Ukunxibelelana Entsatsheni Nasebandleni
“Ukuthetha kwenu makuhlale kumnandi, kuvakalisiwe ngetyuwa.”—KOLOSE 4:6.
1. Wathini uAdam xa uThixo wazisa uEva kuye?
“AKUKHO mntu ungumntu yedwa . . . Wonk’ umntu ungumntu ngabantu.” Yakha yatsho njalo enye inkcuba-buchopho kwiinkulungwane ezadlulayo. Ngokuthetha oko, yayingqinela kuphela oko uMdali wakutshoyo ngoAdam: “Akulungile ukuba umntu abe yedwa.” UAdam wayenikwe isipho sentetho nolwimi, kuba wayethiye zonke izilwanyana. Kodwa kwakungekho simbi isidalwa esingumntu uAdam awayenokunxibelelana naso. Akumangalisi ke ngoko ukuba xa uThixo wezisa uEva othandekayo kuye njengomfazi wakhe, wadanduluka wathi: “Eli ke ngoku lithambo lasemathanjeni am, yinyama yasenyameni yam”! Ngaloo ndlela, njengoko kwakuqaleka intsapho yabantu, uAdam waqalisa ukunxibelelana nomnye umntu.—Genesis 2:18, 23.
2. Yiyiphi ingozi ukubukela okungalawulwayo kukamabonwakude okunokuyibangela?
2 Isangqa sentsapho yindawo efanelekileyo yonxibelelwano. Enyanisweni, ukuphumelela kobomi bentsapho kuxhomekeke kulo. Noko ke, ukunxibelelana kufuna ixesha nomgudu. Namhlanje, omnye wezona nkuntsela zamasela exesha ngumabonwakude. Unokuba sisixhobo esenzakalisayo ubuncinane ngeendlela ezimbini. Enye indlela, unokuba nomtsalane kangangokuba amalungu entsapho abe ngamakhoboka akhe, nto leyo esenokuphumela ekunqongophaleni konxibelelwano. Kwelinye icala, umabonwakude unokuba yindlela yokuzikhulula xa kukho ukungaqondani okanye ukwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo. Kunokucombulula iingxaki, wambi amaqabane omtshato aye akhetha ukungathethisani aze abukele umabonwakude. Ngoko umabonwakude unegalelo elibonakalayo ekupheleni konxibelelwano, ekuthiwa kungunobangela oyintloko wokuwohloka kwemitshato. Abo banobunzima bokugcina ukubukela umabonwakude kukwindawo efanelekileyo kungakuhle ukuba bacinge ngokwahlukana naye ngokupheleleyo.—Mateyu 5:29; 18:9.
3. Abanye baye bafumana ziphi iingenelo ngokunciphisa ukubukelwa kukamabonwakude?
3 Enyanisweni, kuye kwafunyanwa iingxelo ezibalisa ngeentsikelelo eziba ngumphumo wokuncitshiswa kokusetyenziswa komabonwakude okanye wokwahlukana naye. Enye intsapho yabhala oku: “Sincokola ngakumbi . . . , senza uphengululo lweBhayibhile olungakumbi . . . Sidlala imidlalo kunye . . . Siye saphucula kuzo zonke iinkalo zobulungiseleli bethu.” Enye intsapho yathi emva kokuba yahlukene nomabonwakude wayo: “Asipheleli nje ngokonga imali [baberhumela kwiziko elisasaza iinkqubo zamaziko osasazo akude] kodwa siye sasondelelana ngakumbi njengentsapho yaye siye safumana nezinye izinto ezininzi ezibalulekileyo esinokuzenza ngexesha lethu. Asize sibe nesithukuthezi.”
Ukujonga, Ukuthetha Nokuphulaphula
4. Isibini esitshatileyo sinokukubonakalisa njani ukuxabisana ngonxibelelwano?
4 Kukho iindlela ezahlukahlukeneyo zokunxibelelana entsatsheni. Ezinye azenziwa ngamazwi. Xa abantu ababini bejongana, yindlela yokunxibelelana leyo. Ukuba kunye kusenokudlulisela imvo yokuba nenkxalabo. Amaqabane amele akuphephe ukuba kude elinye kwelinye kangangethuba elide ngaphandle kokuba kukho isizathu esingenakuphepheka. Izibini ezitshatileyo zinokonwabisana ngokunandipha unxulumano olusenyongweni ezinalo kwiqhina lomtshato. Ngendlela eziqhuba ngayo yothando sekunjalo ebonakalisa intlonelo, enoba kusesidlangalaleni okanye kungasese, zibonisa ukundiliseka okufanelekileyo kwisinxibo nasekuziphatheni, nangona zingakudluliseli ngamazwi zisenokubonakalisa uxabiso olunzulu omnye komnye. UKumkani uSolomon osisilumko wakuvakalisa oku ngala mazwi: “Malisikelelwe ithende lakho, uvuye ngumfazi wobutsha bakho.”—IMizekeliso 5:18.
5, 6. Kutheni amadoda efanele aqonde ukuba ukunxibelelana nabafazi bawo kubalulekile?
5 Ukuze kubekho unxibelelwano kukwafuneka kubekho incoko, ukuphakelana ngezimvo—ukuncokolisana kungekhona ukuba ibe nguwe wedwa othethayo. Nangona bambi abafazi bekwazi ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo ngaphezu kwamadoda, eso ayisosingxengxezo sokuba amadoda abe ngangancokoliyo. Amadoda angamaKristu afanele aqonde ukuba ukungabikho konxibelelwano kuyingxaki engundoqo kwimitshato emininzi, yaye ngoko afanele asebenze nzima ezama ukugcina amaqhina onxibelelwano evulekile. Enyanisweni, oko aya kukwenza ukuba wona, nabafazi bawo, bathobela isiluleko esihle umpostile uPawulos asinikelayo kwabase-Efese 5:25-33. Ukuze indoda ibe iyamthanda umfazi wayo njengomzimba wayo, ifanele iyixhalabele impilo-ntle noko kumonwabisayo, kungekuphela ukuzonwabisa yona. Ngenxa yoko, unxibelelwano lubalulekile.
6 Indoda ayifanele ibe nesimo sengqondo sokuba umfazi umele aqikelele okanye athelekelele ukuba iyamxabisa. Ufuna ukuqinisekiswa ukuba iyamthanda. Uxabiso lwayo inokulubonisa ngeendlela ezininzi—ngamazwi othando nezipho angazilindelanga, kwanangokumgcina ezazi ngokupheleleyo izinto ezinokuthanani naye. Kukwakho nocelomngeni lokuvakalisa uxabiso ngemigudu yomfazi wayo, enoba kusekuzilungiseni kwakhe, kumsebenzi onzima awenzela intsapho, okanye ekuxhaseni kwakhe ngentliziyo iphela imisebenzi yokomoya. Ukongezelela, ukuze indoda ithobele isiluleko sompostile uPetros esikweyoku-1 kaPetros 3:7, ‘sokuhlala nomfazi wayo ngokokwazi,’ imele ibe novelwano, olubonakaliswa ngokunxibelelana naye ngezinto zonke ezifuna bona bobabini, imbeka njengesitya esiethe-ethe.—IMizekeliso 31:28, 29.
7. Yiyiphi imbopheleleko umfazi anayo yokunxibelelana nendoda yakhe?
7 Ngokufanayo, ukuze umfazi athobele isiluleko esingokuzithoba esikwabase-Efese 5:22-24, ufanele akuxhalabele ukuwagcina evulekile amaqhina onxibelelwano nendoda yakhe. Ufanele “ayihlonele ngokunzulu” indoda yakhe, ngentetho nangehambo yakhe. Akafanele nakanye enze unothanda okanye ayityeshele iminqweno yayo. (Efese 5:33, NW) Ngamaxesha onke, kumele kubekho ukuncokolisana phakathi kwakhe nendoda yakhe.—Thelekisa IMizekeliso 15:22.
8. Ukuze bagcine amaqhina onxibelelwano evulekile, yintoni abamele bakulungele ukuyenza abafazi?
8 Ukongezelela, umfazi ufanele akulumkele ukungathethi nangona engonwabanga ngenxa yokuzoyikisela. Ukuba kukho ukungaqondani okuthile, umele alindele ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthetha ngaloo mbandela. Ewe, funda koko kwenziwa nguKumkanikazi uEstere. Wayemele azise engqalelweni yomyeni wakhe umbandela wokuphila nokufa. Inyathelo lakhe elikhawulezileyo lobulumko nelobuchule lathetha ukusinda kwamaYuda. Ngenxa yamaqabane ethu nangenxa yeziqu zethu sifanele sithethe ukuba kukho into esiphazamisileyo okanye esiphazamisayo. Ubuchule noburharha obubonisa ukuhlonel’ uThixo bunokunceda ekwenzeni unxibelelwano lube lula.—Estere 4:15–5:8.
9. Ukuphulaphula kunayiphi indima kunxibelelwano?
9 Ukugcina amaqhina onxibelelwano evulekile ngokuncokola kuthetha ukuba ngamnye unembopheleleko yokuphulaphula oko omnye afuna ukukuthetha—nokwenza umgudu wokufumana intsingiselo yoko kuthethiweyo. Oko kuya kufuna ukuba sinikele ingqalelo kulowo uthethayo. Ubani akamele aqonde oko kuthethwayo kuphela kodwa ukwamele anikele ingqalelo nakwiimvakalelo ezishukumisa ukuthethwa kwaloo mazwi, indlela into ethile ethethwe ngayo. Ngokufuthi amadoda ayasilela kule nkalo. Abafazi basenokubandezeleka ngenxa yokuba amadoda engaphulaphuli. Abafazi kwelabo icala bafanele baphulaphule ngenyameko ukuze bakuphephe ukungxama ngokwenza izigqibo. ‘Osisilumko uyeva, aqokele ukufunda.’—IMizekeliso 1:5.
Unxibelelwano Phakathi Kwabazali Nabantwana
10. Ukuze banxibelelane ngokufanelekileyo nabantwana babo, yintoni abamele abazali bakulungele ukuyenza?
10 Kukwakho neemeko apho abazali nabantwana babo banobunzima bonxibelelwano. Ukuba uza ‘kumfundisa umntwana ngendlela efanele umntwana’ kumele kubekho amaqhina onxibelelwano. Ukwenjenjalo kuya kunceda ekuqinisekiseni ukuba “naxa athe wamkhulu, akasayi kumka kuyo.” (IMizekeliso 22:6) Isibakala sokuba abantwana babanye abazali bebashiya baye ehlabathini maxa wambi sinokuthanani nomsantsa kunxibelelwano ovele ebudeni bethuba lokufikisa ebuntwini obukhulu. Imbopheleleko yabazali yokunxibelelana rhoqo nabantwana babo ibalaseliswa kwiDuteronomi 6:6, 7: “La mazwi ndikuwisela umthetho ngawo namhlanje, aze abe sentliziyweni yakho. Uze uwatsolise koonyana bakho, uthethe ngawo ekuhlaleni kwakho endlwini yakho, nasekuhambeni kwakho ngendlela, nasekulaleni kwakho, nasekuvukeni kwakho.” Ewe, abazali bamele bachithe ixesha nabantwana babo! Bamele bakulungele ukuncama okuthile ngenxa yabantwana babo.
11. Ziziphi ezinye zezinto abazali abamele bazazise abantwana babo xa benxibelelana nabo?
11 Bazali, nxibelelanani nabantwana benu nibazise ukuba uYehova uyabathanda yaye nani niyabathanda. (IMizekeliso 4:1-4) Mababone ukuba nikulungele ukuncama ubutofotofo neziyolo ngenxa yokuba nifuna ukubanceda bakhule ngokwasengqondweni, ngokweemvakalelo, emzimbeni nangokomoya. Okubalulekileyo ekwenzeni oku kukuba novelwano, okuthetha ukuthi, abazali bakwazi ukubona izinto ngendlela abantwana babo abazibona ngayo. Ngokubonakalisa uthando lokungazingci, nina bazali ninokwakha umanyano olomeleleyo nabantwana benu nize nibakhuthaze ukuba iingxaki zabo baziphalaze kuni kunokuzityand’ igila koontanga babo.—Kolose 3:14.
12. Kutheni abantwana befanele banxibelelane nabazali babo ngokukhululekileyo?
12 Kwelinye icala, lutsha, ninembopheleleko yokunxibelelana nabazali benu. Ukuba noxabiso ngoko baye banenzela kona kuya kuninceda nibe nentembelo kubo. Niyalufuna uncedo nenkxaso yabo, yaye kuya kuba lula ngabo ukulunikela ukuba ninxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nabo. Kutheni usenza oontanga bakho babe ngumthombo wakho oyintloko wokufumana amacebiso? Bona bakwenzele izinto ezimbalwa gqitha xa kuthelekiswa nabazali bakho. Abanamava angaphezu konawo ngobomi, yaye ukuba abayonxalenye yebandla, abanamdla wokwenene kwimpilo-ntle yakho kanaphakade.
Unxibelelwano Ebandleni
13, 14. Yiyiphi imigaqo yeBhayibhile ebandakanya unxibelelwano phakathi kwamaKristu?
13 Olunye ucelomngeni kukugcina amaqhina onxibelelwano nabazalwana bakho ebandleni evulekile. Silulekwa ngamandla ukuba singakuhilizeli “ukuhlanganisana kwethu.” Sihlanganisana ngayiphi injongo? “Ukuba silolane eluthandweni nasemisebenzini emihle.” Oku kufuna unxibelelwano. (Hebhere 10:24, 25) Ukuba uthile uyakukhubekisa, eso ayisosizathu sokungayi ezintlanganisweni. Gcina amaqhina onxibelelwano evulekile ngokulandela isiluleko uYesu awasinika sona esikuMateyu 18:15-17. Thetha nalowo ovakalelwa kukuba akakonwabisi.
14 Xa unengxaki nomnye wabazalwana bakho, zithobele iziluleko zeZibhalo ezinjengeso sifumaneka kwabaseKolose 3:13: “Ninyamezelana, nixolelana, ukuba ubani uthi abe nokusola ngakubani; njengokuba naye uKristu wanixolelayo, yenjani njalo nani.” Oko kuthetha unxibelelwano kungekhona ukungathethisani nothile. Yaye xa uphawula ukuba uthile ubonakala engenabuhlobo kuwe, landela isiluleko esifumaneka kuMateyu 5:23, 24. Yakha unxibelelwano, uze uzame ukwakha uxolo nomzalwana wakho. Oku kufuna ukuba ube nothando nokuthobeka, kodwa kunokwenzeka oku ukuba wena nomzalwana wakho nithobela isiluleko sikaYesu.
Isiluleko Nokhuthazo
15. Kutheni amaKristu engamele asilele ukunxibelelana aze adlulisele isiluleko xa ekwimeko yokwenjenjalo?
15 Unxibelelwano lukwabandakanyekile ekuthobeleni isiluleko sikaPawulos esikumaGalati 6:1: “Bazalwana, ukuba umntu uthe waqutyulwa nokuqutyulwa sisiphoso esithile, nina bangaboMoya, mlulekeni onjalo ninomoya wobulali; uzilumkela ukuba ungahendwa nawe.” Ukuthozama kufanele kusenze sikuvuyele ukuba ubani asalathise apho senze impazamo khona kwintetho okanye kwihambo yethu. Enyanisweni, sonke sifanele sibe nesimo sengqondo umdumisi uDavide awayenaso xa wabhala oku: “Malindibethe ilungisa linenceba, lindohlwaye; ioli enjalo yentloko ayingeyali intloko yam.” (INdumiso 141:5) Abadala bafanele ngokukhethekileyo babe yimizekelo ebalaseleyo yokuthobeka, benganyanzelisi iimbono zobuqu kodwa bekulungele ukwamkela ukulungiswa, bekhumbula ukuba ‘amanxeba enziwa ngumhlobo akholekile.’—IMizekeliso 27:6.
16. Luluphi unxibelelwano izithethi eziselula ezifanele zilwamkele?
16 Kulikhondo lobulumko nokuthozama xa ulutsha lufuna isiluleko nolwalathiso kumaKristu akhulileyo, ngokunokwenzeka aya kunikela okuthile okwakhayo. Kwanabadala banokungenelwa ngale ndlela. Ngokomzekelo, omnye umdala entethweni yakhe wathi iintsikelelo ekuthethwa ngazo kwiSityhilelo 7:16, 17, ezithetha ngokungabi salamba nokungabi sanxanwa, zizinto ezinye izimvu ezinokukhangela phambili kuzo kwihlabathi elitsha. Noko ke, kuye kwaboniswa ukuba ngokuyintloko esi sibhalo sibhekisela kwixesha langoku. (Bona ISityhilelo—Incopho Yaso Ezukileyo Isondele!, iphepha 126-8.) Umdala owayephulaphule wavakalelwa kukuba wayefanele amkhumbuze ngoku, kodwa ngaphambi kokuba abe nethuba lokwenjenjalo, isithethi samtsalela umnxeba sicela amacebiso okuphucula kwintetho yaso. Ewe, masibenzele lula abo bangathanda ukusinceda ngokunxibelelana nabo sibazise ukuba sinqwenela ukululekwa. Masingabi nochuku okanye sicaphuke msinya.
17. Unxibelelwano lunokubakha njani abazalwana bethu?
17 UKumkani uSolomon wabhala umgaqo onokusebenza kule ngxubusho yethu. Wathi: “Musa ukwala nento elungileyo kolunge nayo, kwakuba kusemandleni esandla sakho ukuyenza.” (IMizekeliso 3:27) Sinetyala lothando kubazalwana bethu. UPawulos wathi: “Musani ukuba natyala lanto mntwini, lingelilo elokuthandana; kuba omthandayo omnye uzalise umthetho.” (Roma 13:8) Ngoko yiba ngosoloko ukulungele ukukhuthaza. Ngaba isicaka solungiselelo esiselula sinikela intetho yesidlangalala okwesihlandlo sokuqala? Sincome. Ngaba udade usebenze nzima okanye wenze ngokusemagqabini kwisabelo sakhe kwiSikolo Sobulungiseleli Sobuthixo? Mxelele indlela owuxabisa ngayo umgudu awenzayo. Xa bebonke, abazalwana noodade bazabalazela ukwenza okusemandleni abo yaye baya kukhuthazwa ngamazwi othando abonakalisa uxabiso.
18. Xa kubonakaliswa ukuzithemba okugqithisileyo, yintoni ekuya kuba bububele ukuyenza?
18 Ngokwahlukileyo, isithethi esiselula sisenokuba nobuchule ngokwenene, kodwa ngenxa yokuba lula, sisenokubonakalisa ukuzithemba okungaphezu kwemfuneko ngeso sihlandlo. Luluphi unxibelelwano obeluya kufuneka kule meko? Ngaba bekungayi kuba bububele ukuba umdala okhulileyo asincome ngazo naziphi na iingongoma ezintle kwintetho yaso aze, kwangaxeshanye, ngobuhlobo acebise iindlela esinokuhlakulela ngazo ukuthobeka kwixesha elizayo? Unxibelelwano olunjalo beluya kubonisa uthando lobuzalwana luze lubancede abaselula bahlukane nemikhwa emibi isaqala, ngaphambi kokuba ibetheleleke.
19. Kutheni abadala neentloko-ntsapho zifanele zinxibelelane nabanye?
19 Abadala bayanxibelelana bodwa kwakunye nebandla ngezinto eziyingenelo—kambe ke, bayakuphepha ukutyhila imibandela eyimfihlo, njengaleyo ehlobene neengxaki zokugweba. Noko ke, ukuba ngofihla ngokugqith’ emgceni kuphumela kukungathenjwa nokudana yaye kunokuwenzakalisa umoya ofudumeleyo ebandleni—okanye entsatsheni. Ngokomzekelo, wonk’ ubani uyakuvuyela ukuva ingxelo eyakhayo. Kanye njengokuba umpostile uPawulos wayelangazelela ukunxibelelana nabanye ukuze adlulisele kulo izibabalo zomoya, ngoko nabadala bafanele bakuxhalabele ukudlulisela inkcazelo eyakhayo kwabanye.—IMizekeliso 15:30; 25:25; Roma 1:11, 12.
20. Inqaku elilandelayo liza kuxubusha ngayiphi inkalo yonxibelelwano?
20 Ewe, unxibelelwano lubalulekile ebandleni lamaKristu nasentsatsheni yamaKristu. Ngaphezu koko, alunakulityalwa nakwenye inkalo. Yiyiphi leyo? Kubulungiseleli bobuKristu. Kwinqaku elilandelayo, siza kuqwalasela iindlela zokuphucula ubuchule bethu bonxibelelwano kulo msebenzi ubalulekileyo.
Ubuya Kuphendula Njani?
◻ Unokoyiswa njani umqobo oxhaphakileyo kunxibelelwano lwentsapho?
◻ Amadoda nabafazi banokuhlangabezana njani nocelomngeni lonxibelelwano?
◻ Abazali nabantwana banokukuphepha njani ukuvelisa umsantsa wesizukulwana?
◻ Lunokuba lolwakhayo njani unxibelelwano emabandleni nasezintsatsheni?
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]
Unxibelelwano oluhle lukhulisa impilo-ntle nolonwabo lwentsapho