Iindlela Zokwenza Intsapho Yakho Yonwabe

Indlela Yokumelana Neengxaki Zonyaka Wokuqala Nitshatile

Umyeni uthi: “Kuyandimangalisa ukufumanisa indlela esingafani ngayo mna nomfazi wam. Ngokomzekelo, mna ndithanda ukuvuka ekuseni ngoxa yena elala kude kube semini. Kwakhona andide ndiyiqonde indlela esitshintsha-tshintsha ngayo isimo sakhe sengqondo. Naxa ndipheka usoloko endigxeka kuba ndisosula izandla ngefayidukhwe.”

Umfazi uthi: “Umyeni wam akakuthandi ukuncokola kodwa mna ndiqhele ukuhlala nentsapho enkulu. Intsapho yakowethu ithanda ukuhlala kunye ize incokole ingakumbi xa kutyiwa. Xa umnyeni wam epheka, usebenzisa ifayidukhwe enye xa epheka naxa esosula izandla. Kutheni kunzima kangaka nje ukuwaqonda amadoda? Umtshato wenziwa njani uphumelele?”

UKUBA usandul’ ukutshata, ngaba nawe uye waba neengxaki ezifana nezi? Ngaba kubonakala ngathi lo mntu utshate naye uye waqalisa ukuba namakhwiniba awayengenayo xa nanisathandana? Unokujamelana njani “neengxaki zemihla ngemihla abaya kuba nazo abantu abatshatileyo”?—1 Korinte 7:28, Today’s English Version.

Okokuqala, musa ukucinga ukuba ukwenza izifungo zomtshato kwenza wena neqabane lakho nazi yonke into ngomtshato. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba nafunda ukukwazi ukuhlala nabanye abantu ngoxa naningekatshati yaye mhlawumbi naphucula kakhulu ngoxa nanisathandana. Noko ke, obo bochule buza kuvavanywa ngezinye iindlela emtshatweni yaye kusenokufuneka niphucule. Ngaba niza kuzenza iimpazamo? Ngokuqinisekileyo. Ngaba ninako ukufumana ubuchule obufunekayo? Ewe ninako.

Eyona ndlela iphumelelayo yokufumana ubuchule obuthile kukubuza kumntu oyincutshe uze wenze ngokwecebiso lakhe. Oyena mntu uwazi kakuhle umtshato nguYehova uThixo. Kaloku nguye owasidala saba nomnqweno wokutshata. (Genesis 2:22-24) Phawula indlela iLizwi lakhe iBhayibhile elinokukunceda ngayo ukuba woyise iingxaki uze ufumane nobuchule obufunekayo ukuze umtshato wakho udlule kunyaka wokuqala.

UBUCHULE 1. FUNDANI UKUNCOKOLISANA

Iingxaki ezixhaphakileyo.

UKeijia waseJapan wayekhe alibale ukuba izigqibo zakhe zichaphazela nomfazi wakhe. Uthi: “Ndandidla ngokwamkela izimemo ndingakhange ndibuze uluvo lomfazi wam. Kamva ndandiye ndifumanise ukuba akazukukwazi ukuya kwezo ndawo sasimenywe kuzo.” UAllen waseOstreliya yena uthi: “Ndandivakalelwa kukuba indoda ayifanele ibuze emfazini ngaphambi kokuba yenze izigqibo.” Leyo yindlela awayekhule ngayo. Kwakunjalo nakuDianne ohlala eBritani. Uthi: “Ndandikuqhelile ukufuna amacebiso ekhaya. Ngenxa yoko, ndandidla ngokuqala ndibuze kubantu basekhaya ngaphambi kokuba ndithethe nomyeni wam xa kufuneka ndenze isigqibo.”

Siyintoni isicombululo?

Khumbula ukuba abantu abatshatileyo “banyama-nye” kuYehova uThixo. (Mateyu 19:3-6) KuThixo abukho obunye ubuhlobo babantu obubaluleke ngaphezu kobendoda nomfazi wayo. Ukuze umtshato uhlale womelele kubalulekile ukuncokolisana.

Indoda nomfazi wayo banokufunda lukhulu kwindlela uYehova uThixo awayencokola ngayo noAbraham. Ngokomzekelo, sicela ufunde incoko yabo ebhalwe kwiGenesis 18:17-33. Phawula ukuba uThixo wamphatha ngesidima uAbraham ngendlela ezintathu. (1) UYehova wamxelela ukuba wayefuna ukwenza ntoni. (2) Waphulaphula njengoko uAbraham wayechaza izimvo zakhe. (3) UYehova wenza konke awayenokukwenza ukuze anelise uAbraham. Unokumxelisa njani uYehova xa uncokolisana neqabane lakho?

ZAMA ELI CEBISO: Xa nithetha ngezinto eziza kuchaphazela iqabane lakho, (1) chaza indlela obungathanda niyisingathe ngayo imeko leyo, kodwa ke musa ukulenzela izigqibo okanye uliyalele; (2) cela iqabane lakho lichaze ezalo izimvo yaye ufanele wazi ukuba nalo linelungelo lokuba nembono eyahlukileyo; yaye (3) yenza ‘ukuba nengqiqo kwakho kwazeke’ ngokwamkela iimbono zeqabane lakho nanini na kufanelekile.—Filipi 4:5.

UBUCHULE 2. FUNDA UKUTHETHA KAKUHLE

Ingxaki exhaphakileyo.

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uthetha phandle okanye rhabaxa ngenxa yendlela okhule ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, uLiam ohlala eYurophu uthi: “Abantu bendawo endisuka kuyo abafihli makhuba xa bethetha. Ukuthetha ngolo hlobo kwakumcaphukisa umfazi wam. Kwafuneka ndifunde ukuthetha kakuhle.”

Siyintoni isicombululo?

Musa ukucinga ukuba iqabane lakho lifuna kuthethwe nalo ngendlela wena oqhele ukuthetha ngayo. (Filipi 2:3, 4) Icebiso elanikwa omnye umthunywa wevangeli ngumpostile uPawulos linokubanceda abantu abasandul’ ukutshata. Wathi: “Ikhoboka leNkosi akufuneki lilwe, kunoko kufuneka lithantamise.” Igama lesiGrike eliguqulelwe ngokuthi “ukuthantamisa” likwanokuguqulelwa nangokuthi “ukuba nobuchule.” (2 Timoti 2:24) Ukuthetha ngobuchule kuthetha ukukwazi ukuthantamisa uze ungabakhubekisi abanye.

ZAMA ELI CEBISO: Xa ucatshukiswe liqabane lakho, yiba ngathi uthetha nomhlobo wakho osenyongweni okanye umqashi kungekhona lona. Ngaba ubuza kuthetha ngendlela efanayo nabo? Emva koko cinga ngezizathu zokuba kufuneka uthethe ngembeko nokuthantamisa okuthe chatha neqabane lakho ngaphezu kokuba ubuya kwenza kumhlobo okanye umqashi wakho.—Kolose 4:6.

UBUCHULE 3. FUNDANI UKUZIQHELA IINDIMA ZENU EZINTSHA

Ingxaki exhaphakileyo.

Ekuqaleni umyeni usenokuba yintloko engakwaziyo ukuthantamisa okanye umfazi angakwazi ukuthetha ngentlonelo xa ecebisa. Ngokomzekelo, uAntonio waseItali uthi: “Utata wayengafane athethe nomama xa eza kwenza izigqibo. Ngenxa yoko ekuqaleni nam ndandiyilawula ngegqudu intsapho yam.” Inkosikazi yaseKhanada ekuthiwa nguDebbie yona ithi: “Ndandifuna umyeni wam acoceke. Kodwa ke ukuthetha naye rhabaxa kwamenza waba nenkani nangakumbi.”

Umyeni unokuyicombulula njani le ngxaki?

Abanye abayeni abawuqondi umahluko phakathi koko kuthethwa yiBhayibhile ngokuthobela kwabafazi kunye noko ikuthethayo ngendlela umntwana afanele athobele ngayo umzali wakhe. (Kolose 3:20; 1 Petros 3:1) IBhayibhile ithi indoda ifanele “inamathele emfazini wayo, baze abo babini babe nyama-nye”; kodwa ke ayithethi lo nto ngomntwana nomzali wakhe. (Mateyu 19:5) UYehova uthi umfazi ngumphelelisi okanye iqabane lomyeni wakhe. (Genesis 2:18) Akazange akhe athi umntwana ngumphelelisi okanye iqabane lomzali. Ngaba umyeni ophatha umfazi wakhe ngathi ngumntwana uyawuhlonela umtshato?

Eneneni, iLizwi likaThixo lithi ufanele uphathe umfazi wakho ngendlela uYesu aliphatha ngayo ibandla lamaKristu. Unokwenza kube lula ngomfazi wakho ukukubona uyintloko yakhe ukuba (1) awulindeli ukuba akhawuleze akuthobele ngokupheleleyo yaye (2) umthanda njengawe naxa kuvela iingxaki.—Efese 5:25-29.

Inkosikazi inokuyicombulula njani le ngxaki?

Yamkele into yokuba ngoku umyeni wakho yintloko yakho emiselwe nguThixo. (1 Korinte 11:3) Ukuhlonela umyeni wakho kuthetha ukuhlonela uThixo. Ukungabuthobeli ubuntloko bakhe akubonisi nje indlela omjonga ngayo kodwa kukwabonisa nendlela omjonga ngayo uThixo nezinto azifunayo kuthi.—Kolose 3:18.

Xa nithetha ngeengxaki zenu, musa ukuhlasela ubuntu bomyeni wakho kodwa zama ukucombulula ingxaki eninayo. Ngokomzekelo, uKumkanikazi uEstere wayefuna umyeni wakhe uKumkani uAhaswerosi alungise ingxaki ethile. Akazange amhlasele kodwa wathetha naye ngembeko. Umyeni wakhe walamkela icebiso lakhe yaye ekugqibeleni wayilungisa ingxaki eyayikho. (Estere 7:1-4; 8:3-8) Umyeni wakho uya kukuthanda nangakumbi ukuba (1) uyamnyamezela njengoko efunda ukuba yintloko ntsapho efanelekileyo yaye (2) uyamhlonela naxa esenza iimpazamo.—Efese 5:33.

ZAMA ELI CEBISO: Kunokuba ucinge ngezinto ekufuneka lizitshintshe iqabane lakho, cinga ngezinto omele wena uzitshintshe. Myeni: Xa uye walisebenzisa kakubi igunya lakho lobuntloko yaza loo nto yamkhathaza umfazi wakho, mbuze ukuba unokuphucula njani uze ulibhale phantsi icebiso lakhe. Mfazi: Xa umyeni wakho ekhalazela ukungahlonelwa, mbuze ukuba unokuphucula njani uze ulibhale phantsi icebiso lakhe.

Ungalindeli Izinto Ezingaphaya Kwamandla Eqabane Lakho

Ukufunda ukuba nomtshato owonwabileyo kufana nokufunda ukuqabela ibhayisekile. Kulindeleke ukuba umane usiwa njengoko ufunda ukuqabela ibhayisekile. Ufanele ulindele ukuba umane usenza iimpazamo njengoko usiya usiba namava emtshatweni.

Ungakhawulezi uqumbe. Zihoye izinto ezixhalabisa iqabane lakho kodwa ke uphinde ufunde ukuzihleka iimpazamo zakho. Wasebenzise amathuba okwenza iqabane lakho lonwabe kunyaka wenu wokuqala. (Duteronomi 24:5) Ngaphezu kwako konke, ubuhlobo benu bufanele balathiswe liLizwi likaThixo. Ukuba nenjenjalo umtshato wenu uyakomelela ukutyhubela iminyaka.

IBhayibhile Yawusindisa Umtshato Wethu

UToru noAkiko babethandana ekuqaleni. Kodwa ke esi sibini saseJapan sawuqhawula umtshato waso emva kweenyanga nje ezisibhozo sitshatile. Babalisa oko kwenzekayo.

UToru uthi: “Ndafumanisa ukuba mna nomfazi wam sasithanda izinto ezahlukene kakhulu kunokuba ndandicinga. Ngokomzekelo, ndandithanda ukubukela ezemidlalo kumabonwakude wabe yena ethanda amabali. Ndandithanda nokubethwa ngumoya ngoxa yena wayethanda ukuhlala ekhaya.”

UAkiko uthi: “UToru wayesenza yonke into efunwa yintsapho yakhe engakhange athethe nam kuqala. Ndathi kuye: ‘Ngubani obaluleke kakhulu kuwe, phakathi kwam nomama wakho?’ Kwakhona yandimangalisa indlela awayexoka ngayo. Ndamxelela ukuba ubuxoki bukhokelela kobunye yaye ukuba akayeki umtshato wethu uza kuphela.”

UToru uthi: “Ndaba nomsindo ndaza ndacela icebiso lokuqhubana nomfazi wam komnye umntu endandisebenza naye. Wathi kum: ‘Mxelele ukuba athule, ukuba akeva umfak’ inqindi.’ Ngenye imini ndamqhwaba ngempama uAkiko ndaza ndabhukuqa netafile. Salwa waza wemka. Kwafuneka ukuba ndiye kumlanda kwihotele ethile eTokyo. Ekugqibeleni sagqiba ekubeni siwuqhawule umtshato. Njengoko ndandisiya emsebenzini ngaloo mini, umfazi wam ndamshiya epakisha impahla yakhe.”

UAkiko uthi: “Njengoko ndandithwele imigodlwana yam ndihamba, kwankqonkqoza umntu emnyango. Kwathi kanti yenye inkosikazi eliNgqina likaYehova. Ndayingenisa ngaphakathi.”

UToru uthi: “Ukufika kwam emsebenzini ndayicingisisa into yokuqhawula umtshato ndaza ndabuyela ekhaya ngokukhawuleza. Ndafika ekhaya uAkiko encokola neli nenekazi. Lathi kum: ‘Kuza kufuneka kubekho into eniyenza kunye. Kunganjani xa ninokufunda iBhayibhile?’ ‘Ndavuma ndisithi ndiya kwenza nantoni na enokusindisa umtshato wethu.’”

UAkiko uthi: “Eli nenekazi lenza amalungiselelo okusifundisa iBhayibhile. Yatshintsha imeko yethu xa safunda indlela ewuchaza ngayo umtshato iBhayibhile. Ithi: ‘Kungenxa yoko le nto indoda iya kumshiya uyise nonina, inamathele emfazini wayo baze babe nyama-nye.’”—Genesis 2:24.

UToru uthi: “Ndayiqonda ngoko nangoko into endandifanele ndiyenze. Ndathi kubazali bam, ‘Ukususela ngoku ndiza kuqala ndithethe nomfazi wam ngaphambi kokuba ndenze izigqibo.’ Kwakhona ndayeka ukusela kakhulu. Xa ndeva ukuba uThixo ukuthiyile ukuxoka ndazama ukusoloko ndithetha inyaniso.”

UAkiko uthi: “Nam ndatshintsha. Ngokomzekelo, ndandingamhloneli uToru. Kodwa ndaqalisa ukumxhasa ngakumbi xa ndabona indlela awayeyithobela ngayo iBhayibhile. (Efese 5:22-24) Ngoku sele kudlule iminyaka engama-28 sihleli ngoxolo. Sakwazi ukuzoyisa iingxaki zethu ngokwazana bhetele nangokusebenzisa isiluleko seBhayibhile.”

a Amanye amagama atshintshiwe.

ZIBUZE . . .

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