Chii Chinoparira Masimba Masimba Omumba?
“Panzvimbo pokuva mupoteri anobva munhamo, dzvinyiriro, uye kusava nomufungo kwenzanga yokunze, mhuri inowanzoratidzika kuva inoratidzira kana kuti kunyange kukudziridza idzi nhamo.”—The Intimate Environment—Exploring Marriage and the Family.
KUNZVERA pamusoro pamasimba masimba emhuri kutamburira kutsva kune mwero. Kunzvera kukuru kwakaitwa bedzi mukati memakumi amakore emisi ichangobva kupfuura iyi. Miuyo yokufeyafeya kwakadaro ingasava inowirirana nguva dzose, asi zvimwe zvinhu zvehwaro zvinoparira masimba masimba omumba zvakawanwa. Ngatirangarirei zvimwe zvaizvozvi.
Mugariro Wemhuri Unoita Rutivii?
Chiverengero chakati kuti chavanzveri chakataura nezvezviwanwa zvavo: “Vanyakuroorana vaviri vamasimba masimba zvikuru vatakabvunzurudza, vakangawo vana vavo vamasimba masimba zvikuru kune mumwe nomumwe, uye kuvabereki vavo.”
Kungova bedzi chapupu chakaona masimba masimba emhuri kune tapuro huru pamudukusa. “Mwana anoona amai vake vachirohwa anongofanana nomwana ari kurohwa,” inocherekedza kudaro nyanzvi yokurapa John Bradshaw. Imwe pwere inonzi Ed yaivenga kuona baba vayo vachirova amai vayo. Kunyanguvezvo, kunyange zvazvo ingave isina kukuziva, yakanga ichidzidziswa kudavira kuti varume vanofanira kudzora vakadzi uye kuti kuti vaite kudaro, varume vanofanira kuvatyisidzira, kuvakuvadza, uye kuvaderedza. Apo akava akura, Ed akashandisa iyi mitoo yamasimba masimba, yokubata zvisina kufanira mudzimai wake.
Vamwe vabereki nomutoo wokungwarira vanorambidza vana vavo kuona masimba masimba paterevhizheni, uye ichecho chinhu chakanaka. Asi vabereki vanotofanira kuva vanongwarira zvikuru pakureva nezvokutarisira kuzvibata kwavo vamene semienzaniso inotevedzerwa nokuda kwavana vavo vanotapurika.
Nhamo Inoita Rutivii?
Mimba, urovha, rufu rwomubereki, kutama, chirwere, uye zvinetso zvemari zvinovaunzira nhamo, sezvinoita zvimwe zvinhu. Vanhu vazhinjisa vanobata nenhamo vasingatendeukiri kumasimba masimba. Kuna vamwe, zvisinei, nhamo inogona kuva chisakiso chamasimba masimba, zvikurukuru painobatana nezvimwe zvinhu. Somuenzaniso, kutarisira mubereki akwegura—zvikurukuru apo mubereki ari kurwara—kazhinji kazhinji kwakaparira kubata zvisina kufanira apo mutarisiri anonyanyoremedzwa nemimwe mitoro yemhuri.
Kurera vana kunoparira nhamo. Somuuyo, bviro yokubatwa zvisina kufanira kwavana ingawedzera noukuru hwemhuri. Vana vangaunza wedzero mukurova kwomukwanyinawo, nokuti “ndiyo rwisano pamusoro pavana iyo ine bviro hurusa yokuparira vanyakuroorana vaviri kutanga kurwa,” inoshuma kudaro Behind Closed Doors.
Murangariro Usina Kufanira Wavane Mitezo Yakasiana
Dan Bajorek, anotarisira boka rokupa zano muCanada, anotaura kuti varume vanobata zvisina kufanira vane murangariro wakashata wavakadzi: “Mugariro upi kana upi wavanobva mauri, vakarerwa kuti vadavire kuti varume ndivo vanokosha.” Hamish Sinclair, anotungamirira purogiramu yokurapa yavarume vane utsinye, anotaura kuti varume vanorovedzwa kudavira kuti ivo vakakwirira kupfuura vakadzi uye kuti maruramiro avo “kuvaranga, kuvapa chirango kana kuti kuvatyisidzira.”
Munyika dzakawanda murume anorangarirwa kuva namaruramiro okubata mudzimai wake sechinhuwo zvacho, chimwe chinhuwo chorutivi rwepfuma yake. Kudzora kwake nokutonga mudzimai wake kunorangarirwa somwero woushingi norukudzo. Kazhinji kazhinji madzimai anorohwa zvakakomba uye neimwe nzira vanobatwa zvisina kufanira, uye matare ehurumende anoita zviduku pamusoro pako nokuti ikoko ndiko bumbiro remitemo munyika dzakadaro. Murume akakwirira, uye mukadzi akaderera; anofanira kupa teerero hurusa kwaari pasinei hapo nokuti iye anozvidza, ane masimba masimba, akashata, kana kuti ane udyire sei.
Mushumi weterevhizheni yeCBS Morley Safer akashuma nezveimwe nyika yokuMaodzanyemba kweAmerica, kuti: “Hakuna imwe nzvimbo muLatin America munooneka zvikuru dzidziso yohushingi . . . Inotekeshera munzanga yose, kubatanidza mumatare umo mukudzivirira rukudzo rwake murume anogona kuita zvaanoda asingatyi chirango, zvikurukuru kana nyajambwa ari mudzimai wake.” Akataura kuti “hakuna nzvimbo pasi pano inoderedza vakadzi” sezvinoita nyika iyeyo. Asi kudzora kwavanhurume nokuderedzwa kwavakadzi zvakapararira. Hazvina kuganhurirwa kunyika imwe, pasinei hapo nokuti zvingava zvakakomba sei ikoko.
Minna Schulman, mutarisiri wamasimba masimba omumba nesangano rokugombedzera kushandiswa kwomutemo muNew York, akataura kuti masimba masimba mudziyo uyo varume vanoshandisa kuchengeta udzori uye kuratidzira simba nechiremera pamukadzi. Akawedzera, kuti: “Tinoona masimba masimba omumba sokushandiswa kusina kufanira kwesimba noudzori.”
Vamwe vanorova vadzimai vanowana kuzviremekedza kwakaderera, muitiro mumwe chetewo wavanopinza muvananyajambwa vavo. Kana vachigona kuita kudaro, ipapo kuzvikudza kwavo kuchave kwagutswa, uye vachanzwa mwero woukuru noudzori pane mumwe munhu. Vanonzwa kuti vanobvumikisa ushingi hwavo neiyi nzira. Bva, vanodaro here? Zvavanoita masimba masimba avo pavakadzi vane utera zvikuru mumuviri, kunobvumikisa here kuti ivo chaizvoizvo varume voushingi, kana kuti kunobvumikisa here, panzvimbo pako, kuti havana mufungo? Kuva noushingi chaizvoizvo here kuti munhurume akasimba zvikuru anorova munhukadzi ane utera zvikuru, asingazvidziviriri zvikuru? Murume ane tsika akasimba angaratidzira kurangarira nokunzwira tsitsi vane utera zvikuru navasingazvidziviriri zvikuru, asingavabati zvisina kufanira nokuda kwokubetserwa kwake amene.
Mumwe muenzanisiro wokufunga kwokusava nomufungo kwomurovi ndiro idi rokuti anowanzopomera mhaka mudzimai wake nokuda kwokudenha kurova. Angaratidzira, kana kuti kunyange kutaura kwaari, zvinhu zvakadai sokuti: ‘Hauna kuita izvi nenzira yakarurama. Ndokusaka ndiri kukurova.’ Kana kuti: ‘Zvokudya zvanonoka, naizvozvo uri kuwana bedzi zvawakafanirwa nazvo.’ Mundangariro yomurovi, imhaka yake. Zvisinei, hakuna chikanganiso chomumwe mukwanyina chinoruramisa kurova.
Chinwiwa Chinodhakisa Chinoita Musiano Here?
Chinwiwa chinodhakisa zvachinoderedza udzori uye chichimutsa bviro yokuita zvinhu pakusundwa, hakushamisi kuti vamwe vanorangarira kuti chinogona kunyandura kubata zvisina kufanira. Kazhinji kazhinji munhu anokwanisa kuchengeta udzori hwemirangariro yamasimba masimba paanenge asina kudhakwa, asi pashure pokunwa kushomanene, anova anorova. Chinwiwa chinodhakisa chagomadza masimba ake endangariro uye chaderedza mano ake okudzora kushatirwa kwake.
Vamwe, zvisinei, vanotaura kuti chinetso chakadzikwa zvikuru munhamo kupfuura muchinwiwa chinodhakisa icho chimene. Vanotaura kuti munhu anoshandisa chinwiwa chinodhakisa kuti agonane nenhamo munhu worudzi rumwe cheterwo angashandisa masimba masimba nokuda kwedonzo irero. Ikoku kunoreva kuti munwi angangova bedzi anorova zvakafanana paanenge asina kudhakwa saapo anenge akararadza. Kunyanguvezvo, kupi kana kupi kuri kurangarira muna ikoku, chinwiwa chinodhakisa zvamazvirokwazvo hachisati chiri chipariro chokudzora hasha dzako asi nguva dzose uchaita zvakasiana.
Nzira Iyo Manyuko Enhau Anopesvedzera Nayo Zviito
Terevhizheni, pamwe chete nebhaisikopo, vamwe vanotaura kudaro, inokurudzira chimiro chomurume ane simba nokuda kwavanhurume uye inodzidzisa kuti masimba masimba ndiwo nzira inotenderwa yokubata nayo nerwisano nokutsamwa. “Ndaifadzwa nokuita kwangu ndimene kukuru kubhaisikopo rinonzi Rambo,” anobvuma kudaro mumwe mupi zano wemhuri. “Nepo mumifungo yangu [yomukati] youkuru nokunzwa ndinotyiswa nokuuraya kukuru kwaRambo, kunzwa kwangu [kwomukati] kwouhwana kunomukurudzira kuti apfuurire kuuraya.”
Vana vakawanda zvavakaratidzirwa kuzviuru zvamaawa eterevhizheni ine zviito zvisingaverengeki zvamasimba masimba, kubata chibharo, uye kuderedzwa kwavamwe vanhu, zvikurukuru vakadzi, hakushamisi kuti vakawanda vanokura kuti vatevedzere miitiro iyoyo yokusagarisana munzanga. Uye handi vana bedzi vanotapurwa asi vakurawo.
Zvakare, zvikurukuru mumakore achangobva kupfuura aya, mwero wamasimba masimba makuru, utere, uye kuderedzwa kwavakadzi sezvinoratidzirwa paterevhizheni nomumabhaisikopo zvakawedzera nomutoo unocherekedzwa. Ikoku kunofanira kuipisisa masimba masimba omumba. Sokuwana kwakaita boka rokufeyafeya, pane “wirirano . . . yakajeka pakati pokuona masimba masimba nomuitiro wokudenha.”
Tapuro Dzokuva Woga
Upenyu hunoshaiwa onano nokudaro ushoma hunova hwavazhinji nhasi. Masupamaketi nezvitoro zvinoderedzera vatengi mitengo zvakatsiva magirosa ane ushamwari omunharaunda. Purogiramu yokuvandudza zvivako mumaguta, zvinetso zvemari, uye urovha zvinogombedzera mhuri kuva dzinofamba-famba. Mwero mukuru wamasimba masimba omumba unowanwa pakati paavo vasina onano dzakasimba dzefambidzano.
James C. Coleman, mubhuku rake rinonzi Intimate Relationships, Marriage, and the Family, anotsanangura chikonzero nei achifunga kuti ikoku ndiko kunoitika. Anonzwa kuti kuva ari oga kunoderedza kurukurirano dzine revo uye kunokuita kuve kwakaomera murovi kuona mugariro wake nomutoo une donzo uye kutsvaka betsero kushamwari inovimbwa nayo. Kusava neshamwari nehama dzapedyo dzokunyama vanogona kushanda sesimba rinonyevenutsa kunogonesa munhu kuita udyire hwake nomutoo uri nyore zvikuru, sezvo kufunga kwake kwakashata kusingadziviswi zuva nezuva navamwe vari pedyo naye. Kuri sokutaura kunoita Zvirevo 18:1, kuti: “Munhu unozviparadzanisa navamwe, unongotsvaka kuda kwake, unorwa nouchenjeri hwose kwahwo.”
Betsero nokuda Kwemhuri Yamasimba Masimba
Tangokurukura hedu bedzi chikamu chetsananguro dzakapiwa nokuda kwamasimba masimba omumba. Kune dzimwe. Zvataziva zvimwe zvezvisakiso, zvino toda kunzvera migariro. Kana munhu ari mumhuri yamasimba masimba, tsika yokurova inogona sei kudziviswa? Chii chiri murangariro weBhaibheri? Masimba masimba omumba achazombopera here? Nyaya iri papeji 10 ichakurukura iyi mibvunzo.
[Bhokisi/Mufananidzo uri papeji 9]
Masimba Masimba Ehasha—Kurwadzisa Zvakasimba Namashoko
MUKUROVA denho inoitwa nezvibhakera; muutsinye hwehasha denho inoitwa namashoko. Musiano bedzi chisarudzo chezvombo. Kuri sokutaura kunoita Zvirevo 12:18, kuti: “Mumwe uriko unotaura nokusarangarira zvinobaya somunondo, asi rurimi rwowakachenjera runoporesa.”
Masimba masimba ehasha ane ngozi yakadini, kubatanidza neizvi “zvinobaya somunondo”? Dr. Susan Forward anonyora, kuti: “Muuyo wacho wakafanana [somukurova]. Unongotyiswa bedzi, unonzwa bedzi sousina maturo, uye unova mumarwadzo makuru,” kutaura nenzira yehasha.
Masimba masimba ehasha anoitirwa mukwanyina: “Masimba masimba omuroorano haasati achingova kurova bedzi. Rutivi rukuru, zvimwe kunyange rukurusa, kutuka nehasha,” akadaro nyajambwa wenhambo refu. Kubata zvisina kufanira kungabatanidza kutuka, kupopota, kutsoropodza kwenguva dzose, denho dzokuzvidza, uye tyisidziro dzokurova.
Tsinhiro dzoupfini dzinozvidza, dzinodukupisa, kana kuti kutyisidzira dzinogona kuita kuvadziko yakakomba. Semvura inodonhera paruware, zviratidzo zvingaratidzika kuva zvisingakuvadzi pakutanga. Asi kuzvikudza kunokurumidza kukukurwa. “Kudai ndaizosarudza pakati pokurohwa nokutukwa, ndaizoda kurohwa nguva ipi neipi,” akataura kudaro mumwe mukadzi. “Unogona kuona mavanga,” akatsanangura kudaro, “naizvozvo zvimwe vanhu vanokunzwira urombo. Nokutuka, kunongokuita bedzi kuti ushatirwe zvikurusa. Maronda haaoneki. Hapana munhu anoitira hanya.”
Masimba masimba ehasha anoitirwa mwana: Iwaya angabatanidza kutsoropodzwa nokudukupiswa zvenguva dzose zvechitarisiko chomwana, ungwaru, kukwanisa, kana kuti ukoshi somunhu. Kunyomba kunokuvadza zvikurukuru. Vana vanowanzorangarira mashoko okunyomba nokuda kwerevo yawo inooneka, kwete kusarura pakati pechinotaurwa mukudisa nechinotaurwa “mumusere.” Chiremba wemhuri Sean Hogan-Downey anoti: “Mwana anonzwa kuvadziko, asi munhu ari wose ari kuseka, naizvozvo anodzidza kusavimba nokunzwa kwake.”
Nokudaro, mune zvinoitika zvizhinjisa, pane zvokwadi mune icho wezvenhau weScottland nomunyori werondedzero Thomas Carlyle akambotaura, kuti: “Ndinorangarira kunyomba zvino kuva, zvikurukuru, mutauro waDhiabhorosi; chiri chikonzero icho, ndakanguve, ndakushora chose chose.”
Joy Byers, nyanzvi yokubatwa zvisina kufanira kwavana, inoti: “Kurova kungakuvadza mwana, asi unogona kukuvadza mudzimu womwana, uye ndizvo izvo mutoo wenguva dzose wamashoko okutuka omubereki unogona kuita.” Magazini inonzi FLEducator inotsinhira, kuti: “Mukusafanana namavanga anogona kuonwa ndokupera, kutuka kunoparira chinjo dzisingaoneki mundangariro yomwana nohunhu idzo dzinochinja kwechigarire huchokwadi hwake nokuitirana navamwe.”
[Mufananidzo uri papeji 7]
Kuratidzirwa kumasimba masimba kune pesvedzero yakasimba pakuzvibata kwomunguva yemberi kwomwana