Nukae Hea Aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ Vɛ?

“Le esi teƒe be ƒomea me nanye sitsoƒe tso nuteɖeamedziwo, xaxawo, kple numanyamanya si le gbɔme la si me la, edze abe zi geɖe la, xaxa siawo nɔa ƒomea me alo wodzia wo ɖe edzi gɔ̃ hã ene.”—The Intimate Environment—Exploring Marriage and the Family.

ƑOMEA me nuvlowɔwɔ ƒe nya la me kuku nye nusɔsrɔ̃ si gɔme wodze eteƒe medidi o. Nyitsɔ laa ƒe ƒeawo me ko hafi woku nu me vevie le eŋu. Ðewohĩ numekuku siawo me tsonuwo manye ɖeka ɣesiaɣi o, gake woke ɖe nu vevi aɖewo siwo hea aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ vɛ la ŋu. Mina míadzro esiawo dometɔ aɖewo me akpɔ.

Akpa Kae Ƒome si me Ame Tso Wɔna?

Numekula geɖewo gblɔ tso nusiwo ŋu woke ɖo la ŋu be: “Zi geɖe alesi srɔ̃tɔ siwo míebia nyae wɔa nu vlo ɖe wo nɔewo ŋui la, zi geɖe nenemae wo viwo hã wɔa nu vlo ɖe wo nɔewo kple wo dzilawo ŋui.”

Ƒomea me nuvlowɔwɔ teƒe kpɔkpɔ ɖeɖe dzaa kpɔa ŋusẽ triakɔ ɖe ɖevi dzi. Atikewɔla John Bradshaw de dzesii be: “Ðevi si kpɔnɛ woƒoa dada la sɔ kple ɖevia ŋutɔ ƒoƒo.” Sɔhɛ aɖe si ŋkɔe nye Ed mekpɔa dzidzɔ kura ne fofoa le dadaa ƒom o. Gake togbɔ be ɖewohĩ manya o hã la, wole efiam be wòaxɔe ase be ele be ŋutsuwo nakpɔ ŋusẽ ɖe nyɔnuwo dzi eye be woawɔ esia la, ele be ŋutsuwo nado vɔvɔ na wo, awɔ nuvevi wo ahaɖi gbɔ wo. Esi Ed tsi la, ewɔa ŋutasẽnu kple adãnu siawo ɖe srɔ̃a ŋu.

Dzila aɖewo tsɔa ŋuɖɔɖɔɖo xea mɔ na wo viwo be woagakpɔ nuvlowɔwɔ le television dzi o, eye wowɔe nyuie. Gake ele be dzilawo naɖɔ ŋu ɖo vevie wu le ŋku léle ɖe woa ŋutɔwo ƒe agbenɔnɔ ŋu gome elabena wo vi siwo dzi nu wɔa dɔ ɖo bɔbɔe la srɔ̃a woƒe nɔnɔme.

Akpa Kae Nuteɖeamedzi Wɔna?

Fufɔfɔ, dɔmakpɔwɔe, dzila ƒe kuku, ʋuʋu ayi teƒe bubu, dɔléle, kple gakuxiwo hea nuteɖeamedziwo vɛ, abe nu bubuwo ke ene. Ame akpa gãtɔ te ŋu nɔa te ɖe nuteɖeamedzi nu nu vlo aɖeke mawɔmawɔe. Gake le ame aɖewo gome la, nuteɖeamedzie nye nusi hea ŋutasesẽ vɛ, vevietɔ ne nu bubuwo hã kpe ɖe eŋu. Le kpɔɖeŋu me, dzila tsitsi dzi kpɔkpɔ—vevietɔ ne dzila la le dɔ lém—he ŋutasesẽ vɛ zi geɖe ne ƒomegbanɔamedzi bubu geɖewo te ɖe amesi le edzi kpɔm la dzi vevie.

Vinyinyi nana nu tena ɖe ame dzi. Le esia ta la, ɖewohĩ ŋuta sesẽ le ɖeviwo ŋu adzi ɖe edzi ne ƒomea hã le lolom ɖe edzi. Ðeviwo ate ŋu ana srɔ̃tɔwo ƒe ŋutasesẽ le wo nɔewo ŋu hã nadzi ɖe edzi, elabena abe alesi Behind Closed Doors ka nya tae ene la, “dzrewɔwɔ ɖe ɖeviwo tae ana srɔ̃tɔawo nawɔ dzre godoo.”

Nukpɔsusu Masɔmasɔ le Ŋutsuwo Kple Nyɔnuwo Ŋu

Dan Bajorek, si ɖo aɖaŋuɖohabɔbɔ le Kanada gblɔ be ŋutsu siwo sẽa ŋuta la bua susu gbegblẽ ɖe nyɔnuwo ŋu. “Nɔnɔme ka mee woɖatso o, wodzi wo be woaxɔe se be ŋutsuwoe nye gã wu. Hamish Sinclair, si nye aɖaŋuɖoha ƒe ɖoɖo na ŋutsu siwo sẽa ŋuta le ame ŋu ƒe ŋgɔnɔla gblɔ be wohe ŋutsuwo be woaxɔe ase be wonye gã wu nyɔnuwo eye be woƒe gomee wònye be “woahe to na wo, afia fu wo alo ado vɔvɔ̃ na wo.”

Le dukɔ geɖe me la, wobua ŋutsu be eya sie gome le be wòawɔ nu ɖe srɔ̃a ŋu abe nu dzro aɖe ko si nye eƒe nunɔamesi ƒe akpa aɖe ene. Wobua eƒe ŋusẽkpɔkpɔ kple gãɖuɖu ɖe srɔ̃a dzi be enye eƒe ŋutsunyenye kple bubu si le eŋu la ɖeɖe fia. Le nyateƒe me la, woƒoa srɔ̃nyɔnuwo vevie hesẽa ŋuta le wo ŋu le mɔ bubuwo nu, eye sedɔwɔƒewo mewɔa nu gobii aɖeke le eŋu o le esi esia nye nuwɔna le dukɔ mawo me ta. Ŋutsue nye gã wu, eye nyɔnu ya bɔbɔ ɖe anyi; ele be wòaɖo toe le nusianu me eɖanye aleke gbegbee ŋutsu la doa vloe, wɔa adã, wɔa nu gbegblẽ ɖe eŋu, alo dia eɖokui tɔe o.

CBS ƒe television dzi nyatakala Morley Safer ka nya ta tso Dziehe Amerika-dukɔ aɖe ŋu be: “Ŋutsu ƒe sesẽnyahehe ƒe nuwɔna mebɔ ɖe Latin Amerika ƒe teƒe aɖeke wu afisia o . . . Ele amewo ƒe hatsotso ɖesiaɖe me kple ʋɔnudrɔ̃ƒe afisi ne ŋutsu le bubu si le eŋu ta ʋlim la, wòte ŋu wɔa nusianu si dzea eŋu eye mevɔ̃na be woahe to na ye o, vevietɔ ne nyɔnue amesi ŋu wòle ŋuta sẽm le la nye.” Egblɔ be: “Womeɖia gbɔ nyɔnuwo le anyigba ƒe teƒe aɖeke” de dukɔ ma nu o. Gake ŋutsuwo ƒe gãɖuɖu ɖe nyɔnuwo dzi kple gbɔ ɖiɖi wo bɔ ɖe afisiafi. Menye dukɔ ɖeka me koe wowɔa esia le o togbɔ be ɖewohĩ enu asẽ wu le afima hã gake.

Minna Schulman, si nye aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ kple dɔwɔƒe si kpɔa sedziwɔnyawo gbɔ le New York, ƒe amegã gblɔ be nuvlowɔwɔ nye dɔwɔnu aɖe si ŋutsuwo zãna be woayi edzi akpɔ ŋusẽ ɖe nyɔnuwo dzi eye woaɖee afia. Egblɔ kpee be: “Míebua aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ be enye ŋusẽ kple gãnyenye zazã ɖe mɔ gbegblẽ nu.”

Bubu megava nɔa ŋutsu aɖewo siwo ƒoa wo srɔ̃wo la ŋu o, eye wona amesiwo ŋu wole ŋuta sẽm le hã kpɔnɛ be bubu mele yewo ŋu o. Ne wowɔ esia la, ekema woƒe bubu la ayi ŋgɔ, eye wòawɔ na wo be yewonye gã ɖe ame bubuwo dzi hekpɔ ŋusẽ ɖe wo dzi. Ewɔna na wo be mɔ sia dzie yewoato aɖe yewoƒe ŋutsunyenye afia. Gake woɖenɛ fianaa? Esi wònye nyɔnu siwo gbɔdzɔ le ŋutilã me wu ŋue wowɔa nu vlo ɖo ta la, ɖe wòɖee fia be ame sesẽe wonye vavãa, alo ɖe wòɖee fia boŋ be ame manyanuwoe wonyea? Ðe wònye ŋutsunyenye ɖeɖe fia vavã be ŋutsu si ŋu ŋusẽ le la naƒo nyɔnu si ŋu ŋusẽ kple wɔna gobii aɖeke mele oa? Ŋutsu si nɔa agbe nyui deŋgɔ abu amesiwo mesesẽ o eye wɔna gobii aɖeke mele wo ŋu o la ŋu ahase veve ɖe wo nu, ke mawɔ ŋlɔmi le wo ŋu o.

Nu bubu si nye susumanɔmee ƒe tamebubue nye alesi zi geɖe ameƒola la bua fɔ srɔ̃a be eƒe nuwɔna tae yele eƒom ɖo. Eƒe nuwɔna ate ŋu afia be: ‘Mèwɔ nusia nyuie o. Eyatae mele ƒowòm ɖo.’ Alo ate ŋu agblɔe gɔ̃ hã be: ‘Fiẽnuɖuɖu tsi megbe akpa, eyata èkpɔe ɖe nu.’ Le ameƒola la ƒe susu me la, nyɔnua ƒe vodadae. Gake ame srɔ̃ ƒe vodada aɖeke menye susu nyui si ta wòle be woaƒoe ɖo o.

Aha Sesẽ Nono Gbɔe Wòtsoa?

Esi wònye be aha sesẽ nono ɖiɖia ame ƒe ɖokuidziɖuɖu eye wòdzia alesi woatsɔ dziku awɔ nui ɖe edzi ta la, mewɔ nuku o be ewɔna na ame aɖewo be enye nusi doa ameƒoƒo ƒe ŋusẽ ame. Zi geɖe la, enɔa bɔbɔe be woaɖu ame ƒe adãwɔwɔ dzi ne wole ŋute, gake ne wode nu aha sesẽ me vie la, ame ma ke wɔa adãnu. Aha sesẽa gblẽ nu le eƒe tamebubu ƒe ŋutete ŋu eye wòɖiɖi ŋutete si anɔ esi be wòaɖu eƒe dziku dzi la.

Gake ame bubuwo gblɔna be kuxia tsoa nuteɖeamedzi gbɔ wu aha sesẽ nono. Wogblɔna be amesi noa aha be yeatsɔ aɖe yeƒe nuteɖeamedziwo ɖa la, ame ma kee awɔ adãnu ɖe kuxiwo ɖeɖe ɖa ta. Esia fia be alesi ahanola la awɔ adãnui ne emu aha la, nenema ke wòawɔe ne ele ŋute hã. Ke hã eɖanye nuka ke wogblɔ le nya sia ŋu o, le nyateƒe me la, aha sesẽ menye nusi kpena ɖe ame ŋu be woaɖu ame ƒe seselelãmewo dzi o ke boŋ zi geɖe la, ɖe wògbɔdzɔa esia wɔwɔ ƒe ŋusẽ me boŋ.

Alesi Nyakakamɔnuwo Kpɔa Ŋusẽ Ðe Amewo ƒe Nuwɔnawo Dzii

Ame aɖewo gblɔna be television, kpakple sinima siaa dea dzi ƒo na ŋutsuwo be woaɖe woƒe ŋutsunyenye ƒe ŋusẽ afia eye wòfiaa wo be ŋutasesẽ nye mɔ si le se nu si dzi woato aɖe dzrewɔwɔ kple dziku ɖa. Ƒomeɖaŋuɖola aɖe lɔ̃ ɖe edzi be: “Alesi seselelãme sesẽwo ge ɖe menye esi mekpɔ sinima si nye Rambo la wɔ nuku nam ŋutɔ. Togbɔ be Rambo ƒe amehawo wuwu do ŋɔdzi na nye ame tsitsi susu [si le menye] hã la, nye ɖevime seselelãme dea dzi ƒo nɛ be wòayi ameawo wuwu dzi

Esi ɖevi geɖewo kpɔa television gaƒoƒo geɖe eye wokpɔa ŋutasesẽ, nyɔnuwo gbɔ dɔdɔ sesẽe, kple gbɔɖiɖi ame bubuwo, vevietɔ nyɔnuwo ƒe nuwɔna gbogbo aɖewo teƒe ta la, mewɔ nuku o be ne wova tsi la, woawo hã wɔa nu manyomanyo mawo ke ɖe ame bubuwo ŋu. Eye menye ɖeviwo ɖeɖeko ŋue wògblẽa nu le o, egblẽnɛ le ame tsitsiwo hã ŋu.

Eye vevietɔ le ƒe siwo va yi nyitsɔ laa sia me la, ŋutasesẽ, agbegbegblẽnɔnɔ, kple gbɔɖiɖi nyɔnuwo ɖeɖe fia gaglã le television dzi kple sinimawo me dzi ɖe edzi ŋutɔ. Esia ana ŋutasesẽ le aƒeme nagblẽ ɖe edzi godoo. Abe alesi numekuha aɖe kpɔe ene be, “ƒomedodo kplikplikpli aɖe si dze kɔte . . . le nuvlowɔwɔ kpɔkpɔ le television dzi kple sinima me kpakple adãnuwo wɔwɔ dome.”

Ðeɖeɖeaga ƒe Nugbegblẽ

Ame geɖe ƒe agbenɔnɔ va yɔ fũ kple ɖekematsɔleme na amewo egbea eye wòna woɖea wo ɖokui ɖe aga. Fiasewo kple esiwo me woɖea nuwo ƒe asi dzi kpɔtɔna le la xɔ ɖe nuƒeƒle le ame nyanyɛ siwo le ame ƒe nutome siwo doa vivi ɖe ame ŋu gbɔ la teƒe. Dugã me xɔ yeyewo tutu be woatsɔ aɖe xoxoawo ɖae, gakuxiwo, kple dɔmakpɔwɔe zia ƒome geɖewo dzi be wonɔa ʋuʋum tso teƒe yi teƒe. Aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ bɔ ɖe amesiwo mewɔa nu ɖekae le hadome o la dome.

James C. Coleman ɖe nusitae wòsusu be aleae nyaa le la me ɖe eƒe agbalẽ si nye Intimate Relationships, Marriage, and the Family me. Ekpɔe be akogotsitsi ɖea dzeɖoɖo si ŋu gɔmesese le dzi kpɔtɔna eye wòna wòsesẽna na ameƒola la be wòatsɔ susu nyui abu eƒe nɔnɔme lae ahadi kpekpeɖeŋu tso xɔlɔ̃ vevi aɖe si dzi wòka ɖo gbɔ. Xɔlɔ̃wo kple ƒometɔ kplikplikpli siwo manɔ amea si axe mɔ nɛ o la wɔnɛ be wòɖea ɖokuitɔdidi fiana bɔbɔe wu, elabena ame bubu siwo te ɖe eŋu kplikplikpli la metsia eƒe tamebubu gbegblẽ la nu gbesiagbe o. Ele abe alesi Lododowo 18:1 gblɔe ene be: “Amesi ɖe eɖokui ɖe aga le eya ŋutɔ ƒe dzodzro yome dim la, etsia tre ɖe nunyanyawo katã ŋu.”

Kpekpeɖeŋu na Ƒome si me Nuvlowɔwɔ Le

Aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ ŋuti numeɖeɖe ƒe akpa aɖe ko mee nye sia míedzro. Bubuwo gali. Esi míeva nya nusiwo henɛ vɛ dometɔ aɖewo la, fifia ele be míadzro nusiwo woatsɔ akpɔ wo gbɔe la me. Ne ƒome si me nuvlowɔwɔ le mee wole la, aleke woate ŋu atsi ameƒoƒo la nui? Nukae nye Biblia ƒe nukpɔsusu? Ðe aƒemenuvlowɔwɔ nu ava yi gbaɖegbea? Nyati si le axa 10 lia aɖo biabia siawo ŋu.

[Aɖaka/​Nɔnɔmetata si le axa 9]

Nya si Ave Ame Gbɔgblɔ Nyawo Tsɔtsɔ Atɔ Amee

LE AMEƑOƑO gome la, kɔe wotsɔna ƒoa amee; le nya si ave ame gbɔgblɔ gome la, nyawoe wotsɔna tɔa amee. Vovototo si le eme koe nye be nàtia ɖeka. Ele abe alesi Lododowo 12:18 gblɔ ene be: “Ame aɖewo ƒe nuƒoƒo le abe yi tɔame ene; ke nunyalawo ƒe aɖe daa gbe le ame ŋu.”

Aleke gbegbee abidede ame ƒe seselelãme ŋu si me “yi tɔame” siawo hã le la gblẽa nui? Ðk. Susan Forward ŋlɔe bena: “Nusi dona tsoa [ameƒoƒo me] kee dona tsoa eme.” Le seselelãme ƒe nyagbɔgblɔ nu la, “nàvɔ̃ le ɖokuiwò me nenema ke, àkpɔe be mɔkpɔkpɔ aɖeke mele ye si o, eye ɖeko nàse veve vevie.”

Nya si ave ame gbɔgblɔ ɖe ame srɔ̃ ŋu: Srɔ̃nyɔnu aɖe si wowɔ fui ɣeyiɣi didi aɖe la gblɔ be: “Menye ameƒoƒo koe srɔ̃ɖeɖe me nuvlowɔwɔ lɔ ɖe eme o. Ðewohĩ eƒe akpa gãtɔ nye amedzudzu kple nyagbɔgblɔ wòave ame.” Eƒe akpa aɖe ate ŋu anye ŋkɔ gbegblẽ yɔyɔ na ame, ɣlidodo, nyaheɖeameŋu atraɖii, amedzudzu tsɔtsɔ ada ame ɖe anyii, kple ameƒoƒo ƒe ŋɔdzidonamewo.

Nya vɔ̃ gbɔgblɔ siwo ɖia gbɔ ame, daa ame ɖe anyi, alo doa vɔvɔ̃ na ame la ate ŋu agblẽ nu geɖe. Abe tsi si le gegem toŋtoŋ ɖe agakpe dzi ene la, amedaɖeanyinyawo adze gbã abe nusi ŋu naneke kura megblẽ le o ene. Gake eteƒe medidina hafi amesi dzum wole la bua eɖokui ame ɖigbɔe o. Nyɔnu aɖe gblɔ be: “Ne ahiã be matia ƒoƒo kple dzudzu la, malɔ̃ axɔ ƒoƒo ɣesiaɣi.” Eɖe nu me be: “Àte ŋu akpɔ ƒoƒoteƒeawo eye amewo afa na wò teti. Amedzudzu ate ŋu ave wò vevie. Womate ŋu akpɔ abiawo o. Ame aɖeke metsɔa ɖeke le eme o.”

Nya si ave ɖevi la gbɔgblɔ ɖe eŋu: Esia ƒe akpa aɖe ate ŋu anye ɖeklemi ɖeɖe ɖevi ƒe dzedzeme, eƒe nunya, eƒe bibi le nuwɔwɔ me, alo asixɔxɔ si le eŋu kple gbɔɖiɖie. Nya veamewo gbɔgblɔ gblẽa nu ŋutɔ. Zi geɖe la, ɖeviwo tsɔa nya veameawo abe alesi wogblɔe ene, eye womedea vovototo nusi wogblɔ kple moveviɖoɖo kple nusi wogblɔ “fefetɔe” la dome o. Ƒomeɖaŋuɖola Sean Hogan-Downey de dzesii be: “Evea ɖevi la, gake amesiame nɔa nu kom, eyata esrɔ̃nɛ be mele be yeaka ɖe yeƒe seselelãmewo dzi o.”

Eyata le go geɖe me la, nyateƒe aɖe le nya si Scotlandtɔ ŋutinyaŋlɔla kple nuŋlɔla Thomas Carlyle gblɔ ɣeaɖeɣi la me: “Fifia mebua nya veamewo gbɔgblɔ be enye Abosam ƒe nyagbɔgblɔ; esi nye susu si ta megbe ezazã keŋkeŋ kloe tso gbaɖegbe ke.”

Joy Byers si nye ɖeviwo ƒoƒo ŋuti nunyala aɖe gblɔ be: “Ðevi ƒoƒo ate ŋu awui, gake àte ŋu agblẽ nu le eƒe nɔnɔme hã ŋu, eye nusiae dzilawo ƒe nya gbegblẽwo gbɔgblɔ ɣesiaɣi ate ŋu awɔ.” Magazine si nye FLEducator gblɔ be: “To vovo na abi si woate ŋu ade dzesii eye wòaku me la, nusi ave ɖevi la gbɔgblɔ ɖe eŋu nana tɔtrɔ siwo womate ŋu akpɔ o la vaa eƒe susu kple amenyenye me si trɔa amesi ŋutɔŋutɔ wònye kple eƒe ƒomedodo kple ame bubuwo ɖaa.”

[Nɔnɔmetata si le axa 7]

Nuvlowɔwɔ kpɔkpɔ kpɔa ŋusẽ sesẽ ɖe nɔnɔme si ɖevia ava ɖe afia emegbe la dzi