Ukukhulisa Ingane Engalawuleki
“INGABE konke kuhambe kahle namuhla?” uSusan ubuza indodana yakhe uJimmy lapho igibela emotweni eyilande esikoleni. Enyukubala, uJimmy umshaya indiva. “Oh, kumelwe ukuba usuku lwakho belungeluhle,” kusho uSusan ngozwela. “Uyafuna ukuxoxa ngakho?”
“Hlukana nami,” kuvungama uJimmy.
“Ngimane nje ngikhathazekile ngawe. Ubonakala ungajabule. Ngifuna ukukusiza.”
“Angilufuni usizo lwakho!” kumemeza uJimmy. “Hlukana nami! Ngiyakuzonda. Ngifisa sengathi ngabe ngifile!”
“Jimmy!” kusho uSusan ekhefuzela, “ungakhulumi nami kanjalo kungenjalo—ngizokubhaxabula! Bengimane ngizama ukukusiza. Angiqondi ukuthi kwenzekani ngawe. Akukho engikushoyo noma engikwenzayo okukujabulisayo.”
Edidekile futhi etubekile ngenxa yomsebenzi wakhe siqu wosuku, uSusan uthubeleza phakathi kwezimoto ezibuza ukuthi wayithola kanjani ngempela ingane enjena. Uzizwa edidekile, engenakuzisiza, futhi ethukuthele, futhi eyicasukela indodana yakhe siqu, futhi uhlushwa imizwa yokuba necala. USusan uyesaba ukuyisa uJimmy ekhaya—ingane yakhe siqu. Cishe akafuni ukwazi ukuthi kwenzekeni namuhla esikoleni. Akungabazeki ukuthi uthisha uzophinde ashaye ucingo. Ngezinye izikhathi kwakunzima nje ukuba uSusan abekezele.
Ngaleyondlela izenzakalo ezibonakala zivamile ziphenduka izingxabano ezinkulu ngokomzwelo ezigcwele ukukhathazeka. Izingane ezine-ADD/ADHD, noma ezichazwa ngokuthi “azilawuleki,” ngokuvamile zisabela ngamawala lapho zibhekene nezinkinga. Zisheshe zibhoke ngolaka, zishiye abazali bethukuthele, bekhungathekile, futhi betubekile.
Ukuhlaziya Isimo Nokungenela
Ngokuvamile, lezizingane zihlakaniphile, zinamakhono okusungula izinto, futhi zisheshe zithinteke ngokomzwelo. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ziyizingane eziphilile ezinezidingo ezingaphezu kwezivamile, ngakho zidinga ukuqonda okujule ngokukhethekile. Okulandelayo izimiso nokusikisela okuthile abazali bezingane ezinjalo abaye bakuthola kuphumelela.
Okokuqala, kubalulekile ukufunda ukuqaphela izimo nezimbangela zokukhathazeka kwengane. (Qhathanisa nezAga 20:5.) Kubalulekile ukuba umzali aphawule izimpawu enganeni ezandulela izingxabano ezingokomzwelo futhi angenele ngokushesha. Uphawu oluyinhloko ukubukeka kobuso okubonisa ukukhungatheka okwandayo nokwehluleka ukusingatha isimo esithile. Kungase kusize ukunikeza izikhumbuzo zomusa zokuthi ingane kufanele izithibe noma, uma kudingekile, ukuyisusa kulesosimo. Ngokwesibonelo, izikhathi zokuhlaba ikhefu ziyaphumelela, hhayi njengesigwebo kodwa njengendlela yokunikeza bobabili ingane nomzali ithuba lokuba bazole bese beqhubeka ngokuqonda.
Esibonelweni esinikeziwe, uJimmy wasabela ngokweqile emibuzweni elula. Lena indlela uJimmy avame ukuziphatha ngayo nsuku zonke. Nakuba kulula ukuba umzali acasulwe ilentukuthelo nokucasuka, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ngokuvamile lezizingane zilahlekelwa ukuqonda (ukucabanga) lapho sezingasakwazi ukubekezelela ukucindezeleka. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukwenza izinto ngokuqonda. (IzAga 19:11) Endabeni kaJimmy, uSusan wayengadambisa isimo ngokuzithulela futhi anikeze indodana yakhe isikhathi sokuzithiba, futhi mhlawumbe kamuva babengaxoxa ngezenzakalo zosuku.
Izingane Ezicindezelekile
Umkhaya wesintu awukaze ngaphambili ubhekane nezinkinga, ukucindezela, nezinkathazo eziningi njengalezo ezikhathaza izwe lanamuhla. Izimo zishintshile, ziningi izinto ezifunekayo, futhi kufuneka okuningi ezinganeni. Ngokuqondene nalendaba, incwadi ethi Good Kids, Bad Behavior iyalandisa: “Izinkinga eziningi okubonakala izingane zibhekana nazo zingase zibangelwe noma zithonywe izinto ezilindelekile emphakathini oshintshayo.” Ezinganeni ezine-ADD/ADHD, isikole singaba inkathazo enkulu. Njengoba zilwela ukunqoba ukulinganiselwa kwazo siqu, ziphoqeleka ukuba zizivumelanise nentuthuko enkulu yezobuchwepheshe eqhubeka ishintsha ngokushesha endaweni engabonakala inobutha futhi iyingozi, okwandisa ukukhathazeka kwazo. Izingane azivuthiwe ngokomzwelo ukuba zisingathe zonke lezizinkinga. Zidinga usizo lwabazali bazo.
Nciphisani Izingxabano
Ukuze nibe nezingane ezijabulayo, ezinempilo, kubalulekile ukuba nilungiselele indawo ehlelekile nezinzile. Icebo eliphumelelayo lokunciphisa izingxabano ekhaya lingase liqale ngendlela yokuphila elula. Njengoba lezizingane zihluthuka, ziphazamiseka kalula, futhi zisabela ngokweqile, kudingekile ukuba ninciphise umphumela omubi wokushukunyiswa kwemizwelo ngokweqile. Nciphisani amathoyizi izingane ezinjalo ezivunyelwe ukudlala ngawo ngesikhathi. Zamani umsebenzi noma umkhankaso owodwa ngesikhathi nize niwuqede. Njengoba ngokuvamile lezizingane zingahlelekile ngokwazo, ukuhleleka kunciphisa ukukhungatheka. Lapho zibhekene nezinto ezimbalwa nezilula okufanele zizisingathe, kulapho kuba lula khona ukusingatha okubalulekile.
Enye indlela ephumelelayo yokunciphisa ukucindezeleka ekhaya ukusebenzisa isimiso esihleliwe, hhayi esiqinile, esenza izingane zizinze. Isimiso sesikhathi asibalulekile njengokulandelana kwezinto, indlela izenzakalo ezenzeka ngayo. Lokhu kungafinyelelwa ngokusebenzisa ukusikisela okuwusizo njengalokhu okulandelayo. Lungiselelani ukudla okufanele nokudla okulula okunomsoco ngaso sonke isikhathi. Yenzani izikhathi zokulungiselela ukulala zibe nemfudumalo, uthando, nokunethezeka. Ukuya esitolo kungazishukumisa ngokweqile izingane eziqinile, ngakho hlelani kusengaphambili futhi nizame ukungayi ezitolo eziningi. Futhi lapho nishaywa umoya, chazani ukuthi nilindele ukuziphatha okunjani. Imikhuba engaguquki isiza ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile ukuba ilawule ukuziphatha kwayo okuhluthukayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isiza umzali ukuba akubone kusengaphambili okuzokwenzeka.
Kanye nesimiso esihlelekile, kuyazuzisa ukumisa isimiso semithetho futhi nihlanganise nemiphumela yokwephula imithetho engashintshi. Imithetho esobala engashintshi, futhi eyamukelekayo kubo bobabili abangane bomshado, ibeka imingcele yokuziphatha okwamukelekayo ezinganeni—ibafundisa nokulandisa ngezenzo zabo. Uma kudingekile, bekani uhlu lwemithetho endaweni esobala (ukuze umzali, kanye nengane, bakhumbule). Ukungaguquguquki kuyisihluthulelo sokulondeka ngokomzwelo.
Ukuqonda izinto ezikhethwa ingane, ekuthandayo nengakuthandi, nokuzivumelanisa nakho kungasiza kakhulu ekudambiseni ukucindezela okungadingekile ekhaya. Ngenxa yokuthi ubuntu balezizingane obukhethekile buyashintshashintsha futhi buyahluthuka, ukujwayelana kwazo nezinye izingane kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okunzima kakhulu. Ukuhlanganyela izinto, ikakhulukazi amathoyizi, kungase kubangele izingxabano, ngakho abazali bangase bavumele lezizingane ukuba zikhethe izinto ezizithandayo ezingazihlanganyela nezinye izingane. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukulawula indlela ezithinteka ngayo ngokomzwelo ngokuvumela ukuba zidlale nedlanzana labangane nokwenza izinto ezingeke zithinte imizwelo ngokweqile kungase kusize ekulawuleni ukuhluthuka kwazo ngokushesha.
Kubalulekile ukuba abazali bavumele ingane ngayinye ukuba ikhule ngendlela yayo siqu futhi bagweme ukuyicindezela noma ukuyilolonga ukuba ivumelane nezinto ezingadingekile. Uma ingane ikuzonda ukudla noma ingubo ethile, isuseni. Akudingekile ukuba lezizinto ezincane zibangele ukucasuka okuvusa ingxabano. Eqinisweni, ningazami ukulawula zonke izinto. Linganiselani, kodwa lapho kwenziwa izinqumo ngalokho okwamukelekayo emkhayeni wamaKristu, namathelani kuzo.
Ukunakekela Ukuziphatha
Izingane eziguquguqukayo zivame ukudinga ukunakekelwa okukhudlwana. Ngenxa yalokho, abazali abaningi baba nomuzwa wecala uma kudingeka bayale njalo. Nokho, kubalulekile ukuqaphela umehluko phakathi kokuyala nokuxhaphaza. Ngokwencwadi ethi A Fine Line—When Discipline Becomes Child Abuse, kubikwa ukuthi amaphesenti angu-21 akho konke ukuxhashazwa ngokomzimba enzeka lapho izingane zibonisa ukuziphatha okunonya. Ngakho, ucwaningo luphetha ngokuthi izingane ezine-ADD/ADHD “zisengozini enkulu yokuxhashazwa ngokomzimba nokunganakwa.” Akuphikwa ukuthi ukukhulisa izingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile kungacindezela, kodwa ukuzinakekela kumelwe kube nempilo futhi kulinganisele. Njengoba ngokuvamile lezizingane zingongqondongqondo futhi zinamakhono amahle kakhulu okusungula izinto, ziyinselele kubazali abasingatha izimo ezidinga ukubonisana. Ngokuvamile lezizingane zinekhono lokuphawula amaphutha endleleni yomzali yokucabanga enengqondo kakhulu. Ungazivumeli! Londoloza igunya njengomzali.
Ngendlela enobungane, kodwa eqinile, fingqa izincazelo; ngamanye amazwi, ungachazi ngokweqile, futhi ungayekethisi emithethweni engashintshi. ‘Uyebo’ wakho makabe uyebo ‘noqhabo’ abe uqhabo. (Qhathanisa noMathewu 5:37.) Izingane azinabo ubuchule bokubonisana; ngenxa yalokho, ukubonisana nazo kubangela izingxabano, intukuthelo nokukhungatheka futhi kungaholela ekuklabalaseni nasebudloveni. (Efesu 4:31) Ngokufanayo, gwema ukuxwayisa ngokweqile. Uma kudingeka ukuyala, kufanele kunikezwe ngokushesha. Incwadi ethi Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World iyanxusa: “Ukuzola, ukuzethemba, nokuqina—yilokho okushiwo igunya.” Futhi, phawula ukusikisela okuhle kuyi-German Tribune: “Ngaso sonke isikhathi xoxa nengane ngendlela edonsa ukunakekela kwayo: ibize njalo ngegama layo, ibuke emehlweni futhi usebenzise ulimi oluvamile.”
Abazali baxhaphaza lapho behluleka ukuzithiba. Uma umzali eklabalasa, usehlulekile kakade ukuzithiba. IzAga isahluko 15 zikhuluma ngendaba yokukhulisa nokuyala izingane. Ngokwesibonelo, ivesi 4 lithi: “Ulimi oluthulayo lungumuthi wokuphila, kepha ukuphambanisa kwalo kungukuchotshozwa komoya”; ivesi 18: “Umuntu ofuthayo uyavusa ukuxabana, kepha owephuza ukuthukuthela uthulisa ingxabano”; futhi, ekugcineni, ivesi 28: “Inhliziyo yolungileyo iyacabanga ukuphendula.” Ngakho, kubalulekile ukuqaphela hhayi lokho esikushoyo kuphela kodwa nendlela esikusho ngayo.
Ukuncoma, Hhayi Ukugxeka
Ngenxa yokuthi izingane okunzima ukuzikhulisa zenza izinto ezintsha, eziyinqaba, ngisho nezobuhlanya, kulula ukuba abazali bathambekele ekugxekeni, ekugconeni, ekusoleni, nasekuphindiseleni ngentukuthelo. Nokho, ngokwe-Today’s English Version, iBhayibheli kweyabase-Efesu 6:4 liyala abazali ukuba bakhulise izingane “ngokuyala nokufundisa kobuKristu.” UJesu wayebayala kanjani abonayo? UJesu wayesebenzisa ukuyala okufundisayo okwakuqeqesha futhi kufundise abantu, esebenzelana nabo ngokungakhethi nangokuqina. Ukuyala kuyinqubo, indlela yokufundisa, okufanele iphindaphindwe lapho usebenzelana nezingane.—Bheka isihloko esithi “Umbono WeBhayibheli . . . ‘Induku Yokulaya’—Ingabe Iphelelwe Yisikhathi?,” ku-Phaphama! ka-September 8, 1992.
Ukuyala okufanele kwakha isimo sokwethembana, esifudumele, nesizinzile; ngakho-ke, lapho ukuyala kudingekile, kufanele kunikezwe kanye nezincazelo. Awekho amakhambi asheshayo lapho uqeqesha izingane, njengoba zifunda kancane kancane, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kudinga ukukhathalela nothando olukhulu, isikhathi esiningi nokuzikhandla, ukukhulisa noma iyiphi ingane ngendlela efanele, ikakhulukazi ingane okunzima ukuyikhulisa. Kungase kusize ukukhumbula lesisisho esilandelayo esifushane: “Yisho okuhlosile, futhi wenze othi uzokwenza.”
Esinye sezici ezikhungathekisa kakhulu zenkinga yokusebenzelana nezingane ezinokuziphatha okukhathazayo ukunxanela kwazo ukunakwa ngokweqile. Ngokuvamile ukunakwa ezikutholayo kuyalimaza kunokuba kwakhe. Nokho, sheshe uqaphele, uncome, noma uvuze ukuziphatha okufanele noma umsebenzi owenziwe kahle. Lokhu kuyikhuthaza kakhulu ingane. Ekuqaleni imizamo yakho ingase ibonakale yeqisa, kodwa iyifanele imiphumela. Izingane zidinga imivuzo emincane kodwa esheshayo.
Okuhlangenwe Nakho Kukayise KaGreg
“Indodana yethu uGreg yaxilongwa kwatholakala ukuthi ine-ADHD lapho ineminyaka emihlanu ubudala, isafunda enkulisa. Ngalesosikhathi sabonana nodokotela wokukhula kwezingane owaqinisekisa ukuthi uGreg ngokungangabazeki wayene-ADHD. Wasitshela: ‘Akulona iphutha lakhe, futhi akulona elenu. Akanakusishintsha lesisimo, kodwa nina ningasishintsha.’
“Siwacabanga njalo lawomazwi, ngoba asibonisa ngokucacile ukuthi njengabazali sinomthwalo wemfanelo omkhulu wokusiza indodana yethu ibhekane ne-ADHD. Ngalolosuku udokotela wasinikeza izincwadi ukuba sizifunde ekhaya, futhi sicabanga ukuthi ulwazi esiye saluzuza eminyakeni emithathu edlule luye lwasiza kakhulu ekufezeni imithwalo yethu yemfanelo njengabazali bakaGreg.
“Lapho ukhulisa ingane ene-ADHD kubaluleke kakhulu ukugcizelela ukuziphatha okufanele nokunikeza izixwayiso, futhi uma kudingekile, isijeziso ngenxa yokuziphatha okungafanele. Lapho uhlelekile futhi ungaguquguquki, kulapho uyobona imiphumela engcono. Lamazwi alula cishe ayisici esiyisihluthulelo sokukhulisa ingane ene-ADHD. Nokho, ngenxa yokuthi kumelwe ukwenze kaningi ngosuku, kunzima ukukwenza kunokukusho.
“Indlela esiyithole iphumelela kakhulu isikhathi sokuhlaba ikhefu. Njalo lapho sisebenzisa izikhathi zokuhlaba ikhefu ukuze silungise ukuziphatha okungafanele, siqala nesimiso sokunikeza usizo ukuze sikhuthaze ukuziphatha okuhle. Lokhu kusekela kungaba izwi lokutusa, ukwanga, noma ngisho nophawu noma ilungelo elithile. Saya esitolo sathenga ishadi lokunamathisela isigqebhezana. Phezulu sabhala lokho okushiwo ukuziphatha okufanele. Isikhathi ngasinye lapho sibona uGreg eziphethe kahle, simnika isigqebhezana asinamathisele eshadini lakhe. Lapho lelishadi seligcwele, mhlawumbe selinezigqebhezana ezingu-20, uthola umvuzo. Ngokuvamile lomvuzo uba ngokuthile akujabulela ngempela ukukwenza, njengokuya epaki. Kuyasiza ngoba kumshukumisela ukuba aziphathe kahle. Unamathisela izigqebhezana futhi abone ukuthi uqhuba kanjani nokuthi useduze kangakanani nokuthola umvuzo.
“Elinye ithuluzi esilithole liphumelela ukunikeza uGreg ithuba lokuzikhethela. Kunokuba simnikeze umyalo oqondile, simnikeza ithuba lokuzikhethela. Angakhetha ukuziphatha ngokufanele noma abhekane nomphumela wokuziphatha okungafanele. Lokhu kumfundisa umthwalo wemfanelo nokwenza izinqumo ezifanele. Uma kungokuthile okuyinkinga eqhubekayo, njengokuziphatha ngokungafanele esitolo noma endaweni yokudlela, singasebenzisa ishadi lezigqebhezana nomvuzo. Ngaleyondlela ubona inzuzo yokuziphatha okufanele, futhi sibonisa ukuthi siyakuqaphela ukuthuthuka kwakhe.
“Abantu abaningi abaqapheli ukuthi i-ADHD ithonya ikhono lengane lokulawula ukuziphatha kwayo nendlela esabela ngayo. Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi lezizingane zingakwazi ukulawula ikhono lazo lokugxilisa ingqondo nokuziphatha kwazo uma zizama kakhudlwana, futhi lapho zihluleka, kusolwa abazali.
“Akunakwenzeka ukuba ingane ene-ADHD ihlale ndawonye amahora amabili emhlanganweni webandla eHholo LoMbuso. Asisoze sayikhohlwa indlela uGreg lapho eneminyaka emihlanu kuphela ubudala ayekhala ngayo ngaphambi kwayo yonke imihlangano bese esibuza, ‘Ingabe lona umhlangano omude noma omfushane?’ Wayekhala zome lapho kuwumhlangano wamahora amabili ngoba wayazi ukuthi wayengeke ahlale athule isikhathi eside kangako. Kufanele sikwamukele ukuphazamiseka nokulinganiselwa ekubangelayo. Siyazi ukuthi uJehova ukuqonda kangcono kunanoma ubani lokhu kuphazamiseka, futhi lokho kuwumthombo wenduduzo. Okwamanje ayikho imithi uGreg ayiphuzayo futhi uziphatha njengontanga abasebangeni lakhe.
“Ukuthemba kuJehova nokugxilisa amehlo ethu ezweni elisha kuyasiqinisa. Ithemba lethu kakade lisho okukhulu kuGreg. Ujabula afe, aze ahlengezele nezinyembezi, lapho ecabanga ngendlela uJehova ayoqeda ngayo i-ADHD emhlabeni oyiPharadesi.”
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 9]
Okungase kube imivuzo yokuziphatha okufanele:
1. UKUNCOMA—ukuncoma ngamazwi umsebenzi owenziwe kahle; ukwazisa ngokuziphatha okufanele, kuhlanganise nothando, ukwanga, nemfudumalo yokubukeka kobuso.
2. ISIMISO SESHADI—elibekwe endaweni esobala, elinezigqebhezana noma izinkanyezi ezikhangayo ukuze nikhuthaze ukuziphatha okufanele.
3. UHLU LWEZINTO EZINHLE—izinto ezifinyelelwe ezamukelekayo nezincomekayo. Isikhathi ngasinye lapho ingane yenza okuthile okuhle, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuncane kangakanani ekuqaleni, kubhale phansi, bese ukufundela ilungu elithile lomkhaya.
4. ISILINGANISO SOKUZIPHATHA—kuxhomeke ebudaleni bengane, faka uswidi kujeke lapho ingane yenza okuthile okuhle. Umgomo ukumisa isimiso sokuqoqa amaphuzu anikeza umvuzo ongase uhlanganise okuthile umkhaya obuzokwenza, njengokuyobuka ibhayisikobho, ukushwibeka eqhweni, noma ukudla endaweni yokudlela. Kunokuba ugcizelele enganeni ukuthi: “Uma ungaziphathi kahle, ngeke sihambe,” zama ukuthi: “Uma uziphatha kahle, sizohamba.” Isihluthulelo siwukuguqula ukucabanga okubi kube ukucabanga okwakhayo, kuyilapho uvumela isikhathi esanele sokuba kwenzeke ushintsho.
[Isithombe ekhasini 7]
Ngezinye izikhathi izingxoxo zingase zivuse imizwelo
[Isithombe ekhasini 8]
Lapho kwenziwa izinqumo, zichaze bese unamathela kuzo
[Isithombe ekhasini 10]
Ngokujabula unezela isigqebhezana esisha eshadini lakhe