Imiphumela Emibi Yokungathembeki

“Angisakufuni,” kusho izwi ocingweni—ngokunokwenzeka lawo kwakungamazwi akhungathekisa kakhulu uPata ayeke wawezwa kumyeni wakhe. Uthi: “Angizange ngikholwe ukuthi usengilahlile. Into engangiyesaba kakhulu—ukuthi umyeni wami wayezongilahla athathe omunye umuntu—yenzeka ngempela.”

UPAT, oneminyaka engu-33 ubudala, wayefuna ngempela ukuphumelelisa umshado wabo; umyeni wakhe wayemqinisekisile ukuthi wayengazose amshiya. UPat uyakhumbula: “Safunga ukuthi siyofa silahlane. Ngangicabanga ukuthi wayeqinisile. Kodwa manje . . . awubheke into ayenzile. Ngisele ngedwa—sengiwumtshingo ubethwa ngubani—angisenalutho!”

UHiroshi akasoze alukhohlwa usuku mhla kuvela ukuthi unina uthandana nomunye umuntu. Uyakhumbula: “Ngangineminyaka engu-11 kuphela ubudala. Umama wangena endlini ngokufutheka. Ubaba wayemlandela ngemuva, ethi, ‘Ngicela ulalele. Ake sibonisane.’ Ngabona ukuthi kukhulu okonakele. Ubaba wakhungatheka. Ngisho namanje akakalulami. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kwakungekho muntu ayengathululela kuye isifuba. Ngakho wancika kimi. Ake ucabange: indoda eyevile eminyakeni engu-40 icela induduzo nozwela endodaneni yayo eneminyaka engu-11 ubudala!”

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izenzo ezingamahlazo eziye zenziwa ngabasebukhosini, abezombangazwe, osaziwayo bamabhayisikobho nabaholi benkolo noma ukukhohliswa nosizi emikhayeni yethu siqu, ukungathembeki emshadweni kuyaqhubeka kudlanga. I-New Encyclopædia Britannica ithi: “Ukuphinga kubonakala sengathi kugcwele kuyo yonke indawo, futhi kwezinye izimo, kuvame njengawo umshado.” Abanye abacwaningi balinganisela ukuthi abantu abangamaphesenti aphakathi kwangu-50 nangu-75 baye bangathembeka ngesikhathi esithile. Umcwaningi kwezomshado uZelda West-Meads uthi nakuba izenzo eziningi zokungathembeki zingaveli obala, “ubufakazi bubonisa ukuthi ukushendeza kuyanda.”

Ukudideka Ngokomzwelo

Nakuba zishaqisa, izibalo zokungathembeki nesehlukaniso aziwuvezi ngokuphelele umphumela wako ekuphileni kwabantu kwansuku zonke. Ngaphandle kokucindezeleka ngokwezimali, cabangela imizwa ehlukahlukene ehambisana nalezo zibalo—izinyembezi nokudideka okukhulu, usizi, ukukhathazeka nobuhlungu obukhulu abhekana nako, kanye nokuqwasha kwamalungu omkhaya ngenxa yosizi. Izisulu zingase zisinde kulobu bunzima, kodwa zingase zisale nobuhlungu isikhathi eside. Lobo buhlungu nomonakalo akulungiseki kalula.

Incwadi ethi How to Survive Divorce iyachaza: “Ukuchitheka komshado ngokuvamile kuvusa imizwelo ehlukahlukene, ngezinye izikhathi esongela ukusonta umbono wakho. Kufanele wenzeni? Kufanele usabele kanjani? Ubhekana kanjani nalesi simo? Ungase ube manqikanqika, uthukuthele uphinde ube nesazela, noma ube nethemba kodwa uphinde usole.”

UPedro wazizwa ngaleyo ndlela ngemva kokuzwa ngokungathembeki komkakhe. Uyavuma: “Lapho omunye enza isenzo sokungathembeki, wena uhlaselwa imizwelo ehlukahlukene ebangela ukudideka.” Izisulu azikwazi ukubekezelela ukukhungatheka—ingasaphathwa eyabantu bangaphandle, abangasazi kahle isimo. UPat uthi: “Akukho muntu ngempela oyiqondayo indlela engizizwa ngayo. Uma ngicabanga ngomyeni wami enalowo wesifazane, ngivele ngizwe ubuhlungu bomzimba, ubuhlungu obungachazeki.” Uyanezela: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyaye ngizwe sengathi ngiyasangana. Ngolunye usuku konke kuyaye kuhambe kahle; ngolulandelayo isimo sisuke sesishintshe ngokuphelele. Ngezinye izikhathi ngizizwa ngimkhumbula; ngokulandelayo ngikhumbule wonke amaqhinga ayewenza namanga nehlazo angithela ngalo.”

Intukuthelo Nokukhathazeka

Esinye isisulu somngane ongathembekile siyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi ufikelwa yintukuthelo evuthayo.” Leyo ntukuthelo ayibangelwa nje ububi obenziwe nobuhlungu oye wabuzwa. Kunalokho, njengoba omunye umlobeli wephephandaba akuchaza, “yintukuthelo ebangelwa ukuthi mhlawumbe lo mshado ubuzoba ojabulisayo, kodwa-ke, wawusuwonakaliswa.”

Okunye okuvamile imizwa yokuzinyeza. UPedro uyachaza: “Uba nemizwa enjengokuthi: ‘Ingabe angikhangi? Ingabe kukhona engikuntulayo ngandlela-thile?’ Uqala ukuziphenyisisa ukuze uthole iphutha.” Encwadini yakhe ethi To Love, Honour and Betray, uZelda West-Meads, we-British National Marriage Guidance Council, uyavuma: “Enye yezinto okunzima kakhulu ukubhekana nazo . . . ukuphela kokuzethemba kwakho.”

Umuzwa Wecala Nokucindezeleka

Ngokuvamile le mizwelo ilandelwa umuzwa wokuba necala. Owesifazane othile odumazekile uthi: “Ngicabanga ukuthi abesifazane bahlushwa umuzwa wecala ngokweqile. Uyazisola bese uzibuza ukuthi: ‘Ngonephi?’”

Indoda eyakhohliswa yembula esinye isici salokho ekubiza ngokuthi imizwelo eguquguquka ngokungalindelekile. Iyachaza: “Uqala ukuba nokucindezeleka okufika njengesimo sezulu esibi esingalindelekile.” Lapho eshiywa umyeni wakhe, owesifazane othile ukhumbula ukuthi lalingashoni engakhalanga. Uyalandisa: “Ngisalukhumbula kahle usuku lokuqala engingazange ngikhale ngalo ngemva kwamasonto athile engishiyile. Kwaphela izinyanga ngaphambi kokuba ngikwazi ukuqeda isonto ngingakhalanga. Lezo zinsuku namasonto aba izenzakalo ezivelele ezabonisa ukuthi ngiyalulama.”

Ukukhohliswa Okukabili

Abaningi abaqapheli ukuthi isiphingi sisuke silimaze umngane waso womshado kakhulu ngezindlela ezimbili. Kanjani? UPat uyasikhanyisela: “Kwakunzima. Wayengeyena nje umyeni wami kuphela kodwa futhi wayengumngane—umngane wami omkhulu—iminyaka eminingi.” Yebo, ngokuvamile owesifazane uthembela kumyeni wakhe ukuze amsekele lapho kuphakama izinkinga. Manje, akukhona nje ukuthi umyeni wakhe usuke ebangele izinkinga ezinkulu kodwa futhi usuke engasewona umthombo wosizo umkakhe aludinga kakhulu. Ngesenzo nje esisodwa, usuke ebangele ubuhlungu obukhulu futhi waphuca umkakhe umuntu amethembayo angathulula isifuba sakhe kuye.

Ngenxa yalokho, umuzwa ojulile wokulahlwa nokuphela kwethemba ungomunye wemizwa ethena amandla kakhulu abangane bomshado abangenacala ababa nayo. Umeluleki othile wemishado uchaza isizathu esenza ukulahlwa emshadweni kukhungathekise kangaka ngokomzwelo: “Sizinikela ngokuphelele emshadweni, sinikele ngamathemba ethu, izifiso nalokho esikulindele . . . , sifuna othile esingamethemba ngenhliziyo yonke, othile esingathembela kuye ngaso sonke isikhathi. Uma lelo themba lishabalala ngokuzumayo, kungafana nendlu yamaphepha ethathwa umoya.”

Ngokusobala, njengoba kuphawulwe encwadini ethi How to Survive Divorce, izisulu “zidinga usizo lokubhekana nemizwelo ehlukahlukene ekhungathekisayo . . . Zingase zidinge usizo ukuze zinqume ukuthi yini okufanele ziyenze nokuthi kufanele ziyenze kanjani.” Kodwa yikuphi ukukhetha ezinakho?

Ungase uzibuze, ‘Ingabe kufanele sibuyisane? Noma ingabe kufanele ngifake isehlukaniso?’ Ikakhulukazi uma umshado unezinkinga, ungase ulingeke ukuba uphethe ngokuphamazela kokuthi isehlukaniso siyikhambi lezinkinga zenu. Ungase ucabange, ‘Ingani iBhayibheli liyakuvumela ukuhlukanisa uma kwenziwe ukungathembeki emshadweni.’ (Mathewu 19:9) Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungase ube nombono wokuthi iBhayibheli alicindezeli muntu ukuba ahlukanise. Ngakho-ke, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi kungcono ukubuyisana futhi nizame ukwakha nokuqinisa umshado.

Ukuthi umuntu uyahlukanisa yini nomngane womshado ongathembekile noma cha kuyisinqumo somuntu siqu. Nokho, ungazi kanjani ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze? Okokuqala, siza ucabangele ezinye zezici ezingase zikusize ekunqumeni ukuthi ningabuyisana yini noma cha.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

Ingabe Ningabuyisana?

“Kulula ukuqala imicikilisho yokuhlukanisa ngokuphamazela,” kusho incwadi ethi “Couples in Crisis,” “kodwa kumelwe ukuba kunemishado eminingi engalondolozwa futhi iphumelele uma kungaxazululwa izinkinga.”

LELI phuzu livumelana nemfundiso yasendulo kaJesu Kristu ngokuphathelene nesehlukaniso. Nakuba athi kuvumelekile ukuba umngane womshado ongenacala athole isehlukaniso ngenxa yesenzo sokungathembeki emshadweni, akashongo ukuthi umuntu ubophekile ukwenza kanjalo. (Mathewu 19:3-9) Umngane othembekile angase abe nezizathu zokuzama ukulondoloza umshado. Kungenzeka umenzi wobubi usamthanda umkakhe.a Kungenzeka ungumyeni okhathalelayo nobaba okahle ozinakekela ngobuqotho izidingo zomkhaya wakhe. Uma ecabangela izidingo zakhe nezabantabakhe, umngane womshado othembekile angase anqume ukubuyisana nomngane wakhe womshado kunokuba bahlukanise. Uma kunjalo, yiziphi izici okufanele zicatshangelwe, futhi kungabhekwana kanjani ngokuphumelelayo nezinselele zokuvuselela umshado?

Zisuka nje, kumelwe sisho ukuthi ukuhlukanisa noma ukubuyisana akulula. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukumane uthethelele umngane womshado ophingile cishe akunakuzixazulula izinkinga eziyisisekelo emshadweni. Ngokuvamile ukulondoloza umshado kudinga ukuzihlolisisa, ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile nokuzikhandla. Ngokuvamile imibhangqwana ayinaki ukuthi kudingeka isikhathi nomzamo omkhulu kangakanani ukuvuselela umshado owonakele. Noma kunjalo, abaningi baye baphikelela futhi manje banemishado eqinile.

Imibuzo Okufanele Iphendulwe

Ukuze anqume ngokuhlakanipha, umngane womshado othembekile kufanele aqiniseke ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi yini ayikhethayo. Angase acabangele okulandelayo: Ingabe umyeni wami uyafuna ukubuya? Ingabe usehlukene ngokuphelele nomuntu abephinga naye, noma ingabe uyanqikaza ukwenza kanjalo ngokushesha? Ingabe usexolisile? Uma kunjalo, ingabe uphendukile ngempela, uzisola ngobuqotho ngalokho akwenzile? Noma ingabe uthambekele ekusoleni mina ngephutha lakhe? Ingabe uyazisola ngempela ngobuhlungu abubangele? Noma kunalokho, ingabe uthukutheliswe ukuthi ubanjiwe ukuthi uthandana nothile ngokungemthetho futhi baphazanyiswa?

Kuthiwani ngesikhathi esizayo? Ingabe useqalile ukulungisa isimo sengqondo nezenzo okwaholela ekuphingeni? Ingabe uzimisele ngempela ukuba angaphinde enze lobo bubi? Noma ingabe usathambekele ekudlaleni ngothando nasekwakheni ubuhlobo obungafanele nabantu bobulili obuhlukile? (Mathewu 5:27, 28) Ingabe uzimisele ngempela ukuvuselela lo mshado? Uma kunjalo, yini ayenzayo? Izimpendulo ezicacile kule mibuzo zingase zibe yisisekelo sokukholelwa ukuthi umshado ungavuselelwa.

Ukukhulumisana Kubalulekile

Umlobi weBhayibheli uthi: “Lapho kungekho khona ukululekana, amasu ayachitheka.” (IzAga 15:22) Lokhu kuba njalo ngempela lapho umngane womshado ongenacala enomuzwa wokuthi kufanele baxoxe ngalokho kungathembeki nomngane wakhe. Ngaphandle kokukhuluma ngemininingwane ejulile, bangaba nengxoxo ekhululekile neqotho engase iveze iqiniso ngalokho okwenzeka futhi iqede ukusola okukhona. Lokhu kungase kuvimbele umbhangqwana ungaqhelelani ngenxa yokungaqondani nokucasuka okuhlala isikhathi eside. Yiqiniso, bobabili indoda nomfazi cishe bayothola ukuthi izingxoxo ezinjalo zizwisa ubuhlungu. Kodwa abaningi baye bathola ukuthi ziyingxenye ebalulekile yenqubo yokuvuselela ukwethembana.

Esinye isinyathelo esibalulekile sokubuyisana ngempumelelo siwukuzama ukuthola izici eziyinkinga emshadweni—izinto bobabili abangane bomshado okungadingeka basebenzele kuzo. UZelda West-Meads uyaluleka: “Uma senixoxile ngalesi simo esibuhlungu, seninqumile ukuthi lobo buhlobo obungafanele sebuphele unomphela, ukuthi nisafuna ukulondoloza umshado wenu, lungisani okonakele nivuselele umshado.”

Mhlawumbe benithathana kalula. Kungenzeka beningasazinaki izinto ezingokomoya. Mhlawumbe beningachithi isikhathi esanele ndawonye. Mhlawumbe awuzange ubonise uthando, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, ukuncoma nokudumisa umngane wakho womshado ngendlela abengathanda ngayo. Ukuhlaziya kabusha imigomo nezindinganiso zenu ndawonye kuyonisiza kakhulu ukuba nisondelane futhi kuyovimbela ukungathembeki esikhathini esizayo.

Ukuhlakulela Ukuthethelela

Naphezu kwemizamo yakhe eqotho, umngane womshado ozwiswe ubuhlungu angase akuthole kunzima ukuthethelela umyeni wakhe, ingasaphathwa eyowesifazane aphinge naye. (Efesu 4:32) Kodwa-ke, ungakwazi ukudedela ukucasuka nentukuthelo kancane kancane. Incwadi ethile ithi: “Umngane womshado othembekile kufanele aqaphele ukuthi ukuphila kuyaqhubeka. Kubalulekile ukuba ungalokhu ukhuluma ngezono zomngane wakho zangaphambili ngenjongo [yokumjezisa] njalo lapho kuphakama impikiswano.”

Abantu abaningi abashadile baye bathola ukuthi ngokuzama ukunciphisa nokuqeda imizwa yokucasuka okujulile, ekugcineni abasenayo inzondo ngomuntu owonile. Ukwenza kanjalo kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sokuvuselela umshado.

Funda Ukumethemba Futhi

Owesifazane othile ocindezelekile wathi: “Ingabe siyokwazi ukuphinde sethembane?” Akushoyo kuyezwakala ngoba ukukhohlisa komngane ophingile kuye kwaqeda—noma okungenani konakalisa—ukwethembana. Njengesitsha sezimbali esiyigugu, kulula ukuqeda ukwethembana kodwa kunzima ukukuvuselela. Iqiniso liwukuthi ukuze ubuhlobo bungaqhubeki nje bukhona kuphela kodwa futhi buchume, kufanele kube nokwethembana nenhlonipho.

Ngokuvamile lokhu kuyohilela ukufunda ukwethemba futhi. Kunokuba afune ukwethenjwa ngenkani, umngane onecala angasiza ekuvuseleleni ukwethembana ngokungafihli lutho nangokwethembeka ezintweni azenzayo. AmaKristu akhuthazwa ukuba ‘alahle amanga futhi akhulume iqiniso’ komunye nomunye. (Efesu 4:25) UZelda West-Meads uthi ukuze uphinde wethenjwe, kungase kudingeke ukuba ekuqaleni “utshele [umngane wakho womshado] imininingwane ecacile yokuthi uyakuphi. Tshela [umngane wakho womshado] ukuthi uyakuphi, uzobuya nini futhi uqiniseke ukuthi uya lapho uthé uzoya khona.” Uma izimo zishintsha mazise ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Kungase kuthathe isikhathi nomzamo ukuvuselela imizwa yokuzethemba. Umngane womshado onecala angasiza ngokuthi angalugodli uthando nokuncoma—atshele umkakhe njalo ukuthi uyamazisa futhi uyamthanda. Umeluleki wemishado ohlonishwayo uyaluleka: “Mnike udumo ngakho konke akwenzayo.” (IzAga 31:31, Today’s English Version) Umfazi naye angahlakulela ukuzethemba ngokugxila ezintweni azenza kangcono ekuphileni kwakhe.

Kudinga Isikhathi

Ngenxa yobuhlungu obukhulu obubangelwa ukungathembeki, akumangalisi ukuthi nangemva kweminyaka eminingi umuntu usengakukhumbula kahle okwenzeka futhi kumzwise ubuhlungu. Nokho, njengoba ubuhlungu buqhubeka budamba, ukuthobeka, ukubekezela nokukhuthazela kwabo bobabili abangane bomshado kuyovuselela ukwethembana nenhlonipho.—Roma 5:3, 4; 1 Petru 3:8, 9.

Incwadi ethi To Love, Honour and Betray iyaqinisekisa: “Ubuhlungu obukhulu balezo zinyanga zokuqala ezimbalwa abuhlali isikhathi eside. Buyadamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi . . . Ekugcineni uyothola ukuthi kuyophela izinsuku, amasonto, izinyanga ngisho neminyaka ungasicabangi naleso senzakalo esibuhlungu.” Njengoba uqhubeka usebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli emshadweni wakho futhi ufuna isibusiso nesiqondiso sikaNkulunkulu, akungabazeki ukuthi uyojabulela umphumela othoba inhliziyo ‘wokuthula kukaNkulunkulu okudlula konke ukucabanga.’—Filipi 4:4-7, 9.

UPedro uyabika: “Uma ngibheka emuva, lesi senzakalo siye sakushintsha ukuphila kwethu. Ngezikhathi ezithile kusadingeka silungise izinto ezimbalwa emshadweni wethu. Kodwa sesiphumile ebunzimeni. Sisashadile. Futhi sijabulile.”

Kodwa kuthiwani uma umngane ongenacala engenaso isizathu sokuthethelela ongathembekile? Noma kuthiwani uma ethethelela umngane wakhe womshado (ngokuthi ayeke ukumcasukela) kodwa ngenxa yezizathu ezizwakalayo anqume ukusebenzisa ilungiselelo leBhayibheli lesehlukaniso?b Isehlukaniso singamlethela buphi ubunzima umuntu? Sikucela ukuba ucabangele izici ezihilelekile esehlukanisweni, nokuthi abanye baye babhekana kanjani nazo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]

UKUSEKELA OKUWUSIZO

Ngenxa yezici eziningi ezingase zicatshangelwe, kungase kube yinzuzo ukucela usizo lukameluleki onolwazi nonokulinganisela. Ngokwesibonelo, oFakazi BakaJehova bangaya kubadala abanomusa nobubele.—Jakobe 5:13-15.

Abeluleki, abangane nezihlobo bakhuthazwa ukuba bangaqokomisi imibono yabo siqu, basekele noma bagxeke isehlukaniso esenziwa ngezizathu ezingokomBhalo noma ukubuyisana. Owesifazane ongumKristu owahlukanisa uyaluleka: “Esikudingayo ukusekelwa okukhulu, bese nisiyeka sizinqumele esifuna ukukwenza.”

Iseluleko kufanele sisekelwe ngokuqinile eBhayibhelini. Omunye owahlukanisa uyasikisela: “Ungabatsheli indlela okufanele bazizwe ngayo noma okungafanele bazizwe ngayo. Kunalokho, banike ithuba lokuveza imizwa yabo.” Uzwela, ukusondelana kobuzalwane nobubele besisa kuyosiza ekuthobeni amanxeba abangelwe ukulahlwa emshadweni. (1 Petru 3:8) Umeluleki othile ongumakad’ ebona wathi: “Bakhona abaphahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba, kepha izilimi zabahlakaniphileyo ziyimpiliso.”—IzAga 12:18.

Indoda ethile ethembekile yaphawula: “Ngangidinga ukuqonda, amazwi enduduzo nesikhuthazo. Umkami yena wayesidinga ngempela isiqondiso nokunconywa ngenxa yomzamo ayewenza—wayedinga ukusekelwa okungokoqobo okwakungamsiza ukuba aqhubeke.”

Uma ngemva kokuzindla ngokucophelela nangomthandazo, umuntu enquma ukufaka isehlukaniso noma ukuhlala ngokwahlukana ngesizathu esingokomBhalo, lowo muntu akufanele alulekwe ngendlela emenza azizwe enecala. Kunalokho, angasizwa ukuba anqobe imizwa yecala engadingekile.

Esinye isisulu sathi: “Uma ufuna ukuba umthombo wenduduzo owusizo, ungalokothi ukhohlwe imizwelo yomuntu ejulile ehilelekile.”

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 7]

OKWENZA ABANYE BANGAHLUKANISI

Ezindaweni eziningi, kunabesifazane okuthi ngenxa yesidingo esithile, bakhethe ukuqhubeka behlala nabayeni babo abaphingayo, abangaphenduki. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye besifazane abangamaKristu abahlala ezindaweni ezikhungethwe yizimpi noma ezimpofu baye bahlala nabayeni babo abangathembekile abasaqhubeka benakekela imikhaya yabo kwezinye izici, nakuba kungenzeka ukuthi abawona amakholwa. Ngenxa yalokho, banekhaya, isivikelo abasidingayo, imali engena njalo ekhaya nokulondeka okuthile ngenxa yokuba nabayeni emakhaya—ngisho noma kungenzeka ukuthi abathembekile. Baye bacabanga ukuthi—ngaphansi kwezimo zabo ezikhethekile—ukuhlala nabayeni babo, nakuba kungathandeki noma kungelula, kuye kwabenza bakwazi ukubhekana nezimo ezithile ekuphileni ebezingabahlula ukuba bebephila bodwa.

Ngemva kokubekezelela isimo esinjalo—ngezinye izikhathi iminyaka eminingi—abanye balaba besifazane baye bajabulela isibusiso esihle sokubona abayeni babo beshintsha izindlela zabo futhi beba amadoda angamaKristu athembekile nanothando.—Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 7:12-16.

Ngakho-ke, labo abakhetha ukuhlala nabangane babo bomshado—nakuba bengaphenduki—akufanele bagxekwe. Kuye kwadingeka benze isinqumo esinzima futhi kufanele banikezwe lonke usizo nokusekelwa abakudingayo.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 8]

UBANI ODALA LEZI ZINKINGA?

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kwezinye izimo amaphutha omngane womshado ongenacala kungenzeka abangela izinkinga emshadweni, kodwa iBhayibheli lithi “yilowo nalowo ulingwa ngokuhehwa nangokuhungwa isifiso sakhe siqu. Khona-ke isifiso, lapho sesivundile, sizala isono.” (Jakobe 1:14, 15) Nakuba kungase kube nezici ezihlukahlukene eziwumthelela, “isifiso sakhe siqu” lowo muntu yisona ngokuyinhloko esimenza aphinge. Uma amaphutha omngane womshado ebangela izinkinga, ngokuqinisekile ukuphinga akuyona indlela yokuzixazulula.—Heberu 13:4.

Kunalokho, izinkinga zomshado zingaxazululwa uma bobabili indoda nomfazi bebekezela ekusebenziseni izimiso zeBhayibheli. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ‘ukubekezelelana nokuthethelelana ngokukhululekile.’ Kufanele baphikelele nasekuboniseni izimfanelo ‘ezinjengokusondelana okunesisa kobubele, umusa, ukuthobeka kwengqondo, ubumnene, nokubhekakade.’ Okubaluleke nakakhulu, kufanele “[bagqoke] uthando, ngoba luyisibopho esiphelele sobunye.”—Kolose 3:12-15.

[Isithombe ekhasini 7]

Ukulalelisisana kungasiza umbhangqwana uvuselele umshado

Uma Umuntu Ekhetha Ukuhlukanisa

“Uma umngane wakho womshado eshona, abantu bayasiqonda isimo sakho ngisho noma ubungeyena umngane womshado okahle. Kodwa uma umyeni wakho ekushiya—abanye bacabanga ukuthi awenzanga okusemandleni. SIZANI-BO!”—Umfundi we-Phaphama! eNingizimu Afrika.

UKUNGATHEMBEKI nesehlukaniso kungaba okucindezela kakhulu. Nakuba abaningi beye bathola izizathu zokubuyisana nabangane babo bomshado futhi bawulondoloza, abanye banezizathu ezizwakalayo zokukhetha ilungelo abalinikwe uNkulunkulu lokuhlukanisa nomngane womshado ophingayo. (Mathewu 5:32; 19:9) Ngokwesibonelo, kungenzeka ukuthi ukuphepha, ingokomoya nenhlala-kahle yowesifazane othembekile nabantabakhe kusengozini. Angase akhathazeke nangokungenwa yisifo esithathelwana ngobulili. Noma mhlawumbe umthethelele umngane wakhe womshado ngokuphinga, kodwa asikho isizathu sokuthemba ukuthi ukwethembana kwangempela kungavuselelwa nokuthi angaqhubeka ehlala naye njengomyeni wakhe.

Owesifazane ocindezelekile wavuma: “Lesi kwakuyisinqumo esinzima kakhulu ekuphileni kwami.” Yebo, isinqumo esinzima—hhayi nje ngenxa yokuthi ukukhohliswa ngale ndlela kubuhlungu kodwa futhi ngenxa yokuthi isehlukaniso sinemiphumela ebanzi eyothinta konke ukuphila kwakhe. Ngakho-ke, ukuthi umfazi kufanele ahlukanise nomngane wakhe ongathembekile noma cha kuyisinqumo somuntu siqu. Abanye kufanele bahloniphe ilungelo elingokweBhayibheli lomngane womshado ongenacala lokwenza leso sinqumo.

Nokho, ngeshwa abantu abaningi bagijimela esehlukanisweni ngaphandle kokubala kahle izindleko. (Qhathanisa noLuka 14:28.) Yiziphi ezinye izici ezihilelekile lapho umuntu ekhetha ukuhlukanisa?

Uma Kunabantwana

Incwadi ethi Couples in Crisis ithi: “Abazali abamatasa ngezinkinga zabo ngokuvamile bayazikhohlwa noma bangazinaki izidingo zabantwana.” Ngakho, lapho ucabangela isehlukaniso, khumbula ingokomoya nenhlala-kahle yabantwana bakho. Abacwaningi abaningi bathi uma isehlukaniso senziwa ngokuthula, amathuba okuhlupheka kwabantwana ayancipha. Ngisho nangaphansi kwezimo ezinzima, ubumnene buyosiza umuntu ukuba ‘angalwi, kodwa abe mnene kubo bonke, azibambe ngaphansi kobubi.’—2 Thimothewu 2:24, 25.a

Uma umuntu ekhetha ukuhlukanisa, kufanele akhumbule ukuthi yindoda nomfazi abahlukanisayo—hhayi abantwana. Abantwana basabadinga bobabili umama nobaba. Yiqiniso, zikhona izimo ezingavamile, njengalapho umntwana esengozini yokuxhashazwa. Kodwa ukushayisana kwemibono yenkolo noma yomuntu siqu akufanele kusetshenziselwe ukuncisha abantwana inzuzo yokuba nabazali ababili.

Okunye okufanele kucatshangelwe yimizwelo ebuthaka yabantwana abancane kanye nesidingo abanaso sokuqinisekiswa ngokwanele kanye nothando. Enye incwadi ithi: “Ukuqhubekisela phambili uthando ngale ndlela kuyobanika isisekelo sokubhekana nalesi simo esisha.” Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukunakekela izidingo zabo ezingokomoya zansuku zonke kuyobasiza bahlale bezinzile.—Duteronomi 6:6, 7; Mathewu 4:4.

Izimali Nezinqubo Zomthetho

Akungabazeki ukuthi isehlukaniso senza umngane ngamunye womshado alahlekelwe imali ethile nempahla, ukunethezeka, mhlawumbe nekhaya alithanda kakhulu. Njengoba kungase kudingeke umuntu athwale izindleko ezengeziwe ngemali encane, kuwukuhlakanipha ukwakha isimiso sokusebenzisa imali. Ukuthambekela kokuziduduza ngokuchitha imali eyengeziwe noma ngokuzifaka ezikweletini kufanele kugwenywe.

Uma kwenziwa isinqumo sokuhlukanisa, kubalulekile nokubonisana nomngane womshado ukuthi ama-akhawunti ahlanganyelwayo ayosingathwa kanjani. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuze kugwenywe ukusaphazwa kwezimali ezikuyi-akhawunti ehlanganyelwayo, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukucela umphathi webhange ukuba afune amasignesha abo bobabili abangane bomshado lapho kukhishwa imali kuze kube yilapho ngamunye esene-akhawunti ezimele.

Kuwukuhlakanipha futhi ukugcina amarekhodi anembile emali nezindleko onazo, lapho ulungiselela ukuxoxisana nomngane wakho ngendaba yesondlo. Futhi emazweni amaningi, umthetho ufuna ukuba abantu bazise iziphathimandla zentela ngokushintsha kwesimo sabo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu abaningi bayazuza ngokuthintana nochwepheshe wezomthetho—umuntu onolwazi ngezindaba zesehlukaniso. Amanye amazwe avumela abalamuli ukuba basize imibhangqwana ibambisane ukuze ifinyelele izivumelwano ezamukelekayo nezinokuthula, ezibe sezigunyazwa enkantolo yomthetho. Ikakhulukazi uma kuhileleke abantwana, abazali abaningi bakhetha ukusebenza nochwepheshe ongenabo ubutha. Kunokuba balwele ukunqoba nakanjani, abazali balwela ukunciphisa izingxabano nobuhlungu. Ezinye izinzuzo zezinto ezibonakalayo azilingani nokulahlekelwa ngokomzwelo nangokwezimali okuhilelekile ukuze uzithole.

Ubuhlobo Obushintshile

Umcwaningi othile uthi: “Akufanele sikubukele phansi ukudideka nokungaqiniseki abantu abaningi ababa nakho ngabangane babo abahlukanisile.” Ngisho noma umngane womshado othembekile esebenzisa ilungelo lakhe elingokomthetho, likanembeza nelingokomBhalo, bangase babe khona abambheka njengembangela yokuchitheka komshado. Bangase basabele ngokumbingelela ngokunganaki noma baze bamgweme ngokoqobo. Okubi nakakhulu, abangane ayesondelene nabo bangase baqale ukuba nobutha.

Abaningi abaqapheli neze ukuthi umuntu udinga ukusekelwa okungakanani uma ebhekene nesehlukaniso; bangase bacabange ukuthi incwadi emfushane noma ikhadi kwanele. Nokho, incwadi ethi Divorce and Separation ithi ngokuvamile kunabangane “abanalokho kanye umuntu akudingayo, futhi bakushayele ucingo babuze ukuthi uyafuna yini bakuphelezele uma uya endaweni ethile, ukuthi kukhona yini ofuna bakwenze noma udinga nje ongaxoxa naye.” Ngempela, phakathi nesikhathi esinjena ekuphileni, umuntu udinga ‘umngane obambelela kuneselamani,’ njengoba iBhayibheli lisho.—IzAga 18:24.

Ukusebenzela Ukululama

Ngemva kweminyaka engu-16 ehlukanisile, umama othile uyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiba nesizungu esikhulu—ngisho nalapho ngiphakathi kwabantu.” Ubhekana kanjani nalesi simo? Uthi: “Senginendlela yokuzivikela ngokuba matasa emsebenzini, ngokunakekela indodana yami, nangokunakekela umuzi wami. Ngaqala nokuya emihlanganweni yoFakazi BakaJehova, ngahlanganyela izinkolelo zami nomakhelwane futhi ngenzela abanye izinto. Lokho kwasiza kakhulu.”

Izinsuku nezikhathi ezithile zonyaka zingavusa izinkumbulo nemizwelo ebuhlungu: usuku okwavela ngalo ukuthi kwenziwe ukungathembeki, isikhathi umyeni wakho ahamba ngaso ekhaya, usuku lokuqulwa kwecala enkantolo. Izikhathi ezijabulisayo umbhangqwana owawuzihlanganyela—njengamaholidi nokugubha usuku lomshado—kungaba izikhathi ezinzima ukubhekana nazo ngokomzwelo. UPat uthi: “Ngibhekana nalezo zinsuku ngokuhlela ukuchitha isikhathi nomkhaya wakithi noma nabangane abaseduze abasaziyo isimo sami. Senza izinto ezizokhipha imicabango yesikhathi esidlule futhi zakhe izinkumbulo ezintsha. Kodwa okungisiza kakhulu kunakho konke ubuhlobo bami noJehova—ukwazi ukuthi uyayiqonda indlela engizizwa ngayo.”

Ungalilahli Ithemba

Abangane abangenacala abasebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli futhi bakhethe ukusebenzisa ilungelo abalinikwe uNkulunkulu lokuhlukanisa nomngane ophingile akufanele babe nomuzwa wecala noma besabe ukuthi uJehova ubashiyile. UNkulunkuu uzonda inkambo yokukhohlisa yomngane ophingile—eye yabangela ‘ukukhala nokububula.’ (Malaki 2:13-16) Ngisho noJehova, uNkulunkulu ‘wobubele besisa,’ uyazi ukuthi kunjani ukulahlwa umuntu omthandayo. (Luka 1:78; Jeremiya 3:1; 31:31, 32) Khona-ke, qiniseka ukuthi “uJehova uthanda ukulunga, akabashiyi abangcwele bakhe.”—IHubo 37:28.

Yiqiniso, kungaba ngcono kakhulu uma ukungathembeki emshadweni nemiphumela yako emibi kungagwenywa kwasekuqaleni. Incwadi ethi Imfihlo Yenjabulo Yomkhaya,b eyisiqondiso esihle somkhaya, isiza abantu abaningi emhlabeni wonke ukuba bakhe imishado ejabulisayo futhi bagweme ukungathembeki emshadweni. Inezahluko eziphathelene nokwakha umshado ojabulisayo, ukuqeqesha abantwana nokubhekana nezinkinga zomshado. OFakazi BakaJehova endaweni yakini noma abanyathelisi balo magazini bayokujabulela ukukunikeza ukwaziswa okwengeziwe ngale ndaba.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 10]

IZINGANE AKUFANELE ZIBE NABAZALI ABAHLUKANISILE

Ngo-1988, uDiana, iNkosazana YaseWales engasekho, wathi eBrithani kuphela, izingane ezingaba ngu-420 zibona abazali bazo behlukanisa nsuku zonke. Kulezo zingane, eziyingxenye yesithathu zineminyaka engaphansi kwemihlanu ubudala. Ngokudabukisayo, izingane ezingaba amaphesenti angu-40 azibe zisaxhumana nomunye wabazali bazo ngemva kwesehlukaniso.

Ngokuphambene nalokho abantu abaningi abakucabangayo, “zimbalwa kakhulu izingane zabazali abahlukanisayo ezikwamukelayo lokho kuhlukana,” kusho umlobi ohlonishwayo wezempilo nezokwelapha. “Izingane eziningi zingathanda ukubona abazali bazo behlala ndawonye ngisho noma isimo sasekhaya sinzima.” Ngisho noma imibhangqwana yayixabana kakhulu phakathi nesikhathi sokungathembeki, akufanele iphethe ngokuphamazela ukuthi ukuchitha umshado kuyoba ngcono ezinganeni. Ukushintsha kwayo isimo sengqondo nokuziphatha kungase kuvule indlela yokuba ihlale ndawonye ukuze kuzuze wonke umkhaya.

Umlobi uPamela Winfield uthi: “Amadoda aziphatha ngendlela exekethile kufanele acabange ngobuhlungu abubangela izingane zawo lapho umkhaya uchitheka ngenxa yobuwula bawo.”

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 11]

INGABE UNKULUNKULU UZONDA KONKE UKUHLUKANA?

UPat uyavuma: “Okwakungikhathaza kakhulu umcabango wokuthi ‘uJehova uyakuzonda ukwahlukana.’ Njalo ngangizibuza ukuthi, ‘Ingabe ngenza lokho okuthokozisa uJehova?’”

Ake sibheke umongo kaMalaki 2:16 ukuze siphendule lowo mbuzo. Esikhathini sikaMalaki kungenzeka amadoda amaningi akwa-Israyeli ayehlukanisa nabafazi bawo ukuze ashade nabesifazane abasebasha, abangamaqaba. UNkulunkulu wasigxeka leso senzo sokukhohlisa. (Malaki 2:13-16) Ngakho, lokho akuzondayo uNkulunkulu ukulahla komuntu umngane wakhe womshado ngaphandle kwesizathu ukuze athathe omunye. Umuntu ophinga ngenkohliso abese elahla umngane wakhe womshado noma amcindezele ukuba ahlukanise naye usuke enzé isono sokukhohlisa, esinenzondo.

Nokho, la mavesi awakulahli konke ukuhlukana. Lokhu kufakazelwa amazwi kaJesu: “Noma ubani ohlukanisa nomkakhe, ngaphandle kwesizathu sobufebe, ashade nomunye uyaphinga.” (Mathewu 19:9) Lapha, uJesu wavuma ukuthi ubufebe buyisizathu esamukelekayo sokuhlukanisa ngokomBhalo—yebo, buwukuphela kwesizathu esamukelekayo esivumela umuntu ukuba aphinde ashade. Umngane womshado ongenacala angase anqume ukuthethelela umngane owonile. Kodwa umuntu okhetha ukusebenzisa amazwi kaJesu njengesisekelo sokuhlukanisa nomngane womshado ophingayo akenzi into uJehova ayizondayo. UNkulunkulu uzonda ­ukukhohlisa komngane ongathembekile.

[Izithombe ekhasini 10]

Abangane bomshado abangenacala nabantwana babo bayazuza lapho besekelwa ngothando