Iindlela Eziphumelelayo Zokuncokolisana Neqabane Lakho

‘BENDINGAFANELANGA ndithethe ngaloo ndlela.’ ‘Ndisindwe ngumlomo.’ Ngaba wakhe wavakalelwa ngolu hlobo emva kokuthetha neqabane lakho? Ukuncokolisana bubuchule obumele buhlakulelwe. Njengabo nabuphi na ubuchule, abanye abantu ngamaciko, kanti abanye basuka bayiloze. Nokuba phofu uliyilo, usenokufunda ukuyichaza indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngendlela eyamkelekileyo nokuze ukwazi ukuncokola ngendlela ephumelelayo.

Ngamanye amaxesha, indlela abancokolisana ngayo abantu namaqabane abo iphenjelelwa yindlela abakhule ngayo. Amanye amadoda asenokuba axelelwa ukuba ‘indoda ayithethi kakhulu.’ Ukuthetha kakhulu kwendoda kusenokuyenza ijongwe ngokungathi ayibhadlanga okanye ngumaqhingashe. Kuyinyaniso ukuba iBhayibhile ithi: “Wonke umntu umele akhawuleze ukuva, acothe ukuthetha.” (Yakobi 1:19) Noko ke, esi siluleko sisebenza kumadoda namabhinqa yaye sibonisa ukuba ukuncokolisana kubandakanya okungaphezulu nje kokuthetha. Abantu ababini basenokuthetha ixesha elide, kodwa kuthekani ukuba abaphulaphulani? Kusenokwenzeka ukuba kwimeko enjalo aba bantu abanalo unxibelelwano lokwenene. Eyona ndlela iphumelelayo yokuncokolisana, njengoko kubonisiwe kule ndinyana ingasentla, bubuchule bokuphulaphula.

Ukuncokolisana Ngaphandle Kwamazwi

Kwezinye izithethe, abafazi abafanele bakhuphe nelimdaka ngendlela abavakalelwa ngayo. Amadoda nawo angoozimele-geqe kwimicimbi yentsapho. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, amadoda nabafazi kufuneka baqashele ukuba elinye iqabane licinga ntoni ngemeko ethile. Abanye abafazi bayakwazi ukucingela indlela abayeni babo abacinga ngayo baze benze izinto ngokukhawuleza ukuze baneliseke. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, indoda nomfazi bancokolisana ngaphandle kokuthetha ngokuvakalayo. Noko ke, ubukhulu becala le ndlela yokuncokola iba calanye. Njengokuba umfazi kufuneka acingele indlela indoda yakhe ecinga ngayo nendlela evakalelwa ngayo, kunqabile ngendoda ukuba yenze okufanayo ngomfazi wayo.

Enyanisweni, kwezinye izithethe, amadoda azikhathalele iimvakalelo zabafazi yaye ayazama ukuzanelisa. Nakwizithethe ezinjalo, abantu abaninzi abatshatileyo banokufunda lukhulu kwindlela yokunxibelelana ephumelelayo.

Ukuncokola Kunye Kubalulekile

Ukuthetha ngokungqalileyo kuphelisa ukungaqondani. Ngasekuqaleni kwembali yamaSirayeli, isizwe sakwaRubhen, sakwaGadi, kunye nenxalenye yesizwe sakwaManase esasihlala kwimpuma yoMlambo iYordan, sakha “isibingelelo esiphawulekayo kakhulu” kufutshane neYordan. Ezinye izizwe azizange zikuqonde oku. Zicinga ukuba abazalwana bazo bawexukile, izizwe zasentshona, zavuk’ umnyele zifun’ ukulwa “nabavukeli.” Noko ke, ngaphambi kokuba ziye emfazweni, zathumela igqiza ukuba liye kuthetha nezizwe zasempuma. Hayi indlela okwaba bubulumko ngayo ukwenjenjalo! Zafumanisa ukuba eso sibingelelo sasingenzelwanga amadini atshiswayo okanye imibingelelo engamkelekanga. Kunoko, izizwe zasempuma zazisoyikela ukuba ezinye izizwe zazinokuthi kuzo: “Aninasabelo kuYehova.” Esi sibingelelo sasibubungqina bokuba nazo zazingabanquli bakaYehova. (Yoshuwa 22:10-29) Zasithiya esi sibingelelo ngokuthi bubuNgqina, mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba yayibubungqina bokuba uYehova nguThixo wokwenyaniso.—Yoshuwa 22:34.

Indlela ezakucacisa ngayo oku kwadandalazisa ubungqina obuvakalayo nakwezinye izizwe, ezathi kamva zarhoxa kwimfazwe nxamnye nezizwe ezibini ezinesiqingatha. Ewe, ukuthetha ngokungqalileyo nangokukhululekileyo kwanqand’ amanzi engen’ endlwini. Kamva, xa amaSirayeli avukela uYehova uThixo umyeni wawo wokomfuziselo, ngemfesane wawaxelela ukuba, ‘wayeya kuthetha ezintliziyweni zawo.’ (Hoseya 2:14) Onjani umzekelo onokuxeliswa ngabantu abatshatileyo! Ewe, yenza umgudu wokufikelela intliziyo yeqabane lakho, ukuze nalo liqonde iimvakalelo zakho. Oku kubalulekile, ingakumbi xa kubandakanyeke iimvakalelo ezinzulu. Intatheli yaseUnited States, uPattie Mihalik wathi: “Abanye bathi akukhuphi nemdak’ ipeni xa ufuna ukuthetha, kodwa amazwi asenokuba nexabiso elingaphezulu kwemali. Nakuba abanye benokukufumanisa kunzima ukuchaza indlela abavakalelwa ngayo, kodwa imiphumo yoko, inokuba ngaphezulu lee kwemali esebhankini.”

Hlakulela Ubuchule Bokuncokolisana

Abanye banokuzingxengxezela ngelithi, ‘umtshato wethu wonakala usaqala.’ Abanye banokugqiba ngelithi, ‘umtshato wethu uphelile.’ Basenokucinga ukuba kungangenkankulu ukuphucula ubuchule babo bokuncokolisana emva kosuku lomtshato wabo. Kodwa khawucinge ngeendawo apho amadoda afumana abafazi ngokubonelwa zizalamane. Uninzi lweentsapho ezinjalo ziyakwazi ukwakha iindlela eziphumelelayo zokuncokolisana kumtshato wazo.

Abanye abantu kwilizwe laseNtshona batshata ngaloo ndlela. Unozakuzaku wathunyelwa ukuba ahambe umgama omde ukuze afumanele indoda ethile umtshakazi. Nakuba aba babini babephila malunga neminyaka engama-4 000 eyadlulayo, babonisa ubugcisa kubuchule bokuncokolisana. Umyeni, uIsake, wadibana nonozakuzaku kunye nomtshakazi emasimini. Lo nozakuzaku “wambalisela uIsake zonke izinto azenzileyo.” Le ngxelo yeBhayibhile iqhubeka isithi: “Emva koko uIsake wamsa ententeni kaSara unina. Waba uyamthabatha ngaloo ndlela uRebheka, waba ngumfazi wakhe; wamthanda.”—Genesis 24:62-67.

Khawuqwalasele oku ngenyameko, uIsake weva ingxelo waza “emva koko” wamthabatha uRebheka waba ngumfazi wakhe. Unozakuzaku wayengumkhonzi othembekileyo nozinikeleyo kuYehova uThixo owayenqulwa nguIsake. UIsake wayenesizathu esihle sokuyithemba le ndoda. Emva koko, uIsake “wamthanda” uRebheka awayetshate naye.

Ngaba uIsake noRebheka babenabo ubuchule obuhle bokuncokolisana? Emva kokuba unyana wabo uEsawu watshata neentombi ezimbini zamaHeti, kwavela ingxaki enkulu kwintsapho yabo. URebheka “wahlala esithi kuIsake: ‘Ndiyabenyanya ubomi bam ngenxa yezi ntombi zakwaHeti. Ukuba uYakobi [unyana wabo omncinane] uthe wathabatha umfazi ezintombini zakwaHeti, . . . , bungaba salunga ngantoni na ubomi kum?’” (Genesis 26:34; 27:46) Licace mhlophe elokuba, wayekuthetha phandle oko kwakumkhathaza ngaphandle kokuthingaza.

UIsake wathetha newele likaEsawu, uYakobi, ukuba angatshati neentombi zamaKanana. (Genesis 28:1, 2) Ingongoma kaRebheka yavakala. Aba babini, babencokola ngendlela ephumelelayo ngezona zinto zazidl’ umzi, bemisela umzekelo omhle kuthi namhlanje. Kuthekani ke ukuba amaqabane omtshato akade afikelele kwisigqibo esifanayo? Yintoni enokwenziwa?

Xa Kukho Ukungavumelani

Ukuba kukho into ebalulekileyo eningavumelani ngayo neqabane lakho, musani ukuyeka ukuncokolisana. Oku kudlulisela le ngcamango: Wena akonwabanga kwaye ufuna neqabane lakho lingonwabi. Kodwa kusenokwenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho alikuqondi kakuhle oko ukunqwenelayo nendlela ovakalelwa ngayo.

Wena neqabane lakho nimele nihlale phantsi nize nithethe ngoko ningavisisani ngako. Ukuba lo ngumbandela ontununtunu, kusenokuba nzima ukuhlala uzolile. Abazali bakaIsake, uAbraham noSara, bakhe bazibona bekule ngxaki. Ngenxa yokuba uSara wayeludlolo, walandela isithethe saloo maxesha waza wanikezela ngesicakazana sakhe uHagare ukuba sibe lishweshwe lokumzalela umntwana. UHagare wamzalela uAbraham unyana, ogama linguIshmayeli. Noko ke, kamva uSara wakhulelwa waza wazalela uAbraham unyana, ogama linguIsake. Xa uSara wayelumla uIsake, wabona ukuba uIshmayeli wayegculela unyana wakhe. Ngaloo ndlela uSara ekhusela unyana wakhe, wabongoza uAbraham ukuba andulule esi sicakazana noIshmayeli. Ewe, uSara wayichaza indlela awayevakalelwa ngayo ngendlela engqalileyo. Kodwa le nto ayizange ihle kamnandi kuAbraham.

Yalungiswa njani le ngxaki? IBhayibhile inikela le ngxelo: “UThixo wathi kuAbraham: ‘Musa ukungakholiswa yiyo nantoni na uSara ayitshoyo kuwe ngenkwenkwe le nekhobokazana lakho. Liphulaphule ilizwi lakhe, kuba iya kubizwa ngoIsake imbewu yakho.’” UAbraham waphulaphula ulwalathiso lukaYehova uThixo waza wenza njengoko.—Genesis 16:1-4; 21:1-14.

Usenokuthi, ‘kaloku ukuba uThixo ebenokuthetha nathi esezulwini, asisoze singafikeleli kwisigqibo!’ Oko kusizisa kwenye indlela ephumelelayo yokucombulula iingxabano zomtshato. Abantu abatshatileyo banako ukumphulaphula uThixo. Njani? Ngokufunda iLizwi lakhe kunye baze bakwamkele oko kuthethwa lilo njengolwalathiso lukaThixo.—1 Tesalonika 2:13.

Omnye umfazi ongumKristu nonamava uthi: “Amaxesha amaninzi, xa umfazana ecela uncedo ngemibandela yomtshato, ndidla ngokumbuza enoba yena nomyeni wakhe bayifunda kunye kusini na iBhayibhile. Uninzi lwabantu abaneengxaki kwimitshato yabo abakwenzi oku ngokuthe rhoqo.” (Tito 2:3-5) Sonke sinokuzuza okuthile koko kufunyaniswe ngulo dade. Funda iBhayibhile neqabane lakho rhoqo. Ngaloo ndlela ‘uva’ amazwi kaThixo ekuxelela indlela omele uziphathe ngayo imihla ngemihla. (Isaya 30:21) Kodwa ke lumkela le nto: Ungaze uyisebenzise iBhayibhile njengesabhokhwe sokubetha iqabane lakho, ubhekisa kuphela kwizibhalo ezibonisa ukuba kukho izinto iqabane lakho elingakwaziyo ukuzenza kakuhle. Kunoko, zama ukubona indlela oko nina nobabini eninokukusebenzisa ngayo oko nikufundayo.

Ukuba uzama ukulungisa ingxaki enzulu, kutheni ungakhangeli kwiWatch Tower Publications Indexa ngaloo ngxaki unayo? Masithi unyamekela abazali abasele bekhulile, kwaye oku kwenza kubekho ukruthakruthwano emtshatweni wakho. Kunokujonga izinto ezimele zenziwe nezingamele zenziwe liqabane lakho, kutheni ningahlali phantsi nize nikhangele kwi-Index kunye? Okokuqala khangela umxholo oyintloko othi “Parents.” Usenokukhangela iimbekiselo ezingaphantsi kwemixholwana efana nothi “caring for aged parents.” Fundani kunye amanqaku akwiimpapasho zamaNgqina kaYehova ezithetha ngengxaki yenu. Unokumangaliswa yindlela onokuzuza ngayo kwinkcazelo esekelwe eBhayibhileni eye yanceda abantu abaninzi abanyanisekileyo abangamaKristu.

Ukukhangela ezo mbekiselo nokufunda loo nkcazelo kunye, kusenokuninceda ukuze nibe nembono ephangaleleyo ngengxaki yenu. Niya kufumana izicatshulwa zeBhayibhile ezinokuninika imbono kaThixo. Zifundeni eBhayibhileni yaye nizifunde kunye. Ewe, niya kuva oko uThixo akutshoyo ngengxaki enijamelene nayo!

Wagcine Evulekile Amathuba Okuncokolisana

Ngaba ukhe wazama ukuvula ucango oluvalwe ixesha elide? Kutswina iihenjisi ezinomhlwa kodwa ucango luvuleka ngokuthe ngcembe. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba ucango lusetyenziswa kakhulu kwaye luneoli eyaneleyo? Bekuya kuba lula ukuvula olo cango. Oku kufana nqwa nokuncokolisana. Ukuba xa nincokolisana nibonakalisa uthando lobuKristu, kuya kuba lula ukuyichaza indlela enivakalelwa ngayo nokuba anivisisani ngokunzulu, nto leyo eya kuba ngathi nigalela ioli kwiihenjisi zocango.

Ayikho into eyenzeka ngosuku olunye. Nakuba ukuncokolisana ekuqaleni kuya kufuna umgudu, kufuneka nizame. Uya kuba nolwalamano oluhle neqabane lakho nto leyo eya kunenza niqondane ngamaxesha onke.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Xa ningavisisani, ngaba niyalufuna ulwalathiso lukaThixo?