Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ingabe Ngizofuza Umfowethu?

“UZOFUZA umfowenu! Qaphela, uma kungenjalo uzogcina usufana naye!”

Uma unomfowenu noma udadewenu owanhlanhlatha—mhlawumbe owaxoshwa ekhaya labazali bakho, wavalelwa ejele, noma wakhishwa ebandleni lobuKristu—lamazwi abuhlungu kungenzeka awuqali ukuwezwa. Abazali, othisha, izihlobo ezinezinhloso ezinhle, ngisho nabanye abangontanga yakho bangase bawasho ngokuphindaphindiwe. Ngezinye izikhathi ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi abanye abangane bakho bayakugwema.

Yebo, ukuba nomfowenu noma udadewenu ophishekela inkambo enhlanhlathayo khona ngokwakho kungokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu. Intombazane egama layo uCarol, enomfowabo omdala owasuswa (owakhishwa) ekuhlanganyeleni nebandla lobuKristu, uyakhumbula: “Ngangisondelene kakhulu nomfowethu kunanoma ubani omunye. Lapho eyeka ukuba umKristu, kwangithinta ngokujulile kakhulu.”a UBecky, owayeneminyaka engu-15 ubudala lapho udadewabo esuswa ekuhlanganyeleni, naye uyakhumbula: “Ngisalukhumbula usuku angitshela ngalo ukuthi ukhishiwe. Ngezwa ubuhlungu obukhulu futhi ngadabuka kakhulu. Ngazizwa ngikhohlisiwe. Angakwenza kanjani lokhu kithi?”

Kubuhlungu futhi ukulahlekelwa ukuxoxa ngokukhululeka lokho umuntu abekujabulela nomfowabo noma udadewabo amelamayo. UBecky uyadabuka: “Sasisondelene kakhulu. Ngangikukhumbula ukukwazi ukuxoxa naye futhi ngenze naye izinto.” Okwenezela kulokho kulahlekelwa ukubona ukwehluleka kothile obumbheka njengesibonelo. Omusha ogama lakhe uMarvin, ngokuphathelene nomfowabo omdala uthi: “Sasibheke kuye njengesibonelo. Kodwa manje sasingasenaye.”

Nokho, ingxenye edabukisa kunazo zonke, kungase kube ukwesaba okungapheli kokuthi kungenzeka unqunyelwe ukugcina usufana naye.

Landela Umholi?

Kokunye ukuhlola, amaphesenti angu-64,9 entsha avuma ukuthi athonywa kakhulu abafowabo nodadewabo abadala. Enye intombazane yathi: “Umfowethu omdala . . . wayenethonya kakhulu ekuphileni kwami. Njalo wayebonisa isithakazelo esikhethekile kimi. Wayehamba nami angibonise izindawo ekanye nabangane bakhe, angifundise ukubhala, abophe izintambo zezicathulo zami, futhi noma nini lapho nginenkinga wayengisiza.”—Adolescents and Youth, kaDorothy Rogers.

Ngakho lapho umuntu owelanywayo ohlonishwayo ngokungazelele ehlubuka, “cishe intsha iphatheka kabi ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo,” ngokusho komlobi uJoy P. Gage. Ulandisa ngendaba yentombazane okuthiwa uLinda owayebheke kumfowabo omdala njengesibonelo. Lapho ngokungazelele eshiya umkakhe, isibonelo sikaLinda esiyigugu “sanyamalala.” UJoy Gage uthi: “Lomfowabo ayezizwa enesibopho esingaka sokumlingisa wayengasakufanelekeli ukulingiswa.” Ngenxa yalokho, “uLinda wayethukuthele. Wayeze ngisho azizwe enexhala.” ULinda waqala ukusebenzisa utshwala.—When Parents Cry.

Ukusabela ngokweqisa okunjalo akukhona okungavamile. Empeleni, incwadi ethi How to Survive Your Child’s Rebellious Teens, kaMyron Brenton, iphawula ukuthi “ngokwezinga elikhulu noma elincane, ezinye izingane emkhayeni ziyathinteka njalo ngokuziphatha kokuhlubuka kwalowo ezimelamayo.” UBrenton uchaza ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi intsha esele ekhaya “izizwa isongelwa. Ngokungaqiniseki iyacabanga: ‘Ingabe lokhu kungenzeka kimi? Ingabe nami ngiyosangana ngalendlela? Ingabe nami nginawo lowomsangano onjalo kimi?’”

Khetha Indlela Ehlukile

Nokho, ingabe kukhona kulokhu okubonisa ukuthi nawe unqunyelwe ukulandela isibonelo esibi salowo omelamayo? Akunjalo neze. Unawo amandla okuzikhethela ukuthi iyiphi inkambo ozoyithatha. (Qhathanisa noJoshuwa 24:15.) Intsha eningi eyesaba uNkulunkulu yangezikhathi zeBhayibheli yenza lokho kanye.

Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela uJakobe omncane. Iwele lakhe, uEsawu, ‘lalingazazisi izinto ezingcwele.’ (Heberu 12:16) Nokho, uJakobe waba indoda yokholo engenasici. (Genesise 25:27; Heberu 11:21) UEleyazare noItamari, amadodana amabili amancane ka-Aroni, ahlala ethembekile enkonzweni kaJehova lapho abafowabo abadala, uNadabi noAbihu, bebulawa uJehova. Labafowabo abadala ngokusobala babulawa ngenxa yokweqa izibopho zabo zobupristi lapho bedakiwe. Kodwa uEleyazare noItamari ababalingisanga abafowabo, futhi bobabili bajabulela amalungelo okuba abapristi bakaJehova uNkulunkulu.—Levitikusi 10:1-11.

Nawe ngokufanayo ungakhetha inkambo yokuziphatha yokwesaba uNkulunkulu futhi ugweme ukuzilethela wena nabazali bakho inhliziyo ebuhlungu.

‘Bayangigwema’

Nakuba kunjalo, uCarol uyakhononda: “Wonke umuntu ungilindele ukuba ngenze iphutha. Abanye abazali baze bacabange ngisho nokuthi ngizoba ithonya elibi kubantwana babo.” Mhlawumbe nawe ngezinye izikhathi uzizwa kanjalo. Kodwa lokho okungase kubonakale kuwukucubungula okunonya ngokuvamile kuyaye kube ukukhathazeka okunezisusa ezinhle. Nokho, njengoba bekubona njalo ulondoloza ukuziphatha okuhle, ukukhathazeka kwabo ngokuvamile kuyophela.—Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Petru 2:12.

Nokho, kungani abanye abangane ngokungazelele beye baqhela kuwe? Cishe lokhu abakwenzi ikakhulu ngenxa yokungakwethembi, kodwa kungenxa yokuthi bamane nje abazi ukuthi bathini. Bangase bazizwe besaba ukuxoxa nawe, beqaphela ukuthi wena nomkhaya wakini niye nabhekana nokudumazeka okukhulu; mhlawumbe besaba ukuthi bazosho into engafanele. Yini ungenzi okusemandleni ukuba uthathe isinyathelo kuqala ngokuqalisa ingxoxo? Zama ukuba nomoya ophansi futhi ube nomusa lapho abanye bekubuza imibuzo ekuphatha kabi, enjengokuthi, “Kwenzekeni kumfowenu?”

Kuyavunywa, abanye bangase babonakale bekugwema. Futhi lapho abantu bekuphatha sengathi ungumuntu omubi, kuyalinga ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi nawe ungenza okufanayo wenze izinto ezimbi. Nokho, njalo khumbula amazwi akwabaseGalathiya 6:9: “Masingakhathali ekwenzeni okuhle, ngokuba siyakuvuna ngesikhathi esifaneleyo, uma singadangali.”

Ngokuvamile, inkathi yokuqala yokwesaba idlula ngokushesha. UBecky osemncane uthi: “Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi abantu baqala ukungiphatha ngendlela ababenza ngayo ngaphambili.” Uyanezela: “Iqiniso lokuthi bonke abangane bami abazange bangigweme lwaluwusizo olukhulu. Babezimisele ukungisiza.” Amaningi amaKristu okanye nawo ayokusiza nawo. Angenza okuningi ukuba akusize ‘wenzele izinyawo zakho izindlela eziqondileyo.’—Heberu 12:13.

Xoxa Ngezinto

Yiqiniso, ngezinye izikhathi ungase uzizwe njengensizwa encane ethiwa uFred leyo umfowabo owasuswa ekuhlanganyeleni. Iyavuma: “Ngangiba nje unkom’ idla yodwa. Kodwa ngaqaphela ukuthi kwakungangisizi mina noma abazali bami ukuvalela imizwa ngaphakathi.” Yebo, gwema ukuzehlukanisa, ikakhulukazi nabazali bakho. (IzAga 18:1) UMarvin unikeza iseluleko esihle lapho ethi: “Xoxa ngakho nothile. Kufanele ukwenze!”

Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe abanye ebandleni babonakala bengenamusa kuwe? Abazali bakho bangase bakwazi ukukusiza uma ubaqaphelisa ngalenkinga. Noma mhlawumbe ukhungathekile ngenxa yokuthi abazali bakho bagxilise konke ukunaka kwabo kumfowenu noma udadewenu onhlanhlathayo futhi abazinaki izidingo zakho. Ungaziphathi kabi ukuze udonse ukunaka kwabo. Kunalokho, yiba nengxoxo nabo yokwembulelana izifuba, futhi ubenze bazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.

UFred wayevame ukusebenzisa ngokunenzuzo isifundo seBhayibheli sasekhaya ukuze enze lokhu. “Uma nganginenkinga, ngangisebenzisa lelothuba ukuba ngixoxe ngalendaba noBaba noMama.” Ngezingxoxo ezinjalo ungase usizwe ukuba ubone ukuthi siye sabalimaza kangakanani nabazali bakho lesimo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, bayoyiqonda kangcono imizwa yakho futhi cishe bayohlela ukuba bakunikeze ukunaka okwengeziwe komuntu siqu.

Njengokulindelekile, akuyona yonke intsha enabazali abesaba uNkulunkulu. Uma kunjalo ngawe, zama ukuxoxa nomKristu ovuthiwe. (IzAga 17:17) Kuyasiza futhi ukuhlala umatasa emisebenzini engokomoya. “Kufanele ubonise ukuthi awufuni ngempela ukuba mubi,” kusho uMarvin. “Futhi lapho uzigcina ushiseka futhi ubonisa ukuthi uyalifuna ngempela iqiniso, abafowenu abangamaKristu cishe bayokusekela.”

Kunoma ikuphi, njalo unokusekela kukaYihlo wasezulwini. (IHubo 27:10) “Nithulule inhliziyo yenu phambi kwakhe,” kusho iHubo 62:8. Angaba isiphephelo sangempela kuwe. Uyakuqonda ngempela lokho okuzwayo ngaphakathi, ngisho nalapho abanye bengakuqondi kahle noma bekwahlulela kabi.—1 Samuweli 16:7.

Ungaba Ohlukile

Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Oqondileyo uyabona ububi, acashe.” (IzAga 22:3) Yebo, uma kungenzeka ulingeke ukuba ulandele umfowenu noma udadewenu omelamayo, cabanga ngezithelo zenkambo yakhe embi. UBecky uthi: “Ukubona imiphumela yezenzo zikadadewethu kwangisiza ukuba nami ngingangeni enkathazweni.”

UFred, uMarvin, noBecky—abacashunwe kulesihloko—baba abantu abehlukile kubafowabo nodadewabo ababelamayo abanhlanhlatha; ngamunye waphishekela umsebenzi wenkonzo yobuKristu. Kuthiwani ngawe? Ungaqhubeka umthanda umfowenu noma udadewenu omelamayo. Kodwa akudingeki ukuba uphile njengaye. Ungazikhethela lokho wena ozokwenza. Ungaba ohlukile.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

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