Umbono WeBhayibheli
Ukushada Noma Ukuhlala Ndawonye—Ikuphi?
“Sizoshada nini?” Eminyakeni nje engu-35 edlule, lombuzo kungenzeka wawucatshangelwa imibhangqwana ethandanayo eyayithembisana umshado. Nokho, namuhla kunethuba elihle lokuba umbuzo onjalo ungaphakanyiswa abantu ababili asebehlala ndawonye kakade. Izikhathi ziye zashintsha futhi kunjalo nangezimo zengqondo ngomshado. Iyiphi inkambo engcono: Ukushada, noma ukuhlalisana nomuntu omthandayo?
Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi eBrazil, eFrance, eSweden, eUnited States, nakwamanye amazwe amaningi, ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphandle komshado kuyinto evamile. Kungenzeka kuhambisana nezimo zengqondo zokuziphatha zanamuhla, kodwa akukusha. Okusha yizimo zengqondo ngalomkhuba. Lokho okwake kwabhekwa njengokuhlala esonweni manje kuyavunwa noma kuvunyelwa abaningi njengokufanele ngokuphelele.
Ukuhlala Ndawonye—Ingabe Zikhona Izinzuzo?
Abanye abantu baphikisa ngokuthi ilungiselelo lokuhlala ndawonye linengqondo, njengoba lenza umbhangqwana ukwazi ukwazana kahle ngaphambi kokuba ungenele isibopho esihlala njalo ngokwengeziwe somshado. Ezinye izinzuzo abanye abazivezayo yilezi: Kwenza umbhangqwana ukwazi ukunciphisa izindleko ngokuhlanganyela intela yendlu; kuwenza ukhululeke kubazali; kunikeza ubungane obudingekayo, kuhlanganise nobuhlobo bobulili. Imibhangqwana engashadile esikhulile ithi ngokuhlala ndawonye ayilahlekelwa inkokhelo kahulumeni yokusiza asebekhulile.
Nokho, okunye ukuphikisa okunamandla okulahla ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphandle komshado yilokhu: Noma imuphi kwabangashadile anganqamula lelilungiselelo nganoma isiphi isikhathi ngokumane nje aphume ahambe. Eqinisweni, iMonde ephuma nsuku zonke yaseFrance yabika ukuthi eSweden naseNorway, ingxenye yalabo abasebuhlotsheni bokuhlala ndawonye ayihlali iminyaka emibili, futhi abasukela emaphesentini angu-60 kuya ku-80 bahlukana esikhathini esingaphansi kweminyaka emihlanu.
Umshado—Indlela Engcono
Labo abalwela ilungiselelo lokuhlala ndawonye bangase babhekisele esitifiketini somshado njengesimane nje “siyisicucu sephepha,” okuthile okungenakho ukubaluleka okuwusizo. Lesisimo sengqondo siyaboniswa futhi ezinhlelweni ezikhokhelwayo zeTV nasemabhayisikobho, kanye nasekuphileni kwangasese kwabantu abadumile. Ngakho-ke, manje ake sicabangele ukubaluleka kwangempela “kwalesosicucu sephepha.”
Lapho ubamba iqhaza kwezebhizinisi noma uthenga indawana ethile noma utsheleka othile imali, kungani enivumelana ngakho nikubhala phansi noma nikuqinisekisa ngisho nokukuqinisekisa? Esinye isizathu siwukuthi isibopho siye senziwa yibo bobabili abakulokhu, futhi kungokwenzuzo yabo bobabili ukuba bakubhale phansi lokho abavumelana ngakho. Ngokwesibonelo, uma omunye efa, enyamalala, noma nje elahlekelwa inkumbulo yakhe, okuvunyelwene ngakho kusabopha ngokomthetho. Kungokufanayo nasemshadweni. Uma kufa umlingane oyedwa noma bobabili, emazweni amaningi umthetho wenzela amalungu asele omkhaya ilungiselelo elithile. Lokhu ngokuvamile akukho elungiselelweni lokuhlala ndawonye. Yilesibopho esenza umehluko phakathi kokuhlala ndawonye nomshado. Futhi isitifiketi somshado siyinto ekhumbuza umbhangqwana ngalesosibopho sokuthandana, ukudumisana, nokwazisana nangalokho okushiwo izifungo zomshado emthethweni.
Omunye wesifazane oshadile wakubeka ngalendlela: “Mhlawumbe ngiyisidala, kodwa isibopho somshado singenza ngizizwe ngilondeke ngokwengeziwe.” Wenanela lokho uNkulunkulu akusho lapho ehlanganisa ngomshado umbhangqwana wokuqala ongabantu: “Ngalokho indoda iyakushiya uyise nonina, inamathele kumkayo; bayakuba-nyamanye.”a (Genesise 2:24) Ukuba munye okuyingqayizivele! Ngaleyondlela, ‘ukuba-nyamanye’ kungenzeka kuphela ebuhlotsheni obuphelele, obukhethekile, obungokomthetho, obuhlala njalo—hhayi kwenye indawo.
Nokho, abanye abantu baphikisa ngokuthi ikhona imibhangqwana abayaziyo ehlala ndawonye ngaphandle komshado kodwa enobuhlobo obuqinile.
“Mabaganane”
IBhayibheli linikeza isizathu esingcono kakhulu sokuthi kungani imibhangqwana kungamelwe ihlale ndawonye ngaphandle komshado. “Ukuganana makuhlonishwe yibo bonke, umbhede ungabi-nasisihla, ngokuba izifebe neziphingi uNkulunkulu uyakuzahlulela,” kusho amaHeberu 13:4. IBhayibheli ngokucacile nakalula lithi ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphandle komshado kuwubufebe. Igama elithi “ubufebe” lisho ukuthini ngempela? Esinye isichazamazwi silichaza ngokuthi “ubuhlobo bobulili babantu obungekho phakathi kwendoda nomkayo.” Ukuze sibe nonembeza omuhle, leseluleko seBhayibheli kumelwe silandelwe: ‘Intando kaNkulunkulu iwukuba nidede ebufebeni.’—1 Thesalonika 4:3.
Kodwa kuthiwani lapho abanye benenkinga yokuthiba izifiso zabo zobulili? Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Uma bengenakuzibamba, mabaganane, ngokuba kuhle ukuganana kunokusha.” Waphinda futhi: “Kepha uma umuntu ethi wenza okungafanele [“ngakubo ubumsulwa bakhe,” NW] . . . mabaganane.” (1 Korinte 7:9, 36) Phawula ukuthi uPawulu akazange athi ‘benze abakufunayo futhi bahlale ndawonye’ kodwa wathi, “Mabaganane.”
Akukhona ukuthi umshado kufanele ubhekwe njengendlela yokwanelisa izifiso zobulili kuphela. Imibhangqwana kufanele yazane ngaphambi kokuba ishade. Kodwa ningakwenza kanjani lokho ngaphandle kokuba nihlale ndawonye? Ukuqomisana okuhloniphekile kunikeza ithuba elikhulu lalokho. Kufanele unqume ukuthi yini oyilindele emshadweni nakumlingane wakho. Ziyini izidingo zakho ezingokwenyama, ezingokomzwelo, nezingokomoya? Ingabe umuntu ocabanga ngaye njengongaba umlingane wakho uyokusiza ekuzigcwaliseni?—Mathewu 5:3.
Ngemva kokucabangela okungenhla, ngokungangabazeki uzovuma ukuthi kulezinkambo ezimbili—ukuhlala ndawonye noma ukushada—ukushada kungcono. Imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ngoba ishadile yenza kanjalo ngaphandle kokuzizwa inecala noma ukwesaba, futhi ijabulela ukuhlonishwa abangane nezihlobo. Abantwana bayo ngeke babe nezibazi ezingokomzwelo zokuzalelwa ngaphandle komshado. Futhi okubaluleke nakakhulu, imibhangqwana enjalo ithokozisa uNkulunkulu ngokubonisa inhlonipho ngelungiselelo lakhe lomshado.
[Umbhalo waphansi]
a Igama lesiHeberu elithi da·vaqʹ (“ukunamathela”) “liqukethe umqondo wokubambelela kothile ngothando nangokwethembeka.” (Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament) EsiGrekini, lisuselwa egameni elisho “ukuhlanganisa ngenhlaka,” “ukuhlanganisa ngosimende,” “ukuhlanganisa ndawonye ngokuqinile.”
[Isithombe ekhasini 26]
Umshado wekhulu le-16 leminyaka
[Umthombo]
Peasant Wedding, by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, 16th century
With kind permission of the Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna