Ukunceda Umntwana Wakho Amelane Nokufikisa

INGXAKI

Ingathi bekuyizolo uphethe usana lwakho. Ngoku lukhulile—ewe lusengumntwana kodwa luza kungena kwindlela esa ekubeni ngumntu omdala, luza kufikisa.

Ungamnceda njani unyana okanye intombi yakho ijamelane neli xesha lokufikisa lididayo neliza notshintsho olusenokuba nzima?

OKO UMELE UKWAZI

Ukufikisa kunexesha lako. Kusenokuqala phakathi kweminyaka esibhozo ukuya kutsho kweyi-15. Incwadi ethi Letting Go With Love and Confidence ithi: “Ukufikisa okuqhelekileyo kunokuqala nanini na.”

Ukufikisa kunokukwenza ungazithembi. Abantwana abafikisayo basenokuyixhalabela kakhulu indlela abajongwa ngayo ngabanye. Umfana onguJareda uthi: “Ndandinexhala ngendlela endikhangeleka nendenza ngayo izinto. Xa ndikunye nabanye ndandizibuza ukuba abacingi ukuba ndahlukile kubo na.” Ukungazithembi kuthi chatha xa kuphuma amaqhakuva ebusweni. UKellie oneminyaka eyi-17 ukhumbula oku: “Yayingathi ubuso bam buyahlaselwa! Ndikhumbula ndikhala, ndisithi ndimbi.”

Abantwana abafikisa kuqala kunabanye baba neengxaki ezingakumbi. Oku kwenzeka kakhulu kumantombazana, ekubeni enokuhlekwa xa ephuma amabele naxa kutshintsha umzimba wawo. Incwadi ethi A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Years ithi: “Asengozini yokuthimb’ ingqalelo yabafana abadala kunawo abasenokuba banamava ngezesondo.”

Ukufikisa akuthethi ukuqola. IMizekeliso 22:15 ithi: “Ubudenge bubotshiwe entliziyweni yenkwenkwe [okanye yoselula].” Ukufikisa akuyitshintshi loo nto. Umntwana usenokubonakala emdala, kodwa oko “akuthethi kuthi uyakwazi ukwenza izigqibo zobulumko, ukuziphatha kakuhle, ukuzibamba okanye [ukubonakalisa] ezinye iimpawu zokuqola,” itsho incwadi ethi You and Your Adolescent.

OKO UNOKUKWENZA

Thetha ngokufikisa ngaphambi kokuba umntwana afikise. Mxelele umntwana ngezinto eziza kwenzeka kuye, ngokukodwa izinto eziphathelele ukuya exesheni (kumantombazana) nokuphuma amadlozi xa elele (kumakhwenkwe). Ngokwahlukileyo kutshintsho olwenzeka ngokuthe ngcembe xa umntu efikisa, zona ezi zinto zenzeka ngesiquphe, kwaye zinokumenza adideke okanye othuke. Xa nithetha ngezinto ezinjalo mkhuthaze—menze aqonde ukuba ukufikisa kuza kumnceda atsho abe ngumntu omdala.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: INdumiso 139:14.

Mchazele yonke into. Umfana ogama linguJohn uthi: “Xa abazali bam babethetha nam ngokufikisa, babegwegweleza. Akwaba babethethe phandle.” NoAlana, oneminyaka eyi-17 ucinga njalo. Uthi: “Umama wandinceda ndazi okwenzekayo emzimbeni wam, kodwa akwaba wayendincede ndayazi nendlela endandinokumelana ngayo neemvakalelo endandinazo.” Yintoni esinokuyifunda apha? Nangona kusenokuba nzima ukuthetha ngezinto ezenzekayo xa umntwana efikisa, thetha phandle.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: IZenzo 20:20.

Buza imibuzo evusa incoko. Ukuze bakhululeke, thetha ngezinto ezenzeka kwabanye abantu xa babefikisa. Ngokomzekelo, usenokubuza intombi yakho oku: “Kubantwana ofunda nabo, ngaba ukho okhe athethe ngokuba sexesheni?” “Ngaba kuyahlekiswa ngamantombazana akhula ngaphambi kwexesha?” Unyana wakho yena unokumbuza oku: “Ngaba abantwana bayabagezela abanye xa bengade bakhule emzimbeni?” Xa abantwana abafikisayo bethetha ngezinto ezenzeka kwabanye xa befikisa, abayifihli indlela abaziva ngayo nezinto ezenzeka kubo. Xa bethetha, landela eli cebiso leBhayibhile: ‘Khawuleza ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha.’—Yakobi 1:19.

Nceda umntwana wakho ofikisayo abe ‘nobulumko bobuqili namandla okucinga.’ (IMizekeliso 3:21) Ukufikisa asikokutshintsha komzimba nendlela umntwana aziva ngayo nje kuphela. Ngeli xesha, umntwana wakho ufunda nendlela yokucinga eya kumnceda enze izigqibo ezifanelekileyo xa emdala. Sebenzisa eli thuba ukuze ubethelele indlela efanelekileyo amele aziphathe ngayo.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Hebhere 5:14.

Unganikezeli. Abantu abaselula abaninzi basenokubonakala bengathandi ukuthetha nabazali babo ngokufikisa, kodwa akunjalo. Incwadi ethi You and Your Adolescent ithi: “Umntwana ofikisayo owenza ngathi akanamdla, ukruqukile, akayithandi le ncoko okanye akamamelanga, usenokuwabamba onke amazwi owathethayo.”