Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndiuze Bwenzi Langa?

“SINDINAKHULUPIRIRE kuti ankachita chinthu choterocho,” akukumbukira Lee. Lee ankapalasa njinga yake ndi msuweni wake pamene, kukudabwitsidwa kwake, anawona bwenzi lake la pamtima, Chris, ndi gulu la achichepere.

Chris anali kusuta ndudu.

Lee anazizwitsidwa, popeza kuti ichi chinasiyana ndi chikhulupiriro chodzinenera cha Chikristu cha Chris—osatchula zokhumba za makolo ake. (2 Akorinto 7:1) Chris anaponya pansi ndudu yake mochenjera ndi kuifikisa iyo ndi phazi lake, koma Lee sanapusitsidwe. Iye kenaka anadziŵa kuti kusuta fodya kunali kokha kuyambika kwa mavuto a Chris, chifukwa cha gulu loipa limene iye anali nalo. Lee anazindikira kuti bwenzi lake linafunikira thandizo ndipo anadziŵa kuti iye sanali mu mkhalidwe wa kulipereka. Pa nthaŵi imodzimodziyo, iye anali wosinkhasinkha kuwuza aliyense ponena za vutolo. Akulongosola tero Lee: “Iye anali bwenzi langa, ndipo sindinafune kuwulula.”

Mwinamwake mwadzipeza inu eni mu mkhalidwe wofananawo—mukumadziŵa mwadzidzidzi kuti bwenzi akumwerekera ndi anamgoneka, kuseŵera ndi ziwalo zogonanira, kunama, kapena kuba. Yatero magazini yotchuka ya achichepere kuti: “Kuwulula. Kuliza lipenga. Kukhala wopereka mnzako. A zaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 ena amadera nkhaŵa kuti chimenecho ndi chimene iwo adzakhala akuchita pamene alankhula m’malo mwa bwenzi lawo.”

Chomangira cha Chinsinsi

Kukhulupirika kosocheretsedwa kumawoneka kukhala chifukwa choyambirira chimene achichepere amakanira kuwulula zochitachita zoipa za bwenzi. Akumawona chilango monga chinachake chovulaza, choipa, ndi chowononga, amalingalira kuti amachitira bwenzi lawo ubwino mwa kubisa mavuto awo. TV ndi makampani a zithunzithunzi zoyenda achirikiza kulingalira kumeneku mwa kudzutsa lingaliro lakuti kokha makoswe ndi nkhunda ndi zimene zimawulula mabwenzi awo. Chotero, chomangira chosalembedwa cha chinsinsi kaŵirikaŵiri chimafalikira pakati pa achichepere. Monga mmene mwamuna wachichepere wotchedwa Carl akuchiikira icho: “Chinthu chofunika chiri kubisa za mabwenzi ako. Pamene chidza pa kuwuza ena, inu simukhoza ngakhale kuchichita icho!”

Kuthetsa chomangira cha chinsinsi chimenecho kumawunikira wina ku kusekedwa ndi mabwenzi a msinkhu wofanana ndi kuthekera kwa kutaikiridwa kwa ubwenzi. Nkhani mu magazini ya ’Teen, mwachitsanzo, imanena za mtsikana wotchedwa Debbie amene anadziŵa kuti bwenzi lake Karen anali mbala. Mwa kuyesayesa kuthandiza, Debbie anayesera kuwuza makolo a Karen. Karen analeka kulankhula kwa Debbie. Kuposa zimenezo, mabwenzi a Debbie mofananamo anamukana ndi kumuleka iye kaamba ka kukhala wowulula zinsinsi. “Chinali chokumana nacho chochititsa chisoni, ndipo inde, chimavulaza,” akutero Debbie.

Kodi Mufunikira Kuthetsa Chinsinsicho?

Mofananamo, Lee anaika m’ngozi kuvutika kumeneko ndi kumvetsedwa chisoni ndipo anagamulapo kuchitapo kanthu. Watero Lee: “Chikumbumtima changa chinkandidya ine chifukwa chakuti ndinadziŵa kuti ndinafunikira kuwuza winawake!” Ichi chimatikumbutsa ife za chochitika cholembedwa mu Genesis 37:2: “Yosefe, anali wa zaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi ziŵiri, anali nkudyetsa zoweta pamodzi ndi abale ake . . . Ndipo Yosefe anafotokozera atate ake mbiri yawo yoipa.” Mwachidziŵikire, ripoti limeneli silinaphatikize nkhani yopepuka, popeza kuti liwu loyambirira la Chihebri loikidwa “kuipa” lingatanthauzenso “choipitsitsa.” Mwinamwake abale a Yosefe m’njira ina yake anali kuika pa ngozi chikondwerero cha chuma cha banja. Chirichonse chimene chinali chifukwa, Yosefe anadziŵa kuti akanakhala chete, mkhalidwe wauzimu wa abale ake ukanaikidwa pa ngozi.

Kulekerera kachitidwe koipa kapena kulingalira kosakhala kwa m’malemba kwayerekezedwa ndi kuyesera kunyalanyaza dzino lowawa. Nyadani ndi kupirira kuwawako ngati mukufuna, chirondacho sichidzatha. Ndithudi, inu mukungolola kokha kuwolako kufalikira. Mofananamo, chimo liri magwero owola, oipitsa. Kutasiyidwa osafufuzidwa, kuipitsa mofalikira kumadzutsanso kuipitsa kwina. (Agalatiya 6:8) M’mawu ena, kusiyapo kokha ngati bwenzi lolakwalo lilandira thandizo—mwinamwake mu mkhalidwe wa chilango cholimba cha m’Malemba—mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo angapitirizebe mozama m’kuipa.—Mlaliki 8:11.

Chotero kubisa zolakwa za bwenzi kumachita zabwino zochepera ndipo kungachite kuvulaza kosakhoza kuchiritsidwa. Nchosadabwitsa, kenaka, kuti Yosefe anadzimva wokakamizidwa kusimba zolakwa za abale ake! Bwanji ponena za Akristu lerolino? Baibulo limalangiza kuti: “Abale, ngatinso munthu agwidwa nako kulakwa kwakuti, inu auzimu mubweze woteroyo mu mzimu wa chifatso.” (Agalatiya 6:1) Momvekera, inu simungadzimve kuti muli ndi thayo lauzimu la kusintha bwenzi lolakwalo. Koma kodi sichikapanga nzeru kuwona ku icho kuti nkhaniyo yasimbidwa kwa winawake yemwe ali woyeneretsedwa kuthandiza? Nkulekelanji, popeza kuti kunyalanyaza kuchita tero kukapangitsa inu ngakhale kukhala ‘wogawana m’cholakwacho’! (1 Timoteo 5:22; yerekezani ndi Levitiko 5:1.) Icho chingakaikiritse chikhulupiriko chanu kwa Mulungu ndi malangizo ake olungama.—Salmo 18:25.

Kufikira Bwenzi Lanu

Chotero chiri choyenera kuti inu mufikire bwenzi lanu ndi kuthetsa zolakwa zake. (Yerekezani ndi Mateyu 18:15.) Ichi chidzafunikira kulimba mtima ndi kulimbika ku mbali yanu. Musakhale odabwitsidwa, ngakhale ndi tero, ngati inu mukumanizana ndi kulimbika kwina, popeza kuti chiri chizoloŵezi cha munthu kupanga chodzikhululukira. Khalani olimba, perekani umboni wokhutiritsa ponena za chimo lake, kumuuza mwachindunji chimene inu mukudziŵa ndi mmene inu munachidziŵira icho. (Yerekezani ndi Yohane 16:8.) Musalonjeze kuti ‘simudzauza aliyense,’ popeza kuti lonjezo loterolo likakhala losagwira ntchito pamaso pa Mulungu, yemwe amadana nako kubisa cholakwa.—Miyambo 28:13.

Miyambo 18:13 imachenjeza, ngakhale ndi tero kuti: “Wobwezera mawu asanamve, apusa.” Mwinamwake kusamvana kwachitika. Ku mbali ina, bwenzi lanu lingakhale lomasuka kuwulula chimo lake poyera ndi kulankhula kwa wina wake ndi kumvana naye. Chotero khalani womvetsera wabwino. (Yakobo 1:19) Inu musatseke kutuluka komasuka kwa malingaliro ake mwa kugwiritsira ntchito kalankhulidwe kopereka chiŵeruzo konga ngati, “Iwe sukanachita . . . ” kapena, “Ngati ndikanakhala ine, ndikana . . . ” Izi zimangoipitsanso malingaliro abwenzilo a kudzimva wa mlandu ndi wopanda thandizo. Mofananamo, kalongosoledwe kozizwitsidwa konga ngati, “Ndimotani mmene iwe!” kamangopangitsa mkhalidwe woipa kuipirako.

Kumbukirani cholembedwa cha m’Baibulo cha “otonthoza” atatu a Yobu, omwe anachita zochepera kuposa kungotsutsa Yobu. Pambuyo pa kuwunikiridwa ku kupatsa mlandu kwawo kodidikiza, Yobu ananena kuti: “Kutonthoza kumene inu mukupatsa kuli kokha kuvulaza. Kodi mudzapitiriza kulankhula kosatha? . . . Ngati inu munali m’malo mwanga ndipo ine mwanu, . . . Ndikanakhoza kukulimbikitsani ndi malangizo ndi kupitiriza kulankhula kukutonthozani inu.” (Yobu 16:1-5, Today’s English Version) Chotero yeserani kusonyeza kumvera chisoni ndi kudzimva mmene bwenzi lanu likudzimverera. (1 Petro 3:8) Ichi chingayambukire chimene inu munena ndi mmene muchinenera icho.

Koma pamene kuli kwakuti inu mungachite chimene mungathe kulimbikitsa bwenzi lanu, kaŵirikaŵiri mkhalidwe umafunikira thandizo lowonjezereka kuposa limene inu muli mu mkhalidwe wa kulipereka. Kakamizani, kenaka, kuti bwenzi lanu liwulule cholakwacho kwa makolo ake kapena achikulire ena a thayo. Ndipo bwanji ngati bwenzi lanu likana kuchita tero? Mloleni iye kudziŵa kuti ngati iye sadzathetsa nkhaniyo mkati mwa nyengo ya nthaŵi yoyenera, kenaka monga bwenzi lake lowona, inu mudzakakamizidwa kupita kwa wina wake m’malomwake.

Kukhala “Bwenzi Lowona”

Miyambo 17:17 imatikumbutsa ife kuti “bwenzi limakonda nthaŵi zonse, ndipo mbale anabadwira kuti akuthandize powoneka tsoka.” Zowona, poyamba bwenzi lanu silingamvetsetse chifukwa chimene inu munatengera kachitidwe koteroko, ndipo sangakhoze kukayamikira iko. Iye angakhoze ngakhale kukalipitsidwa ndipo mothamangira kuthetsa ubwenzi wanu. Koma musataye mtima. Patsani bwenzi lanu nthaŵi kufufuza malingaliro ake ndi kulingalira kuti inu ndithudi munali wokondweretsedwa mu mkhalidwe wake wabwino wosatha ndi ubwino.

Tsopano tiyeni tibwerere ku nkhani za Lee ndi Debbie. Watero Lee kuti: “Ndikudziŵa kuti ndinachita chinthu cholondola mwa kuwuza munthu winawake. Chikumbumtima changa chinadzimva bwino kwambiri chifukwa chakuti Chris ankalandira thandizo limene iye analifunikira. Pambuyo pake anabwera ndi kudzandiuza ine kuti iye sanakwiitsidwe nane kaamba ka kuchita chimene ndinachita ndipo chimenecho chinanditonthozanso ine.” Zowona, si mabwenzi onse omwe adzachita mokomera. Akukumbukira Debbie: “Ndinangodziŵa kuti sindikanakhoza kulola Karen kupitirizabe ndipo mwinamwake kuthera m’ndende ndi zolembera za kusamva kwa achichepere.” Potsirizira pake bwenzi la Karen linaleka ndemanga zoipazo. Watero Debbie kuti: “Ndinapanga mabwenzi atsopano. Ndinapulumuka ndipo ndinaphunzira zambiri m’njiramo.”

Ngati bwenzi lanu likupitirizabe kudana ndi kachitidwe kanu kolimba mtima, motsimikizirika mwamunayo kapena wamkaziyo sanali bwenzi lowona poyambapo. Pakati pa Akristu owona, ngakhale ndi tero, pali awo omwe angakhumbire maprinsipulo anu apamwamba, ena a omwe angakhoze ngakhale kufunafuna ubwenzi wanu monga chotulukapo. Pa chiyambi chenicheni, inu mudzakhala ndi chikhutiritso cha kudziŵa kuti munatsimikizira kukhulupirika kwanu kwa Mulungu ndi kusonyeza inu eni kukhala bwenzi lowona.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 16]

Ngati bwenzi lanu liri losafunitsitsa kulandira thandizo ilo leni, chingakhale choyenerera kwa inu kuchita m’malomwake

[Chithunzi patsamba 18]

Nchiyani chimene muyenera kuchita ngati mwadziŵa kuti bwenzi likuloza ku vuto lowopsya?