Kusudzulana

“Ngati mwamuna wako wamwalira, anthu sakuimba mlandu ngakhale kuti sunali mkazi wabwino kwambiri. Koma ngati mwamuna wako wakunyanyala—ena amaganiza kuti sunkayesetsa kwambiri. Chonde, chonde, NDITHANDIZENI!”—Woŵerenga Galamukani! wa ku South Africa.

CHIGOLOLO ndiponso chisudzulo n’zopweteketsa mtima kwambiri. Ngakhale kuti ambiri amakhala ndi zifukwa zoyanjaniranso ndi amuna awo kapena akazi awo kuti banja lawo likhalebe, ena amakhalanso ndi zifukwa zabwino zosankhira chisudzulo monga njira imene Mulungu amavomereza yolekanirana ngati wina wachita chigololo. (Mateyu 5:32; 19:9) Mwachitsanzo, mkazi wokhulupirikayo ndi ana ake, chisungiko chawo, mkhalidwe wawo wauzimu, ndi mtendere wawo zingasokonekere. Mwinanso china chimene chingam’detse nkhaŵa chingakhale kutenga nthenda yopatsirana mwakugonana. Mwina mkaziyo angam’khululukire mwamuna wake yemwe anachita chigololoyo, koma mwina n’kuchisoŵa chifukwa choyembekezera kuti angayambenso kukhulupirirana ndithu ngati kale ndi kupitiriza kukhalabe naye monga mwamuna wake.

Mkazi wina wovutika maganizo anati: “M’moyo wanga wonse chimenechi ndicho chinali chinthu chovuta kwambiri kusankha.” Chinali chinthu chovutadi—osati chabe chifukwa chakuti kusakhulupirika kwa wina n’kopweteketsa mtima komanso chifukwa chakuti chisudzulo chilinso ndi mavuto ena ambiri amene adzakhala nawo kwa moyo wake wonse. Choncho, kaya mkazi adzasankha kum’sudzula mwamuna wake wosakhulupirikayo kapena ayi, zili ndi iye. Mkazi wosalakwayo, poti Baibulo lam’patsa ufulu wosankha kutero, ena sayenera kumuimba mlandu.

Koma zachisoni n’zakuti anthu ambiri amathamangira chisudzulo asanayambe kuŵerengera mtengo wake. (Yerekezerani ndi Luka 14:28.) Kodi pamakhala mavuto ena otani ngati munthu wasankha chisudzulo?

Ngati Pali Ana

Buku lakuti Couples in Crisis linati: “Makolo akalemedwa ndi mavuto awo amaiŵala kapena kunyalanyaza zoti ana awo amafuna kusamalidwa.” Choncho, poganizira za chisudzulo, kumbukiraninso za mkhalidwe wauzimu wa ana anu ndi mmenenso moyo wawo udzakhalira. Ambiri ochita kafukufuku amaona kuti ngati anthu asudzulana mwamtendere mwina ana sangavutike. Ngakhale munthu atakhala m’mikhalidwe yovuta motani, kufatsa kudzam’thandiza ‘kusachita ndewu, koma adzakhala waulere pa onse, woleza.’—2 Timoteo 2:24, 25.a

Ngati wina wasankha zosudzula mnzake, ayenera kukumbukira kuti makolowo ndiwo akusudzulana—osati ana. Anawo amafunabe kukhala ndi mayi wawo ndi bambo wawo. N’zoona kuti pangakhalenso mikhalidwe ina yoipa kwambiri, monga pamene mwana angayambe kusautsidwa ndi kholo linalo. Koma makolo, chifukwa cha kusiyana kwawo zipembedzo kapena kusagwirizana pankhani zina, sayenera kumana ana awo ufulu wa kukhala ndi makolo aŵiri.

Chinthu china chimene makolo ayenera kumachiganizira n’chakuti ana sachedwa kutaya mtima ndipo amafuna makolo awo kumawalimbikitsa ndi kuwakonda. Buku lina linati: “Makolo atapitiriza kumakondabe ana awo, adzawamangira maziko kuti anawo azoloŵere moyo wawo watsopano.” Kuwonjezera apo, makolo atamawaphunzitsa zinthu zauzimu tsiku ndi tsiku, anawo adzalimba.—Deuteronomo 6:6, 7; Mateyu 4:4.

Ndalama Limodzi ndi Njira Zoyendetsera Milanduyo

Anthu akasudzulana, aliyense amakhala pamavuto a ndalama, kulandidwa katundu, zinthu zina zabwino, ndipo mwina kuchoka m’nyumba imene ankakonda kwambiri. Popeza kuti tsopano wina adzayamba kukhala ndi ndalama zochepa komabe namafuna kugula zinthu zambiri, ndibwino kumangogula zokhazo zofunika kwambiri malinga ndi ndalama zimene zilipozo. Munthu ayenera kupeŵa kuwononga ndalama zambiri kapena kukongola ndalama zina n’cholinga chakuti adzitonthoze mtima kapena kuti zisaoneke kuti zinthu zam’sinthira.

Ngati wina wasankha chisudzulo, ndibwino kugwirizana ndi mnzake mmene adzachitira ndi ndalama za m’banki ngati onsewo anali ndi buku limodzi labanki. Mwachitsanzo, ngati onse aŵiri ali ndi buku limodzi lakubanki, kuti mmodzi asawononge ndalama, ndibwino kuti apemphe manijala wabanki kuti mmodzi pofuna kutenga ndalama, mnzakeyonso azikhalapo kuti asainirepo onse, mpaka aliyense atakhala ndi buku lakelake labanki.

N’kwanzerunso kumalemba mosamala ndalama ndiponso zinthu zimene mukugula, poyembekezera nthaŵi yodzakambirana za ndalama zachithandizo zochokera kwa mwamunayo. Ndiponso, m’mayiko ambiri, boma limafuna kuti anthu azidziŵitsa a ofesi yamisonkho mmene mikhalidwe yawo yasinthira.

Ndiponso, anthu ambiri zimawayendera bwino, chifukwa amakaonana ndi katswiri pankhani zachisudzulo. Mayiko ena amalola kuti pakhale ankhoswe othandiza mwamuna ndi mkazi kukambirana mwamtendere mpaka atagwirizana, ndiye abwalo lamilandu amadzachitira umboni. Makamaka ngati nkhaniyo ikukhudzanso ana, makolo ambiri amakonda kusankha munthu wodziŵa bwino pankhani zoterozo, koma wosakondera. Si kuti makolo amafuna kungopeza phindu lalikulu, koma amangofuna kupeŵa kukanganapo ndi kupsetsana mtima. Kupeza katundu wina ndi wina kuli bwino inde, koma sangakome ngati anthu ayamba akanganapo ndi kuwononganso ndalama kuti apeze katunduyo.

Chibale Chimasintha

Wofufuza wina anati: “Tisaiŵale kuti anthu akasudzulana, mabwenzi awo amavutika maganizo ndipo amakayikira kwambiri.” Ngakhale ngati mkazi wokhulupirikayo akuchita zinthu malinga ndi lamulo, malinga ndi mmene anayeneradi kuchitira, ndiponso malinga ndi ufulu umene Malemba am’patsa, pangakhalebe ena amene angamuone ngati kuti iyeyo ndiye wathetsa ukwati. Mabwenziwo angamachite mosiyanasiyana, mwina kungom’patsa moni wa zii, kapena kungom’peŵa kumene. Mwina zinthu zimaipa kumene, moti omwe kale anali mabwenzi amayamba kudana naye.

Ambiri sadziŵa kuti munthu akasudzulana ndi mnzake amafuna kulimbikitsidwa ndithu, mwina iwo amaganiza kuti kungom’lembera kakalata kapena khadi basi zakwana. Buku lakuti Divorce and Separation (Kusudzulana ndi Kupatukana) linanena kuti, nthaŵi zonse pamakhalabe mabwenzi ena amene “amasamala kwambiri za iwe, ndipo amangofika kudzaona ngati ungafune kuti akuperekeze kulikonse, kapena ngati ukufuna kuti akuchitire kanthu kena kapena mwina ngati ukungofuna wina wolankhula naye.” Ee, panthaŵi ngati imeneyi m’moyo, munthu amafunadi ‘bwenzi lopambana ndi mbale kuumirira,’ monga mmene Baibulo limanenera.—Miyambo 18:24.

Kuchira

Patapita zaka 16 chiyambire pamene mayi wina anasudzulidwa, anavomereza kuti: “Pamakhala nthaŵi zina zimene ndimasungulumwa kwambiri—ngakhale ngati ndili ndi anthu ena.” Ndiye nanga amachita bwanji? Anati: “Ndili ndi njira imene ndimachitira, ndimadzitanganitsa ndi ntchito ina, kusamala mwana wanga, ndi kusamalanso nyumba yanga. Ndinayambanso kukhala nawo pamisonkhano ya Mboni za Yehova, kuuzako ena za chikhulupiriro changa, ndi kuchitira ena zinthu. Zimenezi zinandithandiza kwambiri.”

Madeti ena ndi nthaŵi zina pachaka zingakumbutse zinthu zina ndi chisoninso: tsiku limene anam’tulukira kuti wachita chigololo, nthaŵi imene anachoka panyumba, ndi deti lamlandu wake kukhoti. Zinthu zosangalatsa zimene anali kuchita adakali aŵiri—monga kupita kutchuthi ndi kukumbukira masiku aukwati wawo—zingakhale zochititsa chisoni chovuta kwambiri kuiŵala. Pat, wazaka 33, anati: “Masiku amenewo akafika ndimakacheza ndi anthu akwathu kapena kukacheza ndi mabwenzi apamtima amene amadziŵa za mkhalidwe wanga. Timachita zinthu zimene zingandiiŵalitse zakale kuti ndizingokumbukira zinthu zatsopano. Koma chimene chimandithandiza kwambiri ndicho unansi wanga ndi Yehova—chifukwa ndimadziŵa kuti iyeyo amazindikira mmene ndimamvera.”

Musataye Mtima

Amuna kapena akazi osalakwawo amene amagwiritsa ntchito malamulo a Baibulo ndi kulandira ufulu umene Mulungu wawapatsa wakusudzula mnzawo wochita chigololo safunikira kudziimba mlandu kapena kuopa kuti mwina Yehova wawasiya. Chinyengo chimene wachigololoyo wachita—chomwe chapangitsa mnzake “kulira, ndi kuusa moyo”—n’chimene Mulungu amada. (Malaki 2:13-16) Ngakhale Yehova, Mulungu wa “mtima wachifundo,” amadziŵa mmene zimakhalira ngati munthu yemwe unkakonda wakukana. (Luka 1:78; Yeremiya 3:1; 31:31, 32) Choncho, dziŵani kuti Yehova ‘amakonda chiweruzo [“chilungamo” NW], ndipo sadzataya okondedwa ake.’—Salmo 37:28.

Inde, zimakhala bwino kwambiri ngati a m’banja apeŵeratu kusakhulupirika n’kupeŵanso chisoni chotsatirapo. Buku lakuti Chinsinsi cha Chimwemwe cha Banja,b lolangiza bwino pankhani za m’banja, likuthandiza anthu ambiri padziko lonse lapansi kukhala ndi mabanja achimwemwe ndi kupeŵa chigololo. Muli mitu yonena za mmene mungapezere chimwemwe m’banja, kulangiza ana, ndiponso kuthetsa mavuto a m’banja. Mboni za Yehova za m’dera lanu kapena ofalitsa magazini ino angakuuzeni zambiri pankhani imeneyi.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 10]

ANA SAFUNA CHISUDZULO

Mu 1988, malemu Diana, mwana wa Mfumu ya ku Wales, anati ku Britain kokha, tsiku lililonse ana 420 makolo awo amasudzulana. Ena mwa ana onsewo n’ngaang’ono ndithu osakwana zaka zisanu. Chachisoni n’chakuti 40 peresenti mwa anawo saonananso ndi mmodzi wa makolo awo atasudzulana.

Mosiyana ndi mmene anthu ambiri amaganizira, mlembi wina wolemekezeka, wolemba pankhani zathanzi ndi zamankhwala ananena kuti “ndi ana ochepa kwambiri amene amakondwera ngati makolo awo asudzulana. Ana ambiri amafunabe kuona makolo awo ali pamodzi ngakhale ngati zinthu m’banja mwawo sizili bwino.” Ngakhale ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi wake angakangane kwambiri panthaŵi imene wina wazindikira kuti mnzake anachita chigololo, si bwino kungothamangira kugamula kuti chinthu chabwino n’kungolekanapo kuti ana awo ziwayendere bwino. Onsewo atasintha maganizo awo ndi khalidwe lawo zingatheke kukhalabe onse kuti banja lawo lisagwedezeke.

Mlembi wotchedwa Pamela Winfield, anati: “Amuna achiwerewere ayenera kuganiziranso mmene zingapwetekere ana awo banja lawo litapasuka chifukwa cha kupusa kwawo.”

[Bokosi patsamba 11]

KODI MULUNGU AMADA KUSUDZULANA KULIKONSE?

Pat anati: “Chinthu chimene chinkandivutitsa kwambiri maganizo chinali mfundo yakuti ‘Yehova amadana nako kulekana [“kusudzulana,” NW].’ Nthaŵi zonse ndinali kudzifunsa m’maganizo mwanga kuti, ‘Kodi zimene ndikuchitazi, Yehova akondwera nazo?’”

Tatiyeni tione mfundo yonse yankhani ya pa Malaki 2:16, kuti tiyankhe funso limenelo. Panthaŵi ya Malaki amuna ambiri a ku Israyeli anali kusudzula akazi awo, mwina kuti akakwatire akazi aang’ono akunja. Mulungu anatsutsa khalidwe lachinyengo limenelo. (Malaki 2:13-16) Choncho, chimene Mulungu amadana nacho ndicho kungom’siya mnzako popanda chifukwa chenicheni kuti ukakwatire wina. Mwamuna amene wachita chigololo mwachinyengo ndiyeno mwina n’kum’sudzula mkazi wake kapena kumuumiriza mkaziyo kum’sudzula mwamunayo, ndiye kuti ameneyo wachita chinyengo, tchimo lalikulu.

Komabe, mavesi ameneŵa sakutsutsa chisudzulo chilichonse. Mawu a Yesu akuchitira umboni zimenezo, chifukwa anati: ‘Aliyense akachotsa mkazi wake, kosakhala chifukwa cha chigololo, nadzakwatira wina, achita chigololo.’ (Mateyu 19:9) Panopa Yesu anavomereza kuti chigololo ndicho chifukwa chimene Malemba amavomerezera munthu kusudzula mnzake—ndichodi chifukwa chokha chovomerezeka chololera munthu kukwatiranso. Mmodzi wosalakwayo angasankhe kum’khululukira mnzake wolakwayo. Komabe, munthu amene wasankha kugwiritsa ntchito mawu a Yesu monga chifukwa chosudzulira mnzake amene wachita chigololo, si kuti wachita kanthu kena kamene Yehova amadana nako ayi. Chimene Mulungu amadana nacho ndicho khalidwe lachinyengo la mnzakeyo.

[Zithunzi patsamba 10]

Akazi kapena amuna opanda mlandu limodzi ndi ana awo amapindula pochirikizidwa mwachikondi