Tsopano Ndili Wokondwa Kukhala ndi Moyo!

“Ukudziŵa kuti udzafa, sitero?” anafunsa motero dokotala. Modabwitsa, kaŵiri konse poyamba, imfa ndinaikhumba kwambiri. Koma osati panopo. Tandilolani ndifotokoze.

NDINAKULIRA mumlaga wina wa ku New York, ku Long Island, kumene atate wanga anali woyendetsa galimoto za mpikisano wothamanga wotchuka. Anali munthu wovuta kukhutiritsa ndipo mtima wawo unali pa mpikisano basi. Analinso ndi mtima wapachala ndipo anali wovuta kukondweretsa. Mosiyana ndi zimenezo, amayi anali munthu wamtendere, wosalankhulalankhula, amene ankachita mantha kwambiri ndi kuthamangitsa galimoto kwa Atate kwakuti sanali kupita kukawapenyerera akupikisana.

Ineyo ndi mlongo wanga tikali aang’ono tinaphunzira kukhala chete panyumba, chinthu chimene Amayi anali atazoloŵera kale kuchichita. Koma zinali zovuta. Tonse tinali kuwaopa Atate. Zinandikhudza kwambiri kwakuti ndinkaona monga sindingachite kanthu kabwino kalikonse. Kudzilemekeza kwanga kunatheratu, nditangoloŵa kumene m’zaka zaunyamata, pamene “bwenzi” linalake la banja lathu linandigona. Nditalephera kupirira nayo nsautso ya mtima, ndinayesa kudzipha. Imeneyo ndiyo inali nthaŵi yoyamba pamene ndinakhumba kwambiri imfa.

Ndinadziyesa wopanda pake ndi wosakondedwa ndipo ndinakhala ndi vuto la kadyedwe limene atsikana ambiri osinkhuka odzisuliza amakhala nalo. Ndinayamba moyo wofunafuna zokondweretsa, wa zoledzeretsa, chisembwere, ndi kuchotsa mimba—“kufunafuna chikondi m’malo oipa okhaokha,” monga momwe mawu a nyimbo ina amanenera. Ndinayamba kuyendetsa njinga zamoto, kuchita mpikisano wothamanga ndi galimoto, ndi kusambira m’nyanja, ndipo nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi ndinkatenga ulendo wokatchova juga ku Las Vegas. Ndinafunsiranso uphungu ku ula ndi kugwiritsira ntchito thabwa la Ouija monga longoseŵeretsa, osadziŵa za ngozi ya kukhulupirira mizimu.—Deuteronomo 18:10-12.

Ndiponso, kufunafuna zokondweretsa kunandiloŵetsa m’zinthu zaukatangale monga kugulitsa anamgoneka ndi kuba m’masitolo. Kufunafuna kwanga chikondi ndi chiyanjo kunandichititsanso kukhala ndi mabwenzi achimuna ndi otomerana nawo ambirimbiri. Zonsezi pamodzi zinapanga moyo wangozi kwambiri kuposa mmene ndinaganizira.

Usiku wina, nditamwa moŵa ndi anamgoneka pamodzi pamalo okonzera galimoto pabwalo lampikisano wothamangitsa galimoto, ndinalola bwenzi langa lachimuna mopanda nzeru kuti lindipereke kunyumba pagalimoto. Nditakomoka kumpando wakutsogolo, iyenso mwachionekere anakomoka. Kugunda kwa ngozi ndiko kunandigalamutsa. Anandigoneka m’chipatala nditavulala kwambiri, koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi ndinachira ndi kungotsala ndi bondo lowonongeka lakulamanja.

Kukhumba Moyo Wabwino

Ngakhale kuti sindinali kusamala kwenikweni za moyo wanga, ndinali kudera nkhaŵa kwambiri za chisungiko ndi zoyenera za ana ndi zinyama ndi za kutetezera malo okhala. Ndinalakalaka kuona dziko labwino ndipo, pofuna kuchititsa dzikoli kukhala lotero, ndinali wachangu m’mabungwe osiyanasiyana. Kukhumba kwanga dziko labwino kumeneku ndi kumene kunachititsa kuti ndikopeke ndi zinthu zimene mnzanga wa Mboni za Yehova kuntchito ankanena. Nthaŵi zonse zinthu zikalakwika pantchito ankatchula “dongosolo lino” mokhumudwa. Nditamfunsa zimene anali kutanthauza, anafotokoza kuti tsiku lina posachedwapa moyo sudzakhalanso wodetsa nkhaŵa. Popeza ndinali kumlemekeza kwambiri, ndinamvetsera mwachidwi.

Mwatsoka lanji, tinasiya kuonana, koma sindinaiŵale konse zinthu zimene ankanena. Ndinazindikira kuti tsiku lina ndidzayenera kusintha moyo wanga kwambiri kuti ndikondweretse Mulungu. Koma sindinali wokonzeka kutero. Ngakhale zili choncho, ndinali kudziŵitsa ofuna kundikwatira kuti tsiku lina ndidzakhala Mboni ndipo ngati safuna zimenezo, inoyo ndiyo nthaŵi yoti chibwenzi chitheretu.

Choncho, bwenzi langa lachimuna lomaliza linafuna kudziŵa zambiri, nanena kuti ngati ineyo ndinachita chidwi, iyenso atha kutero. Chotero tinayamba kufunafuna Mboni. M’malo mwake, zinatipeza pamene zinafika panyumba pathu kukhomo lakutsogolo. Phunziro la Baibulo linayambika, koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, bwenzi langa lachimunalo linasankha kusiya kuphunzira ndi kubwerera kwa mkazi wake.

Nthaŵi zambiri phunziro langa la Baibulo linali lodumphadumpha. Panapita nthaŵi kuti ndizindikire lingaliro la Yehova pa kupatulika kwa moyo. Komabe, nditasintha maganizo anga, ndinaona kufunika kwa kusiya maseŵero olumpha m’ndege ikuuluka ndi kusiya kusuta fodya. Pamene ndinayamba kuona kuti moyo ndi wamtengo wapatali, ndinafuna kukhazikika ndi kusadziikanso pangozi. Pa October 18, 1985, ndinasonyeza kudzipatulira kwanga kwa Yehova mwa ubatizo wa m’madzi. Sindinadziŵe kalikonse kuti posachedwa moyo wanga udzakhala pangozi.

Kukhumbanso Kufa

Patapita miyezi yoŵerengeka—pausiku wa March 22, 1986—ndinali kutsogolo kwa nyumba yanga, kutulutsa zovala m’galimoto langa zomwe ndinapita kukachapa, ndipo galimoto lina lomwe linali paliŵiro linandigunda ndi kundikhwekhweretsa mamita oposa 30! Anandigunda ndi kuthaŵa. Ngakhale ndinavulala mutu, nthaŵi yonseyo sindinakomoke.

Nditagona chafufumimba mumdima pakati pa msewu, ndinali kungochita mantha kuti galimoto lina lidzandigundanso. Kupweteka kunali kwakukulu kwakuti ndinalephera kupirira. Choncho ndinapemphera kwa Yehova mosaleka kuti ndife. (Yobu 14:13) Mkazi wina anatulukira ndipo anali nesi. Ndinampempha kundiika bwino miyendo yanga, popeza inali itatswanyika koopsa. Anatero, ndipo anamanganso mwendo wina umene unathyokathyoka ndi mbali ya diresi lake kuti mwazi usatuluke. Nsapato zanga anazipeza m’khwalala lina, zodzala ndi mwazi!

Anthu odutsa chapafupi, posadziŵa kuti sindinali kuyendetsa galimoto, ankandifunsa kumene kunali galimoto langa. Popeza sindinadziŵe kuti andikhwekhweretsa kufika pati, ndinali kuganiza kuti ndikali pambali pake! Akuchipatala atafika, anaganiza kuti ndidzafa. Choncho anaitana atekitivi a polisi, chifukwa chakuti kupha munthu ndi galimoto ndi mlandu waukulu. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi amene anandigundayo anamgwira. Anakweteza malowo ndi zingwe kusonyeza kuti pachitikira upandu nasunga galimoto langa monga umboni. Zitseko zonse ziŵiri zambali imodzi zinali zitakhwetuka.

Kulimbana ndi Vuto

Zikali choncho, nditafika kuchipatala, ndinapitiriza kunena kuti: “Musandiike mwazi, musandiike mwazi. Ndine mmodzi wa Mboni za Yehova!” ngakhale atandiveka chondithandiza kupuma. Chinthu chomaliza chimene ndikukumbukira ndicho kumva sizesi yaikulu ikudula chovala changa kumsana ndi kumva madokotala akupereka malangizo mokuwa ndi mofulumira.

Nditadzuka, ndinadabwa kuti ndinali moyo. Ndinali kudzuka ndi kukomokanso. Nthaŵi zonse nditadzuka ndinali kupempha achibale anga kuti adziŵitse mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amene anaphunzira nane Baibulo. Achibale anga sanakondwe kuti ndinakhala Mboni, choncho iwo mwadala “anaiŵala” kuwauza. Koma ndinalimbikira—pafupifupi nthaŵi iliyonse nditatsegula maso, ndinkawafunsa zimenezo. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kulimbikira kwanga kunagwira ntchito, ndipo tsiku lina pamene ndinadzuka, iwo anali pamenepo. Mtima zii! Anthu a Yehova anadziŵa kumene ndinali.

Komabe, chimwemwe changa sichinakhalitse chifukwa chakuti mwazi unayamba kuchepa ndipo thupi linayamba kutentha kwambiri. Mafupa ooneka kuti akuyambitsa matenda anawachotsa, ndipo anaikamo tizitsulo tinayi m’mwendo wanga. Koma posapita nthaŵi thupi linayambanso kutentha, ndipo mwendo wanga unada bi. Unali utayamba kuwola, ndipo kuti ndikhale moyo anayenera kuudula.

Andikakamiza Kuti Andiike Mwazi

Popeza maselo a m’mwazi wanga anali atachepa kwambiri, anaona kuti opaleshoni popanda kundiika mwazi inali yosatheka. Madokotala, manesi, apabanja, ndi mabwenzi anga akale anawaitana kuti adzandikakamize. Ndiyeno, anayamba kunong’onezana pakhomo la chipinda changa. Ndinamva madokotala akupangana kenakake, koma sindinathe kumvetsa kuti kanali chiyani. Mwamwaŵi, Mboni ina yomwe inali kundizonda nthaŵiyo inamva kupangana kwawo kuti andiike mwazi mokakamiza. Pamenepo inalankhula ndi akulu achikristu a kumeneko, amene anandithandiza.

Anaitana wopima maganizo kuti aone ngati maganizo anga anali bwino. Cholinga chawo choonekeratu chinali chakuti anene kuti maganizo anga sanali bwino ndiyeno anyalanyaze zofuna zanga. Nzeru imeneyi inalephera. Kenako, anabweretsa mtsogoleri wina wachipembedzo, amene iyeyo anavomera kuikidwa mwazi, kuti anditsimikize kuti kuikidwa mwazi kunali bwino. Pomalizira pake, achibale anga anakapempha chilolezo cha khoti chakuti andiike mwazi mokakamiza.

Cha ku ma 2 koloko m’maŵa, gulu la madokotala, mlembi wa khoti, kaphaso, maloya oimira chipatala, ndi woweruza analoŵa m’chipinda changa cha m’chipatala. Khoti inayambika. Sanandidziŵitse pasadakhale, ndinalibe Baibulo, ndinalibe wondiimira ndipo ndinali nditamwa mankhwala ambiri oletsa ululu. Chotsatirapo cha nkhaniyo? Woweruza anakana kuwapatsa chilolezo cha khoti, nanena kuti wachita chidwi kwambiri ndi umphumphu wa Mboni za Yehova kuposa ndi kale lonse.

Chipatala china ku Camden, New Jersey, chinavomera kusamalira vuto langa. Popeza akuluakulu a chipatala ku New York anakwiya, iwo analetsa kundipatsa mankhwala alionse, kuphatikizapo oletsa ululu. Anakanaso kulola helikoputala kutsika yomwe inayenera kundipereka kuchipatala cha ku New Jersey. Mwamwaŵi, ndinafika wamoyo kumeneko paulendo wa pa ambulansi. Nditafika, ndinamva mawu otchulidwa pachiyambi cha nkhaniyi akuti: “Ukudziŵa kuti udzafa, sitero?”

Opaleshoni—Iyenda Bwino

Ndinali wofooka kwambiri kwakuti nesi wina ndiye anandithandiza kulemba X pafomu yawalola kuti andichite opaleshoni. Mwendo wanga wa kulamanja anaudula pamwamba pa bondo. Kenako, mlingo wanga wa hemoglobin unatsika kupyola pa 2, ndipo madokotala anaganiza kuti ubongo wanga unawonongeka kwambiri. Anaganiza zimenezi chifukwa chakuti sindinawayankhe pamene anaitana m’khutu mwanga kuti, “Virginia, Virginia”—dzina lomwe linali pa zikalata zanga zoloŵera m’chipatala. Koma pambuyo pake nditamva mawu ofeŵa akunong’oneza kuti, “Ginger, Ginger,” ndinatsegula maso anga ndi kuona mwamuna wina amene ndinali ndisanamuonepo kale.

Bill Turpin anachokera ku mpingo wina wa Mboni za Yehova kumeneko ku New Jersey. Anamva za dzina langa losemerera lakuti Ginger—lomwe ndinadziŵika nalo moyo wanga wonse—kwa Mboni za ku New York. Anandifunsa mafunso mwanjira imene ndinatha kuyankha mwa kukopera, popeza ndinavala chondithandiza kupuma ndipo sindinali kulankhula ndi pang’ono pomwe. “Kodi ukufuna kuti ndiziyesabe kukuzonda,” anafunsa motero, “ndi kudziŵitsa Mboni za ku New York mmene ulili?” Ndinakopera msangamsanga! Mbale Turpin anadziika pangozi mwa kuloŵa mozemba m’chipinda changa, popeza achibale analamula kuti Mboni siziyenera kundichezera.

Nditakhala miyezi isanu ndi umodzi m’chipatala, ndinali kungochitabe zinthu zochepa zatsiku ndi tsiku, monga kudzidyetsa ndi kusukusula. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, anandiika mwendo wopanga ndipo ndinatha kuyenda pang’ono ndi chothandizira kuyenda. Nditatuluka m’chipatala m’September 1986 ndi kubwerera kunyumba kwanga, ndinakhala ndi wondithandiza pakudwala kwanga kunyumba miyezi inanso ngati isanu ndi umodzi.

Thandizo la Abale Athu

Ngakhale ndisanabwerere kunyumba, ndinayambadi kuzindikira tanthauzo la kukhala mbali ya ubale wachikristu. (Marko 10:29, 30) Mwachikondi abale ndi alongo sanali kungosamala zosoŵa zanga zakuthupi komanso zauzimu. Mwa thandizo lawo lachikondi, ndinatha kuyambanso kupezeka pamisonkhano yachikristu ndipo, m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, ngakhale kuchita nawo utumiki wotchedwa kuti upainiya wothandiza.

Mlandu wa amene anandigunda ndi galimoto, umene kambiri umatenga zaka zosachepera zisanu kungoti uonekere pandandanda ya khoti, unatha pamiyezi yoŵerengeka—modabwitsa loya wanga. Ndi malipiro a mlanduwo, ndinatha kusamukira kunyumba yondiyenerera kwambiri. Ndiponso, ndinagula galimoto lokhala ndi chonyamulira mpando wamawiro ndi zochiyendetsera zake. Choncho, mu 1988, ndinaloŵa upainiya wokhazikika, kuthera maola osachepera 1,000 pantchito yolalikira chaka chilichonse. Pazaka zonsezi, ndasangalala kugwira ntchito m’magawo a m’maboma a North Dakota, Alabama, ndi Kentucky. Galimoto langa limasonyeza kuti ndayenda makilomita oposa 150,000, ndipo ambiri a iwo ndawathera mu utumiki wachikristu.

Ndakhala ndi zokumana nazo zambiri zoseketsa pogwiritsira ntchito njinga yanga yamagetsi yamawiro atatu imeneyi. Ndachitapo nayo ngozi kaŵiri konse pogwira ntchito ndi akazi a oyang’anira oyendayenda. Tsiku lina ku Alabama, ndinaganiza molakwa kuti ndingaluphe nayo mkolo waung’ono ndipo ndinagwa, kuvivinika m’thope. Komabe, kukonda zinthu zoseketsa ndi kusadziŵerengera kwambiri kwandithandiza kukhala ndi maganizo oyenera.

Ndalimbikitsidwa ndi Chiyembekezo Chotsimikizika

Nthaŵi zina mavuto a thanzi akhala pang’ono kunditha mphamvu. Ndinasiyapo upainiya kaŵiri konse zaka zoŵerengeka kumbuyoku chifukwa mwendo wanga winawu unaoneka kuti ufunika kuudula. Ndikuopabe kuti nthaŵi ina iliyonse mwendo wanga akhoza kuudula, ndipo pazaka zisanu zapitazi, ndakhala ndikugwiritsira ntchito mpando wamawiro basi. Mu 1994, ndinathyoka dzanja. Ndinafunika wondithandiza kusamba, kuvala zovala, kuphika, ndi kuyeretsa ndipo popita kwina kulikonse wina anayenera kundipereka. Komabe, chifukwa cha thandizo la abale, ndinapitiriza kuchita upainiya panthaŵi yovutitsa imeneyi.

M’moyo wanga wonse ndinali kufunafuna zimene zinaoneka ngati zokondweretsa, koma tsopano ndazindikira kuti nthaŵi zokondweretsa koposa zili mtsogolo. Chikhulupiriro changa chakuti Mulungu adzachiritsa zofooka zonse za thupi zilipozi m’dziko lake latsopano limene likufika mwamsanga ndi chimene chimandichititsa kukhala wokondwa kuti ndili ndi moyo tsopano. (Yesaya 35:4-6) M’dziko latsopano limenelo, ndikuyembekeza kukasambira ndi anamgumi, kukwera m’mapiri ndi mkango ndi ana ake, ndi kuchita zinthu wamba monga kuyenda pagombe. Kuganizira zinthu zonse zimene Mulungu analenga kuti tisangalale nazo m’Paradaiso padziko lapansi kumandipatsa chimwemwe.—Yosimbidwa ndi Ginger Klauss.

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Pamene ndinali kutchova juga

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Malonjezo a Mulungu amandilimbikitsa