Kuvuta Akazi—Mmene Mungadzitetezerere

“MKAZI aliyense sayenera kumazunzika tsiku ndi tsiku chifukwa cha kumva mawu a zakugonana,” akutero mkonzi wa magazini ena Gretchen Morgenson, “komanso sikwabwino kwa akazi kuganiza kuti mkhalidwe kuntchito udzakhala wabwino wopanda khalidwe loipa.” Nzoyamikirika kwambiri kuti kuyesayesa kwa olemba ntchito ndi makhoti kupangitsa malo a ntchito kukhala achisungiko kwabala zipatso zabwino. Mwachitsanzo, kuwopa mlandu kwasonkhezera olemba ntchito ndi antchito padziko lonse kuyesa kukonza mkhalidwe wa kuntchito. Makampani ambiri akonza njira zawo zosamalirira kuvutana pantchito. Kumakhala misonkhano ndi maseminale kuphunzitsa antchito khalidwe loyenera pantchito.

Ndithudi, kuli kwanzeru kudziŵa ndi kutsatira malamulo a kampani ndi akumaloko. (Aroma 13:1; Tito 2:9) Kwakhalanso kothandiza kwa Akristu kutsatira mapulinsipulo a Baibulo. Kutsatira malangizo ouziridwa ameneŵa pochita ndi anzanu akuntchito kungakuthandizeni kwambiri kupeŵa kuvutidwa—kapena kukhala wovuta ena.

Khalidwe Loyenera la Amuna

Talingalirani za mmene amuna ayenera kuchitira ndi akazi. Akatswiri ambiri amaletsa kukhudza osiyana nawo ziŵalo. Amachenjeza kuti kusisita wina kumsana mwaubwenzi kungachititse ena kulingalira zina mwamsanga. “Oweruza amaona kukhudza wina kukhala nkhani yaikulu,” akutero loya wa antchito Frank Harty. Uphungu wake? “Ngati sikuli chabe kugwirana chanza, musayese.” Zoona, Baibulo silimapereka malamulo okhudza mbali zonse pankhaniyi.a Koma chifukwa cha milandu ndi nkhani za makhalidwe zomwe zilipo, kusamala kuli bwino—makamaka kwa aja amene ali ndi chizoloŵezi chokhudza anzawo pokambitsirana nawo.

Kunena zoona, uphungu wotero umavuta kuutsatira nthaŵi zina. Mwachitsanzo, Glen amachokera kumene kuli mwambo wa Hispanic. “Kwathu,” akutero, “anthu amakonda kukumbatirana kwambiri kuposa kuno ku United States. M’banja lathu nthaŵi zambiri timapatsa mabwenzi moni mwa kuwapsompsona, koma kuno anatichenjeza kusafulumira kuchita zimenezo.” Komabe, mapulinsipulo a Baibulo amathandiza pankhaniyi. Mtumwi Paulo anauza Timoteo wachichepere kuti: “Yesa anyamata ngati abale, akazi aakulu ngati amayi, ndi akazi aang’ono ngati alongo, ndi chiyero chonse.” (1 Timoteo 5:1, 2; New International Version) Kodi zimenezo sizikuletsa kukhudza kwauchiwerewere, kodzutsa chilakolako, kapena kosafuna mwini?

Pulinsipulo limodzimodzilo lingagwirenso ntchito pa kalankhulidwe. Moyenerera, Baibulo limati: “Koma dama ndi chidetso chonse, kapena chisiriro, zisatchulidwe ndi kutchulidwa komwe mwa inu, monga kuyenera oyera mtima; kapena chinyanso, ndi kulankhula zopanda pake, kapena zopusa zimene siziyenera.” (Aefeso 5:3, 4) Loya wa za kuvuta akazi Kathy Chinoy akulangiza kuti musanalankhule muyenera kulingalira za funso ili: “Kodi mungafune kuti zimenezo zichitikire amayi anu, mlongo, kapena mwana wanu wa mkazi?” Mawu opusa, onyansa amaluluza onse aŵiri wolankhula ndi womvetsera.

Kuletsa Kuvuta Akazi

Kodi munthu angayese motani kupeŵa kuvutidwa? Uphungu umene Yesu anapatsa ophunzira ake powatumiza paulendo wawo woyamba wokalalikira mwinamwake ungagwire ntchito pankhaniyi: “Taonani, ine ndikutumizani inu monga nkhosa pakati pa afisi; chifukwa chake khalani ochenjera monga njoka, ndi oona mtima monga nkhunda.” (Mateyu 10:16) Ndipotu Mkristu samasoŵa chochita. Baibulo limatitsimikizira kuti: “Nzeru idzaloŵa m’mtima mwako, . . . kulingalira kudzakudikira, kuzindikira kudzakuchinjiriza.” (Miyambo 2:10, 11) Chotero, tiyeni tipende mapulinsipulo ena a Baibulo amene angakuthandizeni kudzichinjiriza.

1. Samalani khalidwe lanu pamene muli ndi antchito anzanu. Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kukhala wamsunamo kapena waudani, pakuti Baibulo limatilimbikitsa ‘kulondola mtendere ndi anthu onse.’ (Ahebri 12:14; Aroma 12:18) Koma popeza Baibulo limachenjeza Akristu ‘kuyenda mwanzeru ndi iwo akunja,’ kuli kwanzeru kusonyeza mkhalidwe wakuti muli pantchito, makamaka pochita ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo. (Akolose 4:5) Buku lakuti Talking Back to Sexual Pressure, lolembedwa ndi Elizabeth Powell, limalimbikitsa antchito “kudziŵa malire pakati pa khalidwe labwino loyenerana ndi ntchito yawo ndi mtundu wa ubwenzi umene ungapereke chithunzi chakuti iwo sangavute ngati afuna kugona nawo.”

2. Valani mwaulemu. Zovala zanu zimapereka uthenga kwa ena. Kale m’nthaŵi za Baibulo, masitayelo ena a zovala anasonyeza kuti munthu analibe makhalidwe kapena kuti anali wachiwerewere. (Miyambo 7:10) Chimodzimodzinso lerolino; zovala zothina, zokometsera mopambanitsa, kapena zosonyeza za mkati zingakope ena molakwa. Zoona, ena angaganize kuti ayenera kuvala zilizonse zimene afuna. Koma malinga ndi kunena kwa mlembiyo Elizabeth Powell, “ngati munali kugwira ntchito ndi anthu amene aganiza kuti kuba ndalama kuli bwino, ndikanakuuzani kusaika chikwama chanu m’chuuno. . . . Muyenera kuzindikira kuti . . . maganizo a anthu saali bwino ndi kuyesa kudzitetezera inu nokha kuti asakuvuteni.” Motero uphungu wa Baibulo uli wamakono. Limalangiza akazi ‘kudziveka okha ndi chovala choyenera, ndi manyazi, ndi chidziletso.’ (1 Timoteo 2:9) Valani mwaulemu, ndipo nzotheka kuti wina sadzalankhula nanu zopusa kapena kukuchitirani zopusa.

3. Samalani mayanjano anu! Baibulo limatiuza za mtsikana wina wotchedwa Dina amene anagwiriridwa chigololo. Mwachionekere iye anakopa mtima wa womgonayo chifukwa chakuti iye nthaŵi zonse “ananka kukaona akazi akumeneko” kudziko la Kanani—akazi odziŵika kukhala achiwerewere! (Genesis 34:1, 2) Momwemonso lerolino, ngati nthaŵi zonse mumacheza—kapena kutchera khutu—kwa antchito anzanu odziŵika kuti amakambitsirana nkhani zachilakolako choipa, ena angaganize kuti simungavute ngati wina angayese kugonana nanu.

Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kunyalanyaza antchito anzanu. Koma ngati makambitsirano akhala oipa, bwanji osangochokapo? Chokondweretsa nchakuti ambiri a Mboni za Yehova apeza kuti kukhala ndi mbiri yakuti amasunga miyezo yapamwamba ya makhalidwe kumawatetezera kuti asavutidwe.—1 Petro 2:12.

4. Peŵani mkhalidwe umene ungakuchititseni kuvutidwa. Baibulo limatiuza za mmene mnyamata wotchedwa Amnoni anakonzera zinthu kuti akhale yekha ndi mtsikana wotchedwa Tamara kotero kuti amgwire ndi kugona naye. (2 Samueli 13:1-14) Lerolino ovuta akazi angachite mofananamo, mwinamwake kuitanira wantchito wawo kuti akamwe naye moŵa kapena kuti atsalire kuntchito popanda chifukwa chilichonse. Chenjerani ndi mapempho otero! Baibulo limati: “Wochenjera aona zoipa, nabisala.”—Miyambo 22:3.

Ngati Akuvutani

Ndithudi, amuna ena amayesa kuchita zosayenera ngakhale pamene mkazi ali wodzisunga kwambiri. Kodi muyenera kuchitanji ngati zimenezo zikuchitikirani? Ena anena kuti ndi bwino kuchita ndi nkhaniyo popanda mkwiyo! ‘Kugwiranagwirana mu ofesi kumasangalatsa moyo!’ akutero mkazi wina. Komabe, m’malo moona khalidwe losayenera limenelo kukhala losangalatsa kapena kutyasika, Akristu oona amanyansidwa nalo. ‘Amadana nacho choipa’ ndipo amazindikira kuti cholinga cha zoyesayesa zimenezo kaŵirikaŵiri chimakhala kukopa wina kuti agone naye. (Aroma 12:9; yerekezerani ndi 2 Timoteo 3:6.) Kwenikweni, khalidwe loipalo limaluluza ulemu wawo wachikristu. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Atesalonika 4:7, 8.) Kodi mungachite motani ndi mikhalidwe yotero?

1. Limbikani! Baibulo limatiuza mmene Yosefe, mwamuna wowopa Mulungu, anachitira pamene mkazi anampempha kugona naye: “Ndipo panali zitapita izi, kuti mkazi wa mbuyake anamyang’anira maso Yosefe: ndipo mkaziyo anati, Gona ndi ine.” Kodi Yosefe anangonyalanyaza kunyengerera kwa mkaziyo, akumaganiza kuti vutolo lidzangotha lokha? Kutalitali! Baibulo limati iye anakana kwa mtu wagalu zoyesayesa za mkaziyo, akumati: “Nanga ndikachita choipa chachikulu ichi bwanji ndi kuchimwira Mulungu?”—Genesis 39:7-9.

Zimene Yosefe anachita zili chitsanzo chabwino kwa amuna ndi akazi omwe. Kunyalanyaza—kapena zoipirapo, kuchita mantha ndi—mawu ofunsira kugonana kapena khalidwe lachiwawa sikumathetsa konse vutolo; m’malo mwake, mantha kapena kukayikakayika kungalikulitse! Phungu pa kuletsa kugwirira chigololo Martha Langelan akuchenjeza kuti ogwirira chigololo nthaŵi zambiri amagwiritsira ntchito kuvuta akazi monga “njira yoonera ngati mkazi angakhoze kulimba atamgwira; ngati palibe chimene achita ndipo ali wamantha pamene akumvuta, iwo amaganiza kuti sadzachitabe chilichonse ndipo adzachitabe mantha akamgwira.” Chotero mufunikiradi kulimba mutangoona zizindikiro zakuti akufuna kukuvutani. Malinga ndi kunena kwa mlembi wina, “nthaŵi zambiri kukana nthaŵi yomweyo ndipo motsimikiza kumakhala kokwanira kuletsa wokuvutaniyo kuchita zosayenerazo.”

2. Iyayi wanu akhale iyayi ndithu! Yesu ananena zimenezo mu Ulaliki wake wa pa Phiri. (Mateyu 5:37) Mawu ake ngoyenera pamikhalidwe imeneyi, pakuti nthaŵi zambiri ovuta akazi amaumirira. Kodi muyenera kukhala wolimba motani? Zimenezo zimadalira pa mikhalidwe ndi mmene wokuvutaniyo akuchitira. Gwiritsirani ntchito mtundu uliwonse wa kulimba umene ungafunikire kuti adziŵe zimene mukuganiza. Nthaŵi zina, mawu wamba olunjika ndi ofeŵa angakwanire. Myang’aneni m’maso. Akatswiri akulingalira zotsatirazi: (a) Muuzeni mmene mukumvera. (“Sindikondwera nazo konse pamene mu . . .”) (b) Utchuleni mkhalidwe woipawo. (“. . . pamene mumalankhula mawu onyansa, otukwana . . .”) (c) Mveketsani bwino zimene mufuna kuti munthuyo achite. (“Ndikufuna kuti musiye kulankhula nane motero!”)

“Komabe,” Langelan akuchenjeza, “kulankhulanako sikuyenera kukhala chiwawa. Kubwezera ndi chiwawa (mwa kutukwana, kuwopseza, ndi kulalata, kuponya nkhonya, kulavulira wokuvutaniyo) sikuthandiza. Chiwawa cha mawu nchangozi, ndipo sipafunikira kumenya kusiyapo ngati akuukirani ndipo mukufuna kudzitetezera.” Uphungu wanzeru umenewu umagwirizana ndi mawu a Baibulo pa Aroma 12:17: “Musabwezere munthu aliyense choipa chosinthana ndi choipa.”

Bwanji ngati apitiriza kukuvutani ngakhale kuti mwayesa kumletsa? Makampani ena akhazikitsa njira zosamalira nkhani ya kuvuta akazi. Nthaŵi zambiri kuwopseza kuyambitsa mlandu wa madandaulo pakampani kudzamchititsa munthuyo kusiya kukuvutani. Komanso, mwina sikungatero. Nzachisoni kuti nthaŵi zina kumakhala kovuta kwa amuna kapena akazi kupeza kapitao wachifundo. Glen, amene akuti wantchito wachikazi anamvuta, anayesa kudandaula. Akukumbukira kuti: “Pamene ndinauza mkulu wa ntchito, sanandithandize. Ndipotu, zinali zoseketsa kwa iye. Ndinali kungosamala ndi mkaziyo ndi kuyesa kumzemba.”

Ena ayesa kupita kukhoti. Koma ziweruzo zazikulu za milandu imene mumaŵerenga m’manyuzipepala sizili zachizoloŵezi ayi. Ndiponso, buku lakuti Talking Back to Sexual Pressure likuchenjeza kuti: “Milandu ya kuvutidwa imafuna kulimba mtima kwambiri ndi nthaŵi; imatopetsa ndi kuchititsa tondovi.” Pachifukwa chabwino Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Usatuluke mwansontho kukalimbana [kukasumira mlandu, NW].” (Miyambo 25:8) Pambuyo poŵerengera mmene mlandu wa kukhoti ungakhudzire mtima wawo ndi mkhalidwe wawo wauzimu, ena asankhapo kukafuna ntchito kwina.

Mapeto a Kuvutana

Kuvuta akazi sikuli kwachilendo. Kuli ponseponse monga mtima waumunthu wopanda ungwiro, wachiŵembu ndi waumbombo. Malamulo ndi milandu ya kukhoti siidzachotsa kuvuta akazi m’chitaganya. Kuthetsa kuvuta akazi kumafuna kusintha mtima wa anthu kwambiri.

Lerolino, Mawu a Mulungu ndi mzimu wake zikuchititsa kusintha kotero mwa anthu padziko lonse. Zili monga ngati mimbulu ndi mikango ikuphunzira kukhala ngati ana a nkhosa ndi ana a ng’ombe, monga momwedi mneneri Yesaya analosera. (Yesaya 11:6-9) Mwa kuphunzira Baibulo ndi anthu, Mboni za Yehova chaka chilichonse zimathandiza zikwi zambiri za amene kale anali ‘mimbulu’ kupanga masinthidwe akuya ndi achikhalire pa umunthu wawo. Anthu ameneŵa amalabadira lamulo la m’Malemba la ‘kuvula umunthu wakale’ ndi kuvala “umunthu watsopano umene unalengedwa monga mwa chifuniro cha Mulungu m’chilungamo chenicheni ndi kukhulupirika.”—Aefeso 4:22-24, NW.

Tsiku lina dziko lapansi lidzadzala ndi amuna ndi akazi amene amatsatira miyezo ya Baibulo. Anthu owopa Mulungu amayembekezera tsikulo mwachidwi, pamene mtundu uliwonse wa kuvutana udzatha. Pakali pano, amalimbana ndi zovuta za masiku ano malinga ndi kukhoza kwawo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 7]

“Kodi mungafune kuti zimenezo zichitikire amayi anu, mlongo, kapena mwana wanu wa mkazi?”

[Chithunzi patsamba 8]

Khalidwe lakuti ali pantchito ndi zovala zaulemu zingathandize kutetezera munthu kuti ena asamvute

[Chithunzi patsamba 10]

Akristu oona lerolino akuphunzira kuchitirana mwaulemu