Kudalira Munthu Kapena Ayi
KUDZIŴA womdalira kapena ayi kungakhale kovuta. Mbali ziŵiri zonsezo zili ndi ngozi zake, makamaka m’dziko lino mmene chinyengo ndi kuperekana zili mikhalidwe yowanda. Komabe tonsefe timafuna mabwenzi owadalira amene angatichirikize panthaŵi ya mavuto. (Miyambo 17:17) Zaka pafupifupi zikwi ziŵiri zapitazo, mlembi wachiroma Phaedrus anafotokoza vutoli motere: “Kudalira munthu kapena kusadalira munthu nkwangozi.”
Kudalira Munthu Kungakhale Kwangozi
Kodi nchifukwa ninji kudalira munthu kungakhale kwangozi? Chabwino, talingalirani za chenjezo loperekedwa m’magazini a Psychology Today. Likulongosola za anthu amene amalima pamsana anthu ena amene amawadalira kukhala “zilombo” amene “amagwiritsira ntchito chinyengo ndi kudzizimbaitsa kuti asocheretse ndi kugwiritsira ntchito aja amene amakhala nawo ndi kuwononga miyoyo yawo.” Mwachionekere, pokhala ndi anthu onyenga otero, kusankha kudalira munthu kwambiri nkwangozi.
Munthu amene amadalira munthu wina kwambiri angakhale wosavuta kubwatikidwa ndipo chifukwa cha chimenecho, wosavuta kunyengedwa ndi kudyeredwa masuku pamutu. Chitsanzo chimodzi cha kubwatikidwa chokumbukiridwa m’mbiri nchonena za Bwana Arthur Conan Doyle, mlembi wa nkhani yopeka ya wapolisi wina wofufuza wanzeru kwambiri wotchedwa Sherlock Holmes. Mu 1917 asungwana ena aŵiri, Elsie Wright ndi mbale wake, Frances Griffiths, ananena kuti anali ataseŵerapo ndi tianthu tamatsenga tamunthano m’bwalo la maluŵa la panyumba pawo ku Cottingley, England. Anasonyeza ngakhale zithunzithunzi za tianthuto poyesa kutsimikiziritsa nkhaniyo.
Conan Doyle, amene anali ndi chidwi chachikulu m’kukhulupirira mizimu pambuyo pa imfa ya mwana wake wamwamuna, anawadalira ndi kukhulupirira nkhani yonena za tianthuyo—monga momwe anachitira anthu ambiri panthaŵiyo. Kufikira patapita zaka 55 mpamene asungwana aŵiriwo anaulula kuti zonsezo zinali chinyengo ndi kuti anadula zithunzithunzi za “tianthu” timeneto m’buku asanazijambule. Frances Griffiths anadabwa kuti munthu wina aliyense anakhulupirira nkhani yawo. Iye anati: “Sindimvetsa nthaŵi zonse kuti munthu angabwatikidwe choncho mpaka kukhulupirira kuti ito tinali tenitenidi.”—Hoaxers and Their Victims.
Kodi mukuona msampha umene Conan Doyle anagweramo? Anakhulupirira nkhani yopekayo mwakhungu kokha chifukwa chakuti ankafuna kuti zimenezi zikhale zoona. Mlembi Norman Moss akunena kuti: “Tingapusitsidwe kokha chifukwa chakuti kuzindikira kwathu kumagodomalitsidwa ndi chizoloŵezi china, ndipo sitimaonetsetsa zinthu. . . . Nthaŵi zina, timavomereza chinthu kuti ndi choona chifukwa chakuti nchinthu chimene tikufuna kuti chikhale choona.” (The Pleasures of Deception) Zimenezo zikugwirizana ndi chenjezo loperekedwa ndi katswiri wondondomeka nkhani wachigiriki Demosthenes pafupifupi zaka 350 Nyengo Yathu isanafike kuti: “Chinthu chosavuta koposa ndicho kudzinyenga, pakuti chimene munthu afuna kaŵirikaŵiri amachikhulupirira kukhala choona.” Kudalira pamalingaliro athu okha kungakhale kwangozi.
Zoonadi, mungaganize kuti chimenechi chili chitsanzo chopambanitsa ndi kuti Conan Doyle anali wopusa kwambiri kuposa mmene mungakhalire. Komatu si anthu okhoza kubwatikidwa okha amene ali m’ngozi ya kunyengedwa. Anthu ambiri amene amachita mosamala ndi mwanzeru apusitsidwa ndi kunyengedwa ndi anthu ooneka ngati odalirika.
Kusadalira Munthu Kungakhale Kwangozi
Komabe, kusadalira munthu aliyense kapena chilichonse kuli ndi ngozi. Kupanda chidaliro kuli ngati dzimbiri lodya chitsulo. Kungathe kuthetsa kapena kuwononga unansi umene mwina ukanakhala wachimwemwe, ndi wapafupi. Kukayikira munthu kwakukulu ndi kupanda chidaliro kwamphamvu kungakupangitseni kukhala munthu wosakondwa, wopanda bwenzi. Kungakhale kovulaza kwambiri maunansi a munthu ndi ena kwakuti mlembi wina wachingelezi Samuel Johnson analemba kuti, “ndi bwino nthaŵi zina kunyengedwa kuposa kusadalira munthu.”
Kupanda chidaliro kungaikedi pangozi thanzi lanunso. Mwina mungakhale mukudziŵa kuti malingaliro amphamvu onga mkwiyo angakuchititseni kudwala mtima. Koma kodi mukudziŵa kuti kufufuza kwina kukusonyeza kuti kukhala wopanda chidaliro kungachite zofananazo? Magazini a Chatelaine akunena kuti: “Anthu amene ali amtima wapachala si iwo okha amene angadzikulitsire kwambiri ngozi ya kudwala mtima chifukwa cha khalidwe lawo. Kufufuza kwatsopano kukusonyeza kuti ngakhale mtundu wa udani wobisika, monga ngati chizoloŵezi cha kukayikira munthu ndi kupanda chidaliro, ungakuikeni pangozi.”
Lingalirani Mayendedwe Anu Mosamalitsa
Kodi mungachitenji? Baibulo limapereka uphungu wabwino pankhaniyi. “Wachibwana akhulupirira mawu onse,” imatero Miyambo 14:15. Chimenechi si chikayikiro chowononga. Ndicho chikumbutso chanzeru cha kufunika kwa kusamala. Ndi munthu wanzeru zochepa yekha, wosadziŵa zambiri amene angakhulupirire wamba mawu alionse amene amva. Mwambi wa Baibulowo umapitiriza ndi chifukwa chabwino kuti: “Koma wochenjera asamalira mayendedwe ake.” Mlembi wamaseŵero wachingelezi William Shakespeare analemba kuti: “Musadalire matabwa owola.” Aliyense amene amaganiza kuti matabwa a pamlatho wa pamalo akuya angakhale owola angakhale wopusa kwambiri kuwaponda. Nangano, ndi motani mmene ‘mungasamalirire mayendedwe anu’ kuti musaike chidaliro chanu pamalo olakwika?
Baibulo limatilimbikitsa kupenda zimene anthu amanena m’malo mwa kungovomereza wamba zilizonse zimene timamva. “Khutu liyesa mawu, monga m’kamwa mulaŵa chakudya,” ilo limatero. (Yobu 34:3) Kodi zimenezo si zoona? Kodi sitimalaŵadi chakudya tisanachimeze? Tiyeneranso kupenda mawu ndi machitidwe a anthu tisanawavomereze. Palibe munthu amene ali woona mtima amene angakhumudwe ngati tipenda kudalirika kwake. Mfundo yakuti tifunikira kupenda kuti tione kudalirika kwa kanthu kena imachirikizidwa ndi mwambi wina wa Asikotchi umene umati: “Munthu amene andibwatika kamodzi, manyazi amgwere; akandibwatika kaŵiri, manyazi andigwere.”
Mtumwi Paulo analangiza kuti: “Yesani zinthu zonse.” (1 Atesalonika 5:21, Today’s English Version) Liwu limene mtumwi Paulo anagwiritsira ntchito lotanthauza “yesani” linagwiritsiridwanso ntchito mogwirizana ndi kuyesa miyala yamtengo wapatali kuti aone ngati inali yeniyeni. Nthaŵi zonse munthu wanzeru anali kuyesa kuti aone ngati zimene anali kugula zinali zenizeni. Akanapanda kutero akanagula zimene anatcha kuti golidi wachiphamaso—chinthu china chimene chinaoneka ngati golidi, koma chimene kwenikweni chinali chopanda pake.
Khalani Wanzeru ndi Wochita Moyenera
Ndithudi, tikufuna kukhala anzeru pankhaniyi ndi kusakhala onyumwira ena mosayenera. (Afilipi 4:5) Musafulumire kulingalira munthu kuti ali ndi zolinga zoipa. Kuona zolinga za ena molakwa kungakhale njira yofulumira koposa yowonongera maunansi abwino apafupi. Kaŵirikaŵiri ndi bwino kulingalira kuti mabwenzi anu akufuna kukuchitirani zabwino koposa m’malo mwa kuwalingalira kukhala ali ndi zolinga zoipa pamene mikhalidwe yovuta ibuka.
Lolerani kupanda ungwiro ndi kuphophonya kwa ena. “Kunyengedwa ndi bwenzi ndiko kuswedwa kwa chidaliro,” akutero mlembi Kristin von Kreisler. Komabe, kunyenga kumeneko kungakhale kosadzifunira kapena kungakhale chifukwa cha chofooka china chimene tsopano akumva nacho chisoni kwambiri. Chotero, iye akupitiriza kuti: “Musangokhala mukulingalira za chinyengocho—kapena kukuchititsani kusadalira ena.” Musalole zochitika zopweteka ndi zoipa kulanda chimwemwe chimene chimakhalapo pa kulimbitsa maunansi odalirana ndi ena.
Khalani wolingalira moyenera. Simufunikira kukhala woumitsa zinthu kwambiri popenda anthu; munthu wosamala amakhala watcheru. Komanso, Doctor Redford Williams akunena kuti tiyese kulingalira kuti enawo akuyesetsa kuchita zimene angathe, yesani kuona lingaliro lawo, ndipo “dalirani ena” pamene mukhoza kutero. Kungakhale bwinopo kudalira munthu kwambiri kuposa kusadalira aliyense.
Mlembi wa buku la Baibulo la Miyambo amavomereza kuti “pali mabwenzi amene amafuna kuwonongana”—ndiko kuti, anthu amene amayesayesa kukulimani pamsana chifukwa cha kudalirika kwanu. M’dzikoli muli ambiri otero. Koma patsani ena nthaŵi ndi mpata wakuti asonyeze kuti ali odalirika, ndipo mudzapeza mabwenzi amene, kunena zoona, ‘adzaumirirana nanu kuposa mbale.’—Miyambo 18:24, NW.
Pamenepo, kodi pali munthu aliyense kapena kalikonse kamene mungadalire kotheratu, popanda mantha alionse akuti mudzalimidwa pamsana kapena kunyengedwa chifukwa cha kudalirika kwanu? Indedi, zilipo. Nkhani yotsatira idzafotokoza mwachidule kumene mungaike chidaliro chanu ndi chikhulupiriro chachikulu.
[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 6]
“Wachibwana akhulupirira mawu onse; koma wochenjera asamalira mayendedwe ake.”—Miyambo 14:15.
[Chithunzi patsamba 7]
Lolerani kupanda ungwiro ndi kuphophonya kwa ena