Ingabe Kuyadingeka Ngempela Ukuba Uxolise?

‘ANGILOKOTHI ngixolise,’ kubhala uGeorge Bernard Shaw. Abanye bangase bathi: ‘Okwenzekile kwenzekile.’

Mhlawumbe thina ngokwethu simadolonzima ukuvuma iphutha ngenxa yokwesaba ukuphelelwa isithunzi. Mhlawumbe sibeka izaba zokuthi inkinga ikomunye umuntu. Noma singase sihlele ukuxolisa kodwa sikuhlehlise kuze kube yilapho sicabanga ukuthi indaba isize yalibaleka.

Khona-ke, ingabe kubalulekile ukuxolisa? Ingabe kungafeza okuthile ngempela?

Uthando Luyasibopha Ukuba Sixolise

Uthando lobuzalwane luwuphawu oluhlukanisayo lwabalandeli bakaJesu Kristu beqiniso. Wathi: “Bonke bayokwazi ngalokhu ukuthi ningabafundi bami, uma ninothando phakathi kwenu.” (Johane 13:35) ImiBhalo inxusa amaKristu ukuba ‘athandane kakhulu ngokusuka enhliziyweni.’ (1 Petru 1:22) Uthando olujulile luyasibopha ukuba sixolise. Ngani? Ngoba ukungapheleli kobuntu ngokungenakugwenywa kubangela imizwa elimele ephazamisa uthando uma ingazange yelashwe.

Ngokwesibonelo, ngenxa yokungaboni ngaso linye nothile ebandleni lobuKristu, singase sikhethe ukungamkhulumisi. Uma siye sakhubekisa othile, singabubuyisela kanjani ubuhlobo obunothando? Ngokuvamile, ngokuxolisa bese senza umzamo wokuxoxa ngendlela efudumele. Sikweleta esikholwa nabo uthando, futhi lapho sithi siyaxolisa ngokubakhubekisa, sikhokha ingxenye ethile yaleso sikweletu.—Roma 13:8.

Ngokwesibonelo: UMari Carmen noPaqui ngabesifazane ababili abangamaKristu abase bebe abangane isikhathi eside. Nokho, ngenxa yokuthi uMari Carmen wakholelwa inhlebo ethile elimazayo, ubungane bakhe noPaqui bancipha. Ngaphandle kokumchazela, wagwema uPaqui ngokuphelele. Cishe ngemva konyaka, uMari Carmen wathola ukuthi leyo nhlebo yayingelona iqiniso. Wasabela kanjani? Uthando lwamshukumisela ukuba aye kuPaqui futhi ngokuthobeka azwakalise ukuzisola kwakhe okujulile ngokuziphatha kabi okunjalo. Bobabili bakhala kakhulu, futhi baye baba abangane abaqinile kusukela ngaleso sikhathi.

Nakuba singase singabi nomuzwa wokuthi senze okuthile okubi, ukuxolisa kungase kuxazulule ukungezwani. UManuel uyakhumbula: “Eminyakeni eminingi edlule mina nomkami sahlala emzini womunye wodadewethu abangokomoya lapho esesibhedlela. Senza konke okusemandleni ethu ukuba sisize yena nezingane zakhe phakathi nesikhathi sokugula kwakhe. Kodwa lapho esebuyele ekhaya, wakhononda kumngane wakhe ngokuthi sasingazange sizisingathe kahle izindleko zomkhaya.

“Samvakashela futhi sachaza ukuthi mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi sisebasha futhi sintula okuhlangenwe nakho, sasingazange sinakekele izinto ngendlela yena ayengenza ngayo. Ngokushesha waphendula ngokuthi nguye owayesikweleta futhi wayekwazisa kakhulu konke esasimenzele khona. Inkinga yaxazululeka. Lokho okuhlangenwe nakho kwangifundisa ukubaluleka kokucela uxolo ngokuthobeka lapho kuba nokungezwani.”

UJehova wawubusisa lombhangqwana ngenxa yokubonisa uthando ‘nokuphishekela izinto ezibangela ukuthula.’ (Roma 14:19) Uthando luhlanganisa nokuqaphela imizwa yabanye. UPetru usiluleka ukuba sibonise “ukuzwelana.” (1 Petru 3:8) Uma sizwelana, cishe siyobuqonda ubuhlungu esiye sabubangela ngezwi noma ngesenzo sokungacabangi futhi siyoshukumiseleka ukuba sixolise.

“Bhincani Ukuthobeka Kwengqondo”

Ngisho nabadala abangamaKristu athembekile bangase baphikisane kakhulu ngezikhathi ezithile. (Qhathanisa nezEnzo 15:37-39.) Lezi izikhathi lapho ukuxolisa kungaba nenzuzo enkulu. Kodwa yini eyosiza umdala noma omunye umKristu okuthola kunzima ukuxolisa?

Ukuthobeka kuyisihluthulelo. Umphostoli uPetru waluleka: “Bhincani ukuthobeka kwengqondo omunye komunye.” (1 Petru 5:5) Nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi ezingxabanweni eziningi bobabili abahilelekile basuke benecala, umKristu othobekile ukhathazeka ngamaphutha akhe siqu futhi uyazimisela ukuwavuma.—IzAga 6:1-5.

Lowo okuxoliswa kuye kufanele akwamukele ngokuthobeka. Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi amadoda amabili afuna ukukhulumisana emi eziqongweni zezintaba ezimbili ezihlukene. Kubonakala kungenakwenzeka ukuba axoxe ngenxa yomhosha owahlukanisayo. Nokho, lapho enye yawo yehlela emhosheni ongezansi bese nenye ilandela isibonelo sayo angaxoxa kalula. Ngokufanayo, uma amaKristu amabili edinga ukuxazulula ukungezwani phakathi kwawo, mawahlangabezane emhosheni, ngomqondo ongokomfanekiso, futhi axolise ngokufanele.—1 Petru 5:6.

Ukuxolisa Kubaluleke Kakhulu Emshadweni

Akungabazeki ukuthi umshado wabantu ababili abangaphelele uvula amathuba okuxolisa. Futhi uma bobabili indoda nomfazi bezwelana, lokho kuyobashukumisela ukuba baxolise uma kwenzeka bekhuluma noma benza ngendlela yokungacabangeli. IzAga 12:18 zithi: “Bakhona abaphahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba, kepha izilimi zabahlakaniphileyo ziyimpiliso.” ‘Ukuhlaba kokuphahluka’ ngeke kushintshwe, kodwa kungelashwa ngokuxolisa okuqotho. Yiqiniso, lokhu kudinga ukuqapha nomzamo oqhubekayo.

Ekhuluma ngomshado wakhe, uSusana uthi: “Mina noJack* sesineminyaka engu-24 sishadile, kodwa sisafunda izinto ezintsha ngomunye nomunye. Ngokudabukisayo, esikhathini esithile esidlule, sahlukana futhi sangahlala ndawonye amasonto ambalwa. Nokho, salalela iseluleko esingokomBhalo sabadala futhi sabuyelana. Manje siyaqaphela ukuthi njengoba sinobuntu obungafani, cishe izingxabano ziyoba khona. Lapho lokhu kwenzeka, siyaxolisa ngokushesha futhi sizame kanzima ukuqonda umbono womunye. Ngiyajabula ukusho ukuthi umshado wethu uye wathuthuka ngokuphawulekayo.” UJack uyanezela: “Siye safunda nokuphawula lezo zikhathi esithambekele ngazo ekucasukeni. Ngezikhathi ezinjalo siphathana ngozwela ngokwengeziwe.”—IzAga 16:23.

Ingabe kufanele uxolise uma ucabanga ukuthi akuwena owenze iphutha? Lapho kuhileleke imizwa ejulile, kunzima ukukubeka ngembaba ukuthi ubani onecala. Kodwa into ebalulekile ukuthula emshadweni. Cabangela u-Abigayili, owesifazane ongum-Israyeli indoda yakhe eyaphatha kabi uDavide. Nakuba ayengenakubekwa icala ngobulima bomyeni wakhe, waxolisa. “Ake uthethelele icala lencekukazi yakho,” encenga. UDavide wasabela ngokumphatha ngokucabangela, evuma ngokuthobeka ukuthi ukube bekungengenxa yakhe, ngabe uye wachitha igazi elingenacala.—1 Samuweli 25:24-28, 32-35.

Ngokufanayo, owesifazane ongumKristu okuthiwa uJune, oseneminyaka engu-45 eshadile, unomuzwa wokuthi umshado ophumelelayo udinga ukuzimisela ukuba owokuqala ukucela uxolo. Uthi: “Ngizitshela ukuthi umshado wethu ubaluleke ukudlula imizwa yami siqu. Ngakho lapho ngixolisa, ngiba nomuzwa wokuthi ngiyanikela emshadweni.” Indoda esikhulile okuthiwa uJim ithi: “Ngixolisela nezinto ezincane kumkami. Selokhu enziwa ukuhlinzwa okukhulu, uyashesha ukucasuka. Ngakho ngivame ukumgaxa futhi ngithi, ‘Ngiyaxolisa, Sithandwa. Bengingaqondile ukukucasula.’ Njengesitshalo esiniselwayo, uyahlambuluka ngokushesha.”

Uma siye sona umuntu esimthanda kakhulu, ukuxolisa ngokushesha kuba nomphumela omuhle kakhulu. UMilagros uvuma ngenhliziyo yonke, ethi: “Nginenkinga yokungazethembi, futhi izwi elinokhahlo elivela kumyeni wami liyangithukuthelisa. Kodwa lapho exolisa, ngiba ngcono ngokushesha.” Ngokufanelekile, imiBhalo iyasitshela: “Amazwi amahle anjengamakhekheba oju; amnandi emphefumulweni, ayimpiliso emathanjeni.”—IzAga 16:24.

Sebenzisa Ikhono Lokuxolisa

Uma sikwenza umkhuba ukuxolisa lapho kudingekile, cishe siyothola ukuthi abantu basabela kahle. Futhi mhlawumbe nabo baze baxolise. Lapho sisola ukuthi sicasule othile, kungani singakwenzi umkhuba ukuxolisa kunokuba sichithe isikhathi eside sizama ukugwema ukuvuma noma iliphi iphutha? Izwe lingase libe nomuzwa wokuthi ukuxolisa kuwuphawu lobuthakathaka, kodwa empeleni kunikeza ubufakazi bokuvuthwa kobuKristu. Ngokuqinisekile, ngeke sifune ukufana nalabo abavuma ububi obuthile kodwa balulaze icala labo. Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe sike sisho yini ukuthi siyaxolisa kodwa sibe singakusho ngobuqotho? Lapho sifika sekwephuzile futhi sixolisa singaqedi, ingabe siyazimisela ukuthuthukisa ukugcina isikhathi?

Khona-ke, ingabe kuyadingeka ngempela ukuba sixolise? Yebo, kuyadingeka. Sinesibopho kithi ngokwethu nakwabanye sokuba senze kanjalo. Ukuxolisa kungasiza ekunciphiseni ubuhlungu obubangelwa ukungapheleli, futhi kungalungisa ubuhlobo obusengcupheni. Ukuxolisa ngakunye esikwenzayo kuyisifundo sokuthobeka futhi kusiqeqeshela ukuba siyiqonde kakhudlwana imizwa yabanye. Ngenxa yalokho, esikholwa nabo, abangane bomshado, nabanye bazosibheka njengalabo abakufanelekelayo ukuthandwa nokwethenjwa. Siyoba nokuthula kwengqondo, futhi uJehova uNkulunkulu uyosibusisa.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 23]

Ukuxolisa okuqotho kukhuthaza uthando lobuKristu