Imibuzo Evela Kubafundi

Umfazi ongumKristu othembekileyo ufanele axhathise ukusa kuwuphi umlinganiselo xa iqabane lakhe liqhawula umtshato walo naye?

Xa umtshato wabantu waqalisayo, uThixo wathi indoda nomfazi bafanele ‘banamathele’ omnye komnye. (Genesis 2:18-24) Abantu baphelelwa yimfezeko, nto leyo eyabangela iingxaki emitshatweni emininzi, kodwa uThixo usanqwenela ukuba amaqabane anamathele elinye kwelinye. Umpostile uPawulos wabhala: “Ke abantu abatshatileyo ndiyabayala, kanti ingendim kodwa iyiNkosi, ukuba umfazi ufanele angemki endodeni yakhe; kodwa ukuba okunene uyemka, makahlale engatshatanga okanye kungenjalo axolelane nendoda yakhe; yaye indoda ayifanele imshiye umfazi wayo.”—1 Korinte 7:10, 11.

La mazwi abonisa ukuba kuyenzeka maxa wambi kubantu abangafezekanga ukuba elinye iqabane ligqibe kwelokuba limke. Ngokomzekelo, uPawulos wathi ukuba elo qabane lalinokumka, omabini ayemele “ahlale engatshatanga.” Ngoba? Ewe, laliya kube limkile lona elinye iqabane, kodwa emehlweni kaThixo aba babini babeya kuqhubeka bebotshelelwe omnye komnye. UPawulos wayenokukuthetha oko kuba uYesu wamisela umlinganiselo kumtshato wamaKristu esithi: “Nabani na oqhawula umtshato nomfazi wakhe, ngaphandle kwangesizathu sohenyuzo [ngesiGrike ipor·neiʹa], aze atshate nomnye uyakrexeza.” (Mateyu 19:9) Ewe, ekuphela kwesizathu seZibhalo sokuqhawula umtshato ‘luhenyuzo,’ ngamany’ amazwi, kukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini. Kuyabonakala ukuba, kwimeko awayebhekisela kuyo uPawulos, omabini amaqabane ayengaziphathanga kakubi, ngoko xa umyeni okanye umfazi wemkayo, loo mtshato wawungaphelanga emehlweni kaThixo.

Emva koko uPawulos wathetha ngemeko apho umKristu wokwenyaniso eneqabane elingakholwayo. Qwalasela ulwalathiso lukaPawulos: “Ukuba lowo ungakholwayo uyemka, makemke; xa kunjalo umzalwana okanye udade akabotshelelwanga, kodwa uThixo unibizele eluxolweni.” (1 Korinte 7:12-16) Unokwenza ntoni umfazi othembekileyo ukuba umyeni wakhe ongakholwayo uyamshiya, de afune ukuwuqhawula ngokusemthethweni umtshato wabo?

Usenokuba ukhetha ukuqhubeka engumfazi wakhe. Usenokuba usamthanda, kwaye uyaziqonda iimfuno zeemvakalelo nezesini abanazo bobabini, kwaye uyaqonda ukuba yena kunye nabantwana babo abasebancinane bafuna ukuxhaswa ngezinto eziphathekayo. Mhlawumbi usenethemba lokuba, ethubeni, umyeni wakhe uza kuba likholwa aze asindiswe. Ukanti ukuba umyeni uthabatha amanyathelo okuphelisa umtshato (ngenxa yesizathu esithile esingesosazibhalo), umfazi unokumyeka “emke,” njengoko uPawulos wabhalayo. Kunokusebenza okufanayo ukuba umyeni okholwayo uyayigatya imbono kaThixo ngomtshato aze emke.

Noko ke, kwimeko enjalo, umfazi unokubona imfuneko yokuzikhusela yena kunye nabantwana. Njani? Usenokufuna ilungelo lokubakhulisa ngokwakhe abantwana bakhe abathandayo ukuze baqhubeke befumana uthando lukamama, abaqeqeshe ngemilinganiselo yokuziphatha, yaye abethelele kubo ukholo olusekelwe kwiimfundiso ezintle zeBhayibhile. (2 Timoti 3:15) Uqhawulo-mtshato lunokuwabeka engozini amalungelo akhe. Ngenxa yoko, unokuthabatha amanyathelo ukuze abe nommeli ofanelekileyo phambi kwabasemagunyeni ukuze akhusele ilungelo lakhe lokuba abantwana babe ngakuye yaye aqiniseke ukuba umyeni wakhe ubophelelekile ukuba axhase le ntsapho ayishiyayo. Kwezinye iindawo, umfazi oxhathisa uqhawulo-mtshato unokutyobela amaxwebhu asemthethweni achaza iinkcukacha zokukhuliswa kwabantwana nenkxaso yemali, ngaphandle kokuvumelana noqhawulo-mtshato olufunwa ngumyeni. Kwamanye amazwe, amagama abhalwe kuloo maxwebhu abonisa ukuba uyavumelana noqhawulo-mtshato; yaye ngaloo ndlela, ukuba umyeni ukrexezile, ukutyobela komfazi loo maxwebhu bekuya kuthetha ukuba uyamala.

Inkoliso yabantu basekuhlaleni nabasebandleni abayi kuzazi iinkcukacha, ezifana nokuba olo qhawulo-mtshato luxhaswa ziZibhalo kusini na. Ngoko ngaphambi kokuba izinto zihambele phambili kangako, sicebisa ukuba umfazi azise umveleli owongamelayo nomnye umdala webandla ngasese (kunconyelwa ukuba ababhalele) aze ababekele izibakala. Ngaloo ndlela ezo zibakala ziya kukwazi ukufumaneka xa kuphakama imibuzo—ngelo xesha okanye kamva.

Makhe sibuyele kumazwi kaYesu athi: “Nabani na oqhawula umtshato nomfazi wakhe, ngaphandle kwangesizathu sohenyuzo, aze atshate nomnye uyakrexeza.” Ukuba umyeni unetyala lokuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini kodwa afune ukuqhubeka etshate nomfazi wakhe, umfazi (lowo umsulwa kumzekelo kaYesu) umele akhethe enoba uyamxolela aze aqhubeke esabelana naye ngomandlalo womtshato okanye uyamala kusini na. Ukuba ukulungele ukumxolela aze aqhubeke etshate nomyeni wakhe ongokwasemthethweni, akaziphathi kakubi ngokwenjenjalo.—Hoseya 1:1-3; 3:1-3.

Kwimeko apho umyeni oziphethe kakubi afuna ukuqhawula umtshato, umfazi usenokuqhubeka ekulungele ukumxolela, enethemba lokumzuza kwakhona. Kuxhomekeke kuye ukwenza isigqibo, esisekelwe kwisazela nakwimeko leyo, sokuba uza kulixhathisa kusini na inyathelo lomyeni lokuqhawula umtshato. Kwezinye iindawo umfazi oxhathisa uqhawulo-mtshato unokukwazi ukutyobela amaxwebhu acacisa amalungiselelo okukhulisa abantwana kunye nenkxaso yemali ngaphandle kokubonisa enoba uyavumelana kusini na noqhawulo-mtshato; ukutyobela kwalo mfazi loo maphepha kukodwa nje akuyi kubonisa ukuba uyamala. Noko ke, kwezinye iindawo umfazi oxhathisa uqhawulo-mtshato unokucelwa ukuba atyobele amaxwebhu abonisa ukuba uyavumelana noqhawulo-mtshato; ukutyobela bekuya kubonisa ngokuphandle ukuba uyamala umyeni wakhe onetyala.

Ukuze kuphetshwe ukungaqondani okunokubakho, kule meko sicebisa ukuba umfazi abhalele abameli bebandla ileta echaza amanyathelo athatyathwayo kunye neentshukumisa zawo. Umfazi unokuchaza ukuba umxelele umyeni wakhe ukuba ukulungele ukumxolela aze abe ngumfazi wakhe. Oko kuya kuthetha ukuba akahambisani noqhawulo-mtshato; kunokuba amale umyeni wakhe, ebesakulungele ukumxolela. Emva kokuyenza icace into yokuba ebekulungele ukumxolela aze aqhubeke etshate naye, ukutyobela kwakhe amaphepha abonisa indlela imicimbi yemali kunye/ okanye eyokukhulisa abantwana eza kusingathwa ngayo bekungayi kubonisa ukuba uyamala umyeni wakhe.a

Ekubeni ebonisile ukuba ukulungele ukuxolela kwanasemva koqhawulo-mtshato, yena kunye nomyeni wakhe abakhululekanga ukuba batshate abanye abantu. Ukuba yena, qabane limsulwa eliye lakhatywa nangona belikulungele ukuxolela, kamva ugqiba kwelokuba amale ngenxa yokuziphatha kakubi kwakhe, bobabini baya kukhululeka. UYesu wabonisa ukuba iqabane elimsulwa linelungelo lokwenza eso sigqibo.—Mateyu 5:32; 19:9; Luka 16:18.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]