Ukuwohloka Kwemikhuba Emihle

Izigidi zisenemikhuba emihle. Ezinye izigidi ziyishaya indiva.

EKUQALENI kwalelikhulu leminyaka, imithetho yenhlonipho yaba nesiqalo esibi, ngokwe-New Encyclopædia Britannica: “Ngasekupheleni kwekhulu le-19 nasekuqaleni kwekhulu lama-20 labo abavelele emphakathini babebheka ukugcinwa kwezinto eziningi ezingabalulekile neze ezifunwa imithetho yenhlonipho njengento yokuzilibazisa futhi, kwabesifazane, kwakuwumsebenzi obalulekile. Kwamiswa izinqubo eziningi eziyimicikilisho ukuze abaqala ukuba abavelele bazizwe behlukile futhi kudediselwe kude abantu abangafaneleki, abangazazi lezizinqubo.”

Lokhu kuhluke kakhulu kulokho okufanele kube imikhuba emihle. U-Amy Vanderbilt uyisikhulu esihlonishwayo endabeni yemikhuba emihle, futhi uyabhala kweyakhe ethi New Complete Book of Etiquette: “Imithetho emihle kakhulu yokuziphatha itholakala eSahlukweni 13 sabaseKorinte Bokuqala, ukuchazwa okuningiliziwe kothando okulotshwe kahle uSt. Paul. Lemithetho ayihlobene nakancane nemininingwane exakayo yokugqoka noma nemikhuba emihle yokuzenzisa. Iphathelene nemizwa nezimo zengqondo, ukuba nomusa, nokucabangela abanye.”

Lokho u-Amy Vanderbilt ayebhekisela kukho indima yeBhayibheli ekweyoku-1 Korinte 13:4-8, ethi: “Uthando luyabekezela, uthando lumnene, alunamhawu, uthando aluzigabisi, aluzikhukhumezi; aluziphathi ngokungafanele, aluzifuneli okwalo, alucunuki, alunagqubu; aluthokozi ngokungalungile, kepha luthokozela iqiniso; lubekezelela izinto zonke, lukholwa yizinto zonke, luthemba izinto zonke, lukhuthazelela izinto zonke. Uthando alusoze lwaphela.”

Yeka indlela obekungaba okungavamile ngayo ukubona ukuboniswa kothando olunjengalolu namuhla! Kuyo yonke indawo, yonke imikhuba emihle ibingeke ibe nephutha! Imikhuba enjalo iqala ukufundiswa futhi ifundwe ekhaya lobuKristu. Umkhaya uwumshini ontekenteke onezingxenye ezisondelene kakhulu. Ukugcotshwa ngamafutha ngokucophelela kuphela okungawugcina usebenza kahle. Ukwazi indlela yokuba usizo, ukuba nesizotha, ukujabula, nokuba mnene kuyokwenza ikhaya lijabulise. Ukufunda indlela yokusho amazwi amukelekayo ansuku zonke esizotha nokucabangela—njengokuthi “Ngiyabonga,” “Ngiyacela,” “Ngiyaxolisa”—kuyokunciphisa kakhulu ukungqubuzana okubhubhisayo ebudlelwaneni bethu. Lawa amazwi amancane asho okukhulu. Wonke umuntu angawasho ngendlela efanele. Asiwakhokheli, kodwa ngawo sizuza abangane. Uma sisebenzisa imikhuba emihle nsuku zonke emakhaya ethu, ngeke isiphunyuke lapho sesingaphandle futhi sihlangana nomphakathi.

Imikhuba emihle ihlanganisa nokubonisa ukucabangela imizwa yabanye, ukubanikeza inhlonipho, ukubaphatha ngendlela esingathanda ukuba basiphathe ngayo. Nokho, abaningi baye baqaphela ukuthi imikhuba emihle ngokwayo iye yawohloka. Omunye umlobi wathi: “Sintula isizotha ngoba ukuzazisa kuye kwadlondlobala.” Isazi sefilosofi u-Arthur Schopenhauer sabhala: “Ubugovu buyinto esabeka kangangokuthi siye sakha ubumnene ukuze sibufihle.” Namuhla abaningi bacabanga ukuthi “ukuba nesizotha” kusho “ukuba buthakathaka” nokuthi ukubeka abanye phambili kuwukuba isimukanandwendwe. Ingabe kwakungelona ishumi leminyaka lokuZazisa lawo-1970 elasenza saphila ngalendlela yamanje yokuzazisa? Iphephandaba elithile lasedolobheni elikhulu lathi: “Lenkinga isifinyelele eqophelweni lapho isizotha esivamile singasenakuchazwa ngokuthi sivamile.”

I-Daily Mail yaseLondon ibika ukuthi ngisho nezingane ezineminyaka emihlanu ubudala zinobudlwangudlwangu obandayo, aziyihloniphi impahla yezinye izingane, azibahloniphi abantu abadala, futhi zisebenzisa ulimi olungcolile. Othisha abaningi okwaxoxwa nabo banomuzwa wokuthi abazali batotosa izingane zabo nokuthi lokhu kuyimbangela eyinhloko yokwanda kokuziphatha okungafanele. Phakathi kothisha okwaxoxwa nabo kokunye ukuhlola, abangamaphesenti angu-86 basola “ukuntuleka kwezindinganiso ezicacile nalokho okulindelekile ekhaya.” Abangamaphesenti angu-82 bathi ukuntuleka kwesibonelo sabazali kuyimbangela. Amakhaya ahlukene, isehlukaniso, ukuhlalisana ngaphandle komshado, ukubuka ithelevishini ngokweqile, ukuntuleka kokuyala, ukungabeki imingcele—konke kubangela ukuwohloka komkhaya.

Uthisha-nhloko othile wesikole sabaqalayo wathi: “Ngikhathazekile ngokuntuleka kwenhlonipho phakathi kwezingane namuhla. Kubonakala zingakushayi mkhuba ukuthi zijabhisa ontanga noma zicasula abantu abadala. . . . Zibonisa ukungahloniphi kwazo ngezindlela eziningi—izimpawu ezicasulayo, inhlamba, ukwenqaba ukulalela imiyalo elula . . . , ukufuna ukugodla ibhola isikhathi eside emdlalweni . . . [Ngakolunye uhlangothi,] izingane zakweminye imizi zithambekele ekubahlonipheni abanye. Akudingeki ukuba zibe izintandokazi kothisha . . . , kodwa ziyabahlonipha abanye. Zilindela ithuba lazo kuyilapho ezinye zingenela emgqeni . . . Lokhu kuyagxiliswa [ezinganeni] noma cha.”

Omunye uthisha-nhloko wesikole sabaqalayo, ongumakad’ ebona, uyaqhubeka: “Sibona ukuba nonya okusobala. Enkundleni yezemidlalo izingane azisadlali ngendlela ezazivame ukudlala ngayo; zizulazula ngamaqembu. Zisheshe zibaphawule ababuthaka, izingane ezibhekwa njengabafokazi, izingane ezingagqoki amateki noma obhogadi abathile abamukelwayo. Zibenza izisulu, zibagcone; lokhu kunonya olwesabekayo. Sizamile ukukunqanda, kodwa asibanga nampumelelo etheni.”

“Abantu abaningi bashayela ngokweyisa okukhulu,” kusho uProfesa Jonathan Freedman waseColumbia University. “Imigwaqo emikhulu isinjengenkundla yempi.” I-Monthly Letter ye-Royal Bank yaseCanada ikhuluma ‘ngokufa okunganqandeki kwabantu abaningi emigwaqweni’ futhi iphetha ngokuthi “umsuka walenkinga ukuziphatha okungenanhlonipho. Isizotha, ukucabangela, ukuzibamba, ukubekezela nokuhlonipha amalungelo abantu konke okuyizinto eziletha impucuko kuntuleka ngendlela ehlazisayo.”

I-New York Times ichaza imigwaqo yaseNew York City ngalendlela: “Abashayeli Balwa Nama-ambulensi.” Abashayeli abaningi kulelodolobha bayenqaba ukudedela izimoto zezimo eziphuthumayo, njengama-ambulensi nezicimamlilo—okwandisa ingozi yokuba othile ogulayo noma olimele kabi afe ngoba engenakufinyelelwa noma athuthelwe esibhedlela ngokushesha. UKapteni Ellen Scibelli we-Emergency Medical Services walandisa ngendoda eyayishayela ePelham Parkway eBronx eyenqaba ukudedela i-ambulensi eyayiphuthuma kothile owayehlaselwe isifo senhliziyo. “Yazama ukuba isiqhwaga yangadeda endleleni, kodwa lapho ifika kwayo, yaqaphela indlela okwakuwubuwula ngayo. Unina wayehlaselwe isifo senhliziyo futhi le-ambulensi yayizama ukuphuthuma kuye.”

I-New York Times International yalandisa ngenhlangano yaseNgilandi ebizwa ngokuthi i-Polite Society eyamiswa ngoba “abantu sebephathana njengezilwane ngempela, futhi kumelwe kwenziwe okuthile.” Ohlwini lwe-Evening Standard, umlobeli othile wezokusakaza washukunyiselwa ukuba akhononde: “Isizwe esasaziwa ngobuntu baso sesiphenduka izwe lezidlova.” Inkampani ethile yomshuwalense yaseScotland “yaphetha ngokuthi imbangela yamaphesenti angu-47 azo zonke izingozi zomgwaqo isenzo esithile sokungabi nasizotha.”

Ithelevishini iye yaba neqhaza elikhulu ekuwohlokeni kwemikhuba emihle, ikakhulukazi ezinganeni nakwabevé eshumini nambili. Indlela abantu abagqoka ngayo, abakhuluma ngayo, abasingatha ngayo ubuhlobo nabanye, abaxazulula ngayo izinkinga ngobudlova ngokuphindaphindiwe—ithelevishini iwuthisha. Uma thina nezingane zethu sinomkhuba wokubuka izinhlelo ezingelona iqiniso nezingazuzisi, ekugcineni imikhuba yethu emihle iyobonisa isimo sengqondo sokwedelela, sokungahloniphi, nesokubhuqa sabadlali ababukelayo. Ngokuvamile abazali bavezwa beyiziphukuphuku izingane zivezwe ziyizihlakaniphi.

Izwe laneliswa ukukhuluma ngesankahlu ngobushiqela—liphazamisa, liqhosha ngokucindezela, linomsindo, liyaziphakamisa, liyaqalana, licelana inselele. Umphakathi wawuvame ukunengwa ukuziphatha ngokwedelela, futhi umshoshozeli wayekhishwa inyumbazane. Emphakathini wanamuhla umuntu angenza isenzo sokwedelela angajeziswa. Futhi uma othile emelana nakho, angase ahlaselwe ngamazwi noma ngokoqobo! Enye intsha ehamba ingamaqembu aklabalasayo ikhuluma ulimi olungcolile kuzwe wonke umuntu, yenza izimpawu zenhlamba, icasule abayibonayo ngokuziphatha ngokwedelela, konke okwenziwa ngamabomu ukuze kudonsele ukunakekela ekuvukeleni kwayo ngendelelo nokushaqisa abantu abadala ngokubonisa obala ukuba luhlaza kwayo. Nokho, njengoba kuye kwashiwo, “ukuba luhlaza kuyindlela umuntu obuthaka alingisa ngayo ukuba namandla.”

Miningi kakhulu imithetho abantu abaye bayimisa ukuze kuqondiswe ukuziphatha kwesintu, kodwa ayizange isilethe isiqondiso esidingwa isintu. Ingabe sisadinga eyengeziwe? Noma mhlawumbe embalwa? Kuye kwathiwa uma umphakathi ungcono, kulapho ungayidingi khona imithetho eminingi. Kuthiwani ngomthetho owodwa vó? Ngokwesibonelo, lona: “Ngakho-ke konke nokungakanani enifuna ukuba abantu bakwenze kini, kwenzeni nani kanjalo kubo; ngokuba lokhu kungumthetho nabaprofethi.”—Mathewu 7:12.

Ukulalela lowomthetho bekuyoqeda izinkinga eziningi ezikhona, kodwa noma kunjalo, ukuze kwaneliswe izidingo zomphakathi, kumelwe kunezelwe umthetho obaluleke kakhulu: “Woyithanda iNkosi, uNkulunkulu wakho ngayo yonke inhliziyo yakho, nangawo wonke umphefumulo wakho, nangayo yonke ingqondo yakho, nangawo onke amandla akho.”—Marku 12:30.

Umphakathi wanamuhla uzilahla zombili lezizimfuneko zeBhayibheli uthi azidingekile, kanye nazo zonke ezinye iziqondiso eziseBhayibhelini. IBhayibheli likhuluma ngabanjalo kuJeremiya 8:9: “Abahlakaniphileyo bayakujabha, . . . balilahlile izwi likaJehova, banokuhlakanipha kuni na?” Abasiboni nesidingo sokuvumelana komphakathi ngezindinganiso zeqiniso ebezivame ukuqashelwa njengezibalulekile njengesiqondiso sethu. Ukuziphatha kwabo okusha kuyindlela ebanzi evumela noma iziphi izindlela zokuphila ezihlukile abantu abangase bazikhethe—indlela ebanzi uJesu ayichaza njengendlela eholela ekubhujisweni—futhi baningi abayithathayo.—Mathewu 7:13, 14.

Isibonelo Esiphelele

UJesu Kristu, ‘osesifubeni sikaYise,’ uyisibonelo esivelele okufanele sisilingise. (Johane 1:18) Ekusebenzelaneni nabantu, wayemnene futhi enozwela ngakolunye uhlangothi, enethonya futhi eqinile ngakolunye; kodwa wayengeluhlaza noma engenamusa kunoma ubani. Iphawula “ngekhono lakhe elingavamile lokukhululeka kuzo zonke izinhlobo zabantu,” incwadi ethi The Man From Nazareth ithi ngoJesu: “Obala nangasese wayenobudlelwane namadoda nabesifazane ngokungakhethi. Wayekhululekile kubantwana abancane abangenacala futhi ngokumangalisayo ekhululekile lapho enamaqili akhathazwa unembeza anjengoZakewu. Abesifazane abahloniphekile abanakekela amakhaya, abanjengoMariya noMarta, babekhuluma naye ngokukhululeka okukhulu, kodwa nezifebe zazimfuna njengokungathi zaziqiniseka ukuthi wayezoziqonda futhi abe nobungane kuzo . . . Ukungayinaki kwakhe okungavamile imingcele eyayivimbela abantu abavamile kungenye yezimfanelo zakhe ezivelele kakhulu.”

UJehova uNkulunkulu ngaso sonke isikhathi unemikhuba emihle lapho esebenzelana nabantu abangaphansi kwakhe, ngokuvamile unezela amazwi athi “ngiyacela” ezicelweni zakhe. Lapho enikeza umngane wakhe u-Abrahama isibusiso, wathi: “[Ngiyakucela, NW] phakamisa manje amehlo akho, ubuke usendaweni lapho umi khona.” Wathi futhi: “[Ngiyakucela, NW] bheka ngasezulwini, ubale izinkanyezi.” (Genesise 13:14; 15:5) Lapho enikeza uMose isibonakaliso samandla aKhe, uNkulunkulu wathi: “[Ngiyakucela, NW] faka isandla sakho esifubeni sakho.” (Eksodusi 4:6) Eminyakeni eminingi kamuva, uJehova, ngomprofethi wakhe uMika, wathi ngisho nakubantu bakhe abanhlanhlathayo: “[Ngiyanicela, NW] zwanini nina-zinhloko zakwaJakobe, nani-zikhulu zendlu yakwaIsrayeli. . . . [Ngicela, NW] nizwe lokhu nina-zinhloko.” (Mika 3:1, 9) Kulesisici, ingabe ‘sesingabalingisa uNkulunkulu’ ngokucela lapho sisebenzelana nabanye?—Efesu 5:1.

Ngakho, iziphi iziqondiso noma imiyalo yokuziphatha enikezwa yilabo abanokuhlakanipha kwezwe esikhundleni seyeBhayibheli abayilahla njengengamukeleki? Isihloko esilandelayo sicabangela lokhu.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 4]

Isizotha esivamile asisenakuchazwa ngokuthi sivamile

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]

Le-ambulensi yayizama ukufinyelela kunina

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 6]

“Ukuba luhlaza kuyindlela umuntu obuthaka alingisa ngayo ukuba namandla”

[Umthombo Wesithombe ekhasini 3]

Left: Life; Right: Grandville