Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokumala Njani?

“Kwezi nyanga zehlobo omnye umzalwana ebandleni lethu uye wathi uyandithanda. Mna andizange ndimthande. Ingxaki isekubeni, andazi ukuba ndinokumala njani ngaphandle kokumenza buhlungu.”—Elizabeth.a

“NGABA akungethandi ukuba sazane ngakumbi?” Ngaba ukho umfana okhe wakubuza loo mbuzo? Njengebhinqa eliselulab usenokuba uye waziva wonwabile okanye uchwayitile—unemincili engathethekiyo! Kwelinye icala, kusenokwenzeka ukuba ubuxakiwe ungazi ukuba mawuqale ngaphi ukuphendula.

Xa umntu esithi uyakuthanda, ingqondo isenokubethabethana. Kuba njalo ingakumbi xa sele ukhule ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungatshata yaye ukulungele ukunikela impendulo!c Sekunjalo, indlela osabela ngayo iya kuxhomekeka ekubeni ngubani obuza loo mbuzo. Ukuba ngumntu osele eqolile ngokweemvakalelo yaye ufumanisa ukuba uyatsaleleka kuye, usenokumphendula ngokulula. Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba akanazo iimfaneleko ezimenza iqabane elifanelekileyo? Okanye kuthekani ukuba nangona enazo iimpawu ezintle, akubi namdla kuye?

Kwakhona, khawucinge ngemeko yebhinqa eliselula eliye lenza amadinga nomntu othile laza lafumanisa ukuba alinakukwazi ukuchitha bonke ubomi balo kunye naye. Kunokuba liluqhawule olo lwalamano, liyaqhubeka lisenza amadinga kunye naye. Lizibuza oku: “Ndinokumala njani?”

Xa Ungamthandi

Emva phayaa ngamaxesha oosolusapho, kuyabonakala ukuba abantu babetshata nabantu abakhethwe ngabazali babo. (Genesis 24:2-4, 8) Kumazwe aseNtshona amaKristu amaninzi anelungelo lokuzikhethela amaqabane omtshato. IBhayibhile inomgaqo omnye—lo wokuba umKristu atshate “kuphela eNkosini.”—1 Korinte 7:39.

Ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba ufanele utshate naliphi na ikholwa elithi liyakuthanda okanye oye wenza amadinga nalo ithuba elifutshane? Kaloku, cinga ngomzekelo oseBhayibhileni wentombi eselula yakumaphandle aseMbindi Mpuma eShunem. Ukumkani wayo, uSolomon, wayibona waza wayithanda kakhulu. Noko ke, xa wakhondozayo ekuyifuneni, le ntombi iselula yamala kodwa yabongoza amabhinqa asentendelezweni awayekhonza ukumkani isithi: “Ningazami ukuluvusa okanye ukuluvuselela uthando lwam lude luzivukele ngokwalo.” (INgoma yazo iiNgoma 2:7) Esi sicakakazi silumkileyo asizange sivumele abanye basinyanzelele ukuba siqhutywe ziimvakalelo. Sasingamthandi uSolomon, kuba sasithandana nomalusi ohlelelekileyo.

Esi sisifundo esihle kwabo baceba ukutshata namhlanje: Akunakuthanda nje nabani na. Ngoko kwanasemva kokwenza amadinga nothile kangangexesha elide, ibhinqa eliselula lisenokufumanisa ukuba alimthandi. Mhlawumbi iimvakalelo zalo zisekelwe kubuthathaka obubonakalayo kubuntu bakhe. Okanye mhlawumbi alitsaleleki kuye. Kuya kuba bubudenge ukuzibetha ngoyaba iimvakalelo ezinjalo. Ukuzibetha ngoyaba akunakuzenza ziphele.d UTamara wathi ngomfana awayesenza amadinga kunye naye: “Zazininzi gqitha izinto endandingaziqondi ngaye. Yayingezozinto nje zingenamsebenzi kodwa zizinto ezazindikhathaza ngokwenene kangangokuba ndide ndixhalabe xa ndikunye naye.” Kamva wafumanisa ukuba ngenxa yala mathandabuzo, kubhetele baluqhawule olo lwalamano.

Isizathu Sokuba Kube Nzima Ukwala

Sekunjalo, kusenokuba nzima kakhulu ukwala umfana. NjengoElizabeth, okhankanywe ekuqaleni, usenokoyika ukumkhathaza. Kuyavunywa ukuba, simele sizixhalabele iimvakalelo zabanye. IBhayibhile ikhuthaza amaKristu ukuba ‘ambathe umsa wemfesane,’ aze aphathe abanye ngendlela ebeya kuthanda ukuphathwa ngayo nawo. (Kolose 3:12; Mateyu 7:12) Noko ke, ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba ufanele uqhubeke uhanahanisa ukuze ungamphoxi okanye umkhathaze lo mfana? Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo uya kude ayazi indlela ovakalelwa ngayo, yaye ukunganyaniseki kwakho nokuzibekela amangomso izinto kuya kongezelela ekumenzeni buhlungu. Enye into eya kwenza izinto zibe mbi kakhulu kukutshata nalo mfana kuba uvelana naye. Ukusikwa yimfesane kusesona siseko sihexayo somtshato.

Noko ke, mhlawumbi ubhuqwa yingcamango yokuba, ‘Ukuba anditshati naye, ndisenokungaphindi ndifumane omnye umntu.’ Ngokutsho kwenqaku lephephancwadi iTeen, intombazana isenokuqiqa ngelithi: “Asingomntu ‘ebendiya kuthanda ukutshata naye,’ kodwa nguye kuphela okhoyo endinokutshata naye—yaye akufuni kuba wedwa.” Kuyavunywa ukuba, umnqweno wokuba neqabane unokuba namandla. Noko ke, ukuwanelisa kakuhle loo mnqweno akuthethi kuba naye nabani na ecaleni kwakho. Kuquka ukufumana umntu onokumthanda ngokwenene nonokukwazi ukuzalisekisa iimbopheleleko ezingokweZibhalo zomtshato. (Efese 5:33) Ngoko musa ukungxamela ukufumana iqabane! Abaninzi baye bazisola ngokutshata ngokungxama.

Ekugqibeleni, abanye basenokuqhubeka besenza amadinga kwanaxa kucacile ukuba umfana uneziphoso ezinzulu. Baqiqa ngelithi, ‘Ukuba ndimnika elinye ithuba, usenokutshintsha.’ Ngaba ngokwenene oku kusengqiqweni? Ngapha koko, imikhwa emibi nesimilo esingesiso zidla ngokuba zizinto ezendeleyo nekunzima kakhulu ukuzitshintsha. Kwanokuba wenza utshintsho olukhawulezileyo, ngaba ngokwenene unokuqiniseka ukuba uya kuhlala enjalo? Kwimeko efana nale, elinye ibhinqa eliselula elinguKaren ngobulumko lagqiba kwelokuba liyeke ukwenza amadinga nomnye umfana xa lafumanisa ukuba abanalusukelo lufanayo. Lithi: “Kwakunzima, kuba ndanditsaleleka kuye. Kodwa ndandisazi ukuba ndenze into efanelekileyo.”

Kwenze Oko Ngobulumko

Kuyavunywa ukuba ukwala umntu akulula. Njengomthwalo onento e-ethe-ethe ngaphakathi, le meko imele isingathwe ngobulumko. Kukho amacebiso ambalwa asenokuba luncedo.

Lo mbandela wuxubushe nabazali bakho okanye nomnye umntu oqolileyo ebandleni. Basenokukunceda ubone enoba ulindelo lwakho lusengqiqweni okanye akunjalo.

Thetha ngokucacileyo nangokungqalileyo. Musa ukumshiya enamathandabuzo ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Ukuthi “Uxolo andinakulunga” kunokudimaza amasoka amaninzi ebenokuza kuwe. Ukuba kuyimfuneko, yala ngamazwi acacileyo, njengokuthi, “Uxolo, ngokwenene andinamdla kuloo nto.” Kulumkele ukumshiya enengqondo yokuba usenokutshintsha ukuba yena unokuqhubeka ebongoza. Ukuyenza icace into yokuba akumthandi kunokumenza angadideki nto leyo enokwenza kube lula ngaye ukulwisana nentlungu.

Nyaniseka uze ube nobuchule. IMizekeliso 12:18 ithi: “Kukho othetha engacinganga njengokuhlaba kwekrele.” Nangona kubalulekile ukuthetha phandle, iBhayibhile ithi amazwi ethu ‘makakholeke, enongwe ngetyuwa.’—Kolose 4:6.

Bambelela kwisigqibo sakho. Abahlobo abaneenjongo ezintle, abasenokungazazi kakuhle izizathu zesigqibo osithabathileyo, basenokukuphembelela besithi khawukhe uphinde uluzame olu lwalamano. Kodwa ekugqibeleni nguwe oza kujamelana nesigqibo osithabathileyo—kungekhona abahlobo bakho abaneenjongo ezintle.

Yenza ngokuvisisana namazwi akho. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba nina nobabini beningabahlobo abasenyongweni ngaphambili, yaye kungokwemvelo ukunqwenela ukuba izinto zibuyele kundalashe. Kodwa oku kudla ngokungabi njalo. Uye wakuthanda. Ngaba kusengqiqweni ukungazihoyi ezo mvakalelo aze enze ngathi akwenzekanga nto? Ngoko ngoxa kulungile ukuba niphathane ngobubele, ukuchitha ixesha rhoqo nitsalelana umnxeba okanye nichithe ixesha elininzi kunye okanye kwiimbutho kusenokumenza buhlungu ngakumbi. Kusenokufana nokudlala ngeemvakalelo zakhe, yaye ngolo hlobo akusayi kuba ubonakalisa ububele.

Umpostile uPawulos wabongoza amaKristu ukuba ‘athethe inyaniso’ omnye komnye. (Efese 4:25) Kusenokuba nzima ukwenjenjalo, kodwa kunokuninceda nobabini niqhubeke nobomi benu.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

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Akunakuthanda nje nabani na

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 30]

Yichaze ngokucacileyo nangokungqalileyo indlela ovakalelwa ngayo