Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Ndiyenera Kukhala Chitsanzo kwa Abale ndi Alongo Anga Achichepere?

DARRYL ndiye mwana wamkulu m’banjalo. Mkati mwa nyengo inayake yovuta, iye analekelera magiredi ake kutsika. Makolo ake anachitapo kanthu mwamsanga. Darryl akukumbukira kuti: “Iwo anandilimbikitsa kuwongokera m’ntchito yanga ya kusukulu osati kokha kaamba ka inemwini komanso chifukwa cha alongo anga achichepere, kuwasonyeza kuti magiredi abwino ngofunika.”

Ngati ndinu mwana wamkulu m’banja lanu, mosakaikira mudziŵa zomwe zimanenedwa, ‘Uyenera kupereka chitsanzo chabwino kwa abale ndi alongo ako achichepere!’ Komabe, kaŵirikaŵiri, zimenezi zimakwiyitsa. M’bukhu lawo lakuti Raising Siblings, Carole ndi Andrew Calladine akunena kuti: “Ana achisamba amadandaulanso ponena za zokulira zimene makolo awo amayembekezera kwa iwo. Iwo amakhala ndi chididikizo cha makolo chowafuna kuti apite patsogolo, kuti apambane. Malangizo achidziŵikire kwa ana achisamba ndiwo akuti, ‘Kukula konseko ungachite chimenecho,’ ‘Uyenera kudziŵa bwinopo.’”

Komabe, kodi nchifukwa ninji makolo amayembekezera zochulukira motero kwa mwana wawo wamkulu? Kodi iwo mwinamwake akuyembekezera zopambanitsa?

Chifukwa Chimene Muyenera Kukhalira Chitsanzo

Kuyambira nthaŵi zakale, ana achisamba—makamaka aamuna—akhala akuyembekezeredwa ndi makolo kuchita zinthu zazikulu. Pokhala chiyambi cha mphamvu yaukholo ya atate awo, makamaka ana aamuna achisamba m’nthaŵi za Baibulo anali okondedwa kwambiri. (Genesis 49:3; Deuteronomo 21:17) Nkulekeranji, Yehova iyemwini anatcha mtundu wa Israyeli mwana wake “woyamba” kusonyeza chikondi chake chakuya kwa iwo. (Eksodo 4:22) Komabe, zambiri zinayembekezeredwa kwa mwana wamwamuna wachisamba, pokhala ndiye amene pambuyo pake analoŵa m’malo atate wake monga mutu wa banja.

Chotero, siziyenera kukudabwitsani kuti makolo adakali ndi chikhoterero choyembekezera zinthu zazikulu kwa mwana wawo wamkulu—ndipo ndi chifukwa chabwino. Ndiiko komwe, ngati inu muli wamkulu pa onse, mothekera mwalandira chiphunzitso chachikulu cha ntchito zapanyumba, makhalidwe abwino, ndi malamulo a makhalidwe abwino a Baibulo kuposa ang’ono anu (abale ndi alongo). Kodi simuyenera kuyembekezeredwa kupatsiranso kwa iwo zomwe mwaphunzira?

Mnyamata wina wa zaka 14 zakubadwa anawuzidwa ndi makolo ake kuphunzitsa alongo ake achichepere ntchito zapanyumba. Iye akukumbukira kuti: “Makolo anga analongosola kuti ine ndinadziŵa zambiri ndi kuzoloŵera kuposa alongo anga chifukwa ndinali wamkulu pa onse.”

Thandizo lanu m’kuphunzitsa abale ndi alongo anu achichepere lingakhale lofunikira mwapadera chifukwa cha mavuto a zachuma amene makolo ambiri akuyang’anizana nawo. Kaŵirikaŵiri, amayi ndi atate ambiri afunikira kugwira ntchito zakuthupi, zosawalola iwo kupezeka panyumba nthaŵi yokulira. Ndipo ngati inu mumakhala m’banja la kholo limodzi, kholo lanu lingakhale likugwira ntchito mwamphamvu movutika kuti likwaniritse mathayo aŵiri a ukholo. Chitsanzo chanu kwa ang’ono anu m’banja chingathandizire mokulira kupeputsa mtolowo. Kuwonjezerapo, kholo lanu limadziŵa kuti chitsanzo chanu chabwino kwa abale ndi alongo anu aang’ono chidzakuthandizani kukula kukhala wachikulire wathayo.

Kukhala Wathayo Kulinga kwa Iwo

Nzowona, simungachipeze chopepuka kukhala chitsanzo. Monga mmene msungwana wina wachichepere ananenera kuti: “Nkovuta kwambiri kukhala wamkulu pa onse chifukwa ndimakhala ndi mwaŵi wambiri ndi mathayo.” Koma nsonga iri yakuti, ang’ono anu amasonkhezeredwa ndi mkhalidwe wanu. Iwo kaŵirikaŵiri adzatsanzira kalankhulidwe kanu, kavalidwe, ndi kachitidwe. Monga mmene wachichepere wina ananenera ponena za mbale wake wamkulu kuti: “Ndimakonda kuti iye achite zinthu choyamba. Ndiyeno ndimawona mmene ziyenera kuchitidwira.” Chotero, zomwe mumachita ndi kunena nzofunika kwambiri! Monga mmene alembi a bukhu lakuti Raising Siblings akusonyezera kuti: “Kukhala wathayo liri liwu lamakolo lopatsira kwa ana achisamba.”

Miriamu, mlongo wamkulu wa Mose, anali chitsanzo chabwino kukhala wathayo kulinga kwa wamng’ono. Mudzakumbukira kuti makolo a Mose ananyalanyaza lamulo la mfumu lakupha ana aamuna onse obadwa chatsopano, nabisa khandalo Mose mu mtanga wagumbwa, kapena ngalawa. Miriamu anayang’anira ngalawayo pamene inkayandama motsika ndi Mtsinje wa Nile, ndipo anaiwona ikutengedwa mwachisungiko ndi mwana wamkazi wa Farao. Molimba mtima, Miriamu anafikira mkaziyo ndi kukonza kuti mayi wa mwanayo adzimsamalira iye. Chifukwa cha machitidwe ake olimba mtima kulinga kwa mbale wake, Mose sanangopulumuka komanso anakula kukhala mlanditsi wa Israyeli!—Eksodo 2:1-10.

Kodi nanunso mumadzimva kukhala ndi thayo limodzimodzilo kulinga kwa abale ndi alongo anu? M’malo moipidwa nawo, kodi mumayesera kukhala mnzawo wathithithi ndi bwenzi? (Miyambo 17:17) Mwachitsanzo, mungachite zochuluka mwa kuŵapatsa thandizo ndi chilangizo pothetsa mavuto. Mwinamwake wachichepere wina samvana ndi winawake pa sukulu. Winawake angakhale wodera nkhaŵa ponena za chochitika chomadza—kusamukira ku malo atsopano, tsiku loyamba pa sukulu, ulendo wopita kwa dokotala—ndipo angafunikire chilimbikitso ndi chichirikizo. Kaŵirikaŵiri, inu munapezekapo kale mu mkhalidwe wofananawo ndipo muli wokhoza kuwagawirako chidziŵitso chanu ndi kuzoloŵera. Monga mmene msungwana wina wa zaka za pakati pa 13 ndi 19 ananenera za mkulu wake kuti: “Iye ali ngati wotsogoza kwa ine. Iye amamvetsetsa mkhalidwe wanga, chifukwa chakuti iye anapitamo kale.”

Komabe, pali ngozi ya kuchita zinthu mopambanitsa.

Dziŵani Malire Anu!

“Iye amaganiza kuti ndiye wolamulira,” anatero wa zaka 15 zakubadwa ponena za mkulu wake. “Nditakangana naye, iye amanditidzimula pa tebulo. Sitimvana konse.” Msungwana wina wa zaka za pakati pa 13 ndi 19 akusimba za vuto lofananalo pochita ndi ang’ono ake. “Ndayesera kukhala nawo pansi ndi kuwasonyeza malemba angapo,” iye akutero. “Koma iwo amakwiya! Nthaŵi zina kukangana kwathu kumakhala kwachiwawa m’chakuti timathera m’kumenyana.”

Mwatsoka, achichepere nthaŵi zina m’malo mwakuti akhale chitsanzo iwo amakhala kapitawo. Pamene kuli kwakuti inu mungakhale bwenzi ndi mlangizi kwa abale ndi alongo anu achichepere, simudzakhala konse kholo lawo! Kunena zowona, iwo adzaipidwa ndi kuyesayesa kulikonse kumene mungapange kuwalanga kapena kuwapatsa uphungu ngati muchita nawo mwanjirayo. Iri ntchito ya makolo anu ‘kuwalera iwo m’chiphunzitso ndi chilangizo cha Yehova’—osati yanu! (Aefeso 6:4) Chotero pamene kuli kwakuti liwu lachilangizo lingakhale loyenera, ngati mupeza kuti pali chitsutso, mwinamwake kungakhale kwanzeru kusiira makolo anu kuti asamalire nkhaniyo.

Kudziŵa malire anu pa mfundo imeneyi kungakuchinjirizeninso kusaloŵa m’kukangana ndi makolo anu. Mbale kapena mlongo wanu wachichepere angapemphe chilangizo kwa inu pa nkhani imene simungakhoze kuisamalira. Kapena mwinamwake angaulule kachitidwe kena kolakwa kamene makolo anu ali ndi thayo la kukadziŵa. M’malo mwa kuyesa kusamalira nkhaniyo pa inu nokha, kumbukirani mawu a Miyambo 11:2 akuti: “Pakudza kudzikuza padzanso manyazi; koma nzeru iri ndi odzichepetsa.” Modzichepetsa dziŵitsani makolo anu za mkhalidwewo; ndithudi, chikakhala bwino kulimbikitsa mng’ono wanuyo kuwafikira makolo mwinawake.

Wachichepere wina akulozeranso ku mbali ina yomwe muyenera kukumbukira malire anu, akumati: “Ndimakonda kukhala mkulu pa onse, koma nthaŵi zina kuli kovuta kuchita zinthu zonse mowongoka.” M’malo mwa kuvutitsidwa ndi malingaliro, kumbukirani kuti “[timaphophonya] tonse pa zinthu zambiri.” (Yakobo 3:2) Yesu Kristu yekha ndiye chitsanzo changwiro! (1 Petro 2:21) Choncho musadzitenge inu eni mopambanitsa.

Mapindu

Kukalamira kukhazikitsa chitsanzo chabwino kwa abale ndi alongo anu achichepere kuli ndi mavuto ake, koma kulinso ndi mphotho zake. Ndiiko komwe, mwakudzisonyeza kukhala wathayo, mudzakula mwamsanga ndipo mosakaikira mudzadzipezera mathayo owonjezereka. (Luka 16:10) Mudzakulitsa maluso ndi nzeru zomwe zidzakhaladi zaphindu pambuyo pake, ngati muti mudzakhale ndi ana anuanu. Ndiponso, chosafunika kunyalanyazidwa ndicho chiyambukiro chimene chitsanzo chanu chingapereke pa abale ndi alongo anu achichepere, kuwasonkhezera iwo kukhala achikulire athayo, owopa Mulungu.

Mwa kusonyeza chikondwerero chabwino, ndi chachikondi mwa ang’ono anu, mudzakondedwa ndi kulemekezedwa nawo. Indedi, iwo kaŵirikaŵiri adzakukwiyitsani. Komabe monga mmene msungwana wina akuvomerezera kuti: “Pali chinthu chimodzi chimene ndikuyamikira kwenikweni, ndicho kukhala ndi alongo aŵiri omwe amalankhula kwa ine ponena za mavuto aumwini ndi kundikupatira pamene kuli koyenera.” Chomangira chachikondi chimenechi, chitamangidwa, chingakhale ku nthaŵi ya moyo wonse. Kuyesayesa komwe kumakhalapo kuli koyenerera kuti mukhazikitse chitsanzo chabwino.

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Thandizani abale ndi alongo anu achichepere kuphunzira kuchita zinthu

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Mlongo wamkulu angadedwe ngati achita mofanana ndi kapitawo