Zikuvuta Kuchoka mu Ukwati Wopanda Chikondi

“M’dziko limene ambiri amasudzulana, sikuti ndi maukwati ambiri opanda chimwemwe amene angathe komanso maukwati ena ambiri akuyembekezeka kukhala opanda chimwemwe.”—Bungwe loona za mabanja la COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.

PAJA amati chimwemwe chachikulu m’moyo komanso zovuta zake zambiri zimachokera kumodzi—ukwati wa munthu. Zoonadi, ndi zinthu zochepa m’moyo zimene zingatisangalatse choncho—kapena kutimvetsa chisoni choncho. Monga mmene bokosi lotsatiralo likusonyezera, mabanja ambiri ali achisoni kwambiri.

Koma ziŵerengero za zisudzulo zimavumbula chabe mbali imodzi ya vutolo. Pa banja lililonse limene limalephera, ena osaŵerengeka amapitiriza, koma amakhalabe m’mavuto. “Banja lathu linali losangalala, koma zaka 12 zapitazo zakhala zoipa kwabasi,” anaulula choncho mkazi wokwatiwa kwa zaka zoposa 30. “Mwamuna wanga safuna kumva malingaliro anga. Mtima wanga umamuda koopsa.” Mofananamo, mwamuna wokwatira kwa zaka pafupifupi 25 anadandaula kuti: “Mkazi wanga wandiuza kuti sakundikondanso. Akuti zingakhale bwino titamangoonana ngati anthu ongokhala m’chipinda chimodzi basi koma aliyense azipita kwakekwake ikafika nthaŵi yachisangalalo, iye atha kupirira.”

Inde, ena pokhala ndi vuto lalikulu ngati limenelo amathetsa ukwati wawo. Komabe, ambiri safuna kusudzulana. Chifukwa? Malinga n’kunena kwa Dr. Karen Kayser, nkhani ngati ana, manyazi ndi anthu ozungulira, vuto la zachuma, mabwenzi, achibale, ndi zikhulupiriro zachipembedzo zingachititse banja kukhalirabe pamodzi, ngakhale asakukondana. “Pokhala sasudzulana mwalamulo,” iye akutero, “mwamuna ndi mkazi wakeyo amasankha kukhalirabe limodzi ndi mnzawo amene anasudzulana naye mumtima.”

Kodi banja limene ubale wawo wazirala liyenera kungokhala basi ndi moyo wosasangalatsa? Kodi kukhala mu ukwati wopanda chikondi ndiko njira yabwinopo poyerekeza ndi kusudzulana? Zochitika zikusonyeza kuti maukwati ambiri amavuto amatheka kuwapulumutsa—osati chabe ku zoŵaŵa za kusweka kwake komanso ku mavuto a kupanda chikondi.

N’chifukwa Chiyani Chikondi Chimazirala?

“Zimaoneka kukhala zosavuta kwambiri kuyamba kukondana kusiyana ndi kupitiriza kukondana.”—Dr. Karen Kayser.

KUCHULUKA kwa maukwati opanda chikondi mwina si kodabwitsa. Ukwati ndi ubale wa anthu wosamvetsetseka, ndipo ambiri amaloŵamo atakonzekera pang’ono. “Timafunika kusonyeza ukatswiri kuti tipeze laisensi ya galimoto,” akutero Dr. Dean S. Edell, “koma malaisensi a ukwati angapezeke ndi siginechala basi.”

Choncho, pamene m’maukwati ambiri zinthu zili bwino ndipo alidi achimwemwe, ena akusoŵa mtendere. Mwina wina kapena onse aŵiri okwatiranawo analoŵa m’banja akuyembekezera zambiri koma alibe maluso ofunika pa ubale wokhalitsa. “Pamene anthu amayamba kudziŵana,” Dr. Harry Reis akutero, “amakhala otsimikizirana kwambiri.” Amaona ngati kuti mnzawoyo ndiye “munthu yekha padziko amene amaona zinthu mmene iwo amaonera. Nthaŵi zina malingaliro amenewo amazirala, ndipo akazirala, angawononge ukwati kwambiri.”

N’zosangalatsa kuti maukwati ambiri safika mpaka pamenepo. Ndiye tiyeni tiganizire mwachidule mfundo zochepa zimene nthaŵi zina zachititsa chikondi kuzirala.

Zokhumudwitsa—“Sizimene Ndimayembekeza”

“Pamene ndinakwatiwa ndi Jim,” akutero Rose, ‘ndinkaganiza kuti tidzakhala ngati mkazi ndi mwamuna wake—okondana nthaŵi zonse komanso okomerana mtima ndi oganizirana.’” Koma patangotha nthaŵi yochepa, ‘mwamuna’ wa Rose sanakhalenso wosangalatsa. “Ndinakhumudwa naye kwambiri,” akutero.

Mafilimu ambiri, mabuku, ndi nyimbo zotchuka zimaphimba chithunzi chenicheni cha chikondi. Pokhala pachibwenzi, mwamuna ndi mkazi angaone ngati kuti zimene amafuna kwambiri zija zikutheka; koma patatha zaka zochepa atakwatirana, amafika polingalira kuti zimene ankaganiza zija ankangolota! Chilichonse chosiyana ndi za m’mabuku achikondi, chimachititsa ukwati woti n’kukhala wabwinobwino kuoneka ngati wolephereratu.

Inde, ngati munthuwe ukuyembekezera zina mu ukwati n’zabwino ndithu. Mwachitsanzo, n’koyenera kuyembekeza mnzako kukukonda, kukuganizira, ndi kukuchirikiza. Komabe, ngakhale zimenezi sizingakwaniritsidwe nthaŵi zina. “Ndimatsala pang’ono kuona ngati kuti sindinakwatiwe,” akutero Meena, mtsikana wokwatiwa ku India. “Ndimasukidwa komanso ndimaona ngati sandiganizira.”

Kusayenerana—“Sitigwirizana pa Chilichonse”

“Ine ndi mwamuna wanga timasiyana pa chilichonse,” mkazi wina akutero. “Tsiku silipita osadandaula kuti ndinalakwa kuganiza zokwatiwa naye. Ndife osayenerana m’pangono pomwe.”

Kaŵirikaŵiri sipatenga nthaŵi yaitali kwa okwatirana kuti atulukire kuti sali ofanana kwenikweni ngati mmene anali kuganizira adakali paubwenzi.

Kodi Pali Chifukwa Chokhalira ndi Chiyembekezo?

“Chothetsa nzeru china m’maukwati amavuto n’kukhulupirira kwambiri kuti zinthu sizingasinthe kukhalako bwino. Kukhulupirira zimenezo kumalepheretsa kusintha chifukwa kumakulandani mtima wofuna kuchita chilichonse chothandiza.”—DR. AARON T. BECK.

TAYEREKEZANI kuti mukumva ululu ndipo mukupita kwa dokotala kuti akuoneni. Muli ndi nkhaŵa—ndipo n’zomveka ndithu kutero. Ndipotu, thanzi lanu—ngakhale moyo wanu weniweniwo—ungakhale pangozi. Koma tinene kuti mutayezedwa, dokotalayo akukuuzani nkhani yabwino kuti ngakhale vuto lanulo silaling’ono, litha kuchizika. Kwenikweni, dokotalayo akukuuzani kuti ngati mutalimbikira bwinobwino kudya zakudya zoyenera komanso kuchita maseŵera olimbitsa thupi, mungathe kuchira bwino ndithu. Mosakayikira mungapezedi mpumulo ndipo mungatsatire malangizo akewo mofunitsitsa kwabasi!

Yerekezani zimenezi ndi nkhani imene tikukambiranayi. Kodi mukumva ululu muukwati wanu? Zoonadi, ukwati uliwonse umakhala ndi mavuto akeake ndi kusagwirizana. Choncho kungokhala ndi mavuto pa zochita zina muukwati wanu sindiye kuti muli ndi banja lopanda chikondi. Koma bwanji ngati vuto lopwetekali likupitiriza kwa milungu, miyezi, ngakhale kwa zaka? Ngati zili choncho, muyeneradi kukhudzidwa, popeza kuti nkhani imeneyi si yaing’ono ayi. Indedi, mkhalidwe wa ukwati wanu ungakhudze pafupifupi china chilichonse pa moyo wanu—komanso ana anu. Mwachitsanzo, anthu amakhulupirira kuti kusokonezeka kwa ukwati kungakhale mbali yaikulu yoyambitsa mavuto onga kupsinjika maganizo, kusagwira ntchito molimbika, ndiponso kulephera kwa ana kusukulu. Koma si zokhazo ayi. Akristu amazindikira kuti ubale umene mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ali nawo ungakhudze ubale wawo ndi Mulungu.—1 Petro 3:7.

Kukhala kwanu pamavuto inu ndi mnzanu sindiye kuti vutolo lakanika kutha. Kudziŵa kuti ukwati ndi mmene umakhalira—kuti umakhala ndi zovuta—kungathandize okwatirana kuona mavuto awowo bwinobwino n’kuyesetsa kupeza njira zowathetsera. Mwamuna wina dzina lake Isaac akuti: “Sindinkadziŵa kuti zimachitika kwa okwatirana kukhala ndi nthaŵi yosangalala ndi kukhumudwa panthaŵi yonse yokhala m’banja. Ndimaganiza kuti panali chinachake cholakwika kwa ife!”

Ngakhale ukwati wanu utafika poti chikondi palibe, mungaupulumutse. Zoonadi, kuganizira zochitika pa ukwati wosokonezeka kungakhale koŵaŵa kwambiri, makamaka ngati mavutowo akhalapo kwa zaka. Ngakhale zili choncho, pali chifukwa chachikulu chokhalira ndi chiyembekezo. Chinthu chofunika kwambiri n’kulimbikira. Ngakhale anthu aŵiri amene ali ndi mavuto aakulu

Ukwati Wanuwo Utha Kupulumuka!

Baibulo lili ndi uphungu umene ungathandize amuna ndi akazi awo. Zimenezi si zodabwitsa n’komwe popeza kuti Iye amene anauzira Baibulo alinso Woyambitsa kakonzedwe ka ukwati.

BAIBULO limasonyeza chithunzi chenicheni cha ukwati. Limavomereza kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake adzakhala ndi “chisautso” kapena, mmene Baibulo la New English Bible limanenera, “zopweteka ndi chisoni.” (1 Akorinto 7:28) Komabe, Baibulo limanenanso kuti ukwati ungakhoze ndipo uyenera kubweretsa chimwemwe, ngakhale chisangalalo. (Miyambo 5:18, 19) Mfundo ziŵiri zimenezi sizikutsutsana ayi. Zikungosonyeza kuti ngakhale pa mavuto aakulu, okwatiranawo angakhale ndi ubale wabwino komanso wachikondi.

Kodi zimenezo zikusoŵeka mu ukwati wanu? Kodi zopweteka ndi zokhumudwitsa zaphimba