Moyo Wabanja—Kuupanga Kukhala Wachimwemwe Kwambiri

Kodi nchiyani chingachititse ukwati kukhala wachipambano?

Kodi nchitsogozo chayani chimene chingatsogolere kuukwati wachimwemwe?

Kodi mavuto akulankhulana angathetsedwe motani?

POSONKHEZEREDWA ndi mabuku amene anaŵerenga onena za ufulu wa akazi, Yasuhiro ndi bwenzi lake lalikazi, Kayoko anayamba kukhalira pamodzi, akumalingalira kuti angathetse unansi wawo nthaŵi iliyonse. Iwo analembetsa ukwati wawo kokha pamene Kayoko anatenga pathupi. Komabe, Yasuhiro anapitiriza kukayikira za kakonzedwe ka banja. Pamene mavuto azachuma ndi malingaliro a kusayenerana anabuka, panalibe chimene chinawaletsa kusudzulana.

Patapita nthaŵi ina pambuyo pa kusudzulana kwawo, ndipo mosadziŵika kwa aliyense wa iwo, onse aŵiri Yasuhiro ndi Kayoko anayamba kuphunzira Baibulo ndi Mboni za Yehova. Patapita nthaŵi, aliyense wa iwo anadziŵa za zimenezi ndipo anawona masinthidwe amene aliyense anachita m’moyo mwakugwiritsira ntchito malamulo a mkhalidwe a Baibulo. Iwo analingalira za kukwatirananso. Tsopano, ndi lingaliro lawo laumulungu la ukwati, iwo ali ofunitsitsa kupanga kudzimana kulikonse kuthetsa mavuto awo.

Kodi nchiyani chinachititsa ukwati wawo wachiŵiri kukhala wachipambano? Kunali kulemekeza kwawo Woyambitsa ukwati. (Genesis 2:18-24) Chitsogozo choperekedwa ndi phungu waukwati wodziŵa koposa, Yehova Mulungu, ndicho mfungulo imene imatsegula njira yomkira ku ukwati wachimwemwe.

Mfungulo ya Ukwati Wachimwemwe

Mavuto a m’banja akhoza kuthetsedwa ndipo maukwati angasungidwe pamene onse aŵiri agwiritsira ntchito zimene Yesu Kristu ananena: “Uzikonda [Yehova, NW] Mulungu wako ndi mtima wako wonse, ndi moyo wako wonse, ndi nzeru zako zonse. Ili ndilo lamulo lalikulu ndi loyamba. Ndipo lachiŵiri lolingana nalo ndili, Uzikonda mnzako monga udzikonda iwe mwini.” (Mateyu 22:37-39) Imeneyi ndiyo mfungulo ya ukwati wachimwemwe. Mwamuna ndi mkazi yemwe ayenera kukonda Yehova asanadzikonde okha kapena wina ndi mnzake. Unansi umenewu wayerekezeredwa ndi chingwe cha nkhosi zitatu. “Ndipo wina akamlaka mmodziyo, aŵiri adzachilimika; ndipo chingwe cha nkhosi zitatu sichiduka msanga.”—Mlaliki 4:12.

Popeza kuti kukonda Mulungu kumatanthauza kusunga malamulo ake, mwamunayo ndi mkazi ayenera kuika malamulo ake ndi malamulo achikhalidwe cha anthu poyamba m’moyo wawo. Mwakuchita zimenezo iwo amapanga chingwe cha nkhosi zitatu chomwe nkhosi yake yolimba koposa ndiyo kukonda kwawo Yehova. Ndipo “malamulo ake sali olemetsa,” likutero lemba la 1 Yohane 5:3.

Zimenezi zimachititsa kuti ukwati uwonedwe kukhala kakonzedwe kachikhalire. (Malaki 2:16) Pokhala ndi maziko oterowo muukwati wawo, okwatiranawo adzasonkhezeredwa kuthetsa mavuto awo a m’banja m’malo molephera kuthetsa mavutowo mwa kusudzulana.

Kusonyeza Chikondi kwa Mnansi Wanu Wapafupi Koposa

Kuti mukhale ndi chomangira chachikhalire ndi mnzanuyo, muyenera kukulitsa chikondi chanu pa iye, mnansi wanu wapafupi koposa. Chikondi chimenechi chiyenera kukhala chopanda dyera. Tawonani mmene Baibulo likulimbikitsira lamulo la mkhalidwe limeneli: ‘Khalani nacho chikondi chomwe, a moyo umodzi, olingalira mtima umodzi; musachite kanthu monga mwa chotetana, kapena monga mwa ulemerero wopanda pake, komatu ndi kudzichepetsa mtima, yense ayese anzake omposa iye mwini; munthu yense asapenyerere zake za iye yekha, koma yense apenyererenso za mnzake.’—Afilipi 2:2-4.

Zowona, nkovuta kusachita zinthu monga mwa chotetana kapena monga mwa ulemerero wopanda pake m’dziko ladyera lino. Pamene mnzanu sakhala woyamba kusonyeza chikondi, kukhala wopanda dyera kumakhala kovuta kwambiri; koma mwakukhala odzichepetsa mtima, kuyesa mnzanuyo kukhala wokuposani, mudzapeza kukhala kosavuta kwambiri kulingalira zabwino za mnzanuyo. Baibulo limatilangiza kukhala ndi maganizo amene anali mwa Kristu Yesu. Iye anali mzimu wamphamvu, koma ‘anatenga mawonekedwe a kapolo,’ nakhala munthu. Sizokhazo ayi, koma pamene anali padziko lapansi, “anadzichepetsa yekha, nakhala womvera kufikira imfa,” imene inapindulitsa ngakhale anthu amene sanamulandire. (Afilipi 2:5-8) Mwakusonyeza mkhalidwe wamaganizo umenewu, Yesu anakopa mitima ya otsutsa ambiri, ndipo mwakutsanzira Yesu, otsatira ake anateronso. (Machitidwe 6:7; 9:1, 2, 17, 18) Zofananazo zingakuchitikireni. Mwakuwona mnzanuyo kukhala wokuposani ndi kupenyerera zofuna za mnzanuyo, mwapang’onopang’ono mungakope mtima wake.

Komabe, kuwona mnzanu monga wokuposani sikumafuna kuti mkazi adzilolera mwamphwayi nkhalwe ya mwamuna, monga momwe zinaliri Kum’mawa. Mwamuna ndi mkazi yemwe ayenera kuwona mnzake monga womposa kwakuti aliyense adzikhala wofunitsitsa kudzimana kaamba ka wina. Pamene okwatirana akambitsirana mavuto awo ndi kudzichepetsa mtima kumeneku, asonyeza chikondwerero chopanda dyera mwa wina ndi mnzake, ndi kulabadira uphungu waumulungu, amakhala mumkhalidwe wabwino wakuthetsa mavuto awo. Tsopano tiyeni tikambitsirane za uphungu wina wa Mulungu.

“Pogona Pakhale Posadetsedwa”

Yehova, amene anayambitsa kakonzedwe ka ukwati, ali ndi malangizo othandiza a unansi woyenera pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake. Pamene anafunsidwa ngati nkololedwa kuti mwamuna asudzule mkazi wake pa chifukwa chilichonse, Yesu Kristu anati: “Chimene Mulungu anachimanga pamodzi, munthu asachilekanitse.” Iye anasonyeza kuti pali maziko amodzi okha ovomerezeka a chisudzulo ndi kukwatiranso mwakupitiriza kunena kuti: “Ndinena kwa inu, Amene aliyense akachotsa mkazi wake, kosakhala chifukwa cha chigololo, nadzakwatira wina, achita chigololo.”—Mateyu 19:3-9.

Kugonana kwa kunja kwa ukwati, ngakhale ngati kumachitidwa chifukwa chokondana, sikuli kwachikondi kwa onse aŵiri. Mwamuna wina wa kudera lapakati la Japan anali kugonana ndi akazi ena kunja kwa ukwati wake. Mkazi wake anayamba kukayikira ndi kuvutika maganizo. Ukwati wawo unaloŵa m’mavuto. Ndiyeno tsiku linafika limene mmodzi wa mabwenzi ake anamuuza kuti akadziŵitsa mkazi wake za unansi wawo ndi kumuumiriza kuti amukwatire. Iye akukumbukira moipidwa kuti: “Maunansi oterowo samakondweretsa munthu aliyense.” Iye anatuluka m’vuto limeneli kokha pambuyo povulaza maganizo a aliyense amene analoŵetsedwamo. Muyezo wa Baibulo ngwomvekera bwino pankhaniyi. “Ukwati uchitidwe ulemu ndi onse, ndi pogona pakhale posadetsedwa; pakuti adama ndi achigololo adzawaweruza Mulungu.” (Ahebri 13:4) Mwakumvera lamulo limeneli, munthu amapeŵa matenda opatsirana mwakugonana, mavuto a m’banja, ndi zipsinjo za chibwenzi chobisa.

Amuna, Kondani ndi Kusamalira Akazi Anu

Lamulo la umutu mkati mwa banja laperekedwanso ndi Mulungu. “Akazi inu, mverani amuna anu a inu eni, monga kumvera Ambuye. Pakuti mwamuna ndiye mutu wa mkazi, monganso Kristu ndiye mutu wa Eklesia,” limatero lemba la Aefeso 5:22, 23. Kugwiritsira ntchito uphungu umenewu nkovuta. “Linali vuto lalikulu kwa ine,” akuvomereza motero Shoko, amene anakhala akulanda kuyenera kwa mwamuna wake kupanga zosankha zomalizira. Polingalira kuti mwamuna ayenera kugula nyumba pamene afika kumapeto kwa zaka za m’ma 20, iye anakakamiza mwamuna wake kugula nyumba yomwe anali atapeza kale. Komabe, pamene anaphunzira malamulo a mkhalidwe a Baibulo oloŵetsedwamo, iye anayamba kuwona mwamuna wake m’lingaliro losiyana. Umene unawoneka kukhala mkhalidwe wamphwayi ndi wofooka, pamene unawonedwa ndi lingaliro loyenera, unali mkhalidwe wozindikira, wodzichepetsa, ndi wofatsa.

Lamulo la mkhalidwe limeneli limafuna kuti amuna azindikire kuti ali pansi pa ulamuliro wapamwamba wa Kristu Yesu. (1 Akorinto 11:3) Pokhala pansi pa ulamuliro wa Kristu, mwamuna ayenera kukonda ndi kusamalira mkazi wake mofanana ndi mmene Yesu amakondera otsatira ake. (Aefeso 5:28-30) Motero, mwamuna Wachikristu adzalingalira mwanzeru malingaliro, zikhumbo, ndi zopereŵera za mkazi wake asanapange zosankha.

“Okoleretsa”

Hisako anali ndi vuto polankhulana ndi mwamuna wake. Pamene anayesa kukambitsirana naye, iye anapeŵa kukambitsiranako mwakunena kuti: “Chita zimene ukufuna.” Hisako akukumbukira kuti: “Ndiganiza kuti kupanda chifundo kwanga ndiko kunachititsa vuto lathu. Kukanakhala bwino kwambiri ngati ndikanalankhula mofatsa.” Lerolino, iye ndi mwamuna wake akhoza kukambitsirana zinthu mwachimwemwe. Kusinthako kunachitika kuyambira pamene Hisako anayamba kugwiritsira ntchito uphungu wotsatirawu: “Mawu anu akhale m’chisomo, okoleretsa, kuti mukadziŵe inu mayankhidwe anu a kwa yense akatani.” (Akolose 4:6) Monga momwe chakudya chokoleretsedwa ndi mchere chimadyeka bwino, mawu olingaliridwa bwino olankhulidwa mwachisomo amakhala osavuta kuwalandira. (Miyambo 15:1) Kwenikwenidi, mwakungokhala wolingalira m’kalankhulidwe kanu, kusamvana kwa m’banja kungapeŵedwe.

Inde, kukonda Yehova Mulungu ndi kulemekeza malamulo ake a mkhalidwe kumagwiradi ntchito. Kukonda Yehova kumakusonkhezerani kuwona ukwati wanu monga chomangira chachikhalire ndipo kumakuthandizani kutsimikiza mtima kuusunga. Mulungu wapereka malangizo abwino amene adzakuthandizani kuchita ndi kusamvana kwa m’banja konse ndi kuthetsa mavuto anu, mosasamala kanthu kuti ngaakulu motani. Ayi, nthaŵi zambiri chisudzulo sichimakhala njira yomkira kumoyo wachimwemwe kwambiri, koma kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo a mkhalidwe a Baibulo ndiko. Mukhoza kutsegula njira imeneyo mwakukulitsa kukonda Yehova. Kodi bwanji osaphunzira zambiri ponena za uphungu wake m’buku laukumu koposa pamalangizo a ukwati, Baibulo?

[Bokosi patsamba 9]

Pamene Chisudzulo Chikhala Chosankha

NGAKHALE kuti Baibulo limavomereza chisudzulo ndi kukwatiranso pamaziko a chigololo, chigololocho sichimathetsa nthaŵi yomweyo unansi wa pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi. Munthu wopanda liŵongoyo akhoza kusankha kusudzula kapena ayi.—Mateyu 19:9.

Yasuko anayang’anizana ndi chosankha chimenechi. Mwamuna wake anali kukhala ndi mkazi wina. Amayi a mwamuna wake anaimba mlandu Yasuko kuti: “Ndiwe wachititsa kuti mwana wanga azichita zimenezi.” Yasuko analira mosalekeza. Anthu ambiri anamlangiza zosiyanasiyana, koma palibe ndi mmodzi yemwe amene anatsutsa khalidwe la mwamuna wakelo. Ndiyeno, amayi ake enieni, omwe anayamba kuphunzira Baibulo, anamuuza kuti: “Baibulo limanena momvekera bwino kuti kuchita chigololo nkulakwa.” (1 Akorinto 6:9) Yasuko analandira mpumulo waukulu kudziŵa kuti padakali muyezo wa chabwino ndi choipa m’dziko lerolino.

Tsopano Yasuko anayenera kusankhapo. Ngakhale kuti analingalira za kusudzula mwamuna wake, iye anakhoza kuwona pambuyo pophunzira Baibulo ndi Mboni za Yehova kuti sanalinso kuchita mbali yake. Chotero anasankha kuyesa malamulo a mkhalidwe a Baibulo kuthetsa mavuto ake. Anayamba kuwagwiritsira ntchito. (Aefeso 5:21-23) Iye akukumbukira kuti: “Sizinali zosavuta. Ndinali kubwerera m’mbuyo kaŵirikaŵiri pamkhalidwewo. Nthaŵi zambiri ndinapemphera kwa Yehova ndikulira.” Pamene iye anayamba kusintha, mwamuna wakenso anayamba kusintha pang’onopang’ono. Pafupifupi zaka zisanu pambuyo pake, mwamuna wake anathetsa unansi wake ndi mkazi winayo. Yasuko akumaliza kuti: “Ndili wokhutira kuti kumvera Mawu a Mulungu nkopindulitsadi.”

[Bokosi patsamba 11]

Kusagwirizana M’zakugonana Ndi Chisudzulo

OKWATIRANA ambiri amatchula kusagwirizana m’zakugonana monga chifukwa chawo cha kusudzulirana. Potchula pamene pali vuto, buku lonena za kusintha kwa kakonzedwe ka banja kwa lerolino, lamutu wakuti Sekkushuaritii to Kazoku (Mkhalidwe wa Kugonana ndi Banja), limati: “Kakonzedwe ka ukwati wa mwamuna ndi mkazi mmodzi ndi mabuku onena za kugonana ogogomezera chilakolako a lerolino sizimayendera limodzi. Unyinji wa mabuku onena za kugonana amapotoza Chikondi cha anthu okwatirana ndi kuwononga chikondi chenicheni. Osati kokha kugulitsa malonda a kugonana, komanso matepi avidiyo ndi mabuku a nkhani zachikondi amene amasonyeza akazi monga zinthu zogulitsidwa nzimene zimaipitsa malingaliro ndi mitima ya anthu. Motero, akazi amasautsidwa mwakugonedwa ndi [amuna awo] mokakamiza, ndipo amuna okanidwa amataya mphamvu ya umuna.”

Mabuku, mavidiyo, ndi maprogramu a pa TV achisembwere amapotoza lingaliro labwino la kugonana. Iwo samaphunzitsa zimene zimachititsa chisangalalo chenicheni muukwati. Iwo amawononganso chidaliro chimene mwamuna ndi mkazi ayenera kukulitsa kotero kuti akhale ndi ukwati wachipambano. Psychology Today imati: “Chidaliro chimakutheketsani kuika malingaliro anu a mkati ndi mantha anu aakulu m’manja mwa mnzanu wamuukwati, mukumadziŵa kuti adzasamaliridwa bwino. Pamene kuli kwakuti malingaliro a chikondi kapena kusangalala ndi kugonana angakule ndi kutsika m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, chidaliro sichimasintha konse.”

Kugonana sindiko maziko a moyo wabanja wachimwemwe. Mkazi amene wapyola mavuto a m’banja anati: “Amene anandilimbikitsa kwambiri ndimawu a m’buku la Kupangitsa Moyo Wanu Wabanja Kukhala Wachimwemwe: ‘Kunena mwachisawawa, ngati maunansi ena onse muukwati ali abwino, ngati muli chikondi, ulemu, kulankhulana kwabwino ndi kumvana, pamenepo sikaŵirikaŵiri kuti kugonana kudzakhala vuto.’”a

Chimene chimachititsa kugwirizana kwenikweni pakati pa okwatirana sindiko kugonana koma chikondi. Kugonana popanda chikondi nkopanda pake, koma chikondi chikhoza kukhalapo popanda kugonana. Mwakuika kugonana pamalo ake, osakupanga kukhala maziko a miyoyo yawo, okwatiranawo angasangalale ndi unansi wawo ndi kuthetsa vuto la kusagwirizana m’zakugonana.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 10]

Kulemekeza malamulo a mkhalidwe a Baibulo kudzathandiza okwatirana kulankhulana momasuka