Ngaba Uchitha Ixesha Kunye Nentsapho Yakho?

“OOBAWO BaseJapan Bayathandwa​—⁠Nangona Bexakeke Ngumsebenzi Bengadlali Nabantwana Babo.” Kwiminyaka ethile eyadlulayo lowo yayingumxholo weMainichi Shimbun. Eli nqaku lanikela ingxelo yokuba ama-87,8 ekhulwini abantwana baseJapan ekwenziwe uhlolisiso kubo ngurhulumente babonisa umnqweno wabo wokunyamekela ooyise kwixesha elizayo. Noko ke, kolunye uhlelo lwephephandaba lesiNgesi, kwakukho inqaku elifanayo phantsi komxholo owahlukileyo. Wawufundeka ngolu hlobo “Oobawo Noonyana: Ukungakhathalelwa.” Ngokungafaniyo nohlelo lwaseJapan, eli nqaku labonisa enye inkalo yohlolisiso olufanayo: Suku ngalunye lomsebenzi, oobawo baseJapan babechitha imizuzu engama-36 kuphela nabantwana babo. Ngokwentelekiso, oobawo baseNtshona Jamani babechitha imizuzu engama-44 nabantwana babo kwiintsuku zaphakathi kweveki, yaye eUnited States yayiyimizuzu engama-⁠56.

Asingoobawo kuphela abachitha ixesha elincinane nabantwana babo. Oomama abangakumbi basebenza ngaphandle kwekhaya. Ngokomzekelo, oomama abaninzi abangenamaqabane omtshato kufuneka baphangele ukuze baxhase intsapho. Ngenxa yoko, ixesha abazali​—⁠oobawo noomama ngokufanayo​—⁠abalichithayo nabantwana babo linciphile.

Kuhlolisiso olwenziwa ngowe-1997 kulutsha lwaseMerika olungaphezu kwama-12 000 kwafunyaniswa ukuba abaselula abanolwalamano olusondeleyo nabazali babo abafane baxinezeleke ngokweemvakalelo, babe neengcinga zokuzibulala, babandakanyeke kugonyamelo, okanye basebenzise izinto ezibenza amakhoboka. Yaye omnye wabaphengululi obandakanyeke kuphando olongezelelekileyo wathi: “Akunakuze usondelelane nabantwana ngaphandle kokuba usoloko unabo.” Ukuchitha ixesha nabantwana bakho nokunxibelelana nabo kubalulekile.

Umsantsa Wonxibelelwano

Ezona ntsapho ekunokwenzeka ukuba zibe nengxaki yonxibelelwano zezo zinomzali ongahlaliyo ekhaya ngenxa yokuba esebenza kude nekhaya. Kakade ke, umsantsa wonxibelelwano awubikho kuphela kumzali ohlala kude nekhaya. Abanye abazali, nangona behlala ekhaya, baphangela ngaphambi kokuba abantwana bavuke babuye sebelele. Ukuze babuyise la mathuba okungabikho konxulumano, bambi abazali bachitha ixesha kunye neentsapho zabo ngeempela-veki nangeeholide. Bathi bachitha ixesha “elixabisekileyo” nabantwana babo.

Kodwa, ngaba ukungachithi xesha laneleyo nabo kunokuthatyathelw’ indawo koko kubizwa ngokuba lixesha elixabisekileyo? Umphengululi uLaurence Steinberg uyaphendula: “Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantwana abachitha ixesha elingakumbi nabazali babo baqhuba kakuhle kunabo bachitha ixesha elincinane. Kubonakala kunzima gqitha ukwenzelelela ukungabikho kwexesha. Ingcamango yexesha elixabisekileyo iye yagxininiswa ngaphezu kwemfuneko.” Leyo yindlela elivakalelwa ngayo ibhinqa laseBurma. Umyeni walo​—⁠uqobo lwendoda yaseJapan​—⁠ufika ekhaya ngentsimbi yokuqala okanye yesibini ntsasa nganye xa evela emsebenzini. Nangona echitha ixesha kunye nentsapho yakhe ngeempela-veki, umfazi wakhe uthi: “Ukuba sekhaya ngeMigqibelo nangeeCawa akunakuze kusivale isikhewu sokungabi nentsapho iveki yonke. . . . Ngaba unokungatyi phakathi evekini uze utye ukutya kweveki yonke ngoMgqibelo nangeCawa?”

Kufuneka Umgudu Wokwenene

Ukugcina unxibelelwano oluhle entsatsheni akunto ilula kangako. Iimfuno zokuphila nokulungiselela iintsapho azikwenzi kube lula ukuba ubawo okanye umama osebenzayo achithe ixesha nentsapho yakhe. Abaninzi babo abanyanzelwa ziimeko ukuba babe kude nekhaya banxibelelana rhoqo ngokutsala umnxeba okanye ngokubhala iileta. Kodwa enoba babonke ekhaya okanye akunjalo, kufuneka umgudu wokwenene ukuze kugcinwe unxibelelwano oluhle lwentsapho.

Abazali abakutyeshelayo ukunxibelelana nentsapho yabo baya kuyicel’ ivuthiwe. Omnye ubawo wayechitha ixesha elincinane nentsapho yakhe, engatyi nokutya nayo, wajamelana nemiphumo ebuhlungu. Unyana wakhe waba nogonyamelo, yaye intwazana yakhe yabanjwa isiba evenkileni. Njengokuba lo bawo wayelungela ukuya kwibala legalufa ngenye intsasa yangeCawa, unyana enomsindo wadanduluka wathi: “Ngaba umama nguye yedwa ongumzali kweli khaya?” Ikhalaza le nkwenkwe yathi: “UMama wenza izigqibo ngayo yonke into entsatsheni. Wena Tata, akuzange . . . ”

Loo mazwi amenza lo bawo wacinga. Ekugqibeleni, wagqiba kwelokuba, njengenyathelo lokuqala, umele adle isidlo sakusasa nentsapho yakhe. Ekuqaleni yayiba nguye nomfazi wakhe. Ngokuthe ngcembe, abantwana baqalisa ukuza, yaye itafile yesidlo sasekuseni yaba yindawo yokunxibelelana. Oku kwakhokelela ekubeni nesidlo sasebusuku basidle bonke. Ngaloo ndlela, lo bawo wayezama ukusindisa intsapho yakhe ekuwohlokeni.

Uncedo Oluvela KwiLizwi LikaThixo

IBhayibhile ikhuthaza abazali ukuba baziphe ithuba lokunxibelelana nabantwana babo. Ngomprofeti uMoses, amaSirayeli ayalelwa: “Yiva, Sirayeli: uYehova uThixo wethu nguYehova mnye. Uze umthande uYehova uThixo wakho ngentliziyo yakho yonke, nangomphefumlo wakho wonke, nangamandla akho onke. La mazwi ndikuwisela umthetho ngawo namhlanje, aze abe sentliziyweni yakho. Uze uwatsolise koonyana bakho, uthethe ngawo ekuhlaleni kwakho endlwini yakho, nasekuhambeni kwakho ngendlela, nasekulaleni kwakho, nasekuvukeni kwakho.” (Duteronomi 6:​4-⁠7) Ewe, abo bangabazali bamele bathabathe inyathelo lokuqala ukuze bachithe ixesha nentsapho yabo ukuba bafuna ukubethelela amazwi kaThixo ezingqondweni nasezintliziyweni zabantwana.

Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, uhlolisiso luka-1997 olusele lukhankanyiwe lwabantwana baseMerika abafikisayo abangaphezu kwama-12-​000 lutyhila ukuba “malunga nama-88 ekhulwini . . . abathi bayanqula, ingcamango yokubaluleka konqulo nomthandazo yayibakhusela.” AmaKristu okwenyaniso ayaqonda ukuba ukufundiswa ekhaya kukhusela abaselula kwizinto ezikhobokisayo, kukuxhwaleka ngokweemvakalelo, kukuzibulala, kugonyamelo, njalo njalo.

Abanye abazali bavakalelwa kukuba kunzima ukufumana ixesha lokuba kunye nentsapho yabo. Oko kunjalo ngakumbi koomama abangenamaqabane omtshato, ababenokukuvuyela ukuchitha ixesha elaneleyo nabantwana babo kodwa kufuneka basebenze yonke imihla. Banokulifumana njani ixesha elixabisekileyo lokuba nentsapho yabo? “Londoloza ubulumko obusebenzisekayo namandla okucinga‚” iBhayibhile iyabongoza. (IMizekeliso 3:​21, NW) Abazali banokusebenzisa ‘amandla okucinga’ ukuze babe nexesha kunye nentsapho. Njani?

Ukuba ungumama ophangelayo odinwayo emva komsebenzi wosuku, kutheni ungaceli abantwana bakho ukuba balungiselele isidlo nawe? Elo xesha nilichitha kunye lininika ithuba lokusondelelana ngakumbi omnye komnye. Ekuqaleni, ukuquka abantwana bakho kusenokuthabatha ixesha elininzi. Noko ke, kungekudala, uya kukufumanisa kumnandi yaye kusonga nexesha.

Usenokuba ungubawo onezinto eziliqela omele uzenze ngeempela-veki. Kutheni ungenzi eminye yale misebenzi nabantwana bakho? Usenokunxibelelana nabo njengokuba nisebenza kunye yaye kwangaxeshanye ubanika ingqeqesho ebalulekileyo. Isiluleko seBhayibhile sokutsolisa amazwi kaThixo kwimbewu yakho sikhuthaza ukuba uthethe nabo ‘ekuhlaleni kwakho endlwini yakho, ekuhambeni ngendlela’​—⁠enyanisweni, ngawo onke amathuba avelayo. ‘Bubulumko obusebenzisekayo’ ukunxibelelana nabantwana bakho njengokuba nisebenza nonke.

Ukuchitha ixesha nentsapho yakho kunemiphumo ehlala ixesha elide. Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Ubulumko bunabavuma ukucetyiswa.” (IMizekeliso 13:​10) Ngokuzipha ithuba lokunxibelelana nentsapho yakho, uya kukwazi ukubanika icebiso lobulumko kwiinzima zobomi bemihla ngemihla. Ulwalathiso olunikelwa ngoku lunokonga ixesha elininzi nentlungu yexesha elizayo. Ukongezelela, lunokuba negalelo kuvuyo lwakho nolwabo. Ukuze unikele ulwalathiso olunjalo, kufuneka utsale kuvimba wobulumko oliLizwi likaThixo, iBhayibhile. Wusebenzisele ukufundisa abantwana bakho nokukhokela intsapho yakho.​—⁠INdumiso 119:​105.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 4]

Abaselula abanolwalamano olusondeleyo nabazali babo abafane baxinezeleke ngokweemvakalelo

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 5]

Unxibelelwano oluhle luba nemiphumo emihle kubomi bentsapho

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 6]

Njengokuba usebenza kunye nomntwana wakho, unokunxibelelana naye uze udlulisele ingqeqesho ebalulekileyo