Inkunkuma Ibifumana Ixesha Elingakumbi!”

INDODA nomfazi ababenengxaki yokungavisisani emtshatweni bacelwa ukuba bathelekelele ixesha ababelichithela ekuchitheni inkunkuma veki nganye. Impendulo yaba kukuba limalunga nemizuzu engama-35 ngeveki, okanye imizuzu emi-5 ngosuku. Bandula ke babuzwa ixesha ababelichitha bencokola kunye. Indoda yothuka. Yavakalisa oku, “Inkunkuma ibifumana ixesha elingakumbi!”, yongezelela isithi: “Siyazikhohlisa ukuba sicinga ukuba imizuzu emihlanu ngosuku lixesha elaneleyo lokulondoloza umtshato. Yaye ngokuqinisekileyo asiloxesha laneleyo lokwenza umtshato womelele.”

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 7]

Miselani Imigaqo Esisiseko

◻ Xubushani ingongoma ibenye ngexesha (1 Korinte 14:33, 40)

◻ Vakalisani indlela enivakalelwa ngayo; musani ukutyholana (Genesis 27:46)

◻ Ningabethani (Efese 5:28, 29)

◻ Ningathukani (IMizekeliso 26:20)

◻ Zamani ukuxolela, ingekuko ukuphumelela (Genesis 13:8, 9)

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 4]

Xa kuvela impikiswano, hlaselani ingxaki kunokuba nihlaselane

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 8]

Vakalisani indlela enivakalelwa ngayo; musani ukutyholana