Dɛn na Ɛde Fie Basabasayɛ Ba?

“Sɛ́ anka abusua no bɛyɛ guankɔbea afi ɔhaw ahorow, nhyɛso, ne nneɛma a ntease nnim a ɛkɔ so wɔ fie no akyi ho no, ɛte sɛ nea ɛtaa de ɔhaw ahorow yi ba anaa ɛma ɛyɛ kɛse.”​—The Intimate Environment​—Exploring Marriage and the Family.

SƐ WƆDE toto nneɛma afoforo ho a, abusua mu basabasayɛ ho nhwehwɛmu yɛ adeyɛ foforo. Nnansa yi ara mfe du du mu na wɔayɛ ho nhwehwɛmu ahorow a ɛkɔ akyiri. Ebia nea efi nhwehwɛmu ahorow a ɛte sɛɛ mu ba no ne ne ho nhyia bere nyinaa de, nanso wɔahu nneɛma atitiriw a ɛde fie basabasayɛ ba no bi. Momma yɛnhwɛ eyinom bi.

Nkɛntɛnso Bɛn na Abusua a Obi fi mu Wɔ?

Nhwehwɛmufo binom kae wɔ nea wohui no ho sɛ: “Dodow a awarefo a yebisabisaa wɔn nsɛm no yɛ basabasa no, dodow no ara na wɔn mma nso yɛ basabasa tia wɔn ho wɔn ho ne wɔn awofo.”

Abusua mu basabasayɛ a abofra hwɛ ara kwa no nya ne so nkɛntɛnso kɛse. Nneyɛe ho ɔbenfo John Bradshaw ka sɛ: “Abofra a ohu sɛ wɔhwe ne maame no te sɛ abofra no a wɔhwe no ara pɛ.” Ná abofra bi a wɔfrɛ no Ed kyi sɛ obehu sɛ ne papa rehwe ne maame. Nanso, ɛwom sɛ ebia na ɔnhyɛɛ no nsow de, nanso na wɔretete no ma wagye adi sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ mmarima di mmea so, na nea ɛbɛyɛ na wɔayɛ saa no, ɛsɛ sɛ mmarima hunahuna wɔn yerenom, pira wɔn, na wobu wɔn animtiaa. Bere a Ed bɛyɛɛ ɔpanyin no, ɔde ne yere faa animtiaabu ne basabasayɛ akwan a ɛte saa ara so.

Awofo binom de anifere bara wɔn mma sɛ wɔnnhwɛ basabasayɛ wɔ Television so, na ɛno yɛ ade pa. Nanso ɛsɛ sɛ awofo yɛ anifere kɛse koraa wɔ wɔn ankasa nneyɛe a wɔbɛhyɛ so, sɛ nkurɔfo a wɔn mma a wɔhyɛ ade nsow no hwɛ wɔn sua wɔn mu.

Ɔfã Bɛn na Ɔhaw Nya?

Te sɛ nneɛma afoforo no, nyinsɛn, adwuma a wonnya nyɛ, ɔwofo bi wu, atrae a wonnya, ɔyare, ne sikasɛm ho nsɛnnennen de ɔhaw ba. Nnipa dodow no ara di ɔhaw ho dwuma a wɔnyɛ basabasa. Nanso ebinom fam no, ɔhaw tumi kowie basabasayɛ mu, titiriw sɛ nneɛma afoforo ka ho a. Sɛ́ nhwɛso no, ɔwofo a wanyin a wɔhwɛ no no​—titiriw sɛ ɔwofo no yare a​—de basabasayɛ aba mpɛn pii, bere a abusua mu asɛyɛde afoforo ahyɛ nea ɔhwɛ no no so no.

Mmofra ntetee de ɔhaw ba. Enti, ebetumi aba mpɛn pii sɛ wɔbɛyɛ mmofra basabasa bere a abusua no mu trɛw no. Mmofra betumi ama ayayade a wɔyɛ ɔhokafo no nso ayɛ kɛse efisɛ sɛnea Behind Closed Doors kyerɛ no, “ɛyɛ mmofra ho akasakasa na ɛtaa ma awarefo ko.”

Mmea ne Mmarima ho Adwene a Ɛnteɛ

Dan Bajorek a odi afotufo kuw bi anim wɔ Canada no ka sɛ mmarima a wɔyɛ basabasa no wɔ mmea ho adwene a ɛnteɛ: “Ɛmfa ho beae ko a wɔtetee wɔn no, wɔatete wɔn ma wɔagye adi sɛ mmarima kyɛn so.” Hamish Sinclair a odi nhyehyɛe bi a wɔde siesie mmarima a wɔyɛ basabasa anim no ka sɛ, wɔtete mmarima ma wogye di sɛ wɔn ho hia sen mmea, ne sɛ wɔwɔ hokwan sɛ “wɔtwe wɔn aso, wɔteɛ wɔn so anaasɛ wohunahuna wɔn.”

Wɔ nsase pii so no, wobu ɔbarima sɛ ɔwɔ hokwan sɛ ɔyɛ ne yere te sɛ n’agyapade foforo bi ara kwa. Wobu obi yere a odi no so na ɔhyɛ no so no sɛ ne barimayɛ ne ne nidi fã. Mpɛn pii no, wɔhwe ɔyerenom pasaa na wɔyɛ wɔn ayayade wɔ akwan afoforo so, na mmarahyɛ ahyehyɛde ahorow no nka ho hwee, efisɛ ɛno ne nea nsase a ɛte saa mufo gye tom. Ɔbarima korɔn, na ɔbea ba fam; ɛsɛ sɛ ɔbea no de obu korakora ma no, ɛmfa ho sɛ ebia onni nidi, ɔyɛ basabasa, ɔwɔ akɔnnɔ bɔne, anaa ɔyɛ pɛsɛmenkominya no.

CBS Television so dwumadi amanneɛbɔfo Morley Safer bɔɔ Amerika Kesee Fam ɔman bi ho amanneɛ sɛ: “Latin Amerika baabiara nni hɔ a gyidi a wɔwɔ sɛ mmarima kyɛn so no da adi kɛse sen hɔ . . . Ɛka abusuabɔ biara, a asennibea ka ho, a ɔbarima betumi akum obi mpo de abɔ ne nidi ho ban a onsuro asotwe, titiriw sɛ onii no yɛ ne yere anaa ne mpena a.” Ɔkyerɛe sɛ “asase so baabiara nni hɔ a wobu mmea animtiaa” te sɛ nea wɔyɛ wɔ saa ɔman no mu. Nanso mmarima nhyɛso ne mmea animtiaabu abu so. Ɛnkɔ so wɔ ɔman biako mu, ɛmfa ho sɛnea emu betumi ayɛ den wɔ hɔ no.

Minna Schulman, New York ahyehyɛde bi a ɛhwɛ fie basabasayɛ ne mmara sodi so panyin, kae sɛ basabasayɛ ne adwinnade a mmarima de di dwuma na wɔakɔ so adi mmea so, na wɔakyerɛ ahoɔden ne tumi a wɔwɔ wɔ wɔn so. Ɔde kaa ho sɛ: “Yehu fie basabasayɛ sɛ ahoɔden ne tumi a wɔmfa nni dwuma ɔkwampa so.”

Wɔn a wɔhwe wɔn yerenom binom te nka sɛ wɔba fam, ade koro no ara a wɔma ɛba wɔn yerenom so no. Sɛ wotumi yɛ saa de a, ɛnde wobenya wɔn ho mu ahotoso, wɔbɛte nka sɛ wɔkorɔn na wɔwɔ onipa foforo so tumi ɔkwan bi so. Wɔte nka sɛ wɔda wɔn mmarimasɛm adi wɔ saa kwan yi so. Nanso, so ɛte saa? Esiane sɛ wɔde wɔn basabasayɛ no kɔ mmea a wɔn ho nyɛ den pii so no nti, so ɛkyerɛ sɛ wɔyɛ mmarima a wɔwɔ ahoɔden ampa, anaa ɛkyerɛ mmom sɛ wonnim nyansa? So ɛyɛ mmarimasɛm ankasa sɛ ɔbarima a ne ho yɛ den, bɛhwe ɔbea a ɔyɛ mmerɛw na ontumi mmɔ ne ho ban no? Ɔbarima a ɔwɔ suban pa besusuw wɔn a wɔyɛ mmerɛw na wontumi mmɔ wɔn ho ban kɛse no ho na wahu wɔn mmɔbɔ, ɛnyɛ sɛ obesisi wɔn.

Ade foforo a ɛkyerɛ sɛ basabasayɛfo no nsusuw nsɛm ho nyansam ne sɛ ɔtaa nunu ne yere sɛ ɔno na ɔma ɔhwe no. Obetumi akyerɛ, anaa waka nsɛm a ɛte sɛɛ mpo akyerɛ no: ‘Woanyɛ eyi yiye nti na merehwe wo no.’ Anaa: ‘Aduan aka akyiri, enti nea ɛfata wo ara na wurenya no.’ Wɔ basabasayɛfo no adwenem no, efi ɔbea no. Nanso, ne hokafo no sintɔ biara nni hɔ a ɛma ntease ba ɔhwe mu.

So Nsã Sakra Biribi?

Esiane sɛ nsã brɛ ahosodi ase na ɛma obi taa fi nkate mu yɛ ade nti, ɛnyɛ nwonwa sɛ ebinom te nka sɛ ebetumi akanyan basabasayɛ. Mpɛn pii no, sɛ obi ani so da hɔ a, otumi di nkate horow a ɛma ɔyɛ basabasa so, nanso bere a ɔnom nsã kakra no, ɔyɛ basabasa. Nsã no abrɛ ne nsusuwii ne tumi a ɔwɔ sɛ odi n’abufuw so no ase.

Nanso, afoforo kyerɛ sɛ asɛnnennen no fi ɔhaw titiriw mmom sen nsã no ankasa. Wɔka sɛ onipa a ɔde nsã gyina ɔhaw ano no ara ne onipa a obetumi de basabasayɛ ayɛ saa ara. Eyi kyerɛ sɛ ɔsanomfo betumi ayɛ basabasa bere a n’ani so da hɔ ne bere a wabow nsã no. Nanso, ɛmfa ho sɛnea wosusuw eyi ho no, ɛda adi sɛ nsã mma obi nni ne nkate horow so, na mmom ɛtaa yɛ n’abirabɔ.

Sɛnea Nsɛm Amanneɛbɔ Ahorow Nya Nneyɛe so Nkɛntɛnso

Ebinom kyerɛ sɛ, Television so dwumadi ne sini hyɛ mmarima nkuran sɛ wonni ahoɔdensɛm, na ɛkyerɛkyerɛ sɛ basabasayɛ yɛ ɔkwampa a wɔfa so di ntawntawdi ne abufuw ho dwuma. Abusua ɔfotufo bi gye tom sɛ: “M’ani gyei sɛnea Rambo sini no kanyan m’ankasa kɛse no ho. Bere a me [mu] nsusuwii ne nkate sɛ́ ɔpanyin maa mebɔɔ hu wɔ nnipa mpempem a Rambo kunkum wɔn no ho no, me [mu] mmofra nkate hyɛɛ no nkuran sɛ ɔnkɔ so.”

Esiane sɛ mmofra pii de nnɔnhwerew mpempem pii hwɛ nneyɛe pii a ɛfa basabasayɛ, mmonnaato, nnipa afoforo a wobu wɔn animtiaa, titiriw mmea, ho wɔ Television so nti, ɛnyɛ nwonwa sɛ pii nyin bɛyɛ nneɛma bɔne a ɛte saa ara tia afoforo. Na ɛnyɛ mmofra nko na ɛka wɔn, na mmom mpanyimfo nso.

Afei, wɔ nnansa yi mfe mu titiriw no, basabasayɛ, ɔbrasɛe, ne mmea a wobu wɔn animtiaa, a ɛkɔ akyiri a woyi kyerɛ wɔ Television so ne sini ahorow mu no akɔ soro yiye. Nea eyi betumi ayɛ ara ne sɛ ɛbɛma fie basabasayɛ ayɛ kɛse. Sɛnea nhwehwɛmu kuw bi hui no, “abusuabɔ fann bi wɔ . . . basabasayɛ a wɔhwɛ ne basabasayɛ a wɔyɛ mu.”

Nea Obi ho a Ɔtew de Ba

Ɛnnɛ, nnipa pii te nka sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wɔtew wɔn ho fi afoforo ho. Nkurɔfo tɔ nea wohia wɔ sotɔɔ akɛse a wonnim obiara wɔ hɔ mu sen sɛ wɔbɛtɔ afi adetɔnfo a wonim wɔn a ebia wɔne wɔn bɛbɔ nkɔmmɔ nkyɛn. Nkuropɔn mu asiesie, sikasɛm ho nsɛnnennen, ne adwuma a wonnya nyɛ hyɛ mmusua ma wɔntra faako. Wohu fie basabasayɛ kɛse wɔ wɔn a wɔntaa ne afoforo mmɔ pii mu.

James C. Coleman kyerɛ nea entia osusuw sɛ eyi te saa wɔ ne nhoma, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, and the Family mu. Ɔte nka sɛ tew a obi tew ne ho no mma ɔntaa nya nkɔmmɔbɔ a mfaso wɔ so, na ɛma ɛyɛ den sɛ basabasayɛfo bi behu sɛnea ne tebea no te ankasa, na wahwehwɛ mmoa afi adamfo a ɔwɔ ne mu ahotoso bi hɔ. Nnamfo ne abusuafo a wɔbɛn obi a wobetumi asiw nsɛm ano a onni betumi ama ayɛ mmerɛw ama no sɛ ɔbɛyɛ ade pɛsɛmenkominya mu, esiane sɛ afoforo a wɔbɛn no nsiw ne nsusuwii a ɛnteɛ no ano daa nti, Ɛte sɛ nea Mmebusɛm 18:1 ka no: “Nea watew ne ho no hwehwɛ anoyi daa, na ade biara ho yɛ no ahi.”

Mmoa ma Mmusua a Basabasayɛ Wom

Yɛasusuw nkyerɛkyerɛmu ahorow a wɔde ma wɔ fie basabasayɛ ho mu kakraa bi ho. Afoforo wɔ hɔ. Bere a yɛahu nneɛma a ɛde ba no mu bi no, afei ehia sɛ yɛhwehwɛ ano aduru ahorow. Sɛ obi wɔ abusua a basabasayɛ wom mu a, ɔbɛyɛ dɛn asiw basabasayɛ su no ano? Dɛn ne Bible no adwene? So fie basabasayɛ begyae da bi? Asɛm a ɛwɔ kratafa 10 no bebua nsemmisa yi.

[Box/Mfonini wɔ kratafa 9]

Nkate mu Basabasayɛ Nsɛm a Wɔka ma Epira Yiye

WƆDE twɛre na edi dwuma wɔ ɔhwe mu; wɔ nkate mu basabasayɛ mu no, wɔde ɔkasa na etua. Nsonsonoe a ɛwom ara ne nea obi paw de di dwuma no. Ɛte sɛ nea Mmebusɛm 12:18 ka no: “Ɛwɔ nea ɔworo kasa sɛ nkrante nwowɔe, na onyansafo tɛkrɛma sa yare.”

Asiane bɛn na ɛwɔ nkate mu basabasayɛ mu, a “nkrate nwowɔe” yi ka ho? Ɔbenfo Susan Forward kyerɛw sɛ: “Nea efi mu ba no te [sɛ ɔhwe] ara. Saa ara na wusuro, saa ara na w’abam bu, na saa ara na ɛyɛ yaw,” wɔ nkate kwan so.

Ahokafo a wɔyɛ wɔn basabasa wɔ nkate mu: Obi a wahyia basabasayɛ akyɛ kae sɛ: “Aware mu basabasayɛ nyɛ ɔhwe nko. Ne fã kɛse, ebia nea ɛsen biara mpo, ne ɔkasatia ne nkate mu de.” Basabasayɛ no bi betumi ayɛ edin a wɔde frɛ obi, nteɛteɛm, daa kasatia, ɔyaw a wɔde bu animtiaa, ne ɔhwe a wɔde hunahuna obi.

Nsɛm a ɛnteɛ a wɔka a ebu obi abomfiaa, ɛhyɛ no aniwu, anaa ehunahuna no betumi apira no kɛse. Te sɛ nsu a ɛsosɔ gu ɔbotan so no, ebia mfiase no ɛbɛyɛ te sɛ nea nneyɛe a ebu abomfiaa no nsɛe hwee. Nanso ɛnkyɛ na asɛe obi ho mu ahotoso a ɔwɔ. Ɔbea bi ka sɛ: “Sɛ anka ɛsɛ sɛ mepaw ɔhwe ne ɔkasatia mu biako a, anka mɛma wɔahwe me bere nyinaa.” Ɔkyerɛɛ mu sɛ: “Wobetumi ahu opira no, enti anyɛ yiye koraa wobɛyɛ nkurɔfo mmɔbɔ. Wɔ ɔkasa fam basabasayɛ mu no, ɛma wo botow dodow. Wonhu opira no. Ɛmfa obiara ho.”

Mmofra a wɔyɛ wɔn basabasa wɔ nkate mu: Eyi betumi ayɛ abofra a wɔkasa tia no daa, ne sɛnea ɔte, ne nyansa, ne mmɔdenbɔ, anaasɛ ɛbo a ɔsom sɛ onipa a wobu no abomfiaa. Ɔyaw pira yiye. Mmofra taa fa ɔyaw sɛnea ɛte ara, a wonyiyi nea wɔka no anibere so ne nea wɔde di “agoru” mu. Abusua mu nneyɛe ho ɔbenfo Sean Hogan-Downey ka sɛ: “Abofra no di yaw, nanso obiara serew, enti osua sɛ onnya ahotoso wɔ sɛnea ɔte nka mu.”

Enti, mpɛn pii no, nea Scotlandni abakɔsɛm ne adwenkyerɛ kyerɛwfo Thomas Carlyle kae bere bi no yɛ nokware sɛ: “Mprempren mibu ɔyaw nyinaa sɛ Ɔbonsam kasa; enti na mifi bere tenten apow koraa no.”

Joy Byers, mmofra a wɔyɛ wɔn ayayade ho ɔbenfo se: “Ɔhwe betumi akum abofra, nanso wubetumi akum honhom no nso, na ɛno na nsɛm a ɛmfata a awofo taa ka betumi ayɛ.” Nsɛmma nhoma FLEducator ka sɛ: “Sɛnea ɛnte sɛ opira a wotumi hu na efi hɔ a nkate mu basabasayɛ de nsakra a wontumi nhu ba abofra adwene ne ne nipasu so, na ɛsɛe sɛnea ɔte ankasa ne sɛnea ɔne afoforo di no korakora.”

[Mfonini wɔ kratafa 7]

Basabasayɛ a abofra hu no nya no so nkɛntɛnso kɛse wɔ akyiri yi nneyɛe mu