Yini Edingekayo Ukuze Umshado Uphumelele?

Ubungaziphonsa yini emanzini ungazange ufunde ukubhukuda kuqala? Isenzo esinjalo sobuwula singaba esilimazayo—ngisho nesibulalayo. Nokho, cabanga ukuthi bangaki abantu abaziphonsa emshadweni bengaqondi ukuthi bangayisingatha kanjani imithwalo yemfanelo ehilelekile.

UJESU wathi: “Ubani kini ofuna ukwakha umbhoshongo ongahlali phansi kuqala futhi abale izindleko, ukuze abone ukuthi unakho yini okwanele ukuba awuqede?” (Luka 14:28) Njengoba kunjalo ekwakheni umbhoshongo, kunjalo nasekwakheni umshado. Labo abafuna ukushada kufanele bazibale ngokucophelela izindleko zomshado ukuze baqiniseke ukuthi bangahlangabezana yini nalokho okufunayo.

Ake Sibheke Umshado

Kuyisibusiso sangempela ukuba nomngane ongahlanganyela naye izinjabulo nezinsizi zokuphila. Umshado ungavala isikhala esibangelwa ukuba nesizungu noma ukuphelelwa ithemba. Unganelisa ukulangazela esizalwa nakho kothando, ukuba nothile nokusondelana kakhulu nothile. Ngemva kokudala u-Adamu, uNkulunkulu washo ngesizathu esihle ukuthi: “Akukuhle ukuba umuntu ahlale yedwa. Ngizakumenzela umsizi onjengaye.”—Genesise 2:18; 24:67; 1 Korinte 7:9.

Yebo, ukushada kungaxazulula ezinye zezinkinga. Kodwa kudala ezinye ezintsha futhi. Ngani? Ngoba umshado uwukuboshelwa ndawonye kwabantu ababili abanobuntu obuhlukene okungenzeka bayafanelana kodwa abangafani neze. Ngakho, ngisho nemibhangqwana efanelana kahle iyoba nezingxabano ngezikhathi ezithile. Umphostoli uPawulu ongumKristu wabhala ukuthi labo abashadayo bayoba “nosizi enyameni yabo”—noma, njengoba i-New English Bible ikubeka, bayoba “nobuhlungu nosizi kulokhu kuphila komzimba.”—1 Korinte 7:28.

Ingabe uPawulu wayenombono ofiphele? Akunjalo neze! Wayemane enxusa labo abacabanga ukushada ukuba babhekane namaqiniso. Umuzwa wentokozo obangelwa ukukhangwa othile awuyona indlela enembile yokubona ukuthi ukuphila komshado kuyoba njani ezinyangeni noma eminyakeni engemva kosuku lomshado. Umshado ngamunye unezinselele nezinkinga zawo. Iphuzu alikhona ukuthi ziyoba khona yini kodwa liwukuthi ziyosingathwa kanjani lapho zivela.

Izinkinga zinikeza indoda nomkayo ithuba lokubonisa ubuqotho bothando lwabo ngomunye nomunye. Ngokwesibonelo: Umkhumbi ungase ubonakale unamandla lapho umile, uboshiwe esikhumulweni. Nokho, ukufaneleka kwawo kwangempela olwandle kubonakala lapho ususolwandle—mhlawumbe phakathi kwamagagasi agubhayo esiphepho. Ngokufanayo, ukuqina kwesibopho somshado akubonakali nje phakathi nezikhathi ezinokuthula zothando. Ngezinye izikhathi, kubonakala ngaphansi kwezimo ezilingayo lapho umbhangqwana ubhekana ngokuphumelelayo neziphepho zokuhlupheka.

Ukuze wenze kanjalo, umbhangqwana oshadile udinga ukuzibophezela, ngoba injongo kaNkulunkulu yayiwukuba indoda “inamathele kumkayo” nokuba ababili ‘babe nyamanye.’ (Genesise 2:24) Umqondo wesibopho uyabesabisa abantu abaningi namuhla. Nokho, kunengqondo ukuthi abantu ababili abathandana ngempela bayofuna ukuthembisana ukuthi bayohlala ndawonye. Isibopho senza umshado uhlonipheke. Sinikeza isisekelo sokuqiniseka ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, indoda nomkayo bayosekelana.a Uma ungakasilungeli isibopho esinjalo, awukakulungeli ngempela ukushada. (Qhathanisa nomShumayeli 5:4, 5.) Ngisho nalabo asebeshadile kakade bangase badinge ukuqaphela ngokwengeziwe ukuthi sibaluleke kangakanani isibopho emshadweni ohlala njalo.

Ake Uzihlole

Akungabazeki ukuthi ungazisho izimfanelo ongathanda umngane womshado abe nazo. Nokho, kunzima kakhudlwana ukuzihlola wena ukuze ubone ukuthi unganikela kanjani emshadweni. Kubalulekile ukuzihlola, kokubili ngaphambili nangemva kokwenza izifungo zomshado. Ngokwesibonelo, zibuze le mibuzo elandelayo.

• Ingabe ngizimisele ukuzibophezela kumngane wami womshado ukuphila kwami konke?—Mathewu 19:6.

Ngezinsuku zomprofethi waseBhayibhelini uMalaki, amadoda amaningi ayeshiya omkawo, mhlawumbe ukuze ashade nabesifazane abasebasha. UJehova wathi i-altare lakhe laligcwele izinyembezi zamakhosikazi alahliwe, futhi wawalahla amadoda ‘ayekhohlisa’ omkawo ngale ndlela.—Malaki 2:13-16.

• Uma ngicabanga ukushada, ingabe sengidlulile eminyakeni yobusha lapho imizwa yobulili inamandla kakhulu futhi ingaphazamisa ukwahlulela okuhle?—1 Korinte 7:36.

UNikki owayeneminyaka engu-22 lapho eshada uthi: “Kuyingozi kakhulu ukushada usemncane kakhulu.” Uyaxwayisa: “Imizwa yakho, imigomo nezinto ozithandayo kuyoqhubeka kushintsha kusukela uneminyaka ecela ku-20 kuze kube yilapho usuneminyaka ephakathi kuka-25 no-30.” Yiqiniso, ukulungela umshado ngeke kulinganiswe ngeminyaka kuphela. Nokho, ukushada komuntu engakadluli esikhathini sobusha lapho imizwa yobulili isemisha futhi inamandla ngokukhethekile kungaphazamisa ukucabanga kwakhe futhi kumenze angaziboni izinto ezingase zidale izinkinga.

• Iziphi izimfanelo enginazo eziyongisiza nginikele emshadweni ophumelelayo?—Galathiya 5:22, 23.

Umphostoli uPawulu wabhalela abaseKolose: “Gqokani ukusondelana okunesisa kobubele, umusa, ukuthobeka kwengqondo, ubumnene, nokubhekakade.” (Kolose 3:12) Lesi seluleko siyafaneleka kulabo abacabanga ukushada nakulabo asebeshadile kakade.

• Ingabe ngivuthwe ngokwanele ukuba ngisekele umngane womshado ezikhathini ezinzima?—Galathiya 6:2.

Omunye udokotela uthi: “Lapho kuba nezinkinga kuba nokuthambekela kokusola umngane womshado. Ukuthi ubani onecala akukhona okubaluleke kakhulu. Kunalokho, kuwukuthi bobabili indoda nomkayo bangabambisana kanjani ukuze bathuthukise ubuhlobo babo bomshado.” Amazwi enkosi ehlakaniphile uSolomoni ayasebenza emibhangqwaneni eshadile. “Kungcono ababili kunoyedwa,” ibhala, “ngokuba uma bewa, omunye uyavusa umngane wakhe; kepha maye kuye oyedwa lapho ewa, engenawesibili wokumvusa!”—UmShumayeli 4:9, 10.

• Ingabe ngingumuntu ovame ukuba ojabulile nonethemba lokungcono, noma ingabe ngihlale nginyukubele futhi nginombono ophambene?—IzAga 15:15.

Umuntu onombono ophambene ubheka usuku ngalunye njengolubi. Umshado awusishintshi ngokuyisimangaliso lesi simo sengqondo! Umuntu ongashadile—owesilisa noma owesifazane—ohlale egxeka noma engenalo ithemba lokungcono uyomane abe umuntu oshadile onjalo ogxekayo noma ongenalo ithemba lokungcono. Umbono onjalo ongemuhle ungabangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu emshadweni.—Qhathanisa nezAga 21:9.

• Ingabe ngiyazola ngaphansi kokucindezeleka, noma ingabe ngikhuluma ngentukuthelo ngokungenakuzilawula?—Galathiya 5:19, 20.

AmaKristu ayalwa ukuba “ephuze ngokuphathelene nolaka.” (Jakobe 1:19) Ngaphambi komshado nalapho sebeshadile, indoda noma owesifazane kufanele bahlakulele ikhono lokuphila ngokuvumelana nalesi seluleko: “Thukuthelani, kodwa nokho ningoni; ilanga malingashoni nisesimweni sokucasuka.”—Efesu 4:26.

Ake Uhlole Umngane Wakho Womshado Wesikhathi Esizayo

Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Oqondileyo uyaqaphela ukunyathela kwakhe.” (IzAga 14:15) Lokhu kunjalo ngokuqinisekile lapho kukhethwa umngane womshado. Ukukhetha umngane womshado esinye sezinqumo ezibaluleke kakhulu owesilisa noma owesifazane ayoke azenze. Nokho, kuye kwaphawulwa ukuthi abantu abaningi bachitha isikhathi esengeziwe becabanga ukuthi iyiphi imoto abangayithenga noma isiphi isikole abangafunda kuso kunaleso abasichitha becabanga ukuthi imuphi umuntu abangashada naye.

Ebandleni lobuKristu, labo abaphathiswa umthwalo wemfanelo ‘bayavivinywa kuqala ngokuqondene nokufaneleka.’ (1 Thimothewu 3:10) Uma ucabanga ukushada, uyofuna ukuqiniseka ‘ngokufaneleka’ komuntu oyoshada naye. Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela imibuzo elandelayo. Nakuba ibekwe njengokungathi kubuza owesifazane, izimiso eziningi zingasetshenziswa nangumuntu wesilisa. Ngisho nalabo asebeshadile bangawacabangela ngokunenzuzo la maphuzu.

• Unedumela elinjani?—Filipi 2:19-22.

IzAga 31:23 zichaza indoda ‘eyaziwayo emasangweni, lapho ihlezi namalunga ezwe.’ Amadoda amadala omuzi ayehlala emasangweni omuzi ukuze akhiphe isahlulelo. Ngakho, kusobala ukuthi yayinesikhundla esenza umphakathi uthembele kuyo. Indlela indoda ebhekwa ngayo abanye isho okuthile ngokuphathelene nedumela layo. Uma isesikhundleni esithile, cabangela nendlela ebhekwa ngayo yilabo abangaphansi kwegunya layo. Lokhu kungase kubonise indlela wena, njengomngane wayo womshado, oyoyibheka ngayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.—Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Samuweli 25:3, 23-25.

• Kunjani ukuziphatha kwakhe?

Ukuhlakanipha kwaphezulu “okokuqala kumsulwa.” (Jakobe 3:17) Ingabe umngane wakho womshado wesikhathi esizayo unesithakazelo ngokwengeziwe ekuzaneliseni ngokobulili kunokuma kwakhe nokwakho phambi kukaNkulunkulu? Uma engenzi umzamo wokuphila ngezindinganiso zokuziphatha zikaNkulunkulu manje, isiphi isisekelo esikhona sokukholelwa ukuthi uyokwenza kanjalo ngemva komshado?—Genesise 39:7-12.

• Ungiphatha kanjani?—Efesu 5:28, 29.

Incwadi yeBhayibheli yezAga isitshela ngendoda ‘eyethemba’ kumkayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, “iyamdumisa.” (IzAga 31:11, 28) Ayinasikhwele ngokweqile, futhi ayilindele okukhulu ngokungenangqondo. UJakobe wabhala ukuthi ukuhlakanipha okuvela phezulu “kunokuthula, kunengqondo, . . . kugcwele isihe nezithelo ezinhle.”—Jakobe 3:17.

• Uwaphatha kanjani amalungu omkhaya wakubo?—Eksodusi 20:12.

Ukuhlonipha abazali akuyona nje imfuneko yezingane kuphela. IBhayibheli lithi: “Lalela uyihlo owakuzalayo, ungamdeleli unyoko lapho esemdala.” (IzAga 23:22) Ngokuthakazelisayo, uDkt. W. Hugh Missildine wabhala: “Izinkinga eziningi zomshado nokungafanelani kungase kugwenywe—noma okungenani kubonakale kusengaphambili—uma umakoti nomkhwenyana besikhathi esizayo bevakashelana emakhaya ngezikhathi ezikhululekile futhi babheke ubuhlobo phakathi kwalowo ‘ocatshangelwayo’ nabazali bakhe. Indlela abheka ngayo abazali bakhe iyothonya indlela ayobheka ngayo umngane wakhe womshado. Umuntu kumelwe azibuze: ‘Ingabe ngiyafuna ukuphathwa ngendlela aphatha ngayo abazali bakhe?’ Futhi indlela abazali bakhe abamphatha ngayo iyobonisa kahle indlela ayoziphatha ngayo nendlela ayolindela ukuba umphathe ngayo—ngemva kweholide langemva komshado.”

• Ingabe uthambekele ekuthukutheleni kakhulu noma ekusebenziseni inkulumo echaphayo?

IBhayibheli liyeluleka: “Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nenkulumo echaphayo kanye nabo bonke ububi.” (Efesu 4:31) UPawulu waxwayisa uThimothewu ngamanye amaKristu ayeyobe “egula engqondweni eguliswa imibuzo nayizinkulumo-mpikiswano ngamazwi” futhi ayeyoba ‘nomona, ukuxabana, izinkulumo ezichaphayo, izinsolo ezimbi, izimpikiswano ezishisayo ngobala.’—1 Thimothewu 6:4, 5.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, uPawulu wabhala ukuthi umuntu ofanelekela amalungelo akhethekile ebandleni kufanele ‘angabi umuntu oshayayo’—ngokwesiGreki sakuqala, “angagaleli.” (1 Thimothewu 3:3, umbhalo waphansi we-NW) Ngeke kube umuntu oshaya abantu noma obalwisa ngamazwi. Umuntu othambekele ekubeni nobudlova lapho ethukuthele akayena umngane womshado ofanelekayo.

• Iyini imigomo yakhe?

Abanye baphishekela ingcebo bese bevuna imiphumela engenakugwenywa. (1 Thimothewu 6:9, 10) Abanye bayaziphilela nje ngokungenanjongo bengenamgomo abafisa ukuwufinyelela. (IzAga 6:6-11) Nokho, owesilisa owesaba uNkulunkulu uyobonisa ukuzimisela okufana nokukaJoshuwa, owathi: “Mina nendlu yami siyakumkhonza uJehova.”—Joshuwa 24:15.

Imivuzo Nemithwalo Yemfanelo

Umshado uyilungiselelo laphezulu. Wagunyazwa futhi wamiswa uJehova uNkulunkulu. (Genesise 2:22-24) Waklama ilungiselelo lomshado ukuba lakhe isibopho esihlala njalo phakathi kowesilisa nowesifazane ukuze basizane. Lapho besebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli, indoda nomkayo bangalindela ukuba babe nenjabulo ekuphileni.—UmShumayeli 9:7-9.

Nokho, kumelwe kuqashelwe ukuthi siphila ‘ezikhathini ezibucayi okunzima ukubhekana nazo.’ IBhayibheli labikezela ukuthi phakathi nale nkathi yesikhathi, abantu bayoba “abazithandayo, abathandi bemali, abazazisayo, abazidlayo, . . . abangathembekile, abangenakho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okungokwemvelo, abangafuni sivumelwano, . . . abakhapheli, abanenkani, abakhukhumele ngokuziqhenya.” (2 Thimothewu 3:1-4) Lezi zici zingaba nethonya elinamandla emshadweni womuntu. Ngakho, labo abacabanga ukushada kufanele bazibale ngengqondo esangulukile izindleko. Nalabo asebeshadile kufanele baqhubeke besebenzela ukuthuthukisa ubunye babo ngokufunda nokusebenzisa isiqondiso saphezulu esitholakala eBhayibhelini.

Yebo, labo abacabanga ukushada bayobe benza kahle uma bebheka ngalé kosuku lomshado. Futhi bonke kufanele bangacabangeli kuphela isenzo sokushada ngokwaso kodwa nokuphila kokuba oshadile. Funa isiqondiso sikaJehova ukuze ucabange ngendlela engokoqobo kunokumane uthathwe uthando. Ngokwenza kanjalo, cishe uyokwazi ukujabulela umshado ophumelelayo.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

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‘Ukuchazwa Kothando Okukudlula Konke Engake Ngakufunda’

“Wazi kanjani ukuthi umthanda ngempela?” kubhala uDkt. Kevin Leman. “Kunencwadi yasendulo enamazwi achaza uthando. Le ncwadi isineminyaka ecishe ibe izinkulungwane ezimbili ubudala, kodwa kusewukuchazwa kothando okukudlula konke engake ngakufunda.”

UDkt. Leman wayebhekisele emazwini omphostoli uPawulu atholakala eBhayibhelini kweyoku-1 Korinte 13:4-8:

“Uthando lubhekakade futhi lunomusa. Uthando alunamhawu, aluzigabisi, alukhukhumali, aluziphathi ngokuhlazisayo, aluzifuneli izinzuzo zalo siqu, alucasuki. Alugcini umbhalo wokulinyazwa. Alujabuli ngokungalungi, kodwa lujabula kanye neqiniso. Lubekezelela zonke izinto, lukholelwa yizo zonke izinto, luthemba zonke izinto, lukhuthazelela zonke izinto. Uthando alupheli nanini.”

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Imizwa Ingakhohlisa

Kusobala ukuthi intombazane engumShulamiti yezikhathi zeBhayibheli yayiwaqaphela kahle amandla akhohlisayo emizwa yothando. Lapho yeshelwa inkosi enamandla uSolomoni, yatshela amantombazane ayenayo ukuba ‘angalunyakazisi, angaluvusi uthando, lungakavumi.’ (IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 2:7) Lona wesifazane osemusha ohlakaniphile wayengafuni ukuba abangane bakhe bamcindezele ukuba abuswe imizwelo yakhe. Lokhu kuwusizo nakulabo abacabanga ukushada namuhla. Yilawule ngokuqinile imizwa yakho.

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Ngisho nalabo asebenesikhathi eside beshadile bangaziqinisa izibopho zomshado wabo

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Ubaphatha kanjani abazali bakhe?