Indlela Yokuphumelela Emtshatweni

UMTSHATO unokufaniswa nohambo, kolu hambo kwenzeka izinto ezininzi ebezingalindelekanga, ezinye zimnandi kanti ezinye zibuhlungu. Kunokubakho “iindlela” ezimbi ezinokubangela iingxaki ebezingalindelekanga, ezinye zazo kunokubonakala kungekho sicombululo sazo. Sekunjalo, abantu abaninzi bayaphumelela yaye bayalunandipha olu hambo, babe neengxakana nje ezimbalwa. Into ebenza baphumelele asikokuba neengxaki ezimbalwa kodwa yindlela abahlangabezana ngayo nezo ngxaki.

Ucinga ukuba yintoni enokwenza umtshato uphumelele yaye unandipheke? Izibini ezininzi zivakalelwa kukuba zifanele zikhokelwe ‘yimaphu yomtshato.’ Eyona “maphu” enokuba luncedo emtshatweni ivela kuMsunguli womtshato—uYehova uThixo. Noko ke, iingxaki azithintelwa okanye ziconjululwe nje kukuba neLizwi eliphefumlelweyo, iBhayibhile Engcwele. Kunoko, izibini ezitshatileyo zifanele zilandele ulwalathiso lwayo ukuze ziphumelele emtshatweni.—INdumiso 119:105; Efese 5:21-33; 2 Timoti 3:16.

Makhe siqwalasele imiqondiso eseZibhalweni—imigaqo yeBhayibhile ebalulekileyo—enokukunceda ukuze uphumelele yaye wonwabe kolu hambo.

▸ Gqala umtshato njengongcwele. “Oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.” (Mateyu 19:6) UMdali wasungula ilungiselelo lomtshato xa wayetshatisa indoda yokuqala, uAdam nomfazi wayo uEva. (Genesis 2:21-24) UKristu Yesu, owabonayo xa betshatiswa, wangqina ukuba umtshato ka-Adam noEva wawumele ube lumanyano lukanaphakade. Wathi: “Anizange nifunde na ukuba lowo wabadalayo ukususela ekuqaleni wabenza baba yindoda nebhinqa waza wathi, ‘Ngenxa yesi sizathu indoda iya kumshiya uyise nonina ize inamathele emfazini wayo, baze abo babini babe nyama-nye’? Ngako oko abasebabini, kodwa banyama-nye. Ngoko ke, oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.”—Mateyu 19:4-6.

Xa uYesu wayesithi “oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye,” wayengathethi ukuba nguThixo okhethela abantu amaqabane omtshato. Kunoko, wayebethelela into yokuba nguThixo owasungula ilungiselelo lomtshato, ngoko umele ugqalwe njengongcwele.a

Kakade ke, umntu akanakuthanda ‘ukubotshelelwa ngedyokhwe ndawonye’ neqabane elingamthandiyo. Kunoko ufuna ukonwaba emtshatweni wakhe. Abantu abatshatileyo ‘banokubotshelelwa ngedyokhwe ndawonye’ ukuba basebenzisa amacebiso oMdali afumaneka eBhayibhileni.

Ngenxa yokuba sonke singafezekanga, ukungavisisani akunakuphepheka. Kodwa ke, impumelelo emtshatweni ayixhomekekanga ekuthini isibini sifanelana kangakanani, koko ixhomekeke kwindlela esikulungisa ngayo ukungaboni ngasonye. Ngoko ke, eyona nto ibalulekileyo emtshatweni kukukwazi ukulungisa iingxaki ngothando, kuba uthando “lubopha izinto zonke zibe yimbumba egqibeleleyo.”—Kolose 3:14, iBhayibhile yesiXhosa yowe-1996.

▸ Thetha ngentlonelo. “Kukho othetha engacinganga njengokuhlaba kwekrele, kodwa ulwimi lwezilumko luyaphilisa.” (IMizekeliso 12:18) Abaphengululi bathi xa isibini sithetha ngentlonelo, kubakho imvisiswano. Kwelinye icala, uyazi ukuba kubuhlungu xa umntu omthandayo ethetha nawe ngokungakhathali. Ngoko ke thandaza uze uzimisele ukuthetha ngentlonelo nangothando. (Efese 4:31) Omnye umfazi waseJapan oneminyaka engama-44 etshatile ogama linguHaruko,b uthi: “Nangona omnye ezibona iimpazamo zomnye, siye sizame ukuthetha nokuphathana ngentlonelo. Oku kuye kwasinceda saphumelela emtshatweni.”

▸ Yiba nobubele novelwano. “Yibani nobubele omnye komnye, nibe nemfesane.” (Efese 4:32) Xa isibini singavisisani, lize elinye iqabane lidubuleke ngomsindo, nelinye liyacaphuka. UAnnette waseJamani, oneminyaka engama-34 etshatile nowonwabileyo emtshatweni wakhe uthi: “Kunzima ukuzola xa kukho into ekukhathazayo—uye uthethe izinto ezikhubekisa iqabane lakho, yaye loo nto ibangela ingxabano.” Noko ke, xa unobubele novelwano, niba seluxolweni neqabane lakho.

▸ Zithobe. ‘Ungenzi nanye into ngokusukuzana okanye ngokuzigwagwisa, kodwa ngokuthobeka kwengqondo, ubagqala abanye njengabongamileyo.’ (Filipi 2:3) Iingxabano ezininzi emtshatweni zibangelwa kukuba elinye iqabane libeka ityala kwelinye xa kukho ingxaki kunokuba lizame ukuyisombulula. Ukuthobeka kwengqondo, kuya kukunceda ukuba ungabek’ ityala kwiqabane lakho xa ningavisisani.

▸ Musa ukukhathazeka msinya. “Musa ukukhawuleza ukucaphuka ngomoya wakho.” (INtshumayeli 7:9) Kuphephe ukuphikisa iqabane lakho okanye ukhawuleze uzithethelele xa likubuza ngento oyithethileyo okanye oyenzileyo. Kunoko liphulaphule xa lichaza indlela elivakalelwa ngayo. Cingisisa ngaphambi kokuba uphendule. Izibini ezininzi ziqonda sekukudala ukuba eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuhlala ubonakalisa uthando emtshatweni ngaphezu kokulwela ukuba kwicala eloyisayo.

▸ Zifundise ukuthula ngamany’ amaxesha. ‘Khawuleza ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha, ucothe ukuqumba.’ (Yakobi 1:19) Ngokuqinisekileyo ukuze abantu bonwabe emtshatweni kubalulekile ukuba babe nonxibelelwano oluhle. Ngoko ke, kutheni iBhayibhile isithi kukho “ixesha lokuthi cwaka”? (INtshumayeli 3:7) Eli lixesha lokuba uphulaphule ngenyameko, ukuze uqonde kakuhle indlela elivakalelwa ngayo iqabane lakho nesizathu sokuba livakalelwe ngaloo ndlela.

▸ Phulaphula ngovelwano. “Yibani nemihlali kunye nabantu abanemihlali; lilani kunye nabantu abalilayo.” (Roma 12:15) Kubalulekile ukuba novelwano kuba uyakwazi ukuyiqonda indlela iqabane lakho elivakalelwa ngayo. Xa unovelwano uyakwazi ukuhlonela iimvakalelo neembono zeqabane lakho. UNella waseBrazil, oneminyaka engama-32 etshatile uthi: “Xa sithetha ngeengxaki zethu, ndimphulaphula ngenyameko uManuel ukuze ndikwazi ukuyiqonda kakuhle indlela avakalelwa ngayo.” Xa iqabane lakho lithetha, ‘lixesha lokuthi cwaka’ uze uphulaphule ngovelwano.

▸ Ziqhelise ukubulela. “Hlalani ninombulelo.” (Kolose 3:15) Amadoda nabafazi abanoxabiso ngamaqabane abo baba nemitshato eyomeleleyo. Noko ke, ngokuqhelekileyo abanye baye bangawaxeleli amaqabane abo ukuba bayawaxabisa kuba becinga ukuba ayakwazi oko. UGqr. Ellen Wachtel uthi: “Into ebangela izibini ezininzi zingawaxeleli amaqabane azo ukuba ziyawaxabisa kukuba ziye zingakuboni kubalulekile oko.”

Abafazi bayafuna ukuba abayeni babo babaxelele ukuba bayabathanda yaye bayabaxabisa. Nina madoda ninokwenza imitshato yenu iphumelele, nize nonwabe nabafazi benu, xa nibancoma ngezinto abazenzayo nangeempawu zabo ezintle.

Kubalulekile ukubonakalisa uthando ngentetho nangezenzo. Kufuneka unganeli nje ngokuxelela umfazi wakho ukuba uyamthanda kodwa mphuze, umbambe uze umncumele. Oko kuyamqinisekisa ukuba ubalulekile kuwe yaye uyakuxabisa ukuba kunye naye. Mfowunele okanye umthumelele umyalezo ngefowuni, uthi “Ndiyakukhumbula” okanye uthi “Zihamba njani izinto?” Ukuba wagqibela ngokuya nanithandana ukwenza ezo zinto, kunokuba kuhle ukuphinda uqalele. Zazi izinto ezithandwa liqabane lakho.

Amazwi kanina kaKumkani uLemuweli wakwaSirayeli wamandulo afanelekile: ‘Indoda yakhe ungayiva imncoma, isithi, “Baninzi abafazi abenza imisebenzi emihle, kodwa wena ubagqwesa bonke!”’ (IMizekeliso 31:1, 28, 29, IBhayibhile yesiXhosa yowe-1996) Wagqibela nini ukuncoma inkosikazi yakho? Wena nkosikazi, wagqibela nini ukuncoma umyeni wakho?

▸ Xola ngokukhawuleza. “Malingatshoni ilanga nicaphukile.” (Efese 4:26) Abantu abatshatileyo abanakungazenzi iimpazamo. Ngoko ke kubalulekile ukuxolelana. UClive noMonica, baseMzantsi Afrika, abaneminyaka engama-43 betshatile, baye bancedwa sesi siluleko seBhayibhile. UClive uthi: “Siye sizame ukusebenzisa umgaqo okweyabase-Efese 4:26, size sizame ukuxolelana ngokukhawuleza, kuba siyazi ukuba oko kuyamkholisa uThixo. Siye saneliseke emva kokuba sikwenzile oku, size siye kulala sinesazela esikhululekileyo.”

Umzekeliso wamandulo uthi: “Kuyinto entle . . . ukukubetha ngoyaba ukunxaxha.” (IMizekeliso 19:11) UAnnette, okhankanywe ngaphambilana, uyavumelana nala mazwi, uthi: “Umtshato awunakuphumelela xa amaqabane engaxolelani.” Uyasichaza isizathu: “Kungenjalo kubakho inzondo nokungathembani, yaye loo nto iyingozi emtshatweni. Xa nixolelana, umtshato wenu uyaqina nize nisondelelane.”

Xa ulikhubekisile iqabane lakho, musa ukucinga ukuba liza kusuka nje lilibale ngaloo nto. Ukuze kubekho uxolo kufuneka wenze eyona nto idla ngokuba nzima kumaqabane omtshato: Vuma ukuba wenze impazamo. Ngokuzithoba yithi: “Ndixolele Sithandwa. Ndenze impazamo.” Xa ucela uxolo ngokuzithoba iqabane lakho liya kukuthemba uze nawe ube noxolo lwengqondo.

▸ Nyaniseka kwiqabane lakho nakumtshato wakho. “[Indoda nomfazi] abasebabini, kodwa banyama-nye. Ngoko ke, oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.” (Mateyu 19:6) Wenze isifungo phambi koThixo, nabantu nakwiqabane lakho ukuba niya kuhlala kunye, enoba kunokuvela ziphi na iingxaki.c Kodwa ke eso sifungo asenziwa nje ngenxa yokuthobela umthetho. Kunoko, umntu owenza isifungo ufanele aqhutywe luthando olunyanisekileyo nto leyo ebonisa ukuba uyalihlonela iqabane lakhe noThixo. Ngoko ke ungaze ulijongele phantsi ilungiselelo elingcwele lomtshato ngokubonakalisa umdla komnye umntu ongeloqabane lakho; kodwa ufanele uthande iqabane lakho kuphela.—Mateyu 5:28.

▸ Umoya wokuzincama uyawomeleza umtshato. “[Nyamekela] kungekuphela nje izilangazelelo zobuqu, kodwa kwanezilangazelelo zabanye.” (Filipi 2:4) Ukunyamekela iintswelo zeqabane lakho kunezakho yenye yeendlela zokomeleza umtshato. UPremji, oneminyaka engama-20 etshatile, uyamncedisa umfazi wakhe ophangelayo kwimisebenzi yasekhaya. “Ndiyamncedisa uRita ngokupheka, ngokucoca nangeminye imisebenzi ukuze akwazi ukwenza ezinye izinto azithandayo.”

Ukwenza Umgudu Kunomvuzo

Maxa wambi, ekubeni kufuneka kusetyenzwe nzima ukuze umtshato uphumelele, abanye baye bafune ukunikezela. Kodwa musa ukunikezela ngenxa yeengxaki, uze waphule isifungo sakho okanye uncame yonke into ekubeni sele uhambe umgama ongaka.

USid osele etshate iminyaka engama-33 uthi: “Ukuba wenza umzamo uze ubonise ukuba ufuna umtshato wakho uphumelele, uYehova uya kukusikelela.” Ukuxhasana ngokunyanisekileyo ngamaxesha obunzima nokunandipha amaxesha amnandi kunye, kuya kunenza nibe nomtshato ophumelelayo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 6]

IBhayibhile ifana nemaphu yendlela emtshatweni

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Xa Nifuna Ukuthetha Ngengxaki Ethile

◼ Thethani ngaloo ngxaki xa ningadinwanga.

◼ Kuphephe ukugxeka iqabane lakho; yiba nesimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo.

◼ Kuphephe ukumngen’ emlonyeni omnye xa esathetha; phulaphula.

◼ Yiqonde indlela elivakalelwa ngayo iqabane lakho.

◼ Yiba novelwano, enoba aniboni ngasonye.

◼ Yiba nolwazelelelo uze ube bhetyebhetye.

◼ Zithobe uze ucele uxolo xa wenze impazamo.

◼ Lixelele iqabane lakho ukuba uyalixabisa yaye uyalithanda.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 8]

Ukuze Umtshato Uphumelele

◼ Sebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile ukuze umtshato womelele.

◼ Zinike ixesha lokunyamekela umtshato wakho neqabane lakho.

◼ Bonakalisa uthando.

◼ Thembeka kwisifungo sakho.

◼ Yiba nobubele nentlonelo.

◼ Ncedisanani ngomsebenzi wasekhaya.

◼ Ncokolani kamnandi.

◼ Ncokolani ngezinto ezihlekisayo nize nizonwabise kunye.

◼ Sebenzani ngamandla ukuze umtshato wenu uphumelele.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 9]

Izinto Omele Ucingisise Ngazo

◼ Yintoni endimele ndisebenzele kuyo emtshatweni wam?

◼ Yintoni endiza kuyenza ukuze ndikwazi?