Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Yintoni Le Yenzeka Emzimbeni Wam?

IINGUQULELO ezimangalisayo ziye zaqalisa ukwenzeka emzimbeni wakho.

Noko ke, okwangoku zisenokungakuxhalabisi kodwa zikumangalise. Usenokuziva udidekile, uphoxekile, okanye ukwanoloyiko ngoko kwenzekayo kuwe. Enye intombazana yathi: “Ndandingakulungelanga nje kwaphela, ndandicinga ndisithi, Kowu, andikafuni ukuba oku kuqalise ukwenzeka kum.” Enye inkwenkwe yathi: “Andazi enoba ndiphilile okanye andiphilanga kusini na. Ndine-13 leminyaka ubudala ibe kwenzeka iinguqulelo emzimbeni wam . . . Maxa wambi ndiziva ndahlukile ngokwenene ibe ndililolo yaye ndoyikela ukuba uthile uza kundenza intlekisa.”

Kuyaqondakala ukuba usenokuvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo. Utyhubela kokuthile enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo eyakuchaza njengexesha apho ‘umzimba wayo wawuqalisa ukuphazamiseka!’ Kodwa oko kusenokubonakala ‘ikukuphazamiseka’ ngelinye ixesha ngokwenene kuyinkqubo nje eqhelekileyo ekuguqulayo ukusuka ebuntwaneni ukusa ebuntwini obukhulu. Ibizwa ngokuba kukukhahlela nokufikisa. Ibe ngaphandle kwendlela ebizwa ngayo evakala isoyikisa, ukukhahlela nokufikisa akusosifo sithile, ibe awungowokuqala ukuba utyhubele kuko. Oku kwenzeka kunyoko nakuyihlo. Amaqabane akho esikolo nabanye abahlobo bakho abakwintanga yakho ngokuqinisekileyo batyhubela kuko. Ibe qiniseka, uya kusinda.

Kodwa iyintoni kanye le nguqulelo ingaqhelekanga yenzeka emzimbeni wakho?

Inkqubo Engokwemichiza Yokukhahlela Nokufikisa

IBhayibhile ithi ngaxa lithile emva kokuba efikelele kubudala beminyaka eli-12, ‘uYesu wahambela phambili ebukhulwini.’ (Luka 2:​52) Ewe, kwanoYesu Kristu watyhubela ixesha lokukhahlela. Ebudeni bokukhahlela nokufikisa, uya kufikelela kwixesha lokukhula nokuxanda okungokwasemzimbeni. Noko ke, ukuba kanye kanye yintoni ebangela oku kukhula kwenzeke, kuyimfihlelo ngokwenene, ngummangaliso! Sikhunjuzwa ngomzekeliso kaYesu apho wathetha ngendoda eyahlwayela imbewu. UYesu wathi: “Imbewu intshula ikhula ngohlobo angalwaziyo.” (Marko 4:​27) Ngokufanayo, oogqirha banokusinika kuphela amagqabantshintshi angoko kwenzekayo ebudeni bokukhahlela nokufikisa.

Ngaxa lithile phakathi kweminyaka esithoba neli-16 ubudala, uqalisa ukukhahlela nokufikisa. (Ubudala buyahluka ngokwabantu ngabantu, ibe amantombazana ngokuqhelekileyo aqalisa kunyaka okanye emibini ngaphambili.) Ingqondo yakho iqalisa ungcelele lweenguqulelo ezothusayo ngokuthi ivulele idlala elincinane elingasentla kwenkalakahla yakho elibangela ukukhula komzimba nelibizwa ngokuba yipituitary gland. Eli lidlala elibangela ukukhula komzimba. Idlala elibangela ukukhula komzimba lisabela ngokuthi lenze imichiza ebizwa ngokuba ziincindi zamadlala. Zityhutyha igazi lakho zize ziqalise ukunikela umyalelo kumalungu akho enzala ukuba aqalise ukwakha iincindi zamadlala zolunye uhlobo. Amasende enkwenkwe okokuqala avelisa iincindi zamadlala obudoda, ezibizwa ngokuba ziitestosterone; izingxotyana ezivelisa amaqanda entombazana, zikhupha iincindi zamadlala obufazi, ezibizwa ngokuba ziiestrogen.

Ngoku zithi ke ezi ncindi zamadlala, zinikele umyalelo kwamanye amadlala namalungu omzimba ukuba aqalise ukuguqukela kwinkangeleko oyiyo.

Iinguqulelo Ezenzeka Emantombazaneni

Ukuba uyintombazana, into yokuqala oya kuyiphawula kukukhula okuthe ngcembe kwamabele akho. Iincindi zakho zamadlala ziye zabangela amadlala akho okwanyisa ukuba aqalise ukukhula. (La madlala avelisa ubisi abangela ukuba oomama bakwazi ukondla iintsana zabo.) Kwakhona iincindi zakho zamadlala zibangela ukuba kuveliswe amanqatha, wona athi abangele ukumila kwamabele akho. Kwakhona amanqatha aya kukhula emahlezeni akho, emathangeni, nasezimpundu. Uya kuxanda ibe uya kukhula ngokukhawuleza.

Ngoxa inkoliso yamantombazana izamkela ezi nguqulelo zingokwasemzimbeni, asingawo onke amantombazana azamkelayo. Ngokomzekelo, uboya obusezingalweni zakho, emilenzeni, nasemakhwapheni busenokuya bushinyana buze bube mnyama ngakumbi. Ngoku, kwamanye amazwe, uboya obunjalo basemzimbeni busenokugqalwa njengobungeyiyo into efanelekileyo kwabasetyhini okanye engekho fashonini. Ngaphandle kwefashoni, kungumqondiso wempilo obonisa ukuba ukhulela ebufazini.

Enye inguqulelo engamkelekiyo isenokuba kukukhula kokusebenza kwamadlala okubila​—⁠uya kubila ngakumbi. Ivumba elingumphumo woko lisenokukwenza uzive uphoxekile. Kodwa ukuba uhlamba rhoqo uze unxibe iimpahla ezicocekileyo, kunqabile ukuba ube neengxaki ezinzulu zevumba. Kwakhona lumbi ulutsha lukhetha ukusebenzisa izibulala-vumba njengendlela ebhekele phaya yokuzikhusela kwivumba.

Enye indlela yokukhula ngokobuqu ibandakanya ukukhula koboya kummandla ojikeleze amalungu esini. Obu boya bubizwa ngokuba zizinza. Ukuba akuzange uxelelwe kwangaphambili ngako oku, usenokukufumanisa kuyinto eyothusayo. Kodwa kuyinto eqheleke ngokupheleleyo ibe akukho nto umele uzive uneentloni ngayo.

Kwakhona ukufikisa kusenokuvulela ithuba oko incwadi ethi The New Teenage Body Book eyakubiza ngokuba “yeyona nto ixhalatyelwe kakhulu [inkangeleko] ngabo bakwishumi elivisayo”​—⁠iingxaki zolusu. Iinguqulelo kwindlela yokusebenza kwemichiza emzimbeni wakho ngokufuthi iphumela kulusu olunyinyithekayo. Amaqhakuva namachokoza amnyama aqalisa ukuvela. (Ngokolunye uhlolisiso, iingxaki zekhuphu zihlasele phantse ama-90 ekhulwini abakwishumi elivisayo abathi bahlolisiswa!) Ngethamsanqa, le ngxaki ngokuqhelekileyo inokoyiswa ngokusebenzisa iindlela ezilungileyo zokunyamekela ulusu.​—⁠Bona inqaku elithi “Ngaba Andinakwenza Nto Ngekhuphu Endinalo?” elikwinkupho kaVukani! kaMatshi 8, 1987.

Iinguqulelo Ezenzeka Emakhwenkweni

Ukuba uyinkwenkwe, imiqondiso yokuqala yokukhahlela ayiyi kubonakala ngokucacileyo njengasemantombazaneni. Njengokuba inkqubo yamalungu akho okuzala iqalisa, amalungu akho esini ayakhula ngokuthe ngcembe. Uboya buqalisa ukukhula bujikeleza amalungu akho esini. Kwakhona, oku kuyinto eqheleke ngokupheleleyo.

Kwangaxeshanye, usenokuba namava okukhula ngokukhawuleza. Amanqatha nezihlunu ziyongezeleleka emzimbeni wakho. Uya usiba mkhudlwana, uba ngowomeleleyo, namagxa akho ayaxanda. Inkangeleko yomzimba wakho ngokuthe ngcembe iyayeka ukuba yeyomntwana yaye ngokungakumbi ibonakala njengeyendoda.

Enye inguqulelo ebangela umdla iquka ukukhula koboya emilenzeni yakho, esifubeni, ebusweni nasemakhwapheni akho. Nako oku kuphenjelelwa yincindi yedlala itestosterone. Incwadi ethi Changing Bodies, Changing Lives, ebhalwe nguRuth Bell, icaphula omnye oselula njengothi: “Xa ndandineshumi elinesine leminyaka ubudala ndandizulazula kangangeeveki ezimbini ndinoku kungcola okuphezu komlomo wam. Ndaqhubeka ndizama ukukuhlamba kodwa akuzange kuhlambeke. Ndandula ke ndakuqwalasela ngokwenene ndaza ndabona ukuba yayingamabhovu.”

Noko ke, ubungakanani boboya obusemzimbeni wakho othi ugqibele unabo abunanto yakwenza nokuba uyindoda kangakanani na; kungumbandela nje wemfuza. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuba uyihlo wayenoboya esifubeni, kunqabile ukuba wena ungabi nabo. Kukwanjalo nangoboya obusebusweni. Noko ke, ngokuqhelekileyo utsheva ngokuthe rhoqo xa ufikelela ekupheleni kweminyaka yeshumi elivisayo okanye ebutsheni beminyaka yama-20.

Ngokuqinisekileyo, usenokuba namathuba okuziva uphoxekile. Ngokufanayo amakhwenkwe afumanisa ukuba amadlala awo okubila aqalisa ukusebenza. Kusenokufuneka ukuba ukuxhalabele ngokukhethekileyo ukucoceka komzimba wakho ukuze uphephe ukunuka. Nawe usenokuba nekhuphu ngenxa yolusu olunyinyithekayo.

Kwiminyaka yakho yeshumi elivisayo, ingqula yakho iya kuba nkulu; imiphimbi yakho iya kuba mikhulu ize ibe mide. Ngenxa yoko, ilizwi lakho liya kungqokola. Kwamanye amakhwenkwe ukutshintsha kwelizwi lisuka ekubeni lelitswinayo lize libe lelingqokolayo kwenzeka ngokukhawuleza ngendlela emangalisayo. Kodwa kwamanye, inguqulelo yelizwi yenzeka ngokuthe ngcembe kangangethuba elide nelixhalabisayo leeveki okanye iinyanga. Ilizwi elimnandi nelinendyondyo liphazanyiswa kukurhwexa nokutswina okuthob’ isidima. Noko ke, thoba uvalo. Ilizwi lakho liya kuba leligudileyo ekuhambeni kwethuba. Okwangoku, ukungazixhalabisi, kuya kukuneda ukuze ungaziva uphoxekile.

Okona Kukhula Kubalulekileyo

Ukukhula kuyamangalisa ibe kubangel’ imincili! Kwakhona kusenokubangela imvakalelo yokuphoxeka okanye yokothuka. Okuqinisekileyo koku: Akunako ukuyikhawulezisa okanye ukuyilibazisa inkqubo yokukhula. Ngoko ke kunokuba zikucaphukise zize zikoyikise iinguqulelo zokukhula ezibangelwa kukukhahlela nokufikisa, zixabise, zamkele ngokuzolileyo​—⁠yaye zithabathe njengento nje engenamsebenzi. Yiqonde into yokuba ukufikisa ebuntwini obukhulu ayisosiphelo sako konke, kodwa kuyinguqulelo nje ethile. Xa iinkathazo zokukhahlela nokufikisa zidlule, ziya kukushiya uyindoda okanye umfazi okhule ngokupheleleyo!

Noko ke, ungaze ulibale ukuba okona kukhula kwakho kubalulekileyo kubandakanya, kungekhona ubude, ukumila, okanye iimpawu zobuso, kodwa ukukhula kwakho njengomntu​—⁠ngokwasengqondweni, ngokweemvakalelo, nangokwasemoyeni. Umpostile uPawulos wathi: “Oko bendingumntwana, bendithetha ngokomntwana, bendiqonda ngokomntwana, bendicamanga ngokomntwana; ndithe ke, ndakuba yindoda, ndazibhangisa izinto zobuntwana.” (1 Korinte 13:​11) Akwanele ukukhangeleka njengomntu omkhulu. Ufanele ngokuthe ngcembe ufunde ukwenza izinto, ukuthetha, nokucinga njengomntu omkhulu. Musa ukuzixhalabisa kangako ngoko kwenzeka emzimbeni wakho kangangokuba ulibale ukunyamekela ‘umntu wangaphakathi.’​—⁠2 Korinte 4:⁠16.

Sekunjalo, zimbi iinkalo zokukhahlela nokufikisa zisenokubadandathekisa ngokukhethekileyo. Umbandela wokuba umele uhlangabezane njani nazo uyakuxutyushwa kumanqaku exesha elizayo.

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Ukukhula ngokukhawuleza kwenza imikhono yebhatyi ibe mifutshane gqitha