Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingabugwema Kanjani Ubulili Ngaphambi Komshado?

“Lapho ngineminyaka engu-19 ubudala, ngalala nomfana othile esasifunda naye. Awuyazi indlela lokho okwangiphatha kabi ngayo. Ngasala ngizizwa ngingelutho.”—ULaci.a

“BALEKELANI ubufebe,” kuyala iBhayibheli. (1 Korinte 6:18) Nokho, bambalwa abasha namuhla ababonakala bezimisele ukulalela la mazwi eBhayibheli badede ebulilini kuze kube yilapho sebeshadile. Abanye, njengoLaci, baye banelisa izifiso zabo base bebhekana nosizi nonembeza okhungathekile.

Kuyavunywa ukuthi akulula ukuba umuntu alawule izifiso zakhe zobulili. Njengoba incwadi i-Adolescent Development isho, ukushintsha kwama-hormone ngesikhathi sokuthomba njalo “kuhambisana nokwanda kwesifiso sobulili.” UPaul uyavuma, “Ngezinye izikhathi, ngifikelwa imicabango yobulili ngaphandle kwesizathu.”

Nokho, uprofesa wezifo zezingane uHoward Kulin uthi: “Kuwukusonta iqiniso ngempela ukusola ama-hormone kuphela ngokuziphatha [kwentsha].” Uchaza ukuthi izici zezenhlalo nazo zinendima ethile. Yebo, izici zezenhlalo—ikakhulukazi ithonya lontanga—zingaba namandla kakhulu.

Encwadini yakhe ethi A Tribe Apart, umlobi uPatricia Hersch uthi “intsha isizakhele umphakathi wayo. . . . Lo mphakathi awulona nje iqembu lontanga, kodwa umphakathi ozihlukanisayo [kubantu abadala] onezimiso, izindinganiso, nemithetho yawo.” Nokho, ‘izimiso’ “nemithetho” yentsha eningi namuhla ikhuthaza ukwanelisa izifiso zobulili, hhayi ukuzilawula. Yingakho eningi ingase izizwe icindezeleka ukuba inambithe ubulili ngaphambi komshado.

Yize kunjalo, intsha engamaKristu ngokuhlakanipha izimisele ukugwema zonke izinhlobo zobufebe, ngoba iyazi ukuthi uNkulunkulu uyabulahla njengomunye ‘wemisebenzi yenyama.’b (Galathiya 5:19) Nokho, ungahlala kanjani umsulwa yize ubhekene nezingcindezi ezinkulu?

Funa Abangane Abahlakaniphile

Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi nakuba izingcindezi zezenhlalo zingaba nethonya elibi kuwe, abangane abahle bangaba nethonya elakhayo. Kunjengoba iBhayibheli lisho: “Ohamba nabahlakaniphile uyohlakanipha.” (IzAga 13:20; 1 Korinte 15:33) Umbiko we-World Health Organization (WHO) waphawula ukuthi “intsha enobuhlobo obuhle nabazali, nabanye abantu abadala abayikhathalelayo, kanye nontanga” futhi “ebekelwa izimiso nemingcele . . . cishe ngeke iqale ukuhlanganyela ebulilini.”

Ukuba nobuhlobo obuhle nabazali bakho kungavuza kakhulu. UJoseph uyakhumbula, “Ngokuqinisekile abazali bami bangisiza ukuba ngimelane nezingcindezi zokuhlanganyela ubulili.” Yebo, abazali abahlonipha uNkulunkulu bangakubekela izimiso nemingcele esekelwe eZwini likaNkulunkulu. (Efesu 6:2, 3) Bangakusekela emizamweni yakho yokuhlala umsulwa.

Yiqiniso, ungase ungakhululeki ukuxoxa nabo ngezindaba zobulili ekuqaleni. Kodwa ingase ikumangaze indlela abayiqonda kahle ngayo imizwa yakho. Phela, nabo bake baba basha. Ngakho-ke, uSonja weluleka enye intsha, “Yiya kubazali bakho, futhi ungazizwa unamahloni ngokukhuluma ngobulili.”

Kuthiwani uma abazali bakho bengazilandeli izindinganiso zeBhayibheli? Yize usabahlonipha, kungase kudingeke ufune isiqondiso kwabathile abangewona amalungu omkhaya wakini. UPaul, ocashunwe ngaphambili, uthi, “Kule ndaba ingisiza kakhulu imibhangqwana eshadile engamaKristu avuthiwe.” UKenji, intombazane enomama ongakholwa, naye uthi, “Uma ngidinga iseluleko, ngiya kuphela kwabavuthiwe abazongakha ngokomoya.” Kodwa uyaxwayisa, “Ngiyabagwema labo abangenazo izindinganiso eziqinile zokuziphatha, yize bethi banezinkolelo ezingokwenkolo ezifana nezami.”

Ngezinye izikhathi, kungase kudingeke uqaphele abangane bakho phakathi ebandleni lobuKristu. IBhayibheli lisikhumbuza ukuthi kunoma iliphi iqembu elikhulu, ngokuvamile kuyoba nabathile abangaziphathi ngendlela ehloniphekayo. (2 Thimothewu 2:20) Kufanele wenzenjani uma uthola ukuthi empeleni intsha ethile ebandleni lakini ‘ifihla lokho eyikho’? (IHubo 26:4) Gwema ubudlelwane obuseduze nabanjalo, ufune abangane abayokusekela njengoba uzimisele ukuhlala unokuziphatha okuhlanzekile.

Gwema Inkulumo-ze Elimazayo

Kufanele uthathe nezinyathelo zokuzivikela ethaleni lezithombe zobulili nemiyalezo esikisela ubulili etholakala ezincwadini, komagazini, kuma-video omculo, emidlalweni yama-video, emabhayisikobho, nakuyi-Internet. Imithombo yezindaba iveza ubulili ngaphambi komshado njengento enhle, ejabulisayo, futhi engenazo izingozi. Uba yini umphumela? UKenji, ocashunwe ngenhla, uyavuma: “Ngabukela uhlelo olwaluntela ngobulili futhi olwalusikisela nobungqingili. Ngenxa yalokho, ngaqala ukukhohlwa ukuthi uJehova uzibheka ngombono ongathí sina kangakanani lezi zindaba.”

Iqiniso liwukuthi ukuzijabulisa okuthandwayo kuvame ukuyifihla ngobuqili imiphumela emibi yobulili ngaphambi komshado—ukukhulelwa okungafunwa, ukushada usemncane, nezifo ezithathelwana ngobulili. Ngakho ungakhohliswa yilabo “abathi okuhle kubi nokubi kuhle.”—Isaya 5:20.

Khumbula amazwi ezAga 14:15: “Noma ubani ongenalwazi uba nokholo kuwo wonke amazwi, kodwa okhaliphile uyazicabangela izinyathelo zakhe.” Uma uhlangana nezithombe ezisikisela ubulili noma ezivusa inkanuko yobulili lapho ufunda, ubuka okuthile kuyi-Internet, noma ubukele i-TV, thatha isinyathelo ngokushesha! Yivale leyo ncwadi, vala i-computer, noma ushintshe isiteshi! Yibe usugxilisa imicabango yakho kokunye—okuthile okwakhayo. (Filipi 4:8) Ngokwenza kanjalo, unganqanda izifiso ezingalungile ngaphambi kokuba zikhule.—Jakobe 1:14, 15.

Qaphela Izimo Ezingakufaka Esilingweni

Ingabe uthandana nothile? Khona-ke kunesidingo sokuba uqaphe. IBhayibheli liyasixwayisa: “Inhliziyo ikhohlisa ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye futhi yenza ngokuphelelwa yithemba.” (Jeremiya 17:9) Kulula ukuvumela izenzo zokubonisana uthando ziphenduke ukuziphatha okungafanele kobulili. Thathani izinyathelo ezifanele zokuphepha, njengokuba nomphelezeli ofanele noma ukuphola njengeqembu elakhayo. Gwemani ukuba nodwa ezimweni ezilingayo.

Nokho, mhlawumbe senithembisene umshado futhi ninomuzwa wokuthi ukubonisana uthando ngandlela-thile kuyafaneleka. Yize kunjalo, umbiko we-WHO uyaxwayisa: “Lapho umshado ususondele, kubonakala sengathi abesifazane abaningi baba nobuhlobo bobulili ngaphambi komshado, ngisho nalapho kusadliwa ngoludala khona.”c Ngakho-ke, bekani imingcele ekubonisaneni uthando kanjalo nizivikele ebuhlungwini benhliziyo obungadingekile.

Nakuba kushaqisa, intsha eningi—ikakhulukazi amantombazane amancane—iyaphoqwa noma icindezelwe ukuba ihlanganyele ubulili. Ngokocwaningo oluthile, “amaphesenti angu-60 amantombazane asemancane e-United States ába nobuhlobo bobulili engakayihlanganisi iminyaka engu-15 ubudala akwenza engathandi.” Ngokuvamile abantu abawaphoqayo basebenzisa amandla ukuze bahlule izisulu zabo. (UmShumayeli 4:1) Ngokwesibonelo, iBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi u-Amnoni indodana yeNkosi uDavide ‘wathanda’ uThamari, udadewabo ngamzali munye futhi ngobuqili wamphoqa ukuba alale naye.—2 Samuweli 13:1, 10-16.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi ayikho indlela yokuvimbela ukudlwengulwa noma ukucindezelwa ukuba ulale nothile. Ngokuphaphamela izingozi, ngokugwema izimo ezingakufaka esilingweni, nokuthatha isinyathelo ngokushesha uma kunosongo, ungenza lukhulu ukuze uzivikele.d

‘Yenza Inhliziyo Yakho Ibe Nobunye’

Sithemba ukuthi ukusikisela esixoxe ngakho kulesi sihloko kuzokusiza ekuzimiseleni kwakho ukuhlala umsulwa. Kodwa empeleni, lokho okusenhliziyweni yakho yikho okuyonquma indlela oziphatha ngayo. UJesu wathi “enhliziyweni kuvela . . . ubufebe.” (Mathewu 15:19) Khona-ke, kumelwe ulwe nokuthambekela kokuba ‘nenhliziyo embaxa-mbili’ (ukuba sivivi) noma ukuba ‘nhliziyombili’ (ukuzenzisa) kule ndaba ebaluleke kakhulu.—IHubo 12:2; 119:113.

Uma uzwa sengathi ukuzimisela kwakho kuyadamba noma uzwa sengathi kukhona ukushayisana kwemibono enhliziyweni yakho, thandaza njengoba kwenza uDavide lapho enxusa: “Yenza inhliziyo yami ibe nobunye ukuze yesabe igama lakho.” (IHubo 86:11) Ngemva kwalokho, yenza ngokuvumelana nomthandazo wakho ngokutadisha iBhayibheli nezincwadi ezisekelwe eBhayibhelini bese usebenzisa lokho okufundayo. (Jakobe 1:22) ULydia uthi, “Ngishukumiseleka ukuba ngimelane nezilingo zobulili ngokukhumbula njalo ukuthi ‘akukho sifebe noma umuntu ongcolile onefa embusweni kaNkulunkulu.’”—Efesu 5:5.

Kungase kungabi lula ukugwema ubulili ngaphambi komshado. Kodwa ngosizo lukaJehova, ungazigcina umsulwa futhi uziphephise wena nabanye ebuhlungwini obukhulu nasekuhluphekeni.—IzAga 5:8-12.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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Ukuxoxa nabazali bakho ngemizwa yakho kungakusiza uhlale umsulwa

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Ukuphola njengeqembu elakhayo kungaba yisivikelo