Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokonwaba Njani Ndihlala Nomzali Nje Omnye?

“Abantwana abanabazali ababini banokuba namagumbi abo baze bathenge iimpahla ezintsha. Kodwa mna kufuneka ndilale nomnye egumbini; andize ndilufumane uhlobo lweempahla endizithandayo. Umama uthi akanakukwazi ukuzithenga. Kuyo yonke imisebenzi ekufuneka ndiyenzile endlwini ngoxa esebenza, ndivakalelwa ngokungathi ndisisicakakazi​—⁠ngokungathi ndibandezwa okuthile kubuntwana bam.”​—⁠UShalonda, oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala.

IKHAYA elinabazali ababini lifaneleke ngokupheleleyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo abazali ababini abanothando banokukwazi ukunikela ukhokelo, inkuselo nenkxaso engakumbi kunokuba omnye enokukwazi. IBhayibhile ithi: “Ababini balunge ngakumbi kunomnye, kuba bekunye banokusebenza ngokunempumelelo ngakumbi.”​—⁠INtshumayeli 4:​9, Today’s English Version.

Ngoko, akumangalisi ukuba phezu kwalo nje ulwando olukhawulezileyo lwamakhaya anomzali omnye, ulutsha oluninzi luziva luneentloni ngokuhlala kumakhaya anjalo. Lusenokuvakalelwa kukuba alukakulungeli ukuhlangabezana neengcinezelo kunye neengxaki ubomi obunjalo obuluchanaba kuzo. Ngoko, kuthekani ukuba iimeko ongenakuzilawula zikuhlutha uthando nenkathalo yomnye wabazali bakho? Ngaba upheleliselwe kuloo meko ilusizi? Kungangenkankulu ukuba kube njalo.

Kuninzi okunento yokwenza nendlela oyijonga ngayo le meko. IMizekeliso 15:​15 ithi: “Yonke imihla yosizana mibi; intliziyo echwayithileyo inesidlo ngamaxesha onke.” Ngokuvisisana nalo mgaqo, uGqr. Helen Mendes uthi: “Iintsapho ezinomzali omnye zimele zizijonge njengamaqela zize zizigqale njengeentsapho ezipheleleyo,” kungekhona njengamakhaya aqhekekileyo. Wongezelela athi: “Iintsapho ezinjalo zinesimo sengqondo esahluke ngokupheleleyo yaye zibujonga ubomi ngokwahluke ngokupheleleyo xa ziqalisa ukuzigqala njengezamkelekileyo kuluntu.” Kodwa ngaba kuyinto yokwenene ukuba nembono eqiniseke kanjalo?

Ukufaneleka​—⁠Kungekhona Ubuninzi

Abaphengululi bolindixesha othi Family Relations basikhumbuza ngoku: “Ubukho babazali ababini ekhayeni abusosiqinisekiso sokuba kunikelwa uthando, ukukhuliswa okufanelekileyo nokhokelo lobulumko.” Bakwaphawula oku: “Umzali okho ngokomzimba ekhaya usenokungabikho ngokwengqondo ixesha elininzi.” Ngenxa yoko, ulonwabo lwakho luxhomekeke, kungekhona kwinani labazali ohlala nabo, kodwa kuhlobo lomzali okanye lwabazali onabo ekhaya nakumdla nenkxalabo abayibonakalisayo ngentlalo-ntle yakho. Njengoko ugqirha wengqondo uRichard A. Gardner wathi: “Abazali abangalunganga, enoba mnye okanye babini, benza abantwana bangonwabi; yaye abazali abalungileyo, enoba mnye okanye babini, banceda abantwana bakhule bephilile yaye bonwabe ngakumbi.” Yaye abazali abangabanye badla ngokwenza imigudu encomekayo ukunika abantwana babo ingqalelo efunekayo.

UMelanie oneshumi elinesixhenxe leminyaka ubudala uthi: “Bekungelula ukususela ekusishiyeni kukatata. Bekunzima ngokwenene kumama ekubeni ngoku esebenza. Kodwa siyaya kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu yaye siqhuba izifundo zeBhayibhile rhoqo, nto leyo ebesingadli ngakuyenza ngethuba utata wayehlala nathi.” Wongezelela athi: “Senza izinto ezininzi njengentsapho, yaye sisondelelene kakhulu. Kakade, ndiyamkhumbula utata, kodwa ndikuvuyela gqitha ukuhlala nomama.” Ukuba umzali wakho omnye wenza umgudu ofanayo ukukukhulisela “ekuqeqesheni nasekululekeni kweNkosi,” unokonwaba uze uphumelele nakubeni isiseko sentsapho yakowenu singafanelekanga ngokupheleleyo.​—⁠Efese 6:⁠4.

Ukusebenzisa Oko Kuncinane Unako

Noko ke, kusenokuxhalatyelwa izinto eziyimfuneko. Olunye uhlolisiso lwabonisa ukuba kamsinya emva koqhawulo-mtshato, umgangatho wokuphila wekhaya elinomzali omnye usenokuhla ngama-73 ekhulwini. Ngoko, kuyaqondakala ukuba imali yeyona nto ziyixhalabela kakhulu iintsapho ezininzi ezinomzali omnye.a

Yintoni onokuyenza? Ngokunokwenzeka awuyilawuli imicimbi yemali yentsapho yakowenu. Kodwa unokunceda ekulondolozeni nasekwenzeni ukuba oko ninako kuhlale ithutyana ngokuphepha inkcitho. (Thelekisa uYohane 6:​12.) URodney oselula uthi: “Endlwini, ndizama ukuba nenyameko ndingaphuli izinto okanye ndizibeke kwiindawo ezingezozazo, ekubeni kuxabisa imali ukuzilungisa okanye ukuzithenga kwakhona. Ndizama ukuzicima izixhobo ezisebenza ngombane okanye izibane ezingasetyenziswayo. Oku kunceda ekunciphiseni intlawulo yethu yamatyala ombane.”

UTony oneminyaka elishumi elinesine ubudala uzama indlela eyahlukileyo. Uthi: “Abanye abantwana esikolweni bafuna abazali babo babathengele iiteki neempahla ezenziwe ngabantu abathile abakhethekileyo. Bayala ukuya esikolweni ngaphandle kwazo.” UTony wongezelela athi: “Andinazo iimpahla zamva nje ezenziwe ngabantu abathile abakhethekileyo, kodwa ndilinono yaye ndicocekile, kwaye ndiyakunyamekela oko ndinako. Umama wenza konke okusemandleni akhe; andifuni ukumthwalisa umthwalo.” Ukuvelana okunjalo akuthi nje kulondoloze oko kulinganiselweyo ninako kodwa kulukhuthazo ngokwenene kumzali.​—⁠1 Petros 3:⁠8.

Ukunciphisa okanye ukuyeka amashwam-shwam nokutya okungenasondlo nako kunokuba luncedo. URita oselula uphawula oku: “Ukutya ekhaya kusenokungayolisi njengokutya kwizindlu zokutyela ukudla okwenziwa ngokukhawuleza, kodwa konga imali.” Kububulumko ngokwenene! Olunye ulutsha lunikela inxalenye yemivuzo yalo oluyifumene kwimisebenzi yesingxungxo kwimali yentsapho. UDanny oneminyaka elishumi elinesithathu ubudala unika unina imali ayifumana ngokuthengisa amaphephandaba. Unina ucacisa athi: “Emva kokuba ndihlawule indlu, amafutha enqwelo yethu, imfonomfono, ukutya, ndaza ndathenga impahla, le mali yakhe yiyo esiphila ngayo. Yaye uDanny ungumntwana obalasele ngokwenene; akakhathazeki kangako.” Ukusebenzisana kule nkalo kuyenye indlela ‘yokubeka umzali wakho.’​—⁠Mateyu 15:⁠4.

Noko ke, ngaphambi kokuba ufune umsebenzi wesingxungxo, kuxubushe oku nomzali wakho.b Umsebenzi wesingxungxo usenokuphazamisana nomsebenzi wakho wesikolo, imisebenzi yasekhaya neentlanganiso zamaKristu. (Hebhere 10:​24, 25) Ngokuqhelekileyo abazali bayakwazi ukuvelisa iindlela zokuxhasa abantwana babo ngaphandle kokuba abantwana babo babe nenxalenye enkulu yembopheleleko. Sekunjalo, kusenokufuneka uhlangabezane nokuba nomvuzo olinganiselweyo. Kodwa khumbula ukuba ngoxa izinto eziphathekayo nemali ziluncedo, amaKristu ayalelwa ukuba anele ‘yinto edliwayo neyambathwayo.’​—⁠1 Timoti 6:​8-10; Luka 12:⁠15.

Ngokomzekelo, kusenokufuneka ukuba intsapho yakowenu ifuduke ukusuka kwindlu enkudlwana ukuya kwencinane okanye kumagumbi aqeshisayo, afuna ukuba ngoku ulale egumbini elinye nelungu lentsapho. Kodwa sekunjalo unokwaneliswa koko. Yaye ngobuchule obungengako, usenokukwazi ukugcina umlinganiselo wokuba nethuba lemicimbi yobuqu. Ngokomzekelo, ezinye iintsapho ziye zakha amagunjana okulala kwigumbi lokuhlala, asithwe ziikhabhathi zeencwadi ukuze angabonakali. Ngokukwanjalo ukulungiselela nje indawo efumanekayo okanye ukusebenzisa ikhabhathi eyahlula igumbi kusenokwanela ukukunika ubuncinane imvakalelo yokuba nethuba lemicimbi yobuqu.

Enoba kunjani na, ugqirha wengqondo uRichard A. Gardner ulukhumbuza oku ulutsha olunabazali ngabanye: “Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba imali​—⁠nezinto ezinokuthengwa ngemali⁠—​asizozinto zibalulekileyo ebomini. Zizinto . . . ezinjengohlobo lomntu olulo nendlela obaphatha ngayo abanye abantu eziya kugqiba ngendlela oya konwaba ngayo ebomini.” (Thelekisa IZenzo 20:​35.) Ngokuvisisana noku, umpostile uPawulos wathi: “Ndafunda ukwaneliswa koko ndinako . . . ukuze naphi na, nokuba kunini na, ndanele.”​—⁠Filipi 4:​11, 12, TEV.

Usenokuba nesabelo esikhudlwana sembopheleleko kwimisebenzi yakokwenu kunokuba ubuhlala kwikhaya elinabazali ababini. Kodwa kunokukujonga oku ngembono ephosakeleyo, zama ukukujonga njengethuba lokunceda umzali wakho nelokuziqeqeshela iimbopheleleko zexesha elizayo.

Indlela Yokuhlangabezana Nomthwalo Onzima Ngokugqithiseleyo

Noko ke, ngamanye amaxesha oselula ugqibela enembopheleleko engakumbi kunaleyo anokuyithwala. Oku kusenokwenzeka ngakumbi ukuba ungoyena mntwana mdala. Yintoni ofanele uyenze? Zama ukuthetha nomzali wakho uze ucacise indlela le ngxaki ekuchaphazela ngayo. Mhlawumbi unokucebisa ukuba imisetyenzana yahlulahlulwe kakuhle. Ngokomzekelo, ezinye iintsapho zibeka uludwe olubonisa yonke imisetyenzana emele yenziwe lilungu ngalinye lentsapho. Ukuze kungabikho ekufuneka enze imisebenzi engakumbi ngokungayolisiyo lonke ixesha, kwezinye iintsapho amalungu entsapho anako abolekisana rhoqo ngemisebenzi.

La macebiso andulelayo asenokungqineka eluncedo ekwenzeni okona kulungileyo kwimeko yakho. Noko ke, oku akuthethi kuthi akuyi kuthi ngamanye amaxesha unqwenele ukuba ubunekhaya elinomzali wesibini. Kodwa oselula ogama linguCarrie ukubeka oku ngale ndlela: “Akuze uyilibale ngokwenene loo ntlungu, kodwa iyancipha. Injengechokoza elikhulu esandleni sakho. Isoloko ikho, kodwa maxa wambi akuyiphawuli.”

Noko ke, okuninzi kunento yokwenza nendlela ozama nzima ngayo ukuhlangabezana nemeko okuyo. Kuba phezu kwazo nje iimeko ezingathandekiyo zokuhlala kwikhaya elinomzali omnye, unokunceda ekwenzeni ubomi bakho bube nempumelelo yaye ube novuyo!

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