Indlela Yokuba Ngumzali Onempumelelo

URAYMOND, onguyise wabantwana abahlanu uthi, “Ndiza kukuxelela oko kufunekayo ukuze ube ngumzali onempumelelo. Kufuneka ukusebenza nzima, ukubhinqela phezulu, iinyembezi, nokubila!”

Umfazi kaRaymond uvumelana naye ngokungazenzisiyo. Kodwa walek’ umsundulo esithi: “Akulula ukukhulisa abantwana namhlanje, kodwa njengoko ubabona bekhula besamkela iimbopheleleko zabantu abakhulu, kufuneka umgudu ukuze benjenjalo.”

Ukukhulisa abantwana akuzange kube yinto eyenziwa ngaphandle kwexhala. Kanti, namhlanje, kubazali abaninzi ukukhulisa umntwana kubonakala ngathi kuye kwaba yinto ekhathaza kakhulu. UElaine, ominyaka ingama-40 ubudala nongunina wonyana okwishumi elivisayo uthi, “Ndicinga ukuba ukuba ngumzali namhlanje kunzima ngakumbi kunokuba kwakunjalo ngexesha labazali bam kuba ubomi buye baneengxaki ezininzi. Akusoloko usazi ukuba kunini apho umele ube ngqongqo nalapho umele uthambe.”

Unjani Umzali Onempumelelo?

Umzali onempumelelo ngulowo ukhulisa umntwana wakhe ngendlela yokuba loo mntwana abe ngokhule ngazo zonke iindlela ekubeni ngumntu omkhulu okwaziyo ukuzimela, umntu oya kuqhubeka emnqula ngenkuthalo uThixo aze abonise uthando ngomntu onguwabo. (Mateyu 22:37-39) Noko ke, okulusizi kukuba, asingabo bonke abantwana abathi bakulungele ukuba ngabantu abakhulu abakwaziyo ukuzimela. Kutheni bengakulungeli nje? Ngaba kusoloko kulityala labazali xa kusenzeka oku?

Khawuqwalasele lo mzekeliso. Ikontrakta yokwakha isenokufumana iiplani nezinto zokwakha ezizezona zifanelekileyo. Kodwa bekungenzeka ntoni ukuba le kontrakta ayizilandeli ezi plani, mhlawumbi ide isebenzise iindlela ezinqumlayo ezibubudenge okanye isebenzise iimpahla zokwakha ezingekho mgangathweni endaweni yezo zifanelekileyo? Ngaba eso sakhiwo sakuba sigqityiwe besingayi kuba neendawo ezingakhiwanga kakuhle, de kube yingozi nokusisebenzisa? Noko ke, masithi le kontrakta ibisenza izinto ngenkathalo ibe ibisenza kangangoko inako ukuba ilandele ezi plani yaye isebenzisa izinto zokwakha ezisemgangathweni. Ngaba umnini wesakhiwo esigqityiweyo ngoku ebengayi kuba nembopheleleko yokusilondoloza ngendlela efanelekileyo? Kwakhona ngaba ebengayi kuba nembopheleleko yokuba angazitshitshisi izinto ezisemgangathweni aze endaweni yazo asebenzise ezingekho mgangathweni?

Ngendlela efuziselayo, abazali babandakanyeke kumsebenzi wokwakha. Kubantwana babo bafuna ukwakha iimpawu ezintle zobuntu. IBhayibhile inikela eyona plani intle yokwakha obu buntu. Ezi zinto zisemgangathweni zokwakha, ‘igolide, isilivere, amatye anqabileyo,’ eZibhalweni zifaniswa neempawu ezinjengokholo olomeleleyo, ubulumko bokuhlonel’ uThixo, ukuqonda okungokomoya, ukunyaniseka, noxabiso olunothando ngoThixo usomandla nemithetho yakhe.—1 Korinte 3:10-13; thelekisa INdumiso 19:7-11; IMizekeliso 2:1-6; 1 Petros 1:6, 7.

Nomntwana, njengoko ekhula, unembopheleleko enkulu ngakumbi yokwakha ngaphakathi kwakhe ubuntu obuthe tye nobuvisisana nezo zibakala. Umele abe ngokuvumayo ukulandela kwale plani, iLizwi likaThixo, aze asebenzise kwaezo zinto zisemgangathweni zokwakha njengoko benzayo abazali bakhe. Ukuba umntwana njengoko ekhula esiba ngumntu oselula akakufuni ukwenza oku okanye uyawuchithachitha lo msebenzi wokwakha unjalo ukuba mhle, ngoko nguye oya kubekwa ityala ngentlekele enokubakho.—Duteronomi 32:5.

Kutheni Kunzima Nje?

Ukuba ngumzali onempumelelo namhlanje kunzima ubuncinane ngenxa yezizathu ezibini. Esokuqala, abazali nabantwana abafezekanga yaye benza iimpazamo. Ngokufuthi, oku kubandakanya oko iBhayibhile ikubiza ngokuba kukona, ibe utyekelo lokona luzuzwe ilifa.—Roma 5:12.

Isizathu sesibini sesi: Abantwana abakhulayo abaphenjelelwa ngabazali babo nje kuphela. Bonke abantu banento abayenzayo kwimilinganiselo nakwimbono yomntwana ebomini. Ngenxa yoku, isiprofeto sikaPawulos esithetha ngomhla wethu siyinto yokuxhalatyelwa ngabazali. Wathi: “Ke, kwazi oku, ukuba ngemihla yokugqibela kuya kufika amaxesha anomngcipheko. Kuba abantu baya kuba ngabazithandayo, abathandi bemali, abaqhankqalazi, abakratshi, abanyelisi, abangeva bazali, abangabuleliyo, abangengcwele, abangenabubele, abangenatarhu, abatyholi, abangenakuzeyisa, izibhoja, abangenakuthanda kulunga, abancethezi, izityhuthutyhuthu, abathiwe lwale likratshi, abathandi beziyolo kunokuba bathande uThixo; benokumila kokuhlonela uThixo, ukanti bayawakhanyela amandla ako. Kwabo ke khwebuka.” (Akekeliswe sithi.)—2 Timoti 3:1-5.

Ekubeni ibutho labantu lanamhlanje ilelingalunganga, ngaba kuyamangalisa ukuba bambi abazali bedinwa ngenxa yokukatya baze bakuncame ukukhulisa umntwana? Khawukhangele emva kunyaka we-1914. Ngaloo nyaka welishwa kwabakho inguqulelo esisiseko kwibutho labantu, ibe abazange baguqukele ekubeni ngabalunge ngakumbi. Iimfazwe ezimbini zehlabathi ukususela ngoko aziphelisanga nje uxolo emhlabeni. Ibutho labantu namhlanje alinawo amandla okuziphatha okuhle okufunekayo ukuze kube nendima ekulungiseleleni abantwana abanokwamkela imbopheleleko njengabantu abakhulu. Enyanisweni, abazali abantliziyo zinyanisekileyo bajongene nobutshaba kwimekobume yasekuhlaleni kwimilinganiselo abafuna ukuyifundisa abantwana babo.

Ngaloo ndlela, abazali banabancedisi abambalwa kwiqela labo. Kumaxesha adlulileyo, babekholose ngezikolo zikawonke wonke ukuze zincede abantwana babo ukuba zibafundise kwanemilinganiselo esisiseko abathi bona njengabazali bayixabise kumakhaya abo. Noko ke, akusenjalo.

UShirley owathweswa isidanga kwisikolo semfundo ephakamileyo ngowe-1960, uthi, “Izinto ezizisa ingcinezelo kulutsha namhlanje zahlukile. Sasingenazo iziyobisi okanye sasingaziphathi nakanjani na ngokwesini xa ndandikwisikolo semfundo ephakamileyo. Ukutshaya umdiza ezikolweni kwakujongwa njengenyala kwiminyaka engama-30 edlulileyo. Xa umafungwashe wam waya kwisikolo semfundo ephakamileyo ukususela ngowe-1977 ukuya ngowe-1981, ukusetyenziswa kweziyobisi kwakuyingxaki enkulu. Ngoku ukusetyenziswa kweziyobisi kwizikolo zemfundo ephantsi kugqugqisile. Eyona ntwazana yam incinane, eminyaka ili-13 ubudala, kuye kwafuneka ijamelene nengcinezelo yeziyobisi mihla le esikolweni kwiminyaka emibini edlulileyo.”

Kwakhona, kumaxesha adlulileyo, abazali babenokukholosa ngoomakhulu nootatomkhulu, ngezalamane nangabamelwane ukuba bancede ekubeni liliso ekuziphatheni ‘kukaNdopho.’ Kodwa kwakhona, loo nto iye yaguquka. Ibe kubuhlungu ukuthi, kwiintsapho ezandayo, umzali mnye kuphela; wonke umthwalo wokukhulisa umntwana uthe zinzi emagxeni omzali omnye.

Iplani Enconyelwayo Kubazali

Nangona ukukhulisa umntwana kunzima ngakumbi namhlanje, abazali banokuphumelela ukuba bayazinikela ekusebenziseni uncedo olunexesha elide lukho—iBhayibhile. ILizwi likaThixo linokuba yiplani, okanye ucwangciso lwenu eninokulusebenzisa kwiimbopheleleko zokuba ngabazali. Kanye njengokuba ikontrakta yabakhi elumkileyo iyisebenzisa kakuhle iplani ukuze ifumane ukhokelo lwesakhiwo esakhayo nokuze sigqitywe ngokuphumelelayo, ninokuyisebenzisa iBhayibhile njengokhokelo ekukhuliseni abantwana benu ukuze babe ngabantu abakhulu abanokuzimela. Kuyinyaniso ukuba, iBhayibhile yayingacetyelwanga nje ukuba ibe yincwadi yesikhokelo yokusetyenziswa ukuze ube ngumzali onempumelelo, kodwa iqulethe isiluleko esingqalileyo esiya kubazali nakubantwana. Ikwabubutyebi obufunyenweyo bemigaqo enokuthi xa isetyenziswa ibe yingenelo kuwe njengomzali.—Duteronomi 6:4-9.

Ngokomzekelo, khawuqwalasele uDiane. Uthi xa unyana wakhe oneminyaka eli-14 ubudala, uEric, wayesemncinane, ‘wayengumntwana olukhuni, ekunzima ukuthetha naye.’ Kwaba ngelo xesha awathi wafumanisa ukuba ubulumko balo mzekeliso weBhayibhile babuphembelela: “Ngamanzi anzulu icebo [injongo okanye oko azimisele ukukwenza ubani] entliziyweni yendoda, kanti indoda enengqondo iyalirhola.” (IMizekeliso 20:5) Kwabanye abantwana, iimvakalelo neengcinga zabo—oko bazimisele ukukwenza ngenene—kusezintliziyweni zabo njengamanzi asemazantsi equla elinzulu. Wayenjalo ke noEric. Kufuneka asebenze nzima umzali ukuze akhuphe ezo ngcinga. UDiane ukhumbula oku, “Xa wayefika ekhaya evela esikolweni, wayengaqhabalaki andixelele izinto. Ngoko kwakufuneka ndiqwabulule ukuze ndifumanise oko wayejamelene nako esikolweni. Maxa wambi kwakufuneka ndithethe noEric ngokoqobo kangangeeyure ngaphambi kokuba andichazele oko wayekucinga nzulu ngokwenene entliziyweni yakhe.”

Isizathu sokuba iBhayibhile ibe yexabiseke kakhulu njengokhokelo silula: UYehova uThixo unguMyili wayo. UkwanguMdali wethu. (ISityhilelo 4:11) Uyayazi indlela esidalwe ngayo ibe uyakuvuma ‘ukusifundisa okungasincedayo, nokusinyathelisa ngendlela esifanele sihambe ngayo.’ Oku kuyenzeka enoba umntu ungumzali okanye ungumntwana. (Isaya 48:17; INdumiso 103:14) Nangona bambi abantu kufuneka basebenze ngakumbi kunabanye ukuze babe ngabazali abanempumelelo, bonke banokuba ngabaphumelelayo kwiimbopheleleko zokuba ngumzali ngokulandela imigaqo ekhokelayo eyandlalwe kwiZibhalo.

Phathanani Njengabantu

Abantwana abalungileyo abanakuveliswa ngokulandelwa kwemithetho yabantu ethile kanye njengokuba bonke abantu abakhulu bengenakuqingqwa ukuze babe ngabazali ‘abagqibeleleyo.’ Mntwana ngamnye unobuntu bakhe, ibe kumele kuqhutywane naye ngokomntu ngamnye. IBhayibhile iyathetha ngako oku. Ukuze abazali bafumane uncedo ekuphepheni ukuthelekisa umntwana nomnye ngokungenaluvelwano, kukokufanelekileyo ukulandela umgaqo wesiluleko seBhayibhile: “Elowo makawucikide owakhe umsebenzi, wayeya kwandula ukuba neqhayiya ngokwakhe yedwa, angabi nalo ngomnye.”—Galati 5:26; 6:4.

UJohn, onguyise wabantwana ababini, ufumanisa ukuba eli cebiso leZibhalo lingasentla liyamnceda ukuba agcine imbono elungeleleneyo ngaye ngamnye wabantwana bakhe, okanye kwanangezinye iintsapho. UJohn uyacacisa, “Abantwana bam ndibakhuthaza ukuba bangajongi oko ezinye iintsapho zinako okanye ezikwenzayo. Sinomlinganiselo wentsapho yethu esimele siwulondoloze.”

Qeqesha “Kwasebusaneni”

Kunini apho unqulo lunokubanceda abazali ukuba babe ngabanempumelelo? UGary ononyana osandul’ ukuqalisa kwisikolo sabantwana abancinane uthi, “Akukho budala bumiselweyo.” UGary ukholelwa kwelokuba abantwana bamele babe nabahlobo bokwenene kwibandla lasekuhlaleni lamaKristu kwanangaphambi kokuba baqalise ukuhamba isikolo. Seso sizathu esibangela uGary nomfazi wakhe babe bakhulisele uEvan kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu phantse ukususela kumhla awabona ngawo ilanga. UGary uxelisa oko uYunike, ongumzali onconywayo eBhayibhileni, wakwenzayo kunyana wakhe uTimoti. UTimoti wafunda iimfundiso ezisisiseko zeZibhalo “kwasebusaneni.”—2 Timoti 1:5; 3:15, NW.

Unina kaTimoti mhlawumbi noninakhulu, uLoyisi, baqinisekisa ukuba kwakungezizo iimbono zabo zobuqu ezamchukumisa kwasebusaneni; kunoko, babesazi ukuba kwakuziimfundiso zikaYehova ezaziya kumlumkisa ukuze asinde. Ileta eyabhalelwa uTimoti ngumpostile uPawulos ongumKristu ithi: “Ke wena yima ezintweni owazifundayo, waqiniselwa kuzo, umazi owazifunda kuye; nokuba uzaze kwasebuntwaneni izibhalo ezingcwele, ezinako ukukulumkisela elusindisweni ngokukholwa kuKristu Yesu.”—2 Timoti 3:14, 15.

Ngoko uLoyisi noYunike bamnceda uTimoti ukuba aqiqe ngeLizwi yaye aqinisele ukholo lwakhe koko likuthethayo iLizwi likaThixo elabhalwayo. Ngale ndlela ukholo lwakhe lwalungasekelwanga nje kuphela kubazali bakhe kodwa kubulumko bokuhlonela uThixo beLizwi likaYehova. Akazange alandele inyaniso yamaKristu ngenxa nje yokuba unina noninakhulu babengabanquli bakaYehova, kodwa weyiseka kukuba oko babemfundisa kona kwakuyinyaniso ngokwenene.

Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, uTimoti wakwaqwalasela uhlobo lwabantu unina noninakhulu ababelulo—abantu ababezithanda ngokwenyaniso izinto zokomoya; babengayi kumqhatha okanye bajike inyaniso ukuze baphumeze iinjongo zokuzingca. Babengengabo abahanahanisi. Ngoko ke, uTimoti wayengazithandabuzi izinto awayezifunda. Ibe akuthandabuzeki ukuba ubomi bakhe bobuntu obukhulu njengomKristu okhutheleyo bayivuyisa intliziyo kanina othembekileyo.

Ewe, ukuba ngumzali onempumelelo kungumsebenzi onzima, kodwa kunjengokuba umama ocatshulwe ngaphambilana wathi: “Kufuneka umgudu ukuze benjenjalo.” Kuba yinyaniso ngokukhethekileyo oku xa abazali benokuthetha ngabantwana babo oko umpostile uYohane wakubhalela abantwana bakhe bokomoya: “Andinaluvuyo lungaphezu kolu, lokuba ndive ukuba abantwana bam bahamba enyanisweni.”—3 Yohane 4.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

Ucwangciso Lwemfundo Olwalandelwa Ngabazali KuSirayeli Wamandulo

KuSirayeli wamandulo, abazali babenembopheleleko yokufundisa nokuqeqesha abantwana babo. Baba ngabayaleli nabakhokeli babantwana babo. Abazali banamhla banokungenelwa ngokuthobela ucwangciso olufanayo. Ucwangciso lokufundisa kwaSirayeli lusenokushwankathelwa ngale ndlela ilandelayo:

1. Kwakufundiswa ukoyika uYehova.—INdumiso 34:11.

2. Kwakululekwa ukuba kubekwe utata nomama.—Eksodus 20:12.

3. Umyalelo woMthetho, kuquka nalowo wawukwimisebenzi kaYehova, wawubethelelwa.—Duteronomi 6:7-21.

4. Ukuhlonela abantu abakhulileyo kwakubethelelwa.—Levitikus 19:32.

5. Ukuthobela kwakugxininiswa.—IMizekeliso 23:22-25.

6. Uqeqesho olusebenzisekayo ngendlela yokuphila lwalucinezelwa.—Marko 6:3.

7. Kwakufundiswa indlela yokulesa nokubhala.—Yohane 7:15.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 5]

ILizwi likaThixo liyiplani, okanye ucwangciso olunokuse- tyenziswa, ekuphumezeni iimbopheleleko zokuba ngumzali