IKrismesi—Ngaba Iziindleko Ngakumbi Kunokuba Ucinga?

“MAMA, Tata—ngaba ukho ngokwenene uSanta Claus [Father Christmas]?” Esi sisihlandlo sokuthetha inyaniso esisenokuba nemiphumo engathandekiyo abasoyikayo abazali abaninzi. Amehlo akhe ebonakalisa ukudana nokukhathazeka, uJimmy oneminyaka esixhenxe ubudala ucela abazali bakhe ukuba bamqinisekise enoba ukho ngokwenene kusini na lo mntu wasentsomini umphathele zonke ezo zipho zihle—nokuba abazali bakhe bebengamxokisi.

Okwenzekayo kukuba, oyena mntu wabangela konke oku yinkwenkwana yommelwane eyabhenca le nyaniso ikhwankqisayo ibashiya aba bazali behlazekile. Mhlawumbi nawe izinto ozikhumbulayo ezenzeka xa wawusengumntwana ziquka okufanayo noku.

Imibhiyozo yanamhlanje yeholide ingaphezulu kunokuba zizikhumbuzo nje ezingokonqulo. Kuyabonakala ukuba, iKrismesi, iye yamkeleka kwiindawo ebekungalindelekanga kuzo. AmaBhuda aseJapan, abemi baseAfrika abakholelwa kwimimoya, amaYuda aseMerika namaSilamsi aseSingapore ngokufanayo aye ayamkela le ndoda yondlekileyo, inxibe iimpahla ezibomvu nenikela izipho. Enye inkokeli yonqulo yabuza, “Ngaba iKrismesi ayikhange ibe yiholide yazwenibanzi ebhiyozelwa ngabantu bonke?”

Kwabaninzi, iKrismesi ibangele ukuba kusasazeke isinxibo esithile “samaKristu” saseNtshona yaye iye yasisihlandlo esivuyisayo semibhiyozo yokuzonwabisa kubo bonke. Abantwana bawuthanda ngokwenene lo mbhiyozo. Abantu abathile bade bacinge ukuba liyinene elokuba umntwana akanakuze aphile ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle kolu lonwabo lungaka lubangelwa yile holide. Kubonakala ngathi, yinto engasoze iphele. Inkqubo yesikolo icwangciswa ngokunxulumene nayo. Umabonwakude uyayizukisa. Iindawo zentengiso neevenkile ezithengisa izinto ezahlukahlukeneyo ziyayibhengeza. Abazali bachitha ixesha nemali eninzi kwiKrismesi. Kodwa ngaphandle kwemiphumo eqhelekileyo yetyala elingumthwalo, ngaba kukho ixabiso elikhulu ngakumbi elisenokuhlawulwa yintsapho yakho?

Intsomi KaSanta—Ngaba Kukupheliswa Kwentembelo?

UJohn oneminyaka esixhenxe ubudala waxelela unina oku, “Andikholelwa ukuba ukho uThixo.” Licacisa isizathu sokuba athethe oku inqaku leWorld Herald lithi: “Kuyabonakala ukuba, ngentsasa yaloo mini uJohn wafumanisa ukuba uSanta Claus wayengengomntu wokwenene. Ngoko waxelela unina ukuba, kusenokwenzeka ukuba noThixo aka ngomuntu wokwenene.” Ekhumbula indlela awaqhathwa ngayo esemncinane, uJohn oneminyaka engama-25 ubudala wathi: “Xa abazali bexelela abantwana babo ukuba uSanta ukho ngokwenene, ndicinga ukuba mhlawumbi oko kukupheliswa kwentembelo.”

Yintoni efanele yenziwe ngale meko inobuzaza kangaka? Iingcali ngabantwana azivumelani ngoku. Enye yakhuthaza abazali ukuba babaxelele inyaniso abantwana babo xa bekubudala beminyaka emithandathu okanye esixhenxe, ilumkisa ngelithi “eneneni oku kusenokuzenzakalisa iingqondo zabo ukuba abazali baqhubeka bebalisa le ntsomi.”

Kwincwadi ethi Why Kids Lie—How Parents Can Encourage Truthfulness, uGqr. Paul Ekman uthi: “Alithandabuzeki elokuba nina njengabazali ninempembelelo ebalulekileyo ebantwaneni benu xa kufikelelwa kwisimo sengqondo, iinkolelo nakwizinto ezenziwa ngabantu ezinjengokuxoka okanye ukuqhatha.” UEkman uyaqhubeka esithi: “Ulwalamano lusenokungafani nakuqala nje ukuba ubuxoki bubangele ukuba intembelo iphele. Akuyondlwan’ iyanetha ukwakha intembelo kwakhona; maxa wambi ayiphindi ibe sabakho kwaphela.” Ngoko kutheni uqhubeka nokukhohlisa xa kufikelela kwindima yezipho zeholide?

Omnye owenza uhlolisiso ngabantwana wathi: “Ndicinga ukuba abantwana benzakala ngakumbi xa abazali bebaxelela ubuxoki yaye bebakhohlisa kunokufumanisa ukuba uSanta Claus akangomntu wokwenene.” UGqr. Judith A. Boss, unjingalwazi wentandabulumko, uthi: “Injongo yabantu abakhulu . . . kukubalahlekisa ngabom abantwana ngemvelaphi kaSanta Claus. . . . Xa sixelela abantwana ukuba uSanta Claus ngumntu wokwenene, asibabangeli abantwana babe neembono ezithile. Kuphela sibaxelela ubuxoki.”

Ukuba ungumzali, ujamelene nocelomngeni olunzima—ukukhulisa abantwana abanothando, abonwabileyo kwihlabathi abafunda beselula ukuba abantu abanakuthenjwa. “Musa ukuthetha nabantu ongabaziyo.” “Akunakuyikholelwa yonke into ethethwa kwizibhengezo zikamabonwakude.” “Baxelele ukuba uMama akakho.” Umntwana unokumazi njani umntu afanele amthembe? Incwadi ethi How to Help Your Child Grow Up ithi: “Abantwana bamele bayazi besebancinane imfuneko nengenelo yokunyaniseka, yokukhalipha, yokusebenzisana nabanye ngentlonelo; ibe zonke ezi ziqala ekhaya.”

Kakade ke, akukho ntsapho igqibeleleyo. Noko ke, umbhali uDolores Curran waqalisa ngokwalatha kuphawu lwentsapho eyomeleleyo. Wacela iingcali zentsapho ezingama-551 ezikwimimandla eyahlukeneyo ukuba zikhethe ezona nkalo zibaluleke ngokubalaseleyo. Imiphumo yoko yaba kukuba, kwincwadi ethi Traits of a Healthy Family, kuxutyushwa ngeempawu ezibalaseleyo ezili-15 ezakhethwa ziingcali. Uphawu lwesine “yayiyimvakalelo yentembelo.” Uthi, “Kwintsapho ephilileyo, intembelo igqalwa njengento exabisekileyo, ikhuliswa ngenyameko yaye iyalondolozwa njengoko abazali nabantwana besenza inkqubela kunye kwiinkalo ezahlukeneyo zobomi bentsapho.”

Abazali benza kakuhle ukuzibuza oku, ‘Ngaba xa ndisoloko ndibalisa intsomi kaSanta ndinokwenza abantwana bam babe nentembelo kum?’ Kusenokuba nzima ukuba baphinde bathembele kuwe. Ngaba iKrismesi inezinye iingozi ezifihlakeleyo?

Ngaba Upha Ngokuyintabalala?

Incwadana ethi 12 Rules for Raising Delinquent Children ithi, “Qalisa kwasebuntwaneni ukunika umntwana wakho yonke into ayifunayo. Ngale ndlela uya kukhula ekholelwa ekubeni ihlabathi linembopheleleko yokumxhasa.” Ngokwenene ukugxininisa ngokugqithiseleyo kwizinto eziphathekayo kunokuba yingozi.

Umbhali uMaureen Orth nokwangumzali uyabuza, “Singazifaka njani izinto ezixabisekileyo neempawu ezifanelekileyo kubantwana bethu kweli hlabathi sikulo lezinto eziphathekayo, apho ukutshabalalisa kwanokubawa zibonakala izizinto ezizukiswa kangaka, ngokufuthi ngendlela engalindelekanga?” Kwinqaku elithi “The Gift of Not Giving,” ukhalaza esithi: “Umntwana wethu omncinane oziphethe njengomlawuli ukholelwa ekubeni ukunikwa izipho yinto yemihla ngemihla—kufana nokufumana iileta.” Ngaba ngokwenene oku koko kuthethwa bubukho beKrismesi?

Kuthekani ngeentsapho ezingenakukwazi ukufumana izipho eziza ziyintabalala nezithengiswa njengezo kunyanzelekileyo ukuba zifunyanwe ngeKrismesi? Luvakalelwa njani olo lutsha xa lusiva ukuba uSanta uphathela abantwana abalungileyo kuphela izipho? Ibe kuthekani ngabaselula abahlala kumakhaya ahluleleneyo abenziwe bawuqonda ngendlela ebuhlungu umahluko okhoyo kwintsapho zakumawabo ngexesha leholide?

IThe New York Times ithi, “Ngokufuthi eyona nto iyimbalasane xa kuhlanganisenwe ngeholide kukuvulwa kwezipho. Ukugxininisa okulolo hlobo kuxelela abantwana ukuba isizathu sokuba intsapho ihlanganisane sikukuba kufunyanwe izipho ibe leyo yindlela esa ekubeni bazive bedanile.”

Uthando luyizalisekisa ngakumbi intshukumisa yokwenza okulungileyo. Umbhali wencwadi ethi Love and Power: Parent and Child, uGlenn Austin, uthi: “Kwintsapho evisisanayo apho umntwana amthandayo aze amhloniphe umzali wakhe, umntwana usenokuziphatha ngendlela encomekayo ukuze akholise umzali.” AmaNgqina kaYehova ayazibhokoxa ukuze abangele kubekho ngamaxesha onke uthando olufudumele ngolo hlobo kumakhaya awo. Ukongezelela, abantwana bamaNgqina kaYehova bakhuliswe ngendlela yokuba bamazi baze bamthande uThixo abamkhonzayo, uYehova. Enjani impembelelo ukuba namandla kubomi babo yokwenza okulungileyo! Abafuni mntu wasentsomini ukuze abenzele izinto ezilungileyo.

AmaNgqina kaYehova ayabathanda abantwana bawo njengoko bezizipho ezivela kuThixo. (INdumiso 127:3) Ngenxa yoko, kunokuba balindele ikhalenda ilawule ukudlulisela kwabo izipho, aba bazali banokubanika izipho abantwana babo ukutyhubela unyaka wonke. Kumaxesha anjalo kunzima ukuchaza oyena uvuya gqitha—umntwana ofumene angakulindelanga okanye umzali wakhe owonwabileyo. Umntwana uyasazi apho sivela khona eso sipho. Ukongezelela, abazali abangamaNgqina bayakhuthazwa ukuba ngokuthe rhoqo banikele ngesipho sexesha abanalo. Kuba xa intombazana encinane iziva idandathekile okanye ililolo, indlu ezaliswe ngoonopopi inokuthelekiswa njani nemizuzu nje embalwa eyichithela ezingalweni ezifudumeleyo zikanina ngoxa iphulaphule uMama eyibalisela ngexesha lobuntwana bakhe? Ngaba inkwenkwana ibiya kufundiswa ukuba yindoda ligumbi leempahla elizaliswe zizixhobo zokudlala ibaseball okanye ziincoko ezinde, nezimnandi kunye noyise njengoko behamba-hamba kunye?

Ukulondoloza ukusondelelana okunjalo kunokusindisa ubomi. Abo benza uhlolisiso ngabantwana bafumanise ukuba njengoko umsantsa ekuthethwa ngawo ngokuxhaphakileyo wesi sizukulwana uqalisa koselula, uya ephenjelelwa ngamandla ngakumbi ngoontanga. Ukungakwazi ukuziphatha nokuphelelwa sisimilo kolutsha ngakubantu abakhulu ezo zizinto ezingahlukaniyo. “Kodwa abo balondoloze iimbono ezilungileyo zooyise nezabantu abakhulu ngokubanzi ababatheleli abanye oontanga babo kwizinto ezibonakalisa ukungakwazi ukuziphatha.”

Ngamathub’ athile amaNgqina kaYehova aye agxekwa ngenxa yokuba wona neentsapho zawo akananxaxheba kwiziyolo zeeholide. Kusenokubonakala ngathi abantwana bamaNgqina kaYehova bayalubandezwa olu lonwabo lukhethekileyo. Kodwa aba bazali naba bantwana banyanisekileyo banezizathu ezivakalayo eziseBhayibhileni ezibangela ukuba bazinxweme. (Nceda ubone iphepha 19-22.) Yaye aba baselula bakhulisa uphawu olomeleleyo lokuziphatha oluya kumelana nobunzima bengcinezelo yoontanga ekuvuthulula kuphele tu oko kuthandwa lolunye ulutsha. Ukuziphatha okuhle kukhukuliswa ngumsinga okhulayo wobungendawo. Ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini, iziyobisi, ugonyamelo, iziselo ezinxilisayo, izithethe, ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana—kukho iingozi ezininzi gqitha ezisongela abantu abaselula abachanabekileyo.

Umzali unokumkhusela njani oselula kwezi zinto ziyingozi nezisoloko zisenzeka? Ukususela ebusaneni abantwana bamaNgqina bafumana uqeqesho oluthe rhoqo ukuze bayame ngemithetho enamandla engokuziphatha efumaneka eBhayibhileni. Abazali abanothando bayabanceda ukuze bayiqonde imbono kaThixo kungekuphela nje ngeeholide kodwa ngazo zonke iinkalo zobomi. Ukuthobela kwabo uThixo kubangelwa kukumthanda nokumhlonela, nokuba oko kuthetha ukuba ngabahlukileyo. Khawufan’ ucinge indlela oku okumele ukuba kubalungisa ngayo ukuze babe ngabantu abakhulileyo nabaphumelelayo! Ukuba umntwana oselula unokuhlala kwigumbi lokufundela elizaliswe ngoontanga bakhe abenza oko kubonakala ikukuzonwabisa aze amele oko akukholelwa kulungile, hayi indlela ebeya kusinyamezela ngakumbi ngayo isilingo esiza kamva sezinto ezibhekele phaya ezibonakala zisonwabisa—iziyobisi, isini sangaphambi komtshato nezinye izihendo ezonakalisayo! Abantwana bamaNgqina kaYehova basenokuvelisa uphawu lokuziphatha ekusenokwenzeka ukuba abanye abantwana abaninzi baluswele.

UGqr. Robert Coles ongumphengululi waseHarvard uthi, “Uninzi lwabantwana endibabonileyo alunalo ukholo. Baphulukene nento yonke ngaphandle kokuzixakekisa ngokugqithiseleyo ngeziqu zabo, yaye yonke imihla oku kuhanjiselwa phambili yindlela abakhuliswe ngayo.”

Omnye ugqirha wabantwana uchaza enye intsapho eyahlukileyo esithi: “Bafuna abantwana ababakhathaleleyo abanye nabangazixakekisanga kangako ngeziqu zabo. . . . Baphila ubomi obuqheleke ngakumbi . . . , kodwa banokuthile okungakumbi. Ngenxa yokuswela indlela efaneleke ngakumbi yokukuchaza, ndiza kuthi lulwaneliseko.”

UDolores Curran ukhankanya ukunceda abanye njengesiseko solonwabo. “Kwiintsapho ezininzi zelizwe lethu [iUnited States]—ngokwenene kwinkoliso, ndingathi—eyona njongo iphambili yimpumelelo kwanokuzabalazela ukuphila ubomi obutofotofo.” Kodwa “iintsapho ezicinga ukuba amalungu azo anokukwazi okanye aya kubanyamekela abanye iye yazezo ziphilileyo nezikuxabisayo ukunceda abanye. . . . Njengoko abantwana bezi ntsapho bekhula, batyekele ekubeni ngabantu abanenkathalo nabanembopheleleko zinto ezo ezingumphumo wamava abawafumana kwiintsapho zabo.” Phakathi kwabazali abaphumelelayo uCurran uphawula “umvuzo ngenxa yokukuxabisa kwabo ukufuna ukuba abantu bonwabe nangenxa yokupha kunokuthenga, ukuthabatha kwanokutshabalalisa.”

Ingcali ebalaseleyo ekupheni ikuchaza ngenye indlela oku, ithi, “ukupha kunoyolo ngaphezu kokuphiwa.” (IZenzo 20:35) Iintsapho ezingamaNgqina ziphila ngendlela ebonakalisa ukunyaniseka kwale ngxelo kaKristu Yesu. Njengaye ubomi bazo busekelwe kubulungiseleli bobuKristu. Bambi basenokuba noluvo lokuba ulutsha olungamaNgqina luphethwe kakubi yaye lunyanzelelwa ukuba lupheleke abazali balo ukuya kwindlu ngendlu. Ngendlela eyahluke ngokupheleleyo koko, lufundiswe ngumzekelo wabazali indlela yokubonakalisa uthando ebantwini ngokudlulisela kubamelwane babo iindaba ezilungileyo zoBukumkani bukaThixo ngesisa.—Mateyu 24:14.

‘Ngaba Oko Akubenzi Bazive Becinezelekile Abantwana?’

Kodwa ngaba ukukhulisela umntwana kunqulo olungqongqo akumenzi azive ecinezelekile? Ngaba okulunge ngakumbi asikuko ukuba ngamnye azenzele isigqibo ngonqulo xa efikelele kubuntu obukhulu? Kusenokuba lowo ngumthetho wesithathu kwethi 12 Rules for Raising Delinquent Children: “Ungaze umnike naluphi uqeqesho olungokomoya. Linda ade abe neminyaka engama-21 ubudala uze umyeke ‘azenzele isigqibo.’”

Noko ke, ngokutsho kukaGqr. Coles, ingqiqo esisiseko yendlela yokuziphatha okuhle emntwaneni, iqalisa ukukhula kamsinya nje akuba neminyaka emithathu ubudala. “Emntwaneni kukho ingqiqo ekhulayo engokuziphatha okuhle. Ngokuzenzekelayo ndiye ndacinga ukuba sisipho esivela kuThixo, ukuba kubekho umnqweno wokuziphatha okuhle.” Eli lixesha elibaluleke gqitha lokuba kutsoliswe imilinganiselo efanelekileyo yokuziphatha. Ngokomzekelo, eli lixesha lokufundisa ngokuba ngumzekelo umlinganiselo wokunyaniseka ngokuchaseneyo nokuxoka. IBhayibhile ibethelela ukubaluleka kokuqeqesha kwasebutsheni: “Mfundise umntwana ngendlela efanele umntwana; naxa athe wamkhulu, akasayi kumka kuyo.”—IMizekeliso 22:6.

UCurran uthi: “Namhlanje abantwana abanakulindelwa ukuba baziphathe ngendlela efanelekileyo ngaphandle kokuba bancedwe. . . . Iimpendulo endizifumeneyo kuhlolisiso endilwenzileyo zibonisa ukuba okukhona intsapho isomelela kokukhona ihambela phambili ekuqondeni okulungileyo kwanokubi.”

Ephendula kuhlolisiso lukaCurran omnye unontlalo-ntle wathi: “Kukho isiseko esingenakuphepheka samandla ezithi iintsapho zisifumane kukholo olusekelwe kunqulo.” Kwintsapho eyabelana ngesi siseko sifumaneka elunqulweni, uCurran uthi, “ukuba nokholo kuThixo kunendima esisiseko kubomi bentsapho bemihla ngemihla. Isiseko esingokonqulo siyayomeleza inkqubo yokulondoloza intsapho. Abazali baziva benembopheleleko enzima yokuludlulisa olu kholo, kodwa oko bakwenza ngeendlela ezingqalileyo nezinentsingiselo.”

Bancede Abantwana Bakho Babe Nothando NgoThixo

Bonisa abantwana izipho zikaThixo ezibabangela ukuba bonwabe. Ngqengqa engceni uze uhlolisise kunye nabo intyatyambo encinane eyenziwe ngendlela entsonkothileyo. Khangela ibhungane elithi thu kuhlaza olunengca lize litsibele kwigqabi lengca liphakamisa loo maphiko alo anombala oqaqambileyo obomvu onamachaphaza amnyama, lize libhabhe limke. Babonise ummangaliso njengoko ngequbuliso ibhabhathane lihlala esandleni lize liphaphazelise loo maphiko alo anombala oqaqambileyo omthubi ukuze liphumle okwethutyana nokuze lifumane ukufudumala kwelanga. Khawuphethuke ulale ngomqolo ukuze uphose iliso kuloo mafu amhlophe andanda esibhakabhakeni, yaye khawujonge njengoko eguquguquka ephatha kumila okwenqanawa aphinde aguquke abe ngathi ngamahashe maxa wambi amile okwamabhotwe esibhakabhakeni. Ebudeni belo xesha bonisa abantwana bakho ukuba nguThixo uMdali wethu osiphe ezi zipho zonwabisa ngolu hlobo.

Nezinye izipho ezininzi, ezifana nentshontsho lekati lidlala ngegqabi ngendlela esibangela singakwazi ukuzibamba yintsini okanye umbundlwane “osidlalisayo,” ushukushukumisa loo ntlokwana yawo kumacala onke uvungama ngeengcwangu njengoko utsala-tsala umkhono wethu, kanti ngaloo lonke elo xesha umsila awuyekanga ukujiwuza ubonakalisa ubuhlobo. Okanye ukudlala kumaza aselunxwemeni lolwandle, ukunyuka iintaba, okanye ubusuku apho nondele ngokungummangaliso kwisibhakabhaka esizaliswe ziinkwenkwezi ezikhazimla phezulu phaya. Ukwazi ukuba ezi zipho nezinye ezingenakubaleka zivela kuLowo wasipha ubomi, ukumbulela ngezi zipho, ukuziva unombulelo ngokuba umazi—konke oku kusibangela sivuye size sibonakalise uthando olunzulu nolubonisa uxabiso esinalo ngaye.

Yaye ekugqibeleni njengentsapho, ukuwolwa nokuncanyiswa okungapheliyo nguTata noMama, nto leyo eluncedo ebantwaneni ukuze babe nemvakalelo efudumeleyo yonqabiseko neyokuba nombulelo imihla yonke. Bancede bahlale benokholo kuYehova, bebugatya nobona buxoki bukhulu kunobo bungoSanta onxibe iimpahla ezibomvu, bokuba, zonke ezi zipho zithandekayo zivela kuThixo zasuka zabakho, zazivelela nje—ubuxoki obufundiswa ngaphandle kobungqina benzululwazi, obungaxhaswayo yinkqubo yenzululwazi nobulondolozwe kuphela yimfundiso esisiseko ephindaphindwa ngokufuthi ngakumbi ukuze izalise iingqondo zolutsha.a

Thandaza nabantwana bakho rhoqo koyena Mphi mkhulu kubo bonke—xa kuza kutyiwa, xa ufunda iLizwi lakhe, ekupheleni kosuku. Khulisa umntwana ozaliswe ngumbulelo yaye loo ngqondo inoxabiso iya kuwenza abe mnandi onke amava anawo ebomini. Naye uya kukhula engumphi ochwayitileyo exelisa uThixo oyinyaniso nabazali abathandayo. Ngoko uya konwaba, kungekhona ngeentsuku ezimiselweyo zekhalenda, kodwa ngezihlandlo ezizivelelayo zolonwabo olungenamda ebomini. “Hayi uyolo lwabantu abaThixo unguYehova!”—INdumiso 144:15.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Esinye sezona zipho zibalaseleyo onokuzinika abantwana bakho lixesha