Njira Yogonjetsera Kugwiriridwa Chigololo

Zaka makumi atatu ndi zitatu zapitazo Mary anagwiriridwa chigololo molozedwa ndi mpeni. Lerolino, mtima wa Mary ukugundabe ndipo amachita chinthenthe pamene akuyesayesa kufotokoza. “Ndiko koluluza kopambana kumene mkazi angakumane nako,” akutero, atalenga misozi. “Ndichinthu choipitsitsa, chonyansa.”

KUGWIRIRIDWA chigololo kungakhale chimodzi cha zochitika zovulaza koposa mwamalingaliro m’moyo wa munthu, ndipo ziyambukirozo zingakhale kwa moyo wonse. M’mafufuzidwe amodzi, pafupifupi mbali imodzi mwa zitatu za amene anagwiriridwapo chigololo ofunsidwa analingalira za kudzipha, ndipo ochulukitsitsa ananena kuti chochitikacho chinawasintha kwachikhalire.

Ziyambukirozo zingakhale zovulaza kwambiri ngati mkaziyo anadziŵa woukirayo. Wogwiriridwa chigololo ndi wodziŵana naye ngwokaikiritsa kulandira chichirikizo cha ena chifukwa chakuti mwina iye sakuuza aliyense zimene zinachitika kapena akulankhula ndipo palibe amene akukhulupirira kuti kunali kugwirira chigololo. Popeza kuti anavulazidwa ndi winawake amene anadalira, iye mwachiwonekere kwambiri adzadzipaka liwongo ndi kukaikira kukhoza kwake kuŵeruza ena.

Landirani Chithandizo

Ogwiriridwa chigololo ambiri poyamba amachita mwamantha ndi kuchita kakasi. Mkazi wina anagwiriridwa chigololo mwamsanga mayeso ofunika a pakoleji asanachitike. Anasiya nkhani ya kugwiriridwa chigololo pambali m’maganizo ake kufikira atalemba mayesowo. Wogwiriridwa chigololo wina anati: “Sindikanatha kudzilola kukumbukira chirichonse cha zimenezo chifukwa chakuti tsamwali wanga wodalirika anafikira kukhala wondiukira weniweni. Sindinadziŵe kuti ungagwiriridwe chigololo ndi womdziŵa. Kungamvekere kukhala utsiru, komatu chikhulupiriro chimenecho chinandisiya ndiri wopanda chiyembekezo. Ndinadziwona kukhala ndiri wosukidwa kwambiri.”

Akazi ena amapitirizabe kukana zimene zinachitika mwa kusauza aliyense za kugwiriridwa chigololo kwawo. Iwo samaulula za chiukirocho kwazaka zambiri, zimene zimachedwetsa mchitidwe wa kuchira ndipo zimadzutsa mavuto ena amalingaliro amene wogwiriridwayo angakhale asakudziŵa kuti akupangitsidwa ndi kugwiriridwa chigololo.

Kuchira kaŵirikaŵiri sikumayamba kufikira mutauza ena. Bwenzi lodalirika lingakuthandizeni kuwona kuti zimene zinakuchitikirani zinalidi kugwiriridwa chigololo ndipo sizinali chifukwa chanu. Mwambi wakale umafotokoza kuti: ‘Bwenzi limakonda nthaŵi zonse; ndipo mbale anabadwira kuti akuthandize powoneka tsoka.’ (Miyambo 17:17) Ndiponso, abusa auzimu angathe ‘kukhala monga pobisalira mphepo, ndi pousira chimphepo.’ (Yesaya 32:2; 1 Atesalonika 5:14) Kwa mikhole ina, kukawonana ndi gulu lothandiza ogwiriridwa chigololo kapena phungu wodziŵa kungakhale kofunika kuwathandiza kuchita ndi malingaliro awo.

Kaŵirikaŵiri ogwiriridwawo amawopa kulankhula za kugwiriridwa kwawo chigololo chifukwa cha malingaliro aliwongo, makamaka ngati chilakolako chawo chakugonana chinadzutsidwa m’nthaŵi ya kuukiridwako. Iwo angamve kukhala odetsedwa ndi opanda pake ndi kudziimba mlandu wa kugwiriridwa chigololoko—ngakhale kuti woyenera kuimbidwa mlandu ndiye wogwirira chigololoyo.

“Kukhala ndi bwenzi labwino lolankhula nalo kunapanga kusiyana,” anatero Mary, amene anaululira Mkristu mnzake. “Ndinkatha kulankhula naye ndi kusamva kukhala wodetsedwa ndi kusalingalira za zipsera za kukhala nditagwiriridwa chigololo.”

Mchirikizeni

Kumbali ina, kukakhala kosayenera ndi kupanda chikondi kwa mabwenzi a mkholeyo kumsuliza pambuyo pake kapena kuŵeruza okha kuti iye “anagwiriridwadi chigololo.” Asapereke konse lingaliro lakuti anakukondwerera kapena kuti anali wachisembwere. Chinthu chofunika kopambana chimene bwenzi lingachite popemphedwa kuthandiza ndicho kumkhulupirira. Mlimbikitseni. Ingomvetserani pamene afuna kulankhula, koma musamkakamize kufotokoza maumboni.

Ngati kugwiriridwa chigololoko kunachitika posachedwapa, mabwenzi angathandize mkholeyo kupeza chithandizo chamankhwala ndipo angapereke malo otetezereka okhala. Mlimbikitseni kukachitira lipoti kugwiriridwa chigololoko, koma mloleni adzipangire chosankhacho. Wangochitikiridwa kumene mkhalidwe umene anataikiridwa ndi ulamuliro wonse. Mloleni kupezanso wina wa ulamulirowo mwa kumlola kusankha zimene kenako ziyenera kuchitidwa.

Mabanja a mikhole ya kugwiriridwa chigololo ayenera kukaniza chisonkhezero cha kuchita mokwiya pamkhalidwewo. Angafune kufunafuna munthu wina womuimba mlandu wa kugwirira chigololoko kapena kufunafuna kulipsira wogwirira chigololoyo, palibe chirichonse cha zonsezo chimene chimathandiza mkholeyo. (Aroma 12:19) Kuimba mlandu wina aliyense kusiyapo wogwirira chigololoyo wa zimene zinachitika kuli kopanda pake, ndipo kufunafuna kulipsira nkowopsa. Kudzachititsa wogwiriridwayo kuderera nkhaŵa kutetezereka kwa okondedwa ake mmalo mwa kusumika maganizo pa kuchira kwake.

Mabanja ayenera kuzindikiranso kuti ogwiriridwa ambiri amawona maunansi akugonana mosiyana pambuyo pa kugwiriridwa chigololo. M’maganizo mwawo, kugonana kwafikira kukhala chida, ndipo angavutike m’maunansi akugonana kwakanthaŵi, ngakhale ndi munthu wina amene amakonda ndi kudalira. Chifukwa cha chimenecho, mwamuna sayenera kukakamiza mkazi wake kuyambiranso mangaŵa akugonana kufikira pamene iye ali wokonzekera. (1 Petro 3:7) Mabanja angathandize mwa kukulitsa ulemu wa mkazi wachichepereyo ndi kumsonyeza kuti iye adakakondedwabe ndi kulemekezedwa mosasamala kanthu ndi zimene zinamchitikira. Chichirikizo chopitirizabe chidzafunika pamene wogwiriridwayo agwiritsira ntchito zimene nthaŵi zina ziri njira zazitali za kuchira mwamalingaliro.

Kugonjetsa Mantha ndi Kuchita Tondovi

Akazi amene anagwiriridwapo chigololo amanena kuti mchitidwe wawo wowopsa kopambana ndiwo mantha. Mikhole ya kugwiriridwa chigololo yochulukitsitsa sinayembekezere kupulumuka chiukirocho. Pambuyo pake ingawopere kugwiriridwanso chigololo kapena ngakhale kuwopera kukumana ndi wogwirira chigololoyo mwamalunji.

Mantha amene anali nawo panthaŵi ya kugwiriridwa chigololo angayambitsidwenso ndi mapokoso, kununkha, ndi malo ofanana. Ngati mkaziyo anagwiriridwa chigololo kukhonde kwa nyumba, iye angawope kuyenda m’khonde lanyumba. Ngati anagwiriridwira chigololo panyumba, mwina sangamvenso kukhala wotetezereka konse kumeneko ndipo angakakamizidwe kusamuka. Ngakhale kununkhira kwa pefyumu yofanana ndi imene wogwirira chigololo anadzola kungayambitse zikumbukiro zosakondweretsa.

Pamene kuli kwakuti kugwirira chigololo kochepa chabe kumachititsa pathupi, mikhole yambiri imawopera kuthekerako. Moyenerera ambiri amaderanso nkhaŵa za kuti kaya ayambukiridwa ndi nthenda yopatsirana mwakugonana. Pafupifupi theka amakhala ndi malingaliro a kuchita tondovi, kupanda chiyembekezo, ndi kupanda pake, amene angakhalepo kwa milungu ingapo kufikira ku miyezi ingapo. Angavutikenso ndi nkhaŵa, mantha, ndi kuwopa phokoso.

Ngakhale kuti akaziwo angakhale osakhoza kupewa kugwiriridwa chigololo, m’kupita kwanthaŵi angathe kulamulira maganizo, malingaliro, ndi zochita zawo pa chiukirocho. Angaphunzire kuchotsa maganizo oipa ndi kulowetsamo malingaliro abwino a iwo eni.

“Mmalo mwa kudziuza mmene uliri wofoka, wopanda pake, kapena wosathandiza, phunzirani kudziuza mmene mukuchitira bwino ndi pamene mwafika chiyambire vutolo mwamsanga pambuyo pa kuukirako,” anatero Linda Ledray mu Recovering From Rape. “Tsiku lirilonse pamene muwona kuti kuvutitsidwa ndi maganizo ndi malingaliro osakondweretsako kukuchepa, dziuzeni kuti, ‘Ndikuphunzira kupezanso ulamuliro.’”

Mantha angagonjetsedwenso mwa kuphunzira kuzindikira chimene kwenikweni chimawayambitsa. Pamene mkhole uzindikira choyambitsacho, ungadzifunse kuti, Kodi manthawo ali enieni motani? Mwachitsanzo, ngati awona munthu wina amene akuwonekera ngati wogwirira chigololo, angadzikumbutse kuti iye saali wogwirira chigololo ndipo sadzamuvulaza.

Njira ina yovomerezedwa pogonjetsa mantha ndiyo chizoloŵezi cha kutontholetsa malingaliro mwadongosolo. Mkaziyo amalemba mpambo wa zochita kapena mikhalidwe imene imamchititsa mantha, akumaisanja kuyambira pa wowopsa pang’ono kufikira wowopsa koposa. Iye kenako amadziyerekezera kukhala mumkhalidwe wotsendereza pang’onowo kufikira pamene sukuwonekeranso kukhala wowopsa. Akumka pamkhalidwe wotsatira pampambowo kufikira pamene sakuchita mantha ndi mikhalidwe yonseyo.

Mwachithandizo cha bwenzi, iye kenako angapite patsogolo kuchita ntchito zenizeni m’moyo, zonga kutuluka panja usiku kapena kukhala yekha. Potsirizira iye angagonjetse mantha ake kotero kuti sakuyambukiranso zochita zake zatsiku ndi tsiku. Komabe, kuwopa zochita zina—zonga kupita m’khonde lamdima usiku—kuli kwachibadwa, ndipo pangakhale popanda chifukwa choyesera kugonjetsa kuchita mantha m’mikhalidwe imeneneyo.

Kusintha Wokwiyira

Ogwiriridwa chigololo amakhala ndi malingaliro a mkwiyo, amene poyamba angalunjikitsidwe kwa amuna onse koma, m’kupita kwanthaŵi, kaŵirikaŵiri amalunjikitsidwa pa wogwirira chigololoyo. Anthu okwiya kaŵirikaŵiri amakalipira aliyense mosasankha. Ena angalabadire mwa kubisa malingaliro awo. Komabe, mkwiyo wake molimbikitsa ungalunjikitsidwe kwina, ndipo mmene munthuyo amachitira ndi mkwiyo kungathandizire kuchira kwake. Malemba amati: “Kwiyani, koma musachimwe.”—Aefeso 4:26.

Choyamba, ogwiriridwawo sayenera kuwopa kusonyeza mkwiyo. Angalankhule za uwo kwa ena. Kukhala wophatikizidwa m’kuyendetsa nkhaniyo kuboma kapena kusunga cholembedwa kungakhale njira ina youthetsera. Angalakenso mkwiyo wawo mwa kuchita maseŵera olimbikitsa thupi, onga mpira wa tenesi, racquetball, mpira wamanja, kuyenda, kuthamanga, kupalasa njinga, kapena kusambira m’madzi, zimene ziri ndi phindu lowonjezereka la kuthandizira kulaka kuchita tondovi.

Mungapezenso ulamuliro wa moyo wanu.

Kodi Chidzaletsa Kugwirira Chigololo Nchiyani?

Kuletsa kugwirira chigololo kumaphatikizapo zambiri koposa kuti akazi adzibisala ogwirira chigololo kapena kumenyana nawo. “Ali amuna amene amagwirira chigololo ndipo ndiwo amuna amene onse pamodzi ali ndi mphamvu ya kuthetsa kugwirira chigololo,” anatero mlembiyo Timothy Beneke m’bukhu lake lakuti Men on Rape.

Kugwirira chigololo sikudzatha kufikira pamene amuna aleka kuchitira akazi ngati zinthu wamba ndi kuphunzira kuti maunansi achipambano samadalira pa kulamulira kwachiwawa. Pamlingo wa munthu aliyense payekha, amuna achidziŵitso angalankhule ndi kusonkhezera amuna ena. Onse aŵiri amuna ndi akazi angakane kuvomereza nthabwala zachisembwere, kuwonerera akanema osonyeza kuchitira nkhalwe aziŵalo zosiyana, kapena kuchirikiza otsatsa malonda amene amagwiritsira ntchito molakwa zakugonana kuti agulitse zomwe akupanga. Baibulo limalangiza kuti: ‘Koma dama ndi chidetso chonse, kapena chisiriro zisatchulidwe ndi kutchulidwa komwe mwa inu, monga kuyenera oyera mtima; kapena chinyanso, ndi kulankhula zopanda pake, kapena zopusa zimene siziyenera; koma makamaka chiyamiko.’—Aefeso 5:3, 4.

Makolo angaphunzitse kulemekeza akazi mwachitsanzo. Angaphunzitse ana awo aamuna kulingalira akazi monga momwe Yehova Mulungu amachitira. Mulungu alibe tsankho. (Machitidwe 10:34) Makolo angaphunzitse ana awo aamuna kukhala mabwenzi a akazi ndi kumva kukhala omasuka pokhala limodzi nawo, monga momwe Yesu anachitira. Angaphunzitse ana awo aamuna kuti kugonana ndiko mchitidwe wapadera wa chikondi wosungidwira mnzawo wamuukwati yekha. Makolo angasonyeze momvekera bwino kuti chiwawa sichidzalekeleredwa, ndipo kuchitira ena nkhanza sikudzawonedwa kukhala kofunika. (Salmo 11:5) Angalimbikitse ana awo kukambitsirana nawo nkhani zakugonana momasuka ndi kukaniza chitsenderezo chakugonana.

Vutolo Lidzatha Mwamsanga

Komabe, kugwirira chigololo sikudzatha popanda masinthidwe aakulu m’chitaganya cha dziko. “Kugwirira chigololo sindiko vuto la munthu mmodzi [koma] lirinso vuto la banja, vuto la chitaganya, ndi vuto la dziko,” anatero wofufuzayo Linda Ledray.

Baibulo limalonjeza chitaganya cha padziko lonse lapansi chopanda chiwawa, mmene munthu ‘sadzalamuliranso munthu mnzake mompweteka.’ (Mlaliki 8:9; Yesaya 60:18) Nthaŵi idzafika mwamsanga pamene Yehova Mulungu sadzalekeleranso kugwiritsira ntchito mphamvu molakwa kwina kulikonse, kuphatikizapo kugwirira chigololo.—Salmo 37:9, 20.

M’chitaganya cha dziko latsopano chimenecho, anthu onse adzaphunzitsidwa kukhala amtendere ndipo adzakondana mosasamala kanthu kuti ndimkazi kapena mwamuna, fuko, kapena mtundu. (Yesaya 54:13) Ndipo panthaŵiyo, ofatsa adzakhala osawopa mabwenzi kapena alendo ‘nadzakondwera nawo mtendere wochuluka.’—Salmo 37:11.

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 9]

Ngati Mwagwiriridwa Chigololo

□ Funafunani chithandizo chamankhwala.

□ Ngati mufuna, pemphani kuti phungu wa mkhole wa kugwiriridwa chigololo atsagane nanu pokalandira mankhwala ndi pokafuna chithandizo chalamulo ngati ziri zopezeka.

□ Itanani apolisi mwamsanga monga momwe mungakhozere. Aphungu amavomereza kuchitira lipoti kaamba ka chitetezo chanu ndi chitetezo cha akazi ena. Kuchitira lipoti sikofanana ndi kusumira, koma ngati musankha kumsumira pambuyo pake, mlandu wanu udzadodometsedwa ndi lipoti lochedwetsedwa.

□ Sungani umboni. Musasambe msanga, kusintha zovala, kutsuka tsitsi kapena kupesa, kapena kuwononga zizindikiro za mmene anagwira kapena mmene anaponda.

□ Madokotala adzasonkhanitsa umboni ndipo adzapenda ngati mwapatsidwa nthenda kapena mimba. Ngati apereka mankhwala opewa mimba, odziŵika mwanjira ina monga mibulu yomwedwa pambuyo pa kugonana, Akristu ayenera kusamala popeza kuti mankhwala oterowo angapangitse thupi kupha dzila lotsagana ndi ubwamuna.

□ Chitani zimene mufunikira kuti mumve kukhala wotetezereka—sinthani maloko, khalani ndi bwenzi, ikani mpiringidzo pa chitseko—mosasamala kanthu kuti kukuwonekera ngati kuti mukuchita mopambanitsa kapena ayi.

□ Koposa zonse, yang’anani ku Malemba kaamba ka chitonthozo, mukumapemphera kwa Yehova, ngakhale kuitana mofuula dzina lake, mkati ndi pambuyo pa chiukirocho. Dalirani akulu ndi atsamwali ena apafupi mumpingo kaamba ka chichirikizo. Fikani pa misonkhano ngati kuli kotheka, ndipo funafunani mayanjano ndi Akristu anzanu muuminisitala.