Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Yintoni Eyingozi Ekusebenziseni Amazwi Ayimpoxo?

‘Akusemhle ngako akwaba ubuzibonile!’

‘Ayisentle nje loo lokhwe. Akwaba ubufumene ekulinganayo!’

‘Ndagqibela ukubona abantu abazithambise ngolo hlobo esekesini.’

AMAZWI abukhali ngolo hlobo, ingakhathaliseki injongo yokuthethwa kwawo, anokumthob’ isidima kakhulu lowo abhekiswa kuye. Kwanaxa ethethwe ngokuqhula, amazwi ayimpoxo anokudala ubutshaba, anokukhubekisa, ade aphelise nobuhlobo.

Noko ke, kusenokuba “unesiphiwo” sokuphoxa. Abahlobo bayagigitheka kwiziqhulo zakho ezihlabayo nakwindlela ophoxa ngayo. Bakuqhwabela izandla baze bakukhuthaze ukuba uthethe amazwi obuchule angakumbi. Okanye kusenokuba amazwi ayimpoxo aye aba yindlela eyintloko oyisebenzisayo yokuzikhusela. Uxhobe ngamazwi anjengekrele, wenzakalisa uze ulimaze nabani na ozisa naluphi na uhlobo lwesisongelo kubuntu bakho​—⁠okanye kwisidima sakho. Usenokude ngamathuba athile uzifumane uthetha amazwi abukhali kubazali bakho okanye kumntakwenu okanye kudade wenu.

Ukuphoxa kunexesha lako. Xa kungabaxwa, kunokuhlekisa. Yaye ngamanye amaxesha ukuphoxa kusenokuba yindlela yokuphalaza iimvakalelo ezinzulu. Kaloku, iBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba umpostile uPawulos, uYobhi, noThixo ngokwakhe wawasebenzisa amazwi ayimpoxo ukuvakalisa ingqumbo yobulungisa. (Yobhi 12:⁠2; Zekariya 11:​13; 2 Korinte 12:​13) Noko ke, amazwi ayimpoxo angabonakalisi bubele okanye akrwada ayafana nje nokuba nogonyamelo nengcwangu. Njengokuba umbhali uMary Susan Miller ebonisa kwincwadi yakhe ethi Childstress!, ayindlela “yokuhlaba neyokugebenga,” kuphela “ngezixhobo ezamkeleke ngakumbi ekuhlaleni” kunemipu okanye iimela.

Sekunjalo, abaninzi bakujonga ukuthetha amazwi ahlabayo nayimpoxo njengenye indlela yokuhlekisa. Ngoko, yintoni eyenzakalisayo ekwenzeni oko?

Ngaba Kukuzonwabisa Nje Okungenabungozi?

UEric uthi, “Kwindawo endisebenza kuyo wonke umntu uyawasebenzisa amazwi ayimpoxo. Amaxesha amaninzi athathwa njengesiqhulo.” Okubangela umdla kukuba, iThe New York Times inikela le ngxelo: “Ngokuphindaphindiweyo oogqirha bezigulo zengqondo bathi . . . amadoda asabela ngendlela entle kwiziqhulo ‘ezirhabaxa’ kunabafazi.” Ngoko, amakhwenkwe akwishumi elivisayo akuthanda gqitha ukuncitha, ukuxhokonkxa, nokuxwaxwa abanye ngamazwi.

Kuyavunywa ukuba, amazwi ayimpoxo angekho qatha anokuhlekisa. Kodwa xa amazwi ayimpoxo ebonakalisa ukubajongela phantsi abanye, loo amazwi ahlabayo asenokuhlala ithuba elide emva kokuba kuyekiwe ukuhlekwa. (Thelekisa IMizekeliso 14:​13.) Ngokufuthi umdlalo wemfazwe yeziqhulo uba yimpikiswano eshushu. Kunjengokuba omnye umfana esithi: “Xa ubuhlungu gqitha yinto ethethwe ngumntu othile kuwe, usenokusabela ngokuziphindezelela ngeyona nto ibuhlungu onokucinga ngayo. Ngoko, ayisekokuqhula nje, ngokwenene uzama ukwenzakalisa omnye umntu. Yaye amazwi ayimpoxo asenokuba sisixhobo esiphumelela ngokugqithiseleyo.”

Enyanisweni, igama lesiNgesi eliguqulelwe ngokuthi “impoxo” lisuka kwisenzi sesiGrike esithetha ngokoqobo “ukudlavula inyama njengezinja.” (Thelekisa eyabaseGalati 5:​15.) Njengokuba inja isebenzisa amazinyo ayo abukhali ukudlavula inyama ukuyisusa ethanjeni, umntu ophoxayo unokuthoba isidima somnye umntu. Kunjengokuba iJournal of Contemporary Ethnography isithi: “Umongo wamazwi ayimpoxo . . . yintiyo okanye indelelo ephandle.” Akukhathaliseki nokuba luhlaselo oluthe ngqo, ukukuthoba isidima okuchuliweyo, okanye ukushiywa lulwimi. Amazwi ayimpoxo, angabonakalisi bubele abangela omnye abe yinto yokuhlekisa​—⁠ixhoba.

Oku kuba nayiphi imiphumo? Kunjengokuba uJosh oneminyaka eli-19 ubudala ekubeka oku ngokuthi: “Amazwi ayimpoxo anokukwenza uzive usisiyatha ngokwenene.” Noko ke, umonakalo usenokuhlala ithuba elide. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Toxic Parents, uGqr. Susan Forward uthetha ngemiphumo yokusetyenziswa kakubi kwamazwi ngabazali esithi: “Ndiye ndabona amawaka abaguli abaye bonakalelwa yimvakalelo yokuzixabisa ngenxa yokuba umzali eye . . . ‘waqhula’ ngendlela abaziziyatha ngayo okanye ababi okanye ababengafunwa ngayo.” Ngoko, khawuthelekelele oko kunokuba ngumphumo wokuphoxisa ngokukhohlakeleyo ngomhlobo wakho, umntu omqhelileyo, okanye umntakwenu okanye udade wenu. UGqr. Forward uqukumbela ngelithi: “Ukuhlekisa ngokugxeka kusenokwenzakalisa gqitha.”​—⁠Thelekisa IMizekeliso 26:​18, 19.

Ngoko, akumangalisi ukuba incwadi engokukhula komntwana yaqukumbela ngelithi: “Amazwi ayimpoxo . . . afanelwe angasetyenziswa kwaphela kwintetho yabantu. Ngokuqhelekileyo ayakhubekisa, ngokufuthi ahlaba ngokunzulu, yaye phantse ukuba awakhe akhokelele kwincoko eyakhayo phakathi kwabantu.”

Kuphephe Ukuvel’ Uthethe

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba ukusebenzisa intetho eyimpoxo kuye kwangumkhwa osegazini kuwe? Ngoko lixesha lokuba ufunde ukucinga ngaphambi kokuba uthethe. Isilumko uKumkani uSolomon sathi: “Uyayibona indoda engxamileyo ngamazwi ayo? Kukho ithemba ngesinyabi kunayo.”​—⁠IMizekeliso 29:⁠20.

Ukuvel’ uthethe kunokubangela umonakalo omkhulu ngokukhethekileyo phakathi kwamalungu entsapho. Ngoba? UPenny oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala ucacisa esithi, “Kuba iingcamango zabo zezona zinto zithetha lukhulu kuwe.” Kanti, incwadi ethi Raising Good Children icaphula amazwi omcebisi kwezemfundo uJohn Holt athi: “Ngokufuthi amalungu entsapho akhuphelana iimbilini ngentlungu nodandatheko lobomi bawo nto leyo angenakuyenza komnye umntu.” Amalungu entsapho azana kakhulu kangangokuba atyekela ekungazinyamezelini iintsilelo zabanye; ngokulula nje kusuka kugqabhuke imisindo, yaye emva koko kugityiselwana ngamazwi aphoxayo.

Ngesizathu esilungileyo iBhayibhile iluleka isithi: “Ebuninzini bamazwi akusweleki sono; owubambayo umlomo wakhe unengqondo.” (IMizekeliso 10:​19) Kunjengokuba uJoanne oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala wafunda: “Ufanele ucinge ngomntu othetha naye nangoko uza kukuthetha ngaphambi kokuba uthethe.” Ukuba uzifumanisa uphazamisekile ngokweemvakalelo, musa ukungxama ngokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho. Kunoko, nqumama okomzuzwana uze uzibuze: ‘Ngaba la mazwi endinqwenela ukuwathetha ngawobubele? Ngaba ayimfuneko? Ngaba ndiya kuzisola kamva ngoko ndikuthethileyo?’

Ngokuwakhetha amazwi akho ngenyameko, unokukuphepha ukwenzakalisa iimvakalelo zabanye, yaye uzisindisa kwiintloni nokudana okungeyomfuneko.

Xa Ulixhoba

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba nguwe ophoxwayo, mhlawumbi ngabahlobo okanye ngabo ufunda nabo esikolweni? Ngaphambi kokuba uvumele umkhwa wokuziphindezela, qonda ukuba siphila ‘kumaxesha anomngcipheko.’ (2 Timoti 3:​1-⁠5) Ulutsha lujamelana neengcinezelo ezinkulu. Incwadi ethi The Loneliness of Children ithi: “Abantwana . . . bazisa kwizikolo abafunda kuzo lonke ikhethe, ingqumbo, iingcwangu, nobutshaba obungaphakathi ababufundiswe ekhaya.” Ubutshaba obunjalo ngokufuthi bukhutshwa ngentetho ekhohlakeleyo.

Ukwazi oku kunokukunceda ukuba uphephe utyekelo lokuziphindezela xa ulixhoba. (Thelekisa IMizekeliso 19:​11.) Kukwaluncedo ukukhumbula amazwi ompostile uPawulos athi: “Ningabuyekezi ububi ngobubi nakubani.” (Roma 12:​17) ‘Ukumguqulela esinye isidlele’ umntu oye wakuqhwaba ngamazwi kufuna ukuzeyisa kokwenene. (Mateyu 5:​39) Kodwa akuthethi ukuba umele ungathabathi nyathelo kwaphela xa intetho eyimpoxo ifikelela ekubeni sisithuko​—⁠okanye isisongelo. Incwadi ethi Violence, uIrwin Kutash angomnye wababhali bayo, ithi: “Izikhubekiso ezingaphindezelwanga ngokunempumelelo zisenokuba nemiphumo emibi gqitha kumaxhoba . . . Ngokulula la maxhoba aba zizisulu zokuphathwa kakubi okongezelelekileyo.”

Ngoko ke, maxa wambi iimeko zisenokukuvumela ukuba uluchase uhlaselo lwamazwi, kungekhona ngokuphindisa ngamazwi anobutshaba, kodwa ngokuthetha ngasese ngokuzolileyo nangoxolo naloo mtshabhisi.a (IMizekeliso 15:⁠1) UJoanne wakuzama oku, exelela umntwana afunda naye wathi: “Andikhange ndiyithande la nto ubuyithetha phambi kwabafundi. Indikhubekise kakhulu.” Waba yintoni umphumo? UJoanne uthi: “Ukususela ngoko uye wandihlonela yaye akazange aphinde athethe enye into.”

Noko ke, uDavid oneminyaka engamashumi amabini ubudala walatha komnye umthombo wentetho eyenzakalisayo, esithi: “Abazali bakho bafanele babe ngabona bakuthandayo; kanti, maxa wambi baba ngabona bakwenzakalisayo ngamazwi.” Kakade ke, ngokufuthi oku bakwenza bengakuqondi; bezama ukukulungisa, ngokungazi bakwenzakalisa ngokunzulu. Kutheni ungazami ukuthetha nabazali bakho ngako, ubazise indlela ovakalelwa ngayo? Mhlawumbi baya kuzixhalabela ngakumbi iimvakalelo zakho kwixesha elizayo.

Ekugqibeleni, uya kuncedakala ukuba awuzixhalabisi gqitha ngeemvakalelo zakho. Umbhali uDonald W. Ball uthi: “Ukuphumelela kwamazwi ayimpoxo . . . kuxhomekeke kwimiphumo ethelekelelwayo.” Ewe, musa ukuzibaxa izinto ngokucinga ukuba uye wenzakaliswa ngendlela engenakulungiswa ngenxa yamazwi angabonakalisi bubele. Yiba noburharha!

Noko ke, eyona ndlela ilunge ngakumbi yokuphepha ukuba lixhoba lempoxo, kukuphepha ukuyisebenzisa wena ngokwakho. UMthetho Omkhulu uthi: “Zonke izinto ngoko enisukuba ninga bangazenza abantu kuni, yenzani ezikwanjalo nani kubo.” (Mateyu 7:​12) Xa usebenzisa lo mthetho, unokukuphepha ukuyisebenzisa​—⁠mhlawumbi nokuba lixhoba layo⁠—​intetho eyimpoxo, eyenzakalisayo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Amazwi ayimpoxo anokwenzakalisa